Hey everyone, I apologize if this is in the wrong part of the forum.
So today I took a major leap of faith and decided to go out in public in full femme mode. I wanted to just share my experience in hopes of helping others overcome some of their fears when presented with the same scenario.
I got up early today and probed my closet to pick out a conservative yet fun outfit, after going through my closet for what appeared to be hours I settled upon a purple blouse, knee length A-Line skirt, black opaque tights and ballet flats. Since makeup application is still a new thing to me I decided to go all natural without makeup, so after getting dressed I drove to the shopping mall and upon arrival I couldn't find the courage to exit my car. After nearly 30 minutes I finally decided to just do it, the first store I visited was Sephora and met with a friend of mine who is an artist there. After walking into the mall I was afraid that I would get some nasty looks and comments however it was the complete opposite, people were really nice and didn't give me a second look. After leaving Sephora I began to look for a job and made two stops, first at a local hotel where I applied for housekeeping and the second was at restaurant where I applied as a waitress.
After leaving the restaurant I decided to continue my public outing and stopped at a few more retail stores where I shopped for dress for an upcoming wedding. The store owners were really nice and didn't give me any hassle when I walked into the store. At this point, I was out for about 3.5 hours and my nerves were slowly settling down and my confidence was rising. The only fear that I still had at this point was that I would be spotted by a family member (I haven't revealed myself to my family).
At this point I returned home for lunch which at that point my initial fears were overcome and in all honesty after the morning session I decided that I needed to take it a step further and a few hours later decided that I would try my luck again however this time I needed a bigger audience :P
I changed my outfit and browsed my closet again this time for workout clothes and settled on a pair of black/grey Nike Pro Capri Tights and a Skechers Compression Shirt. Before I ventured out for my second time I had to solve a very important issue which was concealing a certain part of the human anatomy and there are several options however I settled on full brief gaff that solved my issue and off I went. My destination was a well known walking trail that was really populated tonight. This experience was the complete opposite of my earlier venture, I got quite a few nasty looks from younger people and even a few negative comments which I was expecting but didn't think it would happen given the earlier experience.
Overall I would say that my first day was a total success and in all honesty I feel 150 times more confident than I was this morning. I forgot to mention that I did use breastforms to give me a more convincing appearance and that was another aspect that was completely new.
Hi Brittany, welcome to Susan's. It is not uncommon to have mixed reviews like that. Congrats on your first outing. Sounds like it went pretty well. I wouldn't let the negative ones get to you. They are going to happen sooner or later. All we can do is our best and put our best foot forward. One of the first places I went was Sephoria and the artist there was amazing too. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah
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Congrats on that big step. I will never forget my first full day out which was only 2 weeks ago but since then, I've spent more time as myself than not.
Wow! That was quite a 'first time out'! And yep, people in different environments tend to respond very differently. Big retail stores are friendly, some little shops are, and some aren't, and out in public spaces it can be a real smorgasbord of responses.
Congratulations, though. This sounds like it was a real confidence builder.
I remember a few times that amused me - but nothing awful... I didn't change overnight, I spread it over a couple of years, simply making myself more androgynous to start with. I'm married with children and needed them to get use to my transition too. So I started by wearing women's clothes that looked like men's clothes. Donating all my men's clothes to charity shops and knowing all my clothing was now women's was enough of a start. Then the shoes changed to women's trainers, then high-heeled women's trainers...
I got make-up lessons aimed at looking like I wan't wearing make-up, but letting me feel I was grooming. I believe that estrogen has given me a new 'grooming' urge that makes me fascinated by nail-varnish, hair, heels and sparkly things that I never had before!
My T-shirt neck-lines gradually got lower, my jumpers slowly got tighter and I started removