I am one very lucky person, and just want to share some great moments in my life.
I have slowly gotten more comfortable coming home from work, having a shower and changing into Sue.
My wife bless her is now very accepting and is now comfortable as well with me doing this.
I was wearing a nice summer dress with some yellow wedges and she commented on how colour coordinated I was and how nice I looked. During the conversation she mentioned that becoming winter the dresses I have were probably not suitable so maybe I should wear something else. I already have tights and leggings so I said I would be starting to wear them but that I will need something up top to complement. We went through some of my wardrobe that I had not shared with her previously and she had me try different things on including a Bodycon dress which she said she wished she could wear but that it looked really great on me and had me wear that for the night. While looking through my stash she made mental notes on the items and shoes that she will borrow and wear at times.
I felt really great as sharing clothes was a dream that is now becoming a reality.
She even teased me this morning by saying she may wear one of my dresses and my boots to work (we work together in our business) knowing I can't do that.
I enjoy dressing as Sue and she has become more prominent in my life and my wife has accepted her as a friend. We even had an intimate hug the other night and as our breasts pressed together she pressed one and said they are firmer than hers (Mine are forms). This was another milestone as less than a year ago there was no way she wanted to have any closeness when I was dressed. Since I do not push myself at her she has slowly adapted to me/Sue and our 3 way relationship is getting better all the time.
Michele has said she can't understand why I go to so much trouble at the end of the day and get dressed up. I have said that she is lucky to be able to wear what she wants through the day and I need to satisfy Sues desires at night. I don't always wear makeup but am now dressed every night.
Cheers
Sue
Oh my!!! You are very lucky having that wife. Treat her well!!
It is great to have the same size...especially shoes!
I wish...LOL. My size 11ish men's are much bigger than anything my wife has.
Good for you two. It is great to be able to share this with the person you love in your life!
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So great to hear... I am in a similar lucky situation that my wife does not mind Sarah. We also swap items - we are slightly different size but regularly buy wrong size items which we then trade...
Not with shoes - I am usually a f 12, sometimes 11. But she has been jealous of some of my shoes and how I rock heels... She also stated "to bad you can't wear these shoes outside" but the day may come...
Overall she seems to be fine with Sarah at home just not yet comfortable with Sarah going out...
I really enjoyed reading your post:) you're very lucky to have each other:)
Significant other
Heterosexual woman
My wife is also very supportive.
barbie~~
Michele has brought me back to earth. Her body language and comments while I was dressed tonight reminded me that our relationship is by no means stable. She cares for me but is really struggling with who I am and who I might become. She asked me if I had found myself as in finally found my comfort zone. My response was not what she wanted to hear, I said that I thought I knew what I wanted but was now wondering how far I needed to go. Not a good outcome as she is soo supportive but due to my response she has withdrawn from me emotionally. I understand it's hard for her and at the same time it's also hard for me. I am on a long journey of discovery and am not sure of its destiny. The one thing I want is that we are together at its pinnacle.
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Quote from: barbie on May 28, 2016, 05:13:06 PM
My wife is also very supportive.
because I am not on HRT, take care of my kids and sustain my family.
Because of this, and because of my academic and professional performance, my colleagues at my work place are also supportive of me.
barbie~~
Quote from: SueNZ on May 29, 2016, 05:23:43 AM
Michele has brought me back to earth. Her body language and comments while I was dressed tonight reminded me that our relationship is by no means stable. She cares for me but is really struggling with who I am and who I might become. She asked me if I had found myself as in finally found my comfort zone. My response was not what she wanted to hear, I said that I thought I knew what I wanted but was now wondering how far I needed to go. Not a good outcome as she is soo supportive but due to my response she has withdrawn from me emotionally. I understand it's hard for her and at the same time it's also hard for me. I am on a long journey of discovery and am not sure of its destiny. The one thing I want is that we are together at its pinnacle.
