Not saying stereotypes are always correct this is just for fun and because i'm curious.
For me this one sign was more sexuality but when i was inside the car with my mom as a kid and i don't remember completely what happened but i told my mother to get me something and when she asked me why i told her because it was so i could kiss the girls. i was like seven or eight lol, My mother looked at me and i clearly remember her saying no you grow up to kiss boys not girls or something related to this. It confused the crap outta me and i shrugged it off.
The trans sign was how i'd always ask my parents and grandparents when stopping at a restroom why i couldn't
use the mens room.
I find my sign pretty funny. I was afraid of getting pregnant and was also wondering how to detach my birth parts. I swear that it is detachable! at least that was what I though when I am like 4-5
Asked for a purse as a birthday present at age 4.
I always identified with female characters in cartoons that I watched.
Started cross-dressing around age 10. (Got busted more times than I could count. I fell off the ladder a few times as well. :P)
Being thrilled when the neighbour boy's mom called me a boy and being sad when she "corrected" herself (I was 4-5). Being thrilled when extended family described me as the boy my grandfather never had (he had 3 daughters). I was allowed to choose my activities and my family wasn't big on stereotypes so mine all had to do with being recognized as a boy. Which is what I want most now, to be seen and treated as a guy...
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My washing list :)
All my friends were female, and/or gay (and on the femme side).
I used to practice fluid movements, all the time, so that they would 'look nice'.
I would secretly cross-dress, and lived in gorgeous dark green dungarees, with a red Paisley shirt.
I love horse riding (animals in general), needlework and cooking.
I have always (as far back as I can remember) read women's magazines.
Could not relate to and had no interest in competitive sports.
Physical dysphoria, hate the way I have an 'outie', and to this day am hyper aware. Changing rooms at school were hell.
Self harm. Yes, I still have my kit. It's been many years thankfully.
In establishing relationships, I lived in the friend zone. Always. Until I met my SO, who has her own little closet, she and I get along just fine (even if roles are fluid :))
Questions started in my mind when we did a bunch of 'for fun tests', and I always came out as 4 or 5 times more female than my SO....
Just call me cliché
Sno
Praying that I would wake up being a girl, at age 7 or thereabouts. I attended a religious school, and one time the teacher had us all pray, then went around the classroom asking what we had prayed for. My answer earned me a yardstick broken across my wrist. Now I'm agnostic bordering on atheist.
Good times back in the 1950s... ::)
The first ones that come to mind were acting-related. From as early as I can remember, I was frustrated at not being allowed male parts in little school or church productions. No, I don't want to audition for Mrs. Claus, I'm only interested in Santa. No, don't change the gender of this part, I can be the king just fine. And so on. It wasn't so much that I needed to be a boy as that none of that applied to me. I couldn't understand why they thought I needed to play a girl or that people would be confused if I didn't.
Let me count the ways.
1. Praying that I would wake up as a girl every single night
2. Trying to forcefully remove my genitals since praying obviously wasn't working
3. Using a bath towel as a skirt around age 5, pillowcases too, and later using actual clothing
4. Absolutely nothing in common with boys. All friends were girls. Got along with female cousins, not male ones.
5. Getting my sister in trouble when I stole my mother's makeup
6. Didn't realize the relationship at the time, but in Sunday school they would pass around a mirror to show us how pretty/handsome we were. It bothered me so much, I started cutting Sunday school class.
7. Having what my father would call a strange aversion to removing my t-shirt at swimming pools and beaches
8. Getting in trouble, a lot, for not being masculine enough, even when I was trying to fake it.
The clincher? When I was 12-13, I though I could develop into a woman. Full-on change, penis goes away, I'm left with full working uterus and vagina, no sign I was ever male.
1) most of my friends were tomboys
2) At the age of 4, I learned about sex from a boy who had overheard something, and I decided we should try it out. He was a little uncomfortable with the idea, so I volunteered to bottom. What we did wasn't even remotely sex, but the analogy is sound.
3) I learned to sew, braid, cross-stitch, etc., and I was proud of my gender-bending ways.
4) I could keep up with the girls at jump rope, rings, bars, etc.
5) I was never competitive and I hated sports of all kinds
6) Tucking in a mirror looked good, so I tried my mom's dress on. Disappointment: I looked like a boy in a dress, not a girl. >:(
7) I always found it weird that boys and girls didn't get on better -- I had boy friends and girl friends, why didn't anybody else?
later in life...
1) after puberty, I only wore baggy black clothing; I began taking pride in my filth and stench at the age of 21. Budding dysphoria?
2) I was never any good at approaching people I was interested in, and frequently implored my female friends to ask out their objects of desire.
3) I'd occasionally shave things, with the hopes that a girlfriend would be impressed / interested / turned on. Noooope. Kept trying, sometimes multiple times with the same girlfriend.
4) Discomfort with the fact that my friends are mostly male, and that my libido and low impulse control kept scaring off potential female friends like whoa.
5) Overly proud of how "secure in my manhood" I was... I'd do girly things just to show off how... manly... huh. Yeah, that.
6) No attachment to my "manhood" -- didn't care how big it was, was crazy proud of getting kicked there and taking it like a champ, never seemed to mind when others talk about getting hurt there.
Wanting to start a new school as a girl
Hated boys haircuts
Football & other sports were only a minor interest (following Blackpool is enough to put you off for life!)
Wishing I was French so I could be called Jean
Wondering why other boys were terrified of Miss Bennett making them play a girl's part in school plays
I turned into a monster at puberty, dropped 20 places at school, was regularly fighting though I didn't like it and didn't give a rat's ass about anything or anyone including myself.
Skipped meals, got drunk every weekend and self harmed for my last 4 years at school
Always enjoyed reading my sister's comics & Mum's magazines
My Grandmother would often give me girl's books
Here are some.
As a toddler I couldn't bear to have to dress up as a troll instead of a fairy.
I cried when my parents first bought me boys' underwear.
I couldn't understand why boys at school shunned girls.
When I read a book about a princess turned into a boy, I wished I'd discover I was under a similar spell.
I loved being warned by a hairdresser I went to as a child that if I cut my hair much more I'd look like a boy.
In school shower rooms I was aghast to see older boys' genitals develop, and fervently hoped I'd never become like that.
I couldn't understand why boys in books wanted to grow up quickly into men.
I couldn't understand why people thought boys shouldn't have pretty fingernails.
I couldn't understand why I was called gay and shunned by boys at school.
The earliest sign of 'transness' i can remember was once in daycare we had this photographer come in to photograph us; but we had to dress in victorian clothes (so dresses for the girls and trousers/shirts for the boys). I threw a tantrum because I did not want to wear a dress and finally they gave in an I was allowed me to wear the boys option :D.
The earliest sign of 'liking girls' was when I was around 7 and invited a girl from my class over to use our paddling pool. I can't remember the reason but I asked her for us to change together in my parents bedroom and I remember staring at her quite a bit; yeah... ::). In my defense when the girls in my class had to change together to use the school pool I never looked :P.
Then when I was around 8/9 I asked my hairdresser for a boys haircut (don't know why that was pit into my head) so she gave me a book with female short haircuts. I felt uncomfortable choosing one because I wanted my hair to look like other boys my age; so just ended up saying just cut an inch off like usual. I didn't have the courage to get a male haircut until I was 19.
Through secondary school I hated wearing the school uniform (skirt and a blouse and jumper if it was winter). I felt constantly uncomfortable and always wore my jumper even if it was summer to cover up my chest.
I think the most obvious sign from me when I was younger was getting all my hair cut off around age 8 and beginning to wear boy's clothes (thanks to my utterly oblivious mother).
Whenever I got my haircut my mum would remind the hairdresser to keep it somewhat feminine, which I protested and hated.
I never linked to gender much as I didn't get physical dysphoria until puberty, and my parents let me do football, karate, wrestling ect.
No wonder my parents had no clue because neither did I until I realised my body was developing wrong, before then I just thought it sucked if I couldn't do all the boys things.
I would get so frustrated when I had issues not being able to have friends that were girls!!!
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My only sign was hating boys haircuts and wanting mine too grow out and my dad saying no boy of his5was going too look like a girl. When I hit puberty the short quit coming off due to breast development and the other boys noticing I had breasts and the fight was on. I'm neither fully male not fully female,I learned too walk a delicate line. Never played sports,all I seemed to do is read everything I could get my hands on,I prayed alot too be transformed fully into a girl. But growing up we were allowed too do our own thing without hardly any adult supervision.
