I am new to this system. A bit of history about me, and my desire: When I was a teenager, I use to watch the GI Joe cartoon, and saw an episode that changed people to animals, or animal hybrids. I thought that that would be neat if it were possible to make a man a woman. I then fantasized, often, of becoming a woman and getting pregnant, and such. Later I discovered that this was impossible with the current technology. I still would fantasize about becoming a woman, but enjoyed playing with the women I dated. I am now in my 40's and married, still fantasizing about having the form of a woman, but retaining my penis, and it's functionality. My wife doesn't mind my crossdressing, in the bedroom, but I want to look the part, and do it more. I do not look the part, aside from the overweight man boobs, which I like, but don't like the gut, which I am working to be rid of.
I've done some internet poking around, and have found some places that say some herbs help, but then other places say they don't, and this is seems to be a place that will have real information that can help.
How should I progress to look more feminine, and retain my functionality, and where should I go? I live near Indianaplois Indiana.
Hi
Welcome to Susan's :) Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.
Herbs make pretty much no difference and can actually be dangerous if used incorrectly - just because they're natural doesn't mean they can't cause harm. Generally estrogens will lessen your testosterone and while you might not lose all penis functionality there's a good chance of losing some. When it comes to hormones we can't really pick and chose the changes we want, even more so with herbs.
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Cheers
Grace
I struggled a lot trying to find ways of getting things done without hormones due to valuing my privacy to the point of paranoia back then (all changed now - ta da).
Diet, exercise, clothes, toiletries etc can do a lot but for me it still just wasn't enough.
Herbs I read through everything I could find on the net which when I'm in research mode can easily be several hundred pages a day. Pros and cons, claims of working, research papers, test results, side effects etc it was exhausting as most research is but in the end there was no promise of results but plenty threats of some rather dire consequences particularly at high doses.
As far as I know herbs can be fun to play with and safe enough in small amounts but they wont really make a dent if feminisation is your goal.
In the US it looks easy enough to get real HRT legitimately via informed consent.
UK slightly trickier but c'est la vie.
Anything more still means you need a therapist to progress but should be plenty more about that elsewhere.
What is HRT?
Thanks you for the response. I will look around for a therapist who is understanding of this for further consideration.
Here are a few resources that could help with self acceptance:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,208438.msg1847638.html#msg1847638
Basically its possible with hrt = hormone replacement therapy thinks shrink and libido stops for a few months....
but its also possible o's become more "feminine" later, being more drawn out and spread over the body...
with high enough levels of estrogen its possible a female libido appears ...
A fine tuning might be possible with anti androgens, so a certain level of testo remains... still in the female range... it may also help with a female libido ...
hugs
I am having difficulties finding an affordable therapist. What is the average price? Some seem a bit high just to meet, and talk. Can someone recommend someone in the Indianapolis /Lafeyette Indiana area?
You could have a look here:
http://www.networktherapy.com/directory/find_therapist.asp
and if its connected for example with depressions it might be covered ...
or you might ask at a lgbt center or plannedparenthood for a referral ...
and you might look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,187135.0.html
hugs
HRT = hormone replacement therapy
I thought I saw elsewhere that someone was getting Hormone Therapy from the VA. My VA said it was not done through them. Has anyone had experience with VA Hormone Therapy? Is it only offered in some locations?
Sorry but most of my info is UK so not sure what VA is.
But pretty sure you can get hormones without psych tests in US just using the magic words "Informed Consent".
Counselling can be fun though but if money is tight you can skip it for a bit.
Quote from: Jerrica on May 07, 2016, 07:57:30 PM
Sorry but most of my info is UK so not sure what VA is.
But pretty sure you can get hormones without psych tests in US just using the magic words "Informed Consent".
Counselling can be fun though but if money is tight you can skip it for a bit.
Short for Department of Veterans Affairs. Services for those who served in the US Military and their families. Has several services available.
Ah I see.
Sounds promising if they have any alternate routes like correcting a hormonal imbalance.