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Speaking solely from the position of a Significant Other and wife, her acceptance/tolerance is going to shift quite a bit based on a host of factors related to you, how far it goes, and other stressors/factors that happen to be going on in her life at that time. Some days I can tolerate my husband being non-binary a lot more than others. Some days it's all I can do to control my urge to scream. It just depends on how hard he's pushing it that day and how stressed I am about other things.
Quote from: PrincessButtercup on May 29, 2016, 11:42:29 PM
Speaking solely from the position of a Significant Other and wife, her acceptance/tolerance is going to shift quite a bit based on a host of factors related to you, how far it goes, and other stressors/factors that happen to be going on in her life at that time. Some days I can tolerate my husband being non-binary a lot more than others. Some days it's all I can do to control my urge to scream. It just depends on how hard he's pushing it that day and how stressed I am about other things.
Thank you Princess B,
I really feel sorry for her as it was never her choice to take this on.
Tonight I think might have been a scream moment. Normally I would badger her to find out what was wrong but decided to let her have her withdrawn moment as she has a lot to process.
I really appreciate your thoughts and I hope sometime that Michele could be like you (on line here). Your advice/opinion is welcome and taken on board.
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I feel blessed that my girlfriend is accepting, even sometimes excited. There are down times to though. When I finally worked up the nerve to tell her, she came home worth a pair of panties for me. How do others deal with the ebb and flow? Just back off a bit when you need to?
That is the big challenge. Knowing how to read the situation when we are so wrapped up in our own euphoria.
I went away this weekend with the wife (without kids for the first time in a while). We talked a lot. We did a lot of shopping, and she actually was ok with me buying a few items for myself. She was relatively relaxed about it, and in a way promoted it. But then by the end of the trip, she maybe had enough of the whole thing and closed up again.
It is really hard to know when it's OK to talk about things. I do get it though. We are dealing with it 24/7 in our brains and our wives are, for the most part, trying to wish it away 24/7.
I truly wish for complete acceptance. Not sure if that lucky star will ever cross my sky. Until then, I must have patience and understanding....
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It can be a tough thing for a spouse to 1) find out this side of their SO, and 2) try to accept it. I advocate for being as upfront as you are able to try and mitigate these things. You are very fortunate that you and your wife have come this far, that's a huge milestone and shows how much she loves you to try this hard. Sure there will be hicups along the way.
I think my wife could cope with my wanting to transition, but I don't feel the need to do so. I think her seeing me float between guy mode and guy things to girly mode at home has made her comfortable with who I am. I act the same whether in a skirt or pants... I just have to sit a bit differently ;)
Something to consider and your wife's question about "are you comfortable now" made me think. Marriage is about compromise. You have to follow the path that will bring you happiness in life; but remember she has already accepted a lot of things she likely never imagined. Hopefully you can find a point that fulfills you but isn't past her breaking point.
I'm also fortunate in that i have support from my wife and three teenage children. It has been a journey to arrive at it for all four of us, but we are there. I present feminine 100% of the time.
I also understand that all of them are more comfortable with me when i am on the androgynous side of feminine or dressing "tomboy". This is ok for me as i like the style a lot. This really has been close to how i dressed even pre-transition, so it hasn't been a big change for them.
The exception is heels which i pretty much wear at least every other day. (Wedges in the summer are common). When i femme out a lot it is usually when they are not around. Lately, i have been wearing dresses or skirts to work on Monday's, but i generally wait for them to leave before i leave the house. I go to my kids sporting events which often have fairly conservative mom's and dad's in attendance in about as tomboy of an outfit as my wardrobe allows.
My kid's call me dad or daddy and i am fine with that. Would i like a card on mother's day ? sure but not likely to happen. One of my daughters has been writing "daddie" on my cards lately, she said she thought it was a more feminine spelling and she liked it. I truly love them.
Do i want to make these accommodations? Yeah because it is the least i can do to help their comfort level. Life is about consideration of others and sometimes you have to compromise for the people you love.
