Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) => Topic started by: Marissa_K on May 09, 2016, 05:50:13 PM

Title: I have survived my first full day out
Post by: Marissa_K on May 09, 2016, 05:50:13 PM
I've been dreading and while also been excited at the same time about having to do this but I had to at some point. I went to work as the new me, then went to see my therapist and for coffee with a friend. I was a bit worried about looks and people's reaction but not a single person even looked at me weird. I didn't care about men, but women just walked right past me without really looking. I love everyone here I think and I'm so grateful that you all exist and I can read your stories here. Without you, I'd not be here right now. I love the freedom I felt today and not that I have one full day under my belt, there is definitely more to come. I wasn't planning on going full time until late fall but I don't think I'll be able to hold out that long.

Of course a stupid picture has to follow. I feel so tired, I just don't think I can do a non silly picture anymore. BTW I love my aveda hair spray. It's holding amazingly well even after 10 hours.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FJ5Q200Q.jpg&hash=4b0999d84765c8c0481201e5230c656898a17de7)

Looking at pix from a year ago, it's hard to imagine I actually got here
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FK4QNjsc.jpg&hash=3c7aa69cf39f0636ed1716ac67a24b7667c7df1a)
Title: Re: I have survived my first full day out
Post by: itsApril on May 09, 2016, 07:21:02 PM
Quote from: Marissa_K on May 09, 2016, 05:50:13 PM
I was a bit worried about looks and people's reaction but not a single person even looked at me weird. I didn't care about men, but women just walked right past me without really looking.

Trans folks are our own harshest critics about looks and passing.  Millions of cis women go about their lives everyday without their gender identity being a question or an issue.  The fact is that most people are absorbed in their own affairs and they aren't particularly looking at us.

Congratulations on taking a big step that requires a lot of courage.  This was the hardest day.  It's only easier from this point onwards.  Eventually, you will get to the point where you just live your life as yourself, and it's no longer an issue.  That day is gonna feel great!
Title: Re: I have survived my first full day out
Post by: HeatherR on May 09, 2016, 09:04:15 PM
Which hair spray?  The control force or air control?
Title: Re: I have survived my first full day out
Post by: sparrow on May 09, 2016, 09:17:08 PM
Congratulations, and may you survive many more!
Title: Re: I have survived my first full day out
Post by: Myrrial32 on May 10, 2016, 03:27:52 AM
Yay for full time! It isn't easy, but this is a monumental accomplishment on the way to being your true self! Best of luck to many more! :)
Title: Re: I have survived my first full day out
Post by: Marissa_K on May 11, 2016, 07:11:47 AM
Quote from: HeatherR on May 09, 2016, 09:04:15 PM
Which hair spray?  The control force or air control?

Air control it is.

Thank you all for the kind words. Yesterday was bad going back to boy mode. Felt like i was going to prison....

Oh well. One day at a time.
Title: Re: I have survived my first full day out
Post by: kittenpower on May 11, 2016, 09:05:48 AM
Quote from: Marissa_K on May 09, 2016, 05:50:13 PM
I've been dreading and while also been excited at the same time about having to do this but I had to at some point. I went to work as the new me, then went to see my therapist and for coffee with a friend. I was a bit worried about looks and people's reaction but not a single person even looked at me weird. I didn't care about men, but women just walked right past me without really looking. I love everyone here I think and I'm so grateful that you all exist and I can read your stories here. Without you, I'd not be here right now. I love the freedom I felt today and not that I have one full day under my belt, there is definitely more to come. I wasn't planning on going full time until late fall but I don't think I'll be able to hold out that long.

Of course a stupid picture has to follow. I feel so tired, I just don't think I can do a non silly picture anymore. BTW I love my aveda hair spray. It's holding amazingly well even after 10 hours.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FJ5Q200Q.jpg&hash=4b0999d84765c8c0481201e5230c656898a17de7)

Looking at pix from a year ago, it's hard to imagine I actually got here
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FK4QNjsc.jpg&hash=3c7aa69cf39f0636ed1716ac67a24b7667c7df1a)
It sounds like you had a really good experience. I bought an Aveda heat protection product after my hair appt yesterday; according to my stylist their products are really good.
Title: Re: I have survived my first full day out
Post by: barbie on May 11, 2016, 03:01:23 PM
Quote from: Marissa_K on May 11, 2016, 07:11:47 AM
Yesterday was bad going back to boy mode. Felt like i was going to prison....

Congrats.
BTW, I am wondering why you have to go back to boy mode?

Yes. Initially you may have to change between girl and boy mode, but you may become consistent in your gender expression, which I guess is better for you and the others around you.

barbie~~
Title: Re: I have survived my first full day out
Post by: Michelle G on May 12, 2016, 10:10:17 AM
Yay 😊

You look cute...it just gets better from here!

I was all worried as well and my first time out in the big world was at a music extra festival three years ago, the only comment I got was from the girl at the wine counter who loved my nail color.
No weird looks, no snickers and whispering as people walked by. It was pretty comforting by the end of the day.