Well, they don't make it easy to find. They do perform Hormone therapy for transgender service members, they do not do gender reassignment surgery, electrolysis, or FFS. That still is at cost to those who are after it. There are a limited amount of facilities that have the ability to perform this function as only some facilities have the required doctrines available to them.
A mental health screening is required before hormone therapy can start.
I don't know if it is helpful to anyone else, but at least it is available.
Have my first meeting on the first. Hopefully things will go well.
Quote from: lordvalantis on May 13, 2016, 09:10:54 PM
Have my first meeting on the first. Hopefully things will go well.
Wish you luck :)
hugs
Had my first appointment today. My therapist is new to the system, but has been working with Transgendered people for several years. She pushed me forward in the system, and skipped 2 steps for me to see her directly today, I was supposed to talk to a Case Worker, and one other person before going to her. Pretty much covered basic mental health questions today, but she is very friendly, and helpful. I like her. Have my next appointment in 2 weeks. She seems genuinely interested in helping.
Hi
I started hormones and then took T blockers and love the new me. GCS in a few months time.
The old me was similar to where you are now, be careful. Once you start it is hard to stop.
Take care
Jools x
Okay, had two appointments now. She said I am depressed but ruled out Gender Dysphoria. Why then do I still feel like I should be female?
I don't know and that is a question you will have to ask her. But there is something that may have thrown her off. In your initial post, you mentioned retaining your penis. If you made that statement to her, that would fit the definition of non binary and unfortunately many therapist haven't had much experience or understanding of the non binary. If you are not familiar with it, you should brush up on it before your next appointment. The non binary is transgender and may require much the same treatment that transsexualism requires but the definition is much more fluid. You should look at our WIKI (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Transgender) as a starting point.
Quote from: Dena on June 27, 2016, 06:52:37 PM
I don't know and that is a question you will have to ask her. But there is something that may have thrown her off. In your initial post, you mentioned retaining your penis. If you made that statement to her, that would fit the definition of non binary and unfortunately many therapist haven't had much experience or understanding of the non binary. If you are not familiar with it, you should brush up on it before your next appointment. The non binary is transgender and may require much the same treatment that transsexualism requires but the definition is much more fluid. You should look at our WIKI (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Transgender) as a starting point.
Thanks for that Wiki. Read through it, and just as a guess, it is because I fully function socially and at work as a male. My feelings in the matter....don't matter, at least from the Dysphoria context. It doesn't matter that I want breasts, like to wear women's clothing, and want a more feminine figure. Nor does my predilection of playing exclusively female characters in my video games, or past fantasies.
Maybe it is just to early for her to diagnose it? As most of that has only been lightly covered so far, she has been focusing on my relationship and work difficulties. But then why rule it out?
Sorry, it is kind of making me angry for her response.
She may only consider it a fetish.
Have you checked out this website?
http://indianatransgendernetwork.com/
Quote from: StevieC9 on June 29, 2016, 08:29:32 PM
She may only consider it a fetish.
Have you checked out this website?
http://indianatransgendernetwork.com/
Yes, looked through that, which had a lead on it that took me to the VA, which got me started, and I believe it had this location as well, which I like better. My insurance doesn't cover transgender services.
At the risk of letting the cat out of the bag it could be considered a test. Telling you that you aren't then reading your reaction (relief, annoyance, anger etc). I won't advise on how to proceed but it's worth a thought.
I thought of that too. The problem is, I am a relatively reserved person. I don't tend to display my emotions to people I don't know. I work at a nursing home, so have to withhold feelings often, as many Alzheimer's patients tend to just spout out what they feel whether or not it will hurt your feelings. I've been told I have too much patience for people. So, if it was a test, I have failed. The anonymity of online posting kind of helps with expressing my feelings in type.
The good news is, one of my residents told me "You look like a girl" the other day. Since, I really don't, I chalked it up to her trying to get a rise out of me. It made me feel good, but I couldn't say "thank you" as I am not out at work, and transitioning at this job will be difficult as many of them wouldn't understand the changes going on. I am looking for another job.