Oh, you are so very fortunate.
My wife also accepts me dressing, but does not wish to see me as "Tracy".
I understand and respect this, but it would be nice to sit watching some TV, fully dressed with my wife, sometimes...
Quote from: tracygurlyboy on July 06, 2016, 11:31:29 PM
Oh, you are so very fortunate.
My wife also accepts me dressing, but does not wish to see me as "Tracy".
I understand and respect this, but it would be nice to sit watching some TV, fully dressed with my wife, sometimes...
You are not alone within this. The wife does NOT want to see me dressed. When I arrive home presenting as myself, I have to text her. She then goes to a room at the far end of the house and shuts the door, then texts me that it is OK to enter the house.
I've got a bunch of other constraints as well. :/ She also refuses to talk about any trans-related issues, my treatment plan, or even to look at something as simple as the APA handout on transgender persons. This does not bode well for our future.
I too have a loving wife.
I fully came out to her several years ago and she was OK with my trans journey as long as I was not talking about surgery or living full time as Donna. She said she married a man (who was in his early twenties when we married) and expected me to remain a man. This discussion came after 35+ years of marriage. She had always from day one held and squeezed my chest as if I had boobs during our love making. She still does. I mean, she fondles my flesh around my nipples as if she actually knows that not only do I get a thrill out of it, she does as well.
She was fine at first with me wearing a bra in bed and she would still hold my boobs through my bra. But, I think, the closer she became to fully accepting being with a transitioning husband to a woman spouse, the more she put on the brakes.
She has asked me to put my women's things into either permanent storage away from her knowledge, or to discard them. I do believe she had been in discussion with business or professional friends about my impending transition and she did not like the outcome. Or, I should say I did not like the outcome. Acceptance somewhat ended, but she still plays with my boobies during intimate moments, and she suggests that when I now go off on motorcycle tours that she is comfortable with my departure attire. I depart wearing a woman's motorcycle jacket. She knows. She just wants me to keep Donna to myself.
Our marriage is great. I expect that we will last forever.
If I should pass away before she does, I expect she will not be surprised when she finds my "other wardrobe".
If she should pass away before I do, I will go full time as a woman immediately, and I do believe she would expect it.
This is our new level of acceptance as we live in our 60's.
We love each other, and we know each other.
She is just a little old fashioned.
Her ancestors passed away in their 70's.
All of my ancestors made it to their late 90's and into their 100's.
I know that she knows that I will be full time female eventually.
Quote from: PrincessButtercup on May 29, 2016, 11:42:29 PM
Speaking solely from the position of a Significant Other and wife, her acceptance/tolerance is going to shift quite a bit based on a host of factors related to you, how far it goes, and other stressors/factors that happen to be going on in her life at that time. Some days I can tolerate my husband being non-binary a lot more than others. Some days it's all I can do to control my urge to scream. It just depends on how hard he's pushing it that day and how stressed I am about other things.
I do believe you know my wife. Seriously, her acceptance/tolerance has shifted as well. We are in a state of balance now that I do not push things. I know that she knows what I do on my surfing weekends. I figure she must know since we only own one man's surfing wet suit, but many, many woman's wet suits. And I surf on weekends, not her.
When we do indeed share a wave together boogie boarding, she wears any one of the many woman's wet suits we own, and I wear the same worn out man's wet suit I have always used.
It is really sweet, as if in a "GoPro" surfing video, two 60 plus year old lovers out in the waves together.
But most of the time I surf alone in a woman's wet suit wearing my breast forms underneath.
I just like the way I look in a wet suit.
My Eve knew all about me before we married. We are both bi and when we met I was 'en femme' and she thought she was picking up another chick! (this was back in the day when I could pass with minimal effort). Boy was she surprised the first time she put her hand into my panties!
She is also the dominate half of us and almost always picks out my clothes each morning. I never know if I am going to be a boy or a girl until I get out of the shower and see what she has laid out for me.