For me, I only ever had friends who were female, I just connected more. When it came to TV shows I would identify with female characters, but I never really said anything, because something told me not to. I also would have fun playing with female toys (when I had sisters and they got toys) over some of the toys I would get, again I would hide in my room away from my parents so they didn't know. I tried to detach my sex parts because I thought I could and it didn't feel right. My parents choose not to remember the last one. Any of my friends would tell you that when they first met me they brought up how feminine I was to them. I was always more quiet, and I got jealous of females being able to have sleep overs and hang out and I couldn't because I wasn't seen that way, so my childhood was devoid of any kind of friends over and my parents never questioned it. I got jealous of clothes girls got to wear but I never did because it would be seen as wrong. I always threw a fit when I had to get my hair cut because I hated having my hair short and boyish. I wanted to grow it out but never was allowed until now. These are the ones that come to mind, and well my parents ignore all of these or have tried to say I'm wrong, because they are pretty unaccepting, but anyways, yeah that's my list. I'm sure there are a few I'm not remembering but yeah.
My signs were mostly all internal after my parents told me I was insane. I became the penultimate character actor playing the part they wanted until it all exploded from being suppressed so long.
Sapere Aude
I didn't "know" anything about who I was until I was in my mid-40s so the clues that I had back then didn't help me figure that out. Now of course I can see the significance of them.
1. I Started acting out in my early teen years and almost landed myself in jail a few times because of it.
2. I did very dangerous stuff with little regard to the consequences.
3. I started drinking heavily at 16.
4. I knew that I was "different" and that I didn't fit in.
5. I got lots of bullying from everyone for reasons that I could not fathom. It was made clear to me that no one wanted to be my friend. That left me isolated and alone pretty much all of the time.
6. I did not understand other guys and I didn't share most of their interests so I had very, very few friends and most of them were the other weird outcasts that didn't fit in either.
6. I hated being directed by my ex into the room where the men were when we arrived at social gatherings. I liked being with the ladies but that was never allowed.
7. I was never comfortable taking the man's role when me and my ex were being intimate.
8. I was sterile and we could not have our own kids. A doctor I went to told me that I had abnormalities on my testicles. I suspect that I was possibly exposed to DES or some other endocrine disruptor, or possibly my mother took overdoses of birth control pills trying to cause a miscarriage.
9. I could not throw a baseball with any accuracy to save my life.
10. I was physically very, very small for a male until I reached 27 and then I had a growth spurt.
One day after I had turned 40 I got tired of putting up with all of that and I started searching on the internet for any information that I could find for reasons why my life was as it was.
One thing led to another and my past suddenly began to make a lot more sense. And now here I am.
So many ways;
1. Wanted to mainly hang out with girls
2. Liked stereotypically girl toys, barbies, Ken and GI Joe all had a happy if somewhat dysfuctional family in my toy box and loved to "play house". Wanted an easy bake oven so bad and never got one :(
3. When playing sports, i would imagine myself a girl athlete
4. Was sometimes teased for being feminine or acting "aloof" from boys, and i remember thinking to myself, "how i am supposed to be? " " i don't want to act like those guys "
5. Wanted to "play act". Came up with elaborate stories that had elements of romance, danger and discovery.
6. Loved to be around my sister and her things
7. Imagined romances with both boys and girls
8. Loved stereotypically girl TV programs and movies.
When I was around 8, started wearing Moms Clothes.
Played with my sisters dolls. (even thou I did play with "Boy" Stuff too).
Loved to play "House".
(TRIGGER WARNING)
Early on I never really thought about wanting my Privates "gone", but as time went on I wanted to have Girl parts.
And it got worse and worse the more I grew up seeing beautiful Girls/Woman and knowing I could not do anything about it. (In that point in time)
At age +/- 6 I asked my mother if I was supposed to be a girl. Her reaction let me know to never say that again. 45+ years later I ignored her advice.
Let's see..
Even though I never fit the trans stereotype of knowing or suspecting since such a young age, there were a few stereotypically "girls" things like:
- I remember enjoying watching that old TV show Braceface (not only was I a boy watching that, but the show was also geared to teens, and I was 10-11 years old, geesh :P )
- Recently I was getting into womens/girls music (Alanis Morissette, Meredith Brooks, The Murmurs (Leisha Hailey/Heather Grody) etc. )
- When I was a little younger, I obsessed with the thought that girls were better or superior to boys. This obsessive pattern continued no later than into my early teen years. Hey, I didn't even suspect I was having actual transgender thoughts until a year ago.
Just for the sake of discussion, I want your feedback. Crazy.
Quote from: redhot1 on May 09, 2016, 04:35:44 PM
Let's see..
Even though I never fit the trans stereotype of knowing or suspecting since such a young age, there were a few stereotypically "girls" things like:
- I remember enjoying watching that old TV show Braceface (not only was I a boy watching that, but the show was also geared to teens, and I was 10-11 years old, geesh :P )
- Recently I was getting into womens/girls music (Alanis Morissette, Meredith Brooks, The Murmurs (Leisha Hailey/Heather Grody) etc. )
- When I was a little younger, I obsessed with the thought that girls were better or superior to boys. This obsessive pattern continued no later than into my early teen years. Hey, I didn't even suspect I was having actual transgender thoughts until a year ago.
Just for the sake of discussion, I want your feedback. Crazy.
Isn't it interesting how that happens? The more I think about this, the more little things pop out.
- Being interested in what my name would have been if I was borne female. Amanda or Kelsey. My mom had no issues answering this.
- Fantasizing about being pregnant (or female in general), like when I was little, 6 7 years-old
- Got along really well with my younger sisters to the point where I was "accepted into the fold".
- My closest friends were girls throught Jr. High and High School
- Naturally pulled my socks up, like hosiery. No one seemed to complain when I did it, but if anyone else did...
My mother told me when i was a child that she expected me to be a girl, that she had even chosen a name
for me, Anna. i remember i said something like, maybe i was meant to be a girl and got an angry look.
i didn't play with dolls or dress and obsessed about living up to my fathers standards so i guess i was in
denial from early on. As a teen i had girl friends that were only friends and i cherished that. Some of them
were lesbians and one of them used to sleep with me in the same bed and we would cuddle. She said she
would never do that with a man and laughed when i became quizzical. She saw it alright, but i didn't.
Thanks for this topic, it's gotten me thinking.
Preferring to hang out with male friends (could just be circumstantial, the main female friend I had was disturbed and ultimately went a bit nuts, others were erratic too)
Wanting to work out, be fit and do martial arts as a kid, wanted muscles, wanted to be able to take care of myself
No interest in clothes shopping, make up, hair etc.
Loving robots, dinosaurs, model kits and generally being creeped out by dolls, always running right past the "pink section" of the toy store for the green, black and neon orange section
Being angry if other kids asked me out, no interest in dating or being someone's girlfriend
Being physically hostile and threatening when cornered by creepos; didn't feel I could rely on anyone else to save me, just wanted to be violent to these sneaky little wasters because this was what they obviously got off on doing to solitary women.
Could not imagine myself in a relationship with another person, sex in general didn't interest me, although I did feel some kind of attraction to certain people I didn't want to to go ahead and do anything with them
Engaged in a lot of silly, risky, dumb behavior like climbing buildings and messing around inside derelict ones, jumping on the backs of feral horses to ride them, etc.
I remember in school one day I just turned up in black jeans instead of the skirt thing. Nobody seemed to care and I did it for the rest of my time there. Skirts felt awful
Didn't like wearing clothes that showed body shape, esp. chest
I guess all my personally-chosen role models as a kid were males. Couldn't aspire to female ones really
Never asked for help with things. If it was something heavy, I'd figure a way to get it moved by myself. If it was something I didn't know how to do, I'd go find out how to do it
Played outdoors almost every day, constantly exploring the neighborhood places I could go and also places I was not supposed to go. Also used to wander around at night too, had no fear really
Hating seeing myself in photographs
Not 'really' looking at myself in the mirror, only superficially, and not for long
Hating the feel of my own skin, wearing clothes to bed so as not to feel it, especially hating chest, tying it down and disguising it
Guilt for sexual feelings
Hating myself in general, being awkward around other kids, not sure what was supposed to say to them, how to act, etc.
Anger issues, which I turned in on myself and forced myself into various self-improvement regimes, all destined to fail because they didn't locate the real problem
Knew I was different. At first was a problem, but later decided I didn't need to be like the others, and was quite happy being "my own species"
One Time I remember painting my toenails as a child and took it off quickly and my mum was like what's that smell and I just said I don't know...
