Hi Everyone,
I am 47 years old, born a female. This is the first time I have used my preferred name of David, and I love how it looks here.
Growing up, I always retreated inside my head and imagined myself as a boy. My mother was always trying to force dresses on me, and later, makeup. Whenever I imagined myself as an adult, I was always male. I loved playing with cars and trucks and knew never to ask for boys toys. In kindergarten, I always played with the boys as I thought the girls boring. My mother freaked out and went to my teacher to discuss this. She was afraid I was a lesbian (she was right about that.)
As far as I can remember, I never had a moment where I felt like I was in the wrong body, but one day, when I was in 7th grade, (US, junior high school) I woke up one morning and literally thought that my seeing myself in my head as a boy was wrong and weird. That I was messed up, etc. It was also then that I became increasingly more angry that I wasn't a boy and that I didn't have the penis, etc. I spent much of high school dressing to hide my body (mostly my boobs I now realize) and living in my head in addition to trying escape my mother's constant pressure to dress like girl. She wanted a southern bell and my dad had to explain to her that that was never going to happen. I over heard this conversation one night while brushing my teeth. Their bedroom door was open and I couldn't help but over hear.
I would go to bed wishing I would wake up as a boy and I wrote two journals full of angry stuff about having to wear dresses, etc., and other stuff of which I can't remember because I threw them out to keep my mother from finding them.
Since all of that, I've read about transgender topics off and on through the years. I picked the name David because my parents told me several times that they were told they were going to have a boy. In 1969, they did not have sonograms and they based their prediction on the heartbeat. My parents told me that I would have been named David. My mother then told me that she spent the rest of her pregnancy calling me David. I was in high school when I learned this.
I have tried for many years to like the body I'm in. Sometimes I succeed, but over the last 7-10 years, it has been harder and harder to fool myself. I don't like my hips. I don't like my boobs and I particularly hate that they are 36C and that binding is a challenge. And I have recently decided that they must go.
I've been in treatment for depression and anxiety since my twenties and I'm on medication. I also have a psychologist in addition to my psychiatrist. Two or three weeks ago, I decided that enough was enough. I wanted to know what's been going on in my head my entire life and that I wanted to finally accept the fact that I want to be male. So I brought the topic up with my psychologist and it's been a positive experience overall. Gender issues along this line are not her specialty, so I will probably have to see a gender therapist.
Anyway, I'm glad I found this place and nice to meet you all.
David
Hey David!
Welcome to Susan's :) Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.
Thanks for sharing your story with us.
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Cheers
Grace
Welcome to Susan's Place. You will find much to explore on this site as people have been posting here for about 10 years. You may post anywhere you feel comfortable but you will find the guys tend to hang out more in the FTM section. Should you have any questions, feel free to post them on this thread and I will do my best to answer them.
Hello and welcome :)
Here are a few resources that could help you :
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,208438.msg1847638.html#msg1847638
I'dd say take part ... look around ... and ask questions if you have any :)
hugs
Hi David :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Hi David!
Sent from my SM-G870W using Tapatalk
Hi David, welcome to Susan's Place! I live near Boston. We're glad you found this place, too. :) See you around the site!
Hugs, Devlyn