Overall I am on the lucky side too. I know well when to back off and dial it back. But I have also been getting a whole lot of support down to drawers full of cloth. We just trade things not fitting us.
We still need to have a discussion about long term plans. But she has encouraged me to come out to a few select friends. And she agreed to starting a low level HRT to address some of my anxiety issues. So that is good.
There are a few other items I tend to turn to my friends for (makeup and hair advise) since I just do not want to overload my SO.
The agreement we have is to take it slow and discuss every step. If she would feel uncomfortable, I would back off.
This week has been good: got two more pants and another swimsuit which I wear every night when going swimming :-)
We have come to a very strong bond in the 21 years we know each other (11 of them being married) and neither of us wants to risk anything while we also understand each other's needs, worries and desires.
I hope one day I can reach a truly happy state as full time Sarah without risking my relationship. If it ends up being half Sarah - I will be OK too...
Its so awesome to hear all these stories of love. The support that winds through these stories is born of love and it warms my heart. I know I got lucky when I found my wife. She's been very supportive in the 10 years we've been together. I never get "the look" when I put something on (something I got from my ex for wearing pantyhose). We have a busy life and lots of activities and some days (weekends especially) I find myself changing back and forth several times between guy and girl mode so we can do what we need to; that's ok with me. One day I'd literally just changed into a skirt and hose and my wife says "lets get ice cream". Now ice cream sounded good, but changing didn't. She says, just wear your skirt in the car. It was fun being out in a skirt; we covered up my legs in the drive thru with a blanket but I can see us doing this again.
I know its easy to get caught up in our own head space and thinking about our needs/wants. I make it a point to think if hers... to read the situation and yes even at times forgo dressing so she has guy me to hang out with. I figure she's earned it with as much time as she spends with girly me.
Quote from: Kerry30Den on August 30, 2016, 11:13:47 AM
Its so awesome to hear all these stories of love. The support that winds through these stories is born of love and it warms my heart. I know I got lucky when I found my wife. She's been very supportive in the 10 years we've been together. I never get "the look" when I put something on (something I got from my ex for wearing pantyhose). We have a busy life and lots of activities and some days (weekends especially) I find myself changing back and forth several times between guy and girl mode so we can do what we need to; that's ok with me. One day I'd literally just changed into a skirt and hose and my wife says "lets get ice cream". Now ice cream sounded good, but changing didn't. She says, just wear your skirt in the car. It was fun being out in a skirt; we covered up my legs in the drive thru with a blanket but I can see us doing this again.
I know its easy to get caught up in our own head space and thinking about our needs/wants. I make it a point to think if hers... to read the situation and yes even at times forgo dressing so she has guy me to hang out with. I figure she's earned it with as much time as she spends with girly me.
Yes. I think women tend to be more flexible in their sexual orientation and preference. I have a dozen of admirers, and most of them are women.
barbie~~
Truly sorry to read the stories of unsupportive partners/spouses. It can be confusing for them. Fortunately, I can count myself in the "lucky" column. My GF knows and finds a certain comfort in it. When I first revealed to her, I also told her that the person she knows and loves is the way s/he is because of that very feminine side. Once she understood that, she became very supportive. Now she surprises me with sexy and soft things to wear, and dresses me up sometimes. :)
On the other hand, she has a certain understanding of it because she's told me on several occasions that she thinks her testosterone levels are higher than the average woman. So in many ways, we are a fit. She can be herself in being less afraid that she may not be "lady-like" enough, while I can allow myself to expressive in my femininity. :)
I am truly lucky to have the support of my wife. Within a minute of my coming out to her, she said, "Whatever you decide to do, I will support you." Wow! She meant it, too.
She has always had a soft spot for LGBT people, so, although she finds being in a same-sex marriage through no choice of her own to be a bit weird, she is okay with it. We go clothes shopping together, which is fun.