I obviously now realise she knew 100% what it was but didn't say anything.
Remember lots of times putting on lipstick while going for a bath or shower then taking it off before leaving haha.
And I remember quite alot while lying in bed imagining I was strapped to a machine that turned me into a girl. Was so amazing omg! Really wish there was such machine though...
1. When I was little I drew myself as a boy in a family drawing.
2. Would wish to wake up as a boy.
3. Put things in my pant
and pretended to have a penis.
4. Got my hair cut super short and my Godfather said he didn't like it because it made look like a boy which made me happy.
5. Practiced and figured out how to pee standing up.
After puberty, i stopped doing most of the above and tried to be girly but hated it so I stuck with presenting as somewhere in the middle.
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I never thought of myself as trans until a few years ago, but when I look back (keep in mind we're talking about the 1950's and early 1960's in a rather backward part of the USA):
I basically never fit in with the boys. They called me "queer" (back then, trans, gay, etc., were all lumped together.) I think because of things like:
* I wasn't athletic
* I hated fighting, roughhousing, etc.
* I wasn't competitive. I didn't like dominating people.
* I took piano lessons. Not OK for a boy then.
* I'm not "tough." I was sensitive and cried easily, at least until I killed off that part of me. To this day, I find men and masculine boys intimidating.
I don't think this exactly meant I was somehow a girl inside, but then I still don't feel like I'm a woman inside. Inside myself, I'm just me, with no gender. Gender comes from society, a society that always wanted to turn me into somebody and something I wasn't so why should I adopt their mishegoss?
I've always identified with women. I can identify with men only in those aspects that aren't gendered. E.g., the way guys (especially male authors) will go on about their masculinity or their ability to "get it up" is just alien to me. (However, I've never identified as a woman.)
One other thing: stories about boys being turned into girls -- like Tip being turned (back) into Ozma -- scared the @#$% out of me. I suspect that I must have had some fear that in some secret place I didn't want anyone to see (including me!), maybe I was a girl, the way Tip always was Ozma, only nobody knew it.
I don't know, for me looking back I can't really remember too many signs, I think my main issue is that I was so shy that I became too afraid to do anything. But there are some pretty obvious ones I think.
- Around ages 5 to about 9 I started to pretend to be a girl, dressing up in whatever I related to be female, I also would pretend to be pregnant...
- After finally learning that there is in fact, a difference between male parts and female parts, I started to wish every night that I would wake up as a girl.
- Although I had the chance to, I never did paint my nails or wear makeup, however, I do recall my mom catching me with some of her clothes in my room... of course she confronted me when my siblings were withing hearing distance.
- I preferred to play with my female friends over my male friends, even to the point of feeling extremely uncomfortable around my male friends but feeling fine around my female friends.
Not much else I can really think of, like I said, was really shy as a child and even as a teen, finally starting to get over it now that I am in college.
At age three my sister renamed me Tessa and I became her new sister. My brother informed me that if I kept that up I would become a girl. Since no one talked about sexuality in the 50s I assumed I was already a girl and my big change would come with that mysterious change thing we whispered about known as puberty. I had an innate sense that surely I would grow up to be a mom and have babies. When my brother was proven wrong and my wrong way puberty reared it's head ;) I was simply crushed. I asked my mom why they had attached my genitals and, like so many others here, got the slap down that informed me this was never to be discussed. I became a cynical 8th grade kid and resigned myself to surviving the daily traumas and making the best of it. I joined the army at 17 because that was the "proven" way to manhood and heroism...what a laugh. Sadly people still think that way.
I had many of the gender role flips others note. I was considered a sissy who like to read, bake cookies, take care of my baby bothers and sisters and crochet. When any sort of ball would come my way I reasonably ducked and was laughed out of school sports. I can only smile and feel life is so much better now that people have greater access to information and support.
As survivors we can look at the growing sociological understanding of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE). Our higher ACE score is now known to come with commensurate levels of health problems and even a shortened life span. Change is good!
-I was always a lot like my brother and wanted to do all the things he did, but not because I wanted to emulate him. For example, we both wanted to play with Creepy Crawlers and learn how to wrestle. Beyond that, the similarities between me and my brother are striking.
-My mom was convinced I was going to grow up to be a lesbian from the time I was a small child. I guess even at that age I was giving off some strong vibes.
-I wanted to join a baseball team and when people told me I should join a softball team instead, my reaction was basically "??? NO. BASEBALL. WITH THE BOYS."
-I always identified with the male protagonists in the books I read.
-When I was six, I spent months going around, telling everyone my name was Clifford.
-I never understood "girly girl" stuff I saw in my classmates and was always deeply uncomfortable with trying to be one. When I tried to act like that, I failed so miserably everyone thought I was weird.
-Kinda stereotypical, but I felt pretty uncomfortable in dresses. I tried really damn hard to feel comfortable in them, but for most of my childhood, dresses and skirts were a rarity and when I tried to wear them, I felt self-conscious.
-My mom tried to get me to wear makeup. That lasted all of a couple months in the 7th grade and then I didn't pick it back up again all through middle school and high school.
-In my Freshman year of high school, I started out the first week of school in a dance class. The very next week, I'd switched over to the wrestling class.
Honestly, I'm surprised no one noticed sooner. I didn't start actively expressing a desire to be a boy until puberty and I didn't realize what that meant until later, though. And some of my more feminine interests and overall bookishness probably colluded the whole deal.
I was always effeminate, but nothing really stood out to me.
Quote from: lorble on May 14, 2016, 03:24:52 AM
-I was always a lot like my brother and wanted to do all the things he did, but not because I wanted to emulate him. For example, we both wanted to play with Creepy Crawlers and learn how to wrestle. Beyond that, the similarities between me and my brother are striking.
-My mom was convinced I was going to grow up to be a lesbian from the time I was a small child. I guess even at that age I was giving off some strong vibes.
-I wanted to join a baseball team and when people told me I should join a softball team instead, my reaction was basically "??? NO. BASEBALL. WITH THE BOYS."
-I always identified with the male protagonists in the books I read.
-When I was six, I spent months going around, telling everyone my name was Clifford.
-I never understood "girly girl" stuff I saw in my classmates and was always deeply uncomfortable with trying to be one. When I tried to act like that, I failed so miserably everyone thought I was weird.
-Kinda stereotypical, but I felt pretty uncomfortable in dresses. I tried really damn hard to feel comfortable in them, but for most of my childhood, dresses and skirts were a rarity and when I tried to wear them, I felt self-conscious.
-My mom tried to get me to wear makeup. That lasted all of a couple months in the 7th grade and then I didn't pick it back up again all through middle school and high school.
-In my Freshman year of high school, I started out the first week of school in a dance class. The very next week, I'd switched over to the wrestling class.
Honestly, I'm surprised no one noticed sooner. I didn't start actively expressing a desire to be a boy until puberty and I didn't realize what that meant until later, though. And some of my more feminine interests and overall bookishness probably colluded the whole deal.
Lorble,
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Probably just normal stuff I guess, I've always had more male friends than female, and when I did have female friends they were kind of tomboyish too but they all grew out of it, while I didn't. One of my oldest friends who I've known for as long as I can remember is male and we have really similar interests, I think. I remember he was at my house once when we were about five or six and we were tracing dinosaurs out of my books xD
I tried to pee standing up once when I was a bit younger than that and failed miserably, much to my dismay. I've always hated feminine clothes as well, I haven't worn a dress since I was forced to for a wedding about ten years ago, I'd have been around that age still; five or six. I've never really been one to throw tantrums, so I think I probably wore it out of politeness more than anything else, all I know is I hated every moment in that blasted thing. q:
I'm laughing at how my computing class was sorted at school for the year that's almost done, everyone but me in that class is "male" and I think the only reason I'm in that class is so there's at least some degree of gender diversity... But little do they know xD
I was very young and didn't know the difference between boys and girls. I knew that I wanted to grow up to be a mommy and not a daddy. That wish became a girl as I learned the difference.
One particular traumatic time when I was about 12 or 13 my mother had bought me a jock strap
I felt devastated but did not have the courage to tell her that what I really wanted was to wear was a bra
for me I had always wanted to be a prince. I remember whenever my friends would play i would insist on being the prince, a knight, something of the like. I also didn't really have any female friends because i just couldn't relate well and i thought their sources of entertainment where kind of boring. at a very very young age I do remember asking my parents if I would ever be a boy but I think they just shrugged it off.
I also refused to shop in the girl's section of stores and take part in any sort of girly things (makeup, dressing up, etc.) because i thought if i didn't do these things I would eventually not be a girl anymore.
