I know I shouldn't, but I'm seriously considering buying hormones. I know I'm not supposed to though. But don't they sell testosterone on t.v. and stuff? How come that is not illegal? Couldn't I just take that? I would rather do that than to continue living in this female adult exoskelenton I have been cursed to dwell in since conception. I refuse this!
I can't even shower all the time. Hard to get out of bed and just live. I don't wanna open my mouth cause my voice ain't male enough. I have to spend hours in the mirror just to confirm whatever masculinity I have within my estrogen-screwed body. Just a mess. Can't take no more. All this waiting is driving me nuts!!!! That's why I'm trying to get into drugs. To escape...Music and videogames and books and beer/liquor are great but they are insufficient for me. I know transitioning is the only answer, but I have to wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! And I AM SICK OF IT!
Woo! That felt good to get out! Sorry for this pointless rant, but I bet I am speaking for everyone here who is pre-transition and really want to transition like they only have 24 hours to live.
Rant away! Seriously I know it helps me a ton to just say something out loud or type it out rather than keeping it bouncing around my brain.
Seriously, please do not start self-medicating. It can be very dangerous. Just come here and rant when things get bad.
I know the struggle to want to start hormones, I am so there but I can't quit smoking. I know I will eventually but if at this very second I was not smoking, I would be going to an informed consent dr and demanding a script.
Hang in their King!
Quote from: Jenelle on May 06, 2016, 11:09:15 AM
Rant away! Seriously I know it helps me a ton to just say something out loud or type it out rather than keeping it bouncing around my brain.
Seriously, please do not start self-medicating. It can be very dangerous. Just come here and rant when things get bad.
I know the struggle to want to start hormones, I am so there but I can't quit smoking. I know I will eventually but if at this very second I was not smoking, I would be going to an informed consent dr and demanding a script.
Hang in their King!
Yeah ranting does help. And I know I shouldn't self-medicate but I am running out of options. I mean, they make medical marijuana and prescription drugs are ok to take, so why the hell is it so wrong to take other drugs? Drugs are drugs.I say if something helps you deal with this pile of crap we call 'life,' then it should be ok to take it.
One thing I'd never want to do is cigarettes or tobacco. Horrible stuff, I bet. I know I can't talk much about this in the forums, but I am gonna find ways to to relieve my heart-tearing social anxiety and dysphoria even if it's 'wrong.' If I was not afraid to die, then my suffering would have come to an end long ago by my own hands.
I hear that. I want T now, I've already waited 1.4 years and all they have to do now is sign off a form but no appointment in sight yet.
I found an online gender doc in the UK who prescribes T privately but they won't if you're in the US due to customs control on substances. But if you look around online maybe you'll be able to find an equivalent in the US?
so what's the hang up on getting hormones. Is the problem Medicare or something else. You should be able to go the an endo for informed consent. I live in Chicago and we have a LGBT focused health clinic where I get my hormones by informed consent .
Quote from: King Phoenix on May 06, 2016, 11:21:15 AM
One thing I'd never want to do is cigarettes or tobacco. Horrible stuff, I bet.
It is horrible and good for you that you dont! Please never start.
Quote from: King Phoenix on May 06, 2016, 11:21:15 AM
If I was not afraid to die, then my suffering would have come to an end long ago by my own hands.
I have been there and if you ever need to talk privately, I am here just PM me. There are also hotlines to help with this.
Quote from: T.K.G.W. on May 06, 2016, 11:29:19 AM
I hear that. I want T now, I've already waited 1.4 years and all they have to do now is sign off a form but no appointment in sight yet.
I found an online gender doc in the UK who prescribes T privately but they won't if you're in the US due to customs control on substances. But if you look around online maybe you'll be able to find an equivalent in the US?
What I don't get is why they, the medical staff involved with our transitioning, make us wait like that just to give us the "ok" for taking hormones??? It's ridiculous! Why do you think they make this process so drawn out? Like, I really don't get it.
Dang. I wish I lived in the U.K. right now (I would want to go there anyway, even if it weren't for hormones because it sounds like a nice place :) ). But that's a good idea. I'm gonna look into that.
The main thing against self medicating from what I've read is that we can't monitor our own levels, and if you have to much T, your body makes it into estrogen... which we don't want...
Quote from: stephaniec on May 06, 2016, 11:31:56 AM
so what's the hang up on getting hormones. Is the problem Medicare or something else. You should be able to go the an endo for informed consent. I live in Chicago and we have a LGBT focused health clinic where I get my hormones by informed consent .
I'm with stephanie here. Are doctor recommendations ok? Cause I'd recommend mine in a heartbeat. She works on informed consent and accepts my medicare provider (We have two options.) She is in no way a gatekeeper, just wants to keep us healthy.