One of her main motivations in life is the need to relieve boredom. I can pretty much guarantee that, for better or for worse, the rest of our lives will not be boring. :)
Michele and I recently spent 12 days in Australia.
On our last day we spent time shopping in Sydney and went to a department store where there was a whole floor dedicated to undergarments. I said that I needed some new panties and she agreed as she hated some of the ones I had bought without advice. After an hour walking through we both had updated our selections with me gaining an extra 8 pairs on the proviso the old ones go.
Then I said I need to get my nails done in a tongue in cheek comment as my nails had gotten long and I had no clippers to control them. Thats when she really surprised me and we went to a salon and while Michele had a Pedicure, I got to have my first manicure with a buff and shine. I wasn't confident enough this time to get clear polish applied. I will next time though. This was a thrilling little adventure and I enjoyed every minute of it.
What a lovely feel good thread!
My wife and I recently bought the same dress in the sales. A little one for her and a big one for me of course! I got the kudos as I spotted it first and she liked it so much she wanted to get it too. We plan on wearing them together for a fun night out sometime.
My sons also support me, they bought me a voucher to a lingerie store for Christmas. My wife and I went shopping but failed to find anything at that time that would suit. To stay under the radar as I am not out in public, we shop on the pretence that it is for Michele and this works out well as we are both a size 16.
Today there is a pop-up store selling discounted cosmetics and we are going there tonight to see what bargains we can both score.
I'm glad to see so many of you posting about your supportive wife/gf/so. I too have a wonderfully supportive wife, and after 32 years together that's of utmost importance to me.
For probably 5 years I secretly dressed (in her clothes), made my own breast forms, and wore them around the house when she was away. I finally started hinting and she got it. She loved that I could express my feminine side and took me clothes shopping. I think it was a surprising step when I wanted to wear a bra (and fill it with something) but she's fine with that, and took me bra shopping today.
We even went for a hike together today, with me dressed conservatively (misses jeans, wig, and a size A bra under t-shirt). To my surprise we encountered an old friend from child-raising days and had a conversation. I wasn't ready to come out and talk about it, so I'm sure she wandered off with interesting questions ;D
My first public appearance was at a big Halloween party at our local fine arts center with hundreds of people. Jacquie dressed in one of my suits, and I wore our daughter's high school prom gown. Since I was in "costume" I felt good about it. Ran into an old friend who was the event photographer, so I wound up on Facebook (but without my name).
Just glad it can work out for some of us, and for others, you have my support and positive thoughts.
Quote from: RandyL on February 20, 2017, 11:12:27 PM
I'm glad to see so many of you posting about your supportive wife/gf/so. I too have a wonderfully supportive wife, and after 32 years together that's of utmost importance to me.
For probably 5 years I secretly dressed (in her clothes), made my own breast forms, and wore them around the house when she was away. I finally started hinting and she got it. She loved that I could express my feminine side and took me clothes shopping. I think it was a surprising step when I wanted to wear a bra (and fill it with something) but she's fine with that, and took me bra shopping today.
We even went for a hike together today, with me dressed conservatively (misses jeans, wig, and a size A bra under t-shirt). To my surprise we encountered an old friend from child-raising days and had a conversation. I wasn't ready to come out and talk about it, so I'm sure she wandered off with interesting questions ;D
My first public appearance was at a big Halloween party at our local fine arts center with hundreds of people. Jacquie dressed in one of my suits, and I wore our daughter's high school prom gown. Since I was in "costume" I felt good about it. Ran into an old friend who was the event photographer, so I wound up on Facebook (but without my name).
Just glad it can work out for some of us, and for others, you have my support and positive thoughts.
RandyL,
Welcome to the site.
Thanks for sharing your experience. Sounds like the way many of us who move ahead later in life have progressed. I hope you are able to move ahead at your own speed. Have you started visiting a therapist at all to work through this? Sometimes, even though the spouse supports us, they need to talk to a therapist on their own as well.
I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) |
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With warmth,
Joanna