This I do find funny though now considering even though I am transitioning I love wearing makeup and dressing up, shopping, etc.
lastly the biggest thing I can remember is wanting my anatomy to change, although I don't think I ever mentioned to anyone at the time.
I really don't like stereotypes, but I'll play along:
1) Always wanted a barbie when I was younger. I was totally jealous of my best friend who had one, and I kept trying to play with it while he was trying to drag me over to his toy car garage.
2) Non-stop tea parties with my stuffed animals and my mom! It was particularly good because we actually had real tea :P
3) Always hated sports. Now I'll watch hockey, mostly in honor being Canadian, but playing sports was horrible.
4) In school I always felt like an outsider when the 'guys' were being macho or playing into that whole male dominance social dynamic.
5) I love everything with music and dance - I started playing piano when I was 9, contrabass when I was 12, taught cotillion when I was 17, thought I was going to be a concert pianist until I was about 19, went to my first opera when I was around 13, etc. My girlfriend and I went up to Pittsburgh to see Wicked and we sang the entire musical several times - I was Elpheba because I had a deeper voice, but my favorite song was always 'Popular'. It sort of became my theme song senior year in high school :P
6) Ever since I can remember, I've always had a fascination with long hair. At first I thought that I just liked it on other people, but gradually I realized that no, I really wanted it on myself. And not just long hair, but there were so many pretty styles that I was dying to try.
7) I've always been more... maybe 'etherial' or prone to 'transcendent' emotions?... than my male peers. And I know that is horribly ambiguous and rather conceited, so I'll explain. If my friends and I were to see a waterfall, they'd look at it and quickly get bored. I'd gaze at it in awe, and stop when I got cold, if then. I recently watched a Christopher Hitchens debate where he talked about 'transcendent' things in that sense - things that mean more to you than their simple existence. Maybe another way to describe it would be 'sensitive,' although I dislike that description because it is more commonly used to describe someone who cannot take criticism.
8) I guess the biggest thing is that I look back on my life and realize how many things I liked I turned away from because they weren't manly enough, and how many things I disliked that I forced myself into because it was expected from me.
Never liked playing with girls as a kid. Still don't hang out with girls. I used to get pissy if people tried to make me.
My voice, the way I dressed. Never got out of shorts and dungarees. Clothes from the boys section.
Never related to girls. Got upset after the sex talk because the girls were kept inside, and I thought it was irrelevant to me. I used to cry when trans people came on TV because I wanted to be like them, but thought only Americans could do that. I also prayed for breast cancer so i could have a mastectomy when i was little, which lasted a few years. My mom caught me crying in the mirror more than a few times.
I think I just developed a trans identity as time came on... was pretty obsessed with androgyny and was an outcast among my male peers though
This topic thread reminds me of the value of a real education about gender identity and sexuality. Stuff that did not exist in the 1950s. In the absence of factual information we kids just filled in the blanks, made stuff up and tried to make sense out of what seemed impossible. Sort of like what the ignoramuses of our current world do; disregard the facts and make stuff up.
How much better it is to now to recognize educated parents who see the bright possibilities and potential for their transgender children.....
Quote from: Tessa James on May 20, 2016, 04:02:12 PM
This topic thread reminds me of the value of a real education about gender identity and sexuality. Stuff that did not exist in the 1950s. In the absence of factual information we kids just filled in the blanks, made stuff up and tried to make sense out of what seemed impossible. Sort of like what the ignoramuses of our current world do; disregard the facts and make stuff up.
How much better it is to now to recognize educated parents who see the bright possibilities and potential for their transgender children.....
I'm not sure i understand i'm slow i apologies could you try rewording that?
I got lost on the part "The value of a real education about gender identity"
do you mean what is taught to kids about gender?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1262.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fii610%2FTysilio%2FScared-cowboy_zps9ce955a1.jpg&hash=94a8aae6f2ce34c9ef0eeec59dfcfdfc3c64d027)
Tysilio --
Has anyone ever told you you look a lot like Sean Connery? :)
Having recently met him I can safely say he is quite the gentleman to share a toast with;D
Quote from: Midnightstar on May 20, 2016, 05:41:35 PM
I'm not sure i understand i'm slow i apologies could you try rewording that?
I got lost on the part "The value of a real education about gender identity"
do you mean what is taught to kids about gender?
As a frequent volunteer I tell people "I am slow but I work cheap" ;)
I suggest there really was no education about gender identity or sexual orientation when I was a kid growing up in the 1950s. Since we did not know much, we kids filled in the blank spots with what we imagined was correct. Therefore I thought I would turn into a girl at puberty. I was hugely disappointed to find out I was wrong >:( There is far better access to information for kids and parents these days.
We now know that our gender identity is not immutable or directly corresponds to anatomy.
probably gonna forget most but some i remember are
i remember, when i was young enough to, my father would take me to the men's loo because it's faster that way. but when i turned the age where i cannot go anymore, i got disappointed. i kept asking when i wanted to go to the toilet if dad could take me to the men's, but my mother would refuse and i would feel very sad for no reason (well, no reason for little me).
then, when i was at school, i would play with the boys more than i played with the girls, and when we split up for separate lessons based on sex, i would have no friends to play with because the girls don't know me well.
i remember being way more energetic and more trouble than my brother, but then again he's very tame even as a kid.
only one out of the many, many stuffed toys i have was "female". everyone else is male! might be my need to play with boys and not girls.
i developed a crush on a girl and told girls that lined up behind me (we lined up separated by sex and height, and i was fairly short as a kid so i was the first three/four, while the girl i had a crush on was one of the tallest of the class. so there was a good amount of girls sandwiched between us) to tell her i wanted to kiss her on the lips. got real excited when she said yeah. didn't kiss her though, haha.
you know how when you were kids, doing something cool was enough to impress all the girls and get them to like you? i got some tips on how to run fast by one of the fastest runners in the class so i could run fast too and "impress the girls".
i always liked running and playing soccer. told my mom and dad i wanted to be a soccer player and even kicked around a tiny soccer ball at one end of the hallway in our apartment to the tiny goal at the other end. they said people who play soccer have short stubby legs and girls aren't pretty with short stubby legs. i was confused but that didn't stop me from kicking the soccer ball. them throwing it away made me stop though.
i loved messing up my brother's stuff. i pretended i was king kong and stepped all over his model streets and picked up his road signs and flipped over his cars. i picked up playing with model cars/buses from him.
i was really into video games. i asked my parents repeatedly but they never let me play. not until one of their friends "gave" his xbox for us to "keep" because he got himself an xbox 360. he also gave us five games, two car games, a tennis game, a soccer game and a shooting game. they obviously didn't let me play the shooting game because they think it's too "violent". i kept that one mcdonalds game they gave out in happy meals, the one where you're shooting hoops. i got really upset when they threw that away too.
i loved wearing caps backwards.
i love guns and i really wanted to shoot things. my mom hates it when people use the gun handsign but i always did. i even youtubed how to make a paper gun. had it half-way made until i gave up because it was all secretive.
i get really upset when i have to wear a dress for school, and when i was old enough (toward the end of the primary school years), i started wearing PE kit always.
never seen a boy as a potential date. i tried imagining it before, me dating/being with one of the boys in my class. but it felt weird and boring and the woman in the picture was never me. after that weird moment, i only ever thought of a guy as a friend, or even a brother if we were that close. had one bro confess he had a crush on me and that weirded me out very much.
got really excited when i got an (albeit wrong) description to my "condition". a tutor called me a tomboy, after learning what it was, i got really excited and i said "YEAH THATS ME" but my tutor said that's not a good thing and that i would grow out of it.
identified with only boy characters in tv shows.
didn't understand why they put me with the girls to get the "sexual organ talk". made silly jokes about the pads they gave us.
was really proud that i was one of the last girls to got their period.
then i got really sad when i got my period. like, really, really sad. hated it when my mother talked to me about it.
and then i joined high school. a few months after that i actually went and googled what i felt. that was five years ago.
Quote from: Tessa James on May 21, 2016, 11:26:18 AM
As a frequent volunteer I tell people "I am slow but I work cheap" ;)
I suggest there really was no education about gender identity or sexual orientation when I was a kid growing up in the 1950s. Since we did not know much, we kids filled in the blank spots with what we imagined was correct. Therefore I thought I would turn into a girl at puberty. I was hugely disappointed to find out I was wrong >:( There is far better access to information for kids and parents these days.