Yeah, what's the hang up King? Are you still waiting to have that meeting with your hematologist before you see the endo again? If so, I think that's worth the wait. Just to be 100% sure that T isn't going to negatively impact your health.
And that's why we can't in good faith recommend self-medicating. Sure, you can find common dosages out there online. But everybody's body chemistry is different. You don't know how your body will respond to that particular dose, and without a doctor to order and interpret lab results, you'd have no idea what it's doing to your insides. I've spoken to a few guys recently about dosages post-hysterectomy and you'd be surprised at the broad range - some guys stayed the same, many went down, and a few even went up. It's all down to body chemistry and what your body does with the T you get. Like Peep mentioned, taking too much will convert it to E and you'd be extremely fatigued. Not to mention you wouldn't be getting as much masculinization as you otherwise would.
Definitely, definitely worth the wait to do it right and stay health-focused. What's the point of rushing, self-medicating, and wasting money because you were at the wrong dose? Or worse, getting sick because you've damaged your liver or kidneys?
If the endo has spoken to your hematologist and is still dragging his feet, it's time to look for other options. But if it's just wait time between appointments, you'll run into that everywhere, especially when you're first starting.
Medical marijuana is not legal anywhere in the United States and that's why it's discussion is forbidden on this site. The only reason it exist is because the federal government has chosen to look the other way instead of enforcing the laws that are in the books. State laws do not supersede federal laws even if federal laws are unconstitutional.
Testosterone like estrogen are controlled substances in the United States and may not be possessed without a prescription or proper license so anything sold within the country is not what it claims to be or is being sold illegally. Importing it from outside the country is illegal and if discovered in shipment will be retained by the government or traced to it's destination and charges will be brought against you.
I understand how hard the wait is for you but there is only one way to do this right and that is to deal with the existing medical system. To do otherwise will leave you with medical or health problems that you don't currently have.
Quote from: King Phoenix on May 06, 2016, 11:02:48 AM
I know I shouldn't, but I'm seriously considering buying hormones. I know I'm not supposed to though. But don't they sell testosterone on t.v. and stuff? How come that is not illegal? Couldn't I just take that? I would rather do that than to continue living in this female adult exoskelenton I have been cursed to dwell in since conception. I refuse this!
I can't even shower all the time. Hard to get out of bed and just live. I don't wanna open my mouth cause my voice ain't male enough. I have to spend hours in the mirror just to confirm whatever masculinity I have within my estrogen-screwed body. Just a mess. Can't take no more. All this waiting is driving me nuts!!!! That's why I'm trying to get into drugs. To escape...Music and videogames and books and beer/liquor are great but they are insufficient for me. I know transitioning is the only answer, but I have to wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! And I AM SICK OF IT!
Woo! That felt good to get out! Sorry for this pointless rant, but I bet I am speaking for everyone here who is pre-transition and really want to transition like they only have 24 hours to live.
Can't you go to a doctor and get a prescription? Testosterone requires a prescription in this country. You can't get it on TV and any herbal stuff or test boosters are pure BS. You want the real thing legally and medically monitored. FWIW, while I am a pre pre pre op trans woman, because my wife still likes to have sex, I have very low T and got peyronies disease because of it, I went on T for now. It's very cheap legally. You just need the script. And you'll have to do your own injections. Going through puberty a second time is a trip...My T was down to 134. Normal range is 350-1100 At some point when I get the balls (pun intended), I'll get off this stuff and on E. I really didn't realize how hormones affect mood and other things. I'm a lot grouchier on T and everything works now, which it stopped before. Insofar as the peyronies goes, eventually I think a vaginoplasty will fix that. Anyway, If you don't have a therapist that can hook you up with an endo, I know one that can and I live in the valley. PM me if you want a name.
Quote from: ryokohimura on May 06, 2016, 07:05:52 PM
I'm with stephanie here. Are doctor recommendations ok? Cause I'd recommend mine in a heartbeat. She works on informed consent and accepts my medicare provider (We have two options.) She is in no way a gatekeeper, just wants to keep us healthy.
That's exactly the hold up. I think my endo is a gatekeeper....either that, or he is really, really confusing estrogen with testosterone. Informed consent won't do me any good. I already have the letter for hormones, but even that wasn't enough. What am I doing wrong? I guess it's all my fault I have lupus. I mean, I get blamed for everything else by my dad. It's really hard to even exist and do things when you think that everything you do will end in disaster because you've been conditioned to believe that you always make mistakes no matter what...sorry, I went way off there...
Anyways, my endo keeps using my past blood clot as a reason to not give me T, even though thanks to you guys here at Susan's and the internet, I found some helpful resources about T not having this as a risk at all. I am just waiting to see my hematologist, which should take place tomorrow, if nothing goes wrong. My therapist even wants to have the endo he works closely with evaluate my resources and see if T could be an issue for me because of blood clots. I really wish I could see that one. I hear nothing but good things about him. Oh well...Figures I have to settle with what I don't want in life...it's the way of the phoenix king, haha.
