I don't know how, but my brother and I got into an argument over trans people again today. He said the same stuff he usually does about trans people, just spewing out horrible transphobic stuff over and over again. He even said, "If I come across a transgender, I'd knock them out." Even when I disproved him of his claims that he made, he shrugged it off. He kept saying, "You're just as creepy as they are for defending them!" and such, overall being very immature. He's 20, by the way, but he won't be moving out of the house anytime soon.
He absolutely refuses to get educated. He wouldn't listen to me, no matter how calm and intellectual I was. He doesn't even know I'm trans, and already I feel so attacked.
We ended the argument on a bad note, to the point where I just left.
God, I just want to live my life in peace. I don't know what to do. I'm destined to come out eventually, and I know he'll never talk to me again. Not like I have a problem with that, I don't need people like him in my life. But what can I do in the meantime, while he is still here? I feel like I'm doomed to hear him constantly spew out his rants, and it's not good for my mental health at all.
As you are stuck together, there is only one thing possible and that is not taking the bait. Don't start a discussion about the subject and should a comment come out about the subject, don't respond. I had a roommate for about 30 year but for a long time there were two topics I avoided and they were unions and politics. Thirty years of being together shows that it can be done.
Dena is right. Stay clear of the topic. When you do come out let him know you still love him but it is up to him to keep the relationship viable.
Families.. :( ((hug))
Quote from: MisterQueer on May 12, 2016, 03:54:24 PM
He absolutely refuses to get educated. He wouldn't listen to me, no matter how calm and intellectual I was.
Sounds to me like he is finding the idea of trans a real challenge, and doesnt want to, or can't dare to even think about it. He won't be rational, or objective, because it's challenging his constructed alpha core; and not talking/thinking about it is best for him - tough on you though :(
((Hugs))
Sno
You could have a look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,209190.msg1854426.html#msg1854426
hugs
Quote from: Sno on May 12, 2016, 06:10:42 PMbecause it's challenging his constructed alpha core
Yeah. I can definitely tell. And the thing is, since I'm FtM, I'm sure the idea of me "becoming male" is very threatening to him. I'm pretty masculine, and he has shown signs of being threatened by my masculinity for the past year or two. Trying to reduce me to jokes, brag to me about his physical achievements saying how "you can't do it", etc, despite not being me not being bio male and five years younger than him.
Unfortunately, like I said, he's 20. Everything is pretty much a competition at that age, regardless of gender (though more often occurring in males). And he's also the dreaded white American upper-middle class heterosexual, too, so he's pretty much on top when it comes to the privilege meter.
He outperforms me in everything physical except stamina (smoker's lung, he's been smoking excessively since he was 18 and I wouldn't be surprised if he developed lung cancer within the next few years). Even being able to last longer than him during physical challenges makes him feel threatened. But, he's still stronger than me and faster than me, he (of course) has more facial hair, a deeper voice, and overall more testosterone.
If I "become male" (aka take testosterone), the idea of me having a deeper voice, more facial hair, and being stronger/than faster than him is probably horrifying, because he's always been on top. If he still lives at home by the time I'm on T (which I predict he will if I start testosterone at age 18), I wouldn't be surprised if any physical fights broke out. He's very protective of his masculinity, always has been. I'm pretty sure he'd rather me be MtF rather than FtM if he had to pick one, because if I was MtF, he would probably see me as a wimp or a wuss, but at least I wouldn't "steal his position", or whatever. He can't stand the thought of a "female" being stronger than him. And his attitude doesn't help with me feeling the need to compete with cis males, either (I know I don't, but I'm having a very hard time breaking that train of thought.)
TL;DR my brother is swimming in his masculinity and doesn't want me to be male.
(I also have one other brother, but he has never really cared about his masculinity and overall doesn't care about anything.)
For the first two responses, I suppose that will have to be the case. My plan was to educate him over the years so he'll take in the information and I'll have a better chance of being accepted by him when I do come out, but if he won't listen, he won't listen.
He is of the age when he may be feeling he has to 'prove himself' as a male...
Take care
Sno
There are ways of using your brain instead of your brawn. The following comes to mind.
I don't think a man has to go around shouting and play-acting to prove he is something. And a real man don't go around putting other guys down, trampling their feelings in the dirt, making out they're nothing. Joe Frazier
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/real_man.html