We now know that our gender identity is not immutable or directly corresponds to anatomy.
Oh yea, very true i'd agree
Heck i actually started this because iv'e always liked hearing how others new or what helped them maybe realize looking back things like that. But if it is helpful in other ways and then great i'm glad. :)
For me personally i think i new what would happen at puberty but the reality didn't hit until later....i wonder if i did the same but instead of hoping to turn into it i ignored it and refused to believe it was possible in general.
In elementary school, I was always more interested in whatever the boys were doing than the girls (the guys would play football or soccer, the girls always talked about boy bands like the Jonas Brothers (this was like 4th-5th grade, since I can't remember any further back)), and I never wanted to wear dresses or skirts or look pretty in general (which frustrated my mom endlessly). Much later (and it took a while), I discovered I had a vagina (no one bothered to tell me about it), and I didn't like it at all. I know I was pre-pubescent at the time and didn't know much about it, but it was just weird. I felt like I shouldn't have it. As soon as I was allowed, I cut my hair really short.
The dysphoria didn't start until after I hit puberty. I hated my chest, and the fact that I had a period every month even though the thought of carrying children never appealed to me. I used to try to wear really baggy shirts to hide my chest, but it never really worked.
~Axel
-Kept calling myself my parents' "Daughter". Always thought I was just mixing up words. lol
-I've always made friends with girls much faster and almost exclusively.
-I've always been really into cooking and sewing.
-Really wish I could get pregnant
-Have seriously considered trying to use hormones to breastfeed. (Before giving any thought to transitioning.)
-When I was 20 and grew my hair long for the first; I felt ENLIGHTENED.
-There's a question I've asked every male friend I've ever had. (What would you do if you could have a woman's body for 1 day?)
-Whenever men would talk to me about Sportsball or the way they think of women (I am a lesbian BTW), It would always make me feel so isolated or like I'm talking to some kind of alien. (Assumed it was just because I'm nerdy. lol)
I have this image of trying to think back to signs, it's like pulling thread on a sweater, and it just keeps going.
I hated getting my hair cut, because I wanted long hair. I was drawn to dolls at the toy aisle, but most of the stereotypical boy's toys, I had no interest in.
I wore a sham cloth used for polishing cars over my head to resemble long hair. There was a ton of things...
I asked and got a strawberry shortcake doll for my Christmas present, wanting to be Wonder Woman every time me and friends played super hero's to name a few.
Sent from my SM-G920T1 using Tapatalk
It's amazing reading all of these childhood experiences and tendencies. For me, I always hated getting my hair cut. My parents thought they were being helpful when they let me pick my own out of the salon's book. Unfortunately, I didn't feel comfortable telling them I didn't like any of the hair styles, and I wanted to look in the girl's book instead. Once I was in college, I stopped cutting my hair and grew it out long. People asked why, but I could never really come up with a reason. I usually said that I like heavy metal and they accepted that answer. It never was the real reason, but I didn't understand the real reason until more recently.
I never really got along with girls. They always thought I was creepy and wanted to stay away. I was teased incessantly by the boys, so I was a loner most of the time (which didn't help me reduce my creepiness).
I wrote a lot of fiction stories, all of which had female main characters and males were only seen as minor characters or extras. I loved coming up with female character names (I had lists of them) but had a lot of trouble coming up with male names I liked.
The problem I have with this exercise of remembering childhood experiences is whether I'm ascribing connections and reasons to these random events and tendencies, like someone who experienced something traumatic and is fishing for reasons why it happened. I'm glad I have a good therapist to help sort this out...
Quote from: Michelle_P on May 08, 2016, 10:01:38 PM
Praying that I would wake up being a girl, at age 7 or thereabouts. I attended a religious school, and one time the teacher had us all pray, then went around the classroom asking what we had prayed for. My answer earned me a yardstick broken across my wrist. Now I'm agnostic bordering on atheist.
Good times back in the 1950s... ::)
I too prayed that I would wake up a girl. So God hzc the Doctor prescribe Spiro for a heart problem. and 25 years later I have a decent set of man boobs. No I am no Dolly Parton. I spent a lot of time praying.
Does owning the entire 6 seasons of Dawsons Creek (and the special edition DVD of the last episode) as box set count?
On a more realistic level - wearing my moms bras and nylons and feeling so much better around the age of 7...
Quote from: DawnOday on May 25, 2016, 09:29:57 AM
I too prayed that I would wake up a girl. So God hzc the Doctor prescribe Spiro for a heart problem. and 25 years later I have a decent set of man boobs. No I am no Dolly Parton. I spent a lot of time praying.
Well, it's funny how these things work out. I had a urology problem for which the doctor prescribed finasteride, a weak anti-androgen, several years ago. With several years of college biochem, I knew stuff about the actual means of operation of the drug. ;) I got a pretty good set from this. Spiro would have been easier. I'm still waiting to start official HRT, but I did have someone in group ask me how long I had been on HRT. :D Side effects can be wonderful.
The bladder outlet obstruction problem has returned, alas. I clearly need a stronger anti-androgen, Doc! And that triggered a dream the other night. I had to get a trans-uretheral prostatic resection (TURP, where a thin tool is slid up the urethra and bits of the prostate are whittled out to unblock things). In the dream, the doc wakes me up in the recovery room and tells me there was a little problem, and they had to remove the male genetalia. :D Oopsie... ;D
Looking at woman's and girl's clothing and jewelry in the Sears catalog. Spending hours of dreaming of which outfits would look good on me. Had no interest in looking at anything else in the catalog. Had no interest in boy's things. Never got interested in men's things even now. And my dad try really hard to get me interested whatever was male associated. Sports, boating, working in the yard, etc. I could never accomplish or reach a level of competence that satisfied my parents. No one ever stopped to think about what I might like or want to do or be at that time.
When I was little I somehow got the notion that women weren't breastfeeding much anymore and therefore would quickly evolve to no longer having breasts. I got scared that if I were to reincarnate and come back as female that I would not have any breasts.
I obviously did not have a firm grasp on science at whatever age that was.
In fourth grade i wished everyone in the world was the other gender except friends,family,etc. basically i wanted to be a boy and have everyone i cared about stay their own gender
1. Read every Nancy Drew mystery book - couldn't relate to Hardy Boys mystery books.
2. Loved jacks and jump rope - played with the girls at recess
3. When I wrote stories I was always a girl in the story.
4. When I played house with the girl up the street I insisted that we both be mommies (she wanted me to be the daddy)
-Ken was a pretty boy wuss cause he had a pink corvette, one of my barbies would always have short hair and be the "better Ken" and they would ride off in the sunset in a truck
-always identified more with male characters on TV, Always
-Would be the "dad" playing house with the girls down the block
-would constantly cry after getting my hair cut and it would still look like a girls cut always expected it to look the way I wanted but the lady was keeping my mom happy cause she was the one who paid
-Hated dresses and girls stuff my mom would put me in and now realize this is what caused a lot of dissociation for me as I "played my part", not so good for mental health for sure
-All of my fav toys were boy toys TMT, sports stuff exct
-new more about tools and how to build things then any of the boys, ever..
-could never relate to boys completely and girls were confusing, until they weren't then they were annoying and more mysterious
-watched porn at an early age and couldn't understand why I didn't have a penis
-hated the fact I had to grow breasts and ear a bra
-hated my period and would always get sick, until recently
-have always felt uncomfortable in my own skin, attributed it to my weight until recently-now it all makes sense-wrong body
So many other things but,
-lastly when I was in Girl Scouts they were doing a hula routine for one of the parent dances and told me I had to wear a grass skirt and bikini top; I cried and adamantly refused "no way in hell". I was ecstatic when they let me be Elvis with the white suit, guitar and everything for Blue Hawaii and Jail House Rock. Practiced the routine til it was down solid and nailed it! cried when they took my Elvis costume back because it was the only time I felt like me ever.
I performed my first sex change when I was less than two years old. Someone gave me a Minnie Mouse toy when I was one. I systematically set about turning it into Mickey.
Sent from my SM-G870W using Tapatalk
Quote from: mrbenzememe on June 01, 2016, 06:50:04 AM
In fourth grade i wished everyone in the world was the other gender except friends,family,etc. basically i wanted to be a boy and have everyone i cared about stay their own gender
Welcome to the site. Great to see you jumping right in. We have a large membership from all over the world, many ages and across the trans spectrum.
I also wanted to pass along some links we try to get to newly posting members. Mostly welcome information but also the rules that govern the site. If you have not read through them yet, please take a moment to do so:
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) |
Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and continue to join in.