Quote from: King Phoenix on May 08, 2016, 08:15:48 PM
That's exactly the hold up. I think my endo is a gatekeeper....either that, or he is really, really confusing estrogen with testosterone. Informed consent won't do me any good. I already have the letter for hormones, but even that wasn't enough. What am I doing wrong? I guess it's all my fault I have lupus. I mean, I get blamed for everything else by my dad. It's really hard to even exist and do things when you think that everything you do will end in disaster because you've been conditioned to believe that you always make mistakes no matter what...sorry, I went way off there...
Anyways, my endo keeps using my past blood clot as a reason to not give me T, even though thanks to you guys here at Susan's and the internet, I found some helpful resources about T not having this as a risk at all. I am just waiting to see my hematologist, which should take place tomorrow, if nothing goes wrong. My therapist even wants to have the endo he works closely with evaluate my resources and see if T could be an issue for me because of blood clots. I really wish I could see that one. I hear nothing but good things about him. Oh well...Figures I have to settle with what I don't want in life...it's the way of the phoenix king, haha.
I had DVTs in 1993 and have a greenfield filter in me. Try a different endo.
Hey everyone! Great news! My hematologist said I can start T! He should have sent off his recommendations to my endo by now, so I will call Tuesday morning to find out if they received anything from my hemo yet. This is so awesome! Thank you Susan's for your support, always!
Quote from: King Phoenix on May 09, 2016, 11:48:29 PM
Hey everyone! Great news! My hematologist said I can start T! He should have sent off his recommendations to my endo by now, so I will call Tuesday morning to find out if they received anything from my hemo yet. This is so awesome! Thank you Susan's for your support, always!
Hey Mr Phoenix, Fantastic news. Way to go.
Cheers Sue ;D
Congrats King! ;D
Forums are always here when you need to rant, although hopefully we'll hearing more good things :)
Again, congrats!
That is great news King Phoenix.
And now I will have a rant.
I'm not only the Forum Admin here but I am also on a site for the professionals who treat us.
I know you all know that we can access dosages etc from the internet, so what? We can buy stuff from overseas pharmacies, great, I wonder what is in it. I can monitor my bloods, OK I have an advantage.
But what happens on the professional sites?
Do they discuss how they can gatekeeper? Do they discuss how they can delay people? Do they discuss how they can raise fees to rip us off?
No they don't.
They discuss the hard cases, where things are going wrong, the side effects that some people have and how to cope; the change of minds and how to handle them. They discuss different levels for people with different desired outcomes, they discuss ways to keep people fertile if they wish to be.
They discuss how to help this community.
I have never read a post on the professional sites that ask how to delay someone.
I have never read a post of how to screw someone over.
I have never ever read an uncaring post from a professional medic interested in trans medicine.
I have read many posts where the professional is worried, how they can get help for a client.
I've read hundreds of professional posts worried about waiting lists, how to get government help for their clients, how to help people find housing, work, happiness.
I have never read a post on the professional sites being rude, dismissive or unfeeling to their trans clients.
I read many on this site and others that are completely unsupportive, dismissive and down right rude to people trying to help us.
Then I hear trans people ask "Why are medics not interested in helping us?"
Sometimes I think; 'Why would they bother?'
Quote from: King Phoenix on May 09, 2016, 11:48:29 PM
Hey everyone! Great news! My hematologist said I can start T! He should have sent off his recommendations to my endo by now, so I will call Tuesday morning to find out if they received anything from my hemo yet. This is so awesome! Thank you Susan's for your support, always!
Congratulations :)
I'm so excited for you Pheonix! Keep us updated with how it goes :)
also @ Cindy, I imagine the docs who aren't interested in helping us aren't the ones going online. It's not necessarily active hate or blocking, but dismissive or careless attitudes, and that doesn't lend to going online to ask questions. I know that most medics want to help and the only reasons they'd hold back is to avoid accidentally doing harm, but there are some out there that are genuinely unhelpful or unprofessional too
Congrats King Phoenix!
Quote from: Peep on May 10, 2016, 07:30:44 AM
I'm so excited for you Pheonix! Keep us updated with how it goes :)
also @ Cindy, I imagine the docs who aren't interested in helping us aren't the ones going online. It's not necessarily active hate or blocking, but dismissive or careless attitudes, and that doesn't lend to going online to ask questions. I know that most medics want to help and the only reasons they'd hold back is to avoid accidentally doing harm, but there are some out there that are genuinely unhelpful or unprofessional too
Thanks Peep for your support in this. Also I agree, lots of doctors do in fact gatekeep on purpose. I am not 100% sure if he is one of those types, but hopefully he isn't. If he is still not accepting me for T even after my recommendations from my hematologist, I must seek an alternative quickly.