Your first view of your therapist was you liked her. That is good as the first impulse is usually the correct one.
Your best and only bet is to open up. If she's reading you with shields up she'll get nothing. Given his (my?) shields were powered with negative energy I read as negative so easy to just be taken as down/depressed/apathetic. If your own are similar they will get in the way even from a pro if you are controlled enough which it sounds like you are.
To get anywhere you'll need to take a risk and let her in. I can't see her to read her so obviously it's your call but given your earlier liking of her I'd say she's worth a chance.
Once you lay all your cards on the table she can go over it all then either explain her reasoning to you in detail enough to convince you or adjust her diagnosis in light of the new information.
Years of guarding my thoughts is difficult for me to let loose. Why I find it so easy when typing is....weird. I seem to have a block when it comes to expressing myself verbally. The only reason I passed my speech class back in high school is because I was friends with 6 out of the 9 people in the class, and then I was the 9th person, which only left 2 people I didn't know.
Any suggestions on how to open up? Just blurt out everything in a burst? My typical speech pattern is very straight forwards. I tend to keep the actual conversations short and to the point, unless it is about gaming, then you will be praying that I would shut the heck up.
I haven't even told my wife yet, though she knows I like heels and women's clothing. I suspect that she knows, but....
How about typing everything and handing her a printed copy?You can discuss it after.
Typing is fantastic. I did a wee book for my wife and eldest to understand the basics of my former mind. Damaged and pretty complicated but did the best I could to make it easy to follow. Giving a step by step after that for who I was, who/what "he" was, what happened to "him" and finally who/what I am now.
Likewise for work I did a big email. As you may have noticed I like to type a lot as I too find it very expressive and even enjoyable. This has gradually increased my ability to speak by giving a framework to think. Later I learned just to talk without thinking and love it but it all started with typing. It can be a lot easier at first with typing to help structure your thoughts. You could direct her here but better for a separate document tailored for her then invite her to check you out online.
Once she reads it ask for her thoughts then ball is back in her court.
Oh used to be a pretty heavy gamer too it was a great place to hide when you don't really feel you belong in the real world. Atari 2600 to xbox 360 but most time served on World of Warcraft as a gorgeous shape shifting female night elf druid. Who says games are unrealistic ;)
I like that idea. I will type something up, thanks.
As to gaming, I am currently playing 7 different female characters on ESO on the Xbox 1 NA server. Most of them have names I was interested in taking for myself in real life in the future, as I don't like the female version of my given name. My next appointment is still 3 weeks away, she books up fast.
Had my appointment today. Talked with her directly instead of a letter, been having other issues that prevented the printing(printer died) so.....
She says she uses "rule out" whatever diagnosis she thinks someone has, and then explores it with them a bit more. She then discussed with me that she did it that way because on my first 2 visits I sounded fearful about wanting to transition. So, I am still on track just moving slowly, because I m afraid of what I may lose if I do something to make me feel better.
Quote from: StevieC9 on June 30, 2016, 11:53:32 PM
How about typing everything and handing her a printed copy?You can discuss it after.
That is a wonderful idea, and something I always recommend people too shy to go straight for it but in need of therapy for one thing or another do. For a start, it'll help you find a receptive therapist - if they are accepting of that, you know they'll do anything they can to help you and build that rapport.
For me, my problem is the opposite. I could happily sit in therapy all day, talking about myself and my various experiences and reactions. After an hour, I'm usually just warming up.
I was watching some live therapy sessions, and the therapist said many people don't come back because they feel embarrassed that they've bared all, and now they're going to have to face this person who knows the darkest or deepest stuff. Made sense. There is always an unease after the first couple of times.
You must not be in California. I barely had to say much more than I wanted to be a girl since I was young and was asked if I wanted to go to and endocrinologist. I wanted more therapy myself before I made the decision. And I never said I wanted to lose the boy parts or the function. It's hard when you have a wife you love. Single I would be getting surgery by now.