With warmth,
Joanna
The day I wore mum's clothes, I knew, that I had trans'd up :D :D :D :D :D
That vision you have when the universe swaps human genders, I had that vision :o :o :o :o
and still do
Quote from: ryokohimura on May 08, 2016, 11:43:26 PM
The clincher? When I was 12-13, I though I could develop into a woman. Full-on change, penis goes away, I'm left with full working uterus and vagina, no sign I was ever male.
OMG, when I was 12-13 I though I would never get a period or breasts because I didn't want to be a woman. I saw so many girls who wanted to develop so badly and I didn't want to develop at all and I thought if I stayed physically active enough I wouldn't.
I would have been a classic case for hormone blockers because the dysphoria was so intense when "it" happened, but I didn't know female to male existed, only male to female. (I knew about passing women, I think, but even when I found out about that obviously clothes and even binding have nothing to do with thinking God is punishing you for your sin by making breast buds grow.)
Here's a list of some funnier things that happened:
-When I was 18 mo.s old my family moved in with my grandparents and I was obsessed with everything Grandpa did and followed him around the house. One day I got loose and they found me all up in Grandpa's closet playing with his ties.
-When I was 2 and started to talk I labeled myself a "boy-girl". (Parents never got over it.)
-Halloween. At age 4 I insisted on being Super Grover (who is a male character). Later, as a young teen, I insisted on dressing up as Lorenzo the Magnificent. A very well dressed young man if I say so myself! (I also did gender neutral costumes like bats, ghosts (these actually were my mom being lazy because large Catholic family, but I enjoyed it except for the ghost eye holes never lining up) and a robot costume I made myself.)
-Tried to get Mom to sign me up for Boy Scouts. Then Little League.
-Got really angry/jealous I couldn't be in Boys Choir
-When my best friend started to take an interest in boys she grilled me on who my favorite New Kids member was and I froze up and picked Donny Wahlberg because he was the only one I could pick up out of a lineup. (So glad he didn't turn out to be the awful Wahlberg.)
-When a classmate named Tamar complained that a teacher thought she was a boy I got so jealous
-Sex ed was PIV-centric so I tuned out because I felt it didn't apply to me (very silly, I know)
-for HS history class we had to show up in costume as a historical figure and I picked David Hume as an excuse to wear a 3-piece suit. (Also, Hume is awesome.)
-started wearing a hoodie to school every freaking day so I could hide my long hair that my mom refused to cut for anything
-In college, cosplayed as Sailor Uranus/Haruka Tenou (by now I've admitted I'm attracted to girls), who is described by the mangaka as having both a male soul and a female soul and frequently passes for male. Preferred being Haruka to Sailor Uranus, who has visible boobs.
-First job where I wore business attire, being told by a female coworker that
she was weirded out by me wearing a (very modest) skirt. Suits were at the cleaners. Fine. Never wore skirts to work again.
-Dysphoric with makeup on unless it was greasepaint
-Got obsessed in college with the notion that I had a "male brain". Read a bunch of books about sex and cognition.
After all that I came out but I ought to have had a clue earlier. :)
Quote from: Meowt on May 09, 2016, 05:52:53 AM
I think the most obvious sign from me when I was younger was getting all my hair cut off around age 8 and beginning to wear boy's clothes (thanks to my utterly oblivious mother).
Whenever I got my haircut my mum would remind the hairdresser to keep it somewhat feminine, which I protested and hated.
I never linked to gender much as I didn't get physical dysphoria until puberty, and my parents let me do football, karate, wrestling ect.
No wonder my parents had no clue because neither did I until I realised my body was developing wrong, before then I just thought it sucked if I couldn't do all the boys things.
I relate to this entirely, except that my mom cut my hair until I asked for it to be cut short and then she refused and I didn't have money to get it cut myself until college.
Quote from: Newfie on May 18, 2016, 12:47:26 AM
I really don't like stereotypes, but I'll play along:
2) Non-stop tea parties with my stuffed animals and my mom! It was particularly good because we actually had real tea :P
Lol, my other grandmother had these fine china tea party tea sets that fascinated me as a kid. I didn't like tea yet but I did like cookies. I also loved anything miniature, like toy trains or miniature dollhouses or architectural models. I think my whining over wanting to play tea party is part of what convinced my family I was a girly girl, something which hurt my feelings so badly later.
For me the tea party was never about role play with others, it was about playing with miniature versions of grown up objects, and they were beautiful objects. /artnerd
They make plastic tea sets, btw, no interest whatsoever.
(I also had that mini tool set with the plastic screwdriver and hammer, probably my favorite toys at that age. And my favorite overalls were blue with screwdrivers and hammers on them. My parents thought gender neutral play was healthy and so they cherry picked my behaviors to prove to themselves I was girly after that shocking boy-girl revelation.)
Quote from: Julie1957 on June 01, 2016, 10:25:18 AM
1. Read every Nancy Drew mystery book - couldn't relate to Hardy Boys mystery books.
2. Loved jacks and jump rope - played with the girls at recess
3. When I wrote stories I was always a girl in the story.
4. When I played house with the girl up the street I insisted that we both be mommies (she wanted me to be the daddy)
In all fairness I read both (the old school versions) because my parents had both and the Nancy Drew's were just better. I think I liked them because there was a girl named George. I was so jealous.
I think I gravitated towards science fiction because gender seemed more fluid and you could be an alien or a robot even and not human at all.
Quote from: zeus33 on June 01, 2016, 09:18:23 PM
So many other things but,
-lastly when I was in Girl Scouts they were doing a hula routine for one of the parent dances and told me I had to wear a grass skirt and bikini top; I cried and adamantly refused "no way in hell". I was ecstatic when they let me be Elvis with the white suit, guitar and everything for Blue Hawaii and Jail House Rock. Practiced the routine til it was down solid and nailed it! cried when they took my Elvis costume back because it was the only time I felt like me ever.
I felt like myself until puberty. Then I could only feel like myself in brief glimmers. I think it was the hormones, mostly, messing with my brain. But also body development. I would have gone anything to go back to that child body.
Some of the responses has mentioned that they would pray that they would wake up in the morning as a girl. I did that also. Every night I prayed for me to wake up not looking like a boy. And through out the years as an adult I have continued to pray and hope that each morning things would look right. The desire is there, the reality is yet to come. Some day I will wake up and the reality will look right. All the steps needed to be taken will be the answer to that prayer.
1. I loved pink. Pink was for girls, my grandpa said. Well, that why I liked it.
2. I had a baby doll I would put in my shirt to pretend I was pregnant. I lol when my little girl does the same things I did as a kid.
3. When I learned that girls typically pee sitting down, I started doing that. To this day I don't pee standing up unless I'm outside or the stalls are full.
4. My nana had a set of dishes that I loved to play with.
5. I would tell my mom and dad I wanted to be a girl. But as far as I was ever taught, that wasn't possible.
6. As I got older, I grew into puberty okay, but sometimes I would wear my mother's clothes.
7. Early on, I stuffed my shirt with things when no one was around to pretend I had boobs.
8. I never asked anyone out. I always figured if I was good enough, the girls I liked would do the asking.
My signs "pre-puberty" aka. "pre-poison"
- When my cousins asked me to play house, I always was dad, brother or another male role. They had to allow me to be a male role, or I refused to play it with them.
- When I imagined the future/adult me, I always imagined me as a guy.
- The first time my former teacher learned us about the puberty, I didn't believe at her. My former class was split in two. They who were assigned male at birth only learned about the male puberty, but they who were assigned female at birth learned only about the female puberty that day. We also learned about the opposite sex' puberty, but not at the same day. But in another day.
- I thought I would never get breasts, period etc. But if I got it, I would transistion. At that time I called it "The operation".
- I hated wearing dress and other feminine things. (That's more taste and gender roles, than biological gender)
- I always drew myself as a male character and I always played a guy character in games.
- Tried to pissing stand up. One time at home for real. One time when I was ca. 11, I poured water in the toilet, pretending to be a cis guy standing up and pee.
- Wished to be a cis guy.
But when the "puberty" hit, I got a gender dysphoria. Something I couldn't feel or discovering pre-pubertal age. At that time I didn't have any forms for sex/gender features, therefor it wasn't so big problem. The lack of a flat chest, body hair, guy voice etc. became a issue at the age of 13.
Quote from: Sebby Michelango on June 02, 2016, 01:59:02 PM
My signs "pre-puberty" aka. "pre-poison"
- When my cousins asked me to play house, I always was dad, brother or another male role. They had to allow me to be a male role, or I refused to play it with them.
- When I imagined the future/adult me, I always imagined me as a guy.
- The first time my former teacher learned us about the puberty, I didn't believe at her. My former class was split in two. They who were assigned male at birth only learned about the male puberty, but they who were assigned female at birth learned only about the female puberty that day. We also learned about the opposite sex' puberty, but not at the same day. But in another day.
- I thought I would never get breasts, period etc. But if I got it, I would transistion. At that time I called it "The operation".
- I hated wearing dress and other feminine things. (That's more taste and gender roles, than biological gender)
- I always drew myself as a male character and I always played a guy character in games.
- Tried to pissing stand up. One time at home for real. One time when I was ca. 11, I poured water in the toilet, pretending to be a cis guy standing up and pee.
- Wished to be a cis guy.
But when the "puberty" hit, I got a gender dysphoria. Something I couldn't feel or discovering pre-pubertal age. At that time I didn't have any forms for sex/gender features, therefor it wasn't so big problem. The lack of a flat chest, body hair, guy voice etc. became a issue at the age of 13.
interesting you say that i think some how i was also one of them kids who managed to even inside classes
some how believe i wouldn't ever get on puberty. Accept for me i new i would...but i didn't believe it would happen it was a mix of both. And when it happened it wasn't a shock but more like a uh, ->-bleeped-<-. Yours may be some what different idk, but i can relate to that.
telling my family "i'm a boy in my secret identity" (lol i was about 5)
when i could pick out my own clothes, i picked out guy clothes and was ecstatic...
going online as a guy (did this since i was about 10)
being envious of guys since i was about 5...(i could've been younger but i don't remember)
daydreaming about being a boy since i was 5
daydreaming about dating girls as a boy
daydreaming about being seen as a guy and being treated like one
severe anxiety/discomfort about having a chest/wearing a bra/going swimming
had a mental breakdown after experiencing my first period
been suffering anxiety and depression since puberty hit.... i didn't understand what it was..i felt very uncomfortable/wrong in my own skin,. i thought it would go away but it hasn't.. it has only gotten worse as the years have passed.
It was within a week of my mother leaving me in a strange place with strange people for the very first time. It was playtime and I was socializing with a diverse group of kids my age. A tall brunette woman in a black polka dot dress (whose red nail polish I was already starting to grow jealous of) pulled the oak crate of costumes out from beneath its hiding place. A group of five children or so, myself and a few girls, approached the crate as others scurried off towards the alternative playtime options: toys, computers, books. As the woman undid a latch, the group inched towards the crate, eyeing each other to see what would happen. I had never played this game in a physical sense before, previously only entering roles through the realms of speech and imagination. Playing "house" with the others, I had typically been forced into the 'father' or 'son' or 'dog' character. In children's games, creative rights are granted to those aggressive enough to impose their will upon their fellow participants. I was surrounded with imaginative competitors; a moment's hesitation and I would lose all hope of seizing my preferred garments. The woman's balletic turn away from us signaled the inevitable blitz. I was calm on the outside, but thinking all the time. For now it was rouge gossamer that came to my aid. There was a ruffled dress in the open crate and I viddied right at once what to do.
I can recall little else of playtime in kindergarden.
With me, I always prefered to play with my sister and her stuff. I never really liked my stuff, well maybe some of it I did.
My earliest sign was probably from when I was maybe 3-4 years old and would often dress as a princess/easter witch (it's a common tradition for girls to do that on the Friday before easter in my culture) with the other girls at daycare. Some other signs would be: how I liked to play family (I would always play the mother) with my friends in pre-school, I would usually pick a female character in group projects where we had scenarios, or how I've always sat with my legs crossed (not really trans exclusive, but often considered feminine).
My grandparents bought me dolls. I would babysit my sisters kids so i could put them to sleep so I could wear her clothes.
Quote from: Janine on June 02, 2016, 12:04:39 PM
3. When I learned that girls typically pee sitting down, I started doing that. To this day I don't pee standing up unless I'm outside or the stalls are full.
How funny. I too began sitting. I kept telling my self it was since I has such a long way down I would get splashes all over my legs 6'3"now but I was 6'5". Also my privates are micro sized. You've heard about using tweezers to find it? That's me.
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One kinda funny moment that sticks with me: In my first year at Kindergarten, my teacher wanted me to play one of the angels in the nativity play. I was 4, tiny, had huge blue eyes and curly blond hair so she thought it would be cute. I screamed until she let me play a shepherd instead.
The funny thing about kindergarten it wasn't funny,I got held back because I could read and would get into the books we weren't allowed to touch,made teacher mad and she convinced mom I was stupid and needed to be held back..like second grade and writing cursive and upsetting the teacher,i was barely spared being held back over that one..I hated school..
Oooh, this'll be fun. One thing I always remember is being more masculine than my female peers. I was the biggest tomboy to ever tomboy.
When I was like, four or five, I decided I wanted to pee standing up, like a boy. My mother scolded me out of the habit.
When I hit puberty, I took an immediate disliking towards my breasts. And was told that was normal and I'd grow out of it eventually.
Something about being in a relationship with boys as a girl just seemed off-putting when I was 11/12.
Dressing up as a boy when I was 12/13 to see how I'd look.
Not growing out of "the tomboy phase".
When I was a preteen, I remember asking my mom "Did you ever think about being a boy as a kid?" and she'd reply, "No, have you?" I replied, "Almost every day. I think about what it'd be like."
I always wanted to dress like a girl and loved barbie dolls at the age of 6.
Quote from: MisterQueer on June 12, 2016, 10:17:14 PM
Oooh, this'll be fun. One thing I always remember is being more masculine than my female peers. I was the biggest tomboy to ever tomboy.
When I was like, four or five, I decided I wanted to pee standing up, like a boy. My mother scolded me out of the habit.
When I hit puberty, I took an immediate disliking towards my breasts. And was told that was normal and I'd grow out of it eventually.
Something about being in a relationship with boys as a girl just seemed off-putting when I was 11/12.
Dressing up as a boy when I was 12/13 to see how I'd look.
Not growing out of "the tomboy phase".
When I was a preteen, I remember asking my mom "Did you ever think about being a boy as a kid?" and she'd reply, "No, have you?" I replied, "Almost every day. I think about what it'd be like."
It boggled my mind that other people never questioned their gender...
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I used to play with my sister's barbies and kitchen set with her and watch a Barbie film on repeat until it broke.
I often put on my mother's bra to pretend I had breasts .
I much preferred hanging around with the girls during primary school, and hated having to do male things like football (although I did love Dodgeball and bulldog).
I was kinda obsessed with my genetalia, growing to hate it as I got older
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I think the biggest sign for me is I always felt like "a boy trapped in a girl's body". I've felt uncomfortable in my skin ever since I can remember and being called a "girl" or "young lady" when I was a kid would really bother me. I wish I knew I was trans back then...
Bowled underarm at cricket
Some time when I was in pre-school or kindergarten, I was at my babysitter's house after school.
Her daughter (several years older than me) and a couple of her friends began playing dress-up: taking bedsheets and wearing them as skirts.
It looked like fun, and I asked my babysitter if I could wear a bedsheet skirt too. She just paused for a moment then told me it's just for girls.
My memory goes blank after that moment.
All boys private primary school- first day in the playground I called out "who wants to play babies?!?!"
Been tarred with the weirdo brush ever since. Just could NOT understand those kids ;)
Oh this thread is so evocative! Yes school was such a traumatic learning experience ;) I so wanted to play in the little kindergarten house and on the playground with the other girls. Jumping rope, holding hands, sharing notes, sigh. They seemed so much happier and I never saw any of the "smash the sissy and smear the queer games" that happened on the boys playground.
And then several of my cis and trans friends who grew up as girls remind me that girls could be just as "mean" in their own ways?! ;)
Fun topic.
Going in my mom's closet when I was 5 years old and putting on her high heels. Then wearing one of her dresses along with the heels.
When I was about 8 talking the girl who lived next door to let me wear her shinny black Mary Jane shoes, then walking around the neighborhood having such fun wearing those shoes.
By the time I was in 8th grade I was completely dressing female and on one occasion going out for a walk during the day.
haha, it's crazy how many things would've helped me transition sooner if i had just known that being trans was okay. took me until i spent a week in the psych ward to figure it out.
1. feeling EXTREME physical discomfort in dresses since i was about 4 or 5. the only reason i agreed to wear them was because i was given no other option and i wanted to make my mom happy.
2. my friends and i would draw cartoon characters all the time and make up personas for ourselves. mine were always male, no matter how hard i tried to stick to my biological gender. it just didn't make sense. that's not who i was.
3. in elementary school i would always hang out with the boys and trade pokemon cards and play sports at recess.
4. i never played with dolls. they never appealed to me, and i didn't like that they couldn't stand up on their own. i just had a ton of stuffed animals and pokemon/bakugan figures. those were my favorite. i would spend hours in my basement in my own little world, making up long, drawn out stories for each of the little animals, even though they weren't human. im telling you, it's because they could stand up on their own! that's why i liked them so much.
5. when i was in 5th grade i cut all my hair off for the first time. i was ecstatic, but my mom was devastated. i didn't really know why. but i remember going into a restaurant with my family and trying to go into the women's room and getting yelled at. i was so confused and the woman had a heavy accent so i just stood there stunned until she figured it out. that's where a lot of my shame in being myself originated, i think. i was taught that it was wrong to look how i felt comfortable, and that hurt. "you can't have short hair, people will think you're a boy and that's wrong". and that lead to me letting my hair grow again until i was in sophomore year of high school, where again i took another extreme and just chopped it all off.
6. again in 5th grade, i joined a dek hockey league. i was the only "girl" on the team but that didn't seem to bother anyone, i was fit and happy and i enjoyed every minute of it. i wanted to continue but my mom convinced me against it, saying i was too small and frail and i was going to get hurt. some of the worst decisions i ever made were because of her.
7. i never fit into the female stereotype, and it seemed messed up to me that i couldn't hang out with other boys without parents making "dating" jokes.
8. my parents would always watch fbi investigation shows while we ate ice cream and i can explicitly remember one where the parents made the decision to make their child female when they were born male. i thought that was what happened to me for a while. i was only 7.
I don't remember my childhood very well all the time; but one thing I do remember feeling (and I actually wrote this down in an old diary I think), was that even as a kid, I felt like I was supposed to be a boy, and that I actually was a boy in my mom's womb - but that because both my parents wanted a daughter so badly, I "changed" into a girl when I was born.
I also remember that in most of the stories I wrote, I wrote from the perspective of a male character or perspective.
Later on, when I was a teenager (does that count?) I remember wanting to try dressing in my dad's clothes.
It was after Halloween when I was around 6-7 years old. We where going through all the photos and there was one of me, stand one my own, legs crossed, long blonde curly hair holding onto a witches broom. My brother thought it was funny and shouted out "errr you look like a girl" I on the other hand thought he was right and instead of being upset felt quite happy about it and actually liked how I looked. I also had a bright pink scooter which I loved and went everywhere on it.
Quote from: arice on June 12, 2016, 11:52:15 PM
It boggled my mind that other people never questioned their gender...
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I grew up thinking that it was normal to question my gender. Until I hit 12 years old. Then I hid it from all out of fear of being called weird or abnormal.
Jo
My strongest memory was when I was like 11 or 12, and we were all given newspapers in class for a reason that the sands of time have long since claimed from my memory. Naturally mine had an article about how 'outrageous' it was that a kid's parents let them come back after the summer holiday as a girl when they had been presenting as a boy before. I very vividly remember wishing that someone would do that for me whilst trying to read it out the corner of my eye so no one thought I was interested in it.
Oh and of course I had to have one of those adorable kitten toys that where like cat baby dolls, and as I believe the saying goes, mad props to my parents for actually getting me one for Christmas!
Funny how memories like that become oddly sweet looking back on them
Lily
Probably the earliest sign for me was when I was 5, and my older brother was playing Ocarina of Time. I had a really big crush on Saria, my family just laughed it off as me being a weird kid. What I didn't tell them was that I pictured myself as Link saving the Kokiri and getting a kiss from Saria for my efforts. I didn't really think anything of it, or any of the other things I did growing up that would have pointed to it (not wanting to wear makeup, hating shopping, and the role I usually took in fantasy), until I was 20 and realised that I'd been half hiding from myself for so many years.
my entire life that I am able to recall and remember I've just been aware that i'm a guy. I've never ever felt like or thought that I was a girl.
When playing roleplay sorts of games alone/with friends/family I would always be a boy character while the girls would play girls one. I never wanted to play as a girl, because i'm a boy!
there's been pretty obscene/desperate signs at a very early age.
from my youngest ages I can draw memories from (3-5)
mind you, I did have constant exposure to little girls, and women.
I had a neighbor who was a year younger than me, a boy.
Since the first time I saw him urinate outside (lol!) I was like well what the hell? When I try to pee like other boys I ended up pissing all over the floor, which became a huge problem. My mother would be cleaning my messes up off the washroom floor crying "how did you miss the toilet?!" I tried constantly to pee standing up and couldn't understand why I couldn't.
I ended up having sketchbooks FULL of drawings of penis! Male genitals were so right to me. [don't even get me started on the awful occasion where my mother found them in 2nd grade]
I would pinch my genitals with my fingers in a way they resembled a small itty set of male genitals and was so mortified that they couldn't look like that always.
I knew what girls parts looked like, I never thought of my parts as girl parts. I never considered myself a female, just a boy but didn't understand why my parts are so wrong.
I never wanted to wear shirts, I wanted to just be in my diaper/underwear. 'boys don't have to wear shirts.' I especially never wanted to wear dresses or girly shirts. My parents definitely raised me to be a girl. I would cry like hell when they forced me to wear girly shoes or shirts. I never wanted to look pretty.
I think a major issue is people assuming that parents are over pushing or under pushing of gender roles and expression on children.
I'd say my parents had 0 influence at all on me being transgender. If anything they've always wanted me to fit that pretty little princess mold.
I was given female toys and clothes, never acknowledged as anything more or less than a little girl by my family. No matter the outside factors, my internals are male! No matter what situation I was put in it couldn't change what is already set from the start.
I didn't know what transgender meant until I was in 8th grade, I didn't know you could DO anything about it, never knew it was a thing. it's been a progressive battle since then, but i've been out openly for about 6 years and it's been a work in progress to fix the toll of puberty since!
Quote from: wolfx on June 30, 2016, 02:21:25 AM
When playing roleplay sorts of games alone/with friends/family I would always be a boy character while the girls would play girls one. I never wanted to play as a girl, because i'm a boy!
Ah, that was me as a child too. I actually forgot about that til now. I remember as a kid some of the girls I played with just didn't like me playing as a boy. They didn't have a problem with me playing as a male character if I was their pet or a digimon or whatever for some weird reason. I remember one time one friend back then asked me why I never played as girl characters. I couldn't even give her a good answer cause I had no idea I was trans back then.
Quote from: wolfx on June 30, 2016, 02:21:25 AM
My parents definitely raised me to be a girl. I would cry like hell when they forced me to wear girly shoes or shirts. I never wanted to look pretty.
I think a major issue is people assuming that parents are over pushing or under pushing of gender roles and expression on children.
I'd say my parents had 0 influence at all on me being transgender. If anything they've always wanted me to fit that pretty little princess mold.
I was given female toys and clothes, never acknowledged as anything more or less than a little girl by my family. No matter the outside factors, my internals are male! No matter what situation I was put in it couldn't change what is already set from the start.
I didn't know what transgender meant until I was in 8th grade, I didn't know you could DO anything about it, never knew it was a thing. it's been a progressive battle since then, but i've been out openly for about 6 years and it's been a work in progress to fix the toll of puberty since!
I've never understood why parents do this to their kids. I hated the girly stuff too. I went to a private school from grades 5-7, where I'd be stuck in a dress every day. One time my older sister's class had spirit week and she got to wear pants. Being the only one in my family wearing a dress that day was awful. I bawled about it for hours.
I'm a parent myself now and I hate when people push gender roles and stereotypes on my kids. I tend to stick with calling them by their names, using gender-neutral words like "child" instead of "boy" or "girl" (although I find myself slipping with this one sometimes and I hate it), letting them play with whatever toys they want and wear whatever clothes they want. I can't do anything about other people though. My social anxiety limits so many things in my life; it's why I'm only out to certain people (and even in saying that none of them have fully accepted me). I hope me just being loving and supportive to my kids will be enough for them to be comfortable with telling me anything. I hope that if they're trans like me, they can feel safe to confide in me about it.
I went to an exhibition of paintings by my former Art teacher. She said she realised I was trying to live my life as someone I wasn't meant to be & that was why I was such a handful as a kid. I thought I fooled everyone by being Billy Badass, never backing down from a fight,drinking & generally being a PITA in reality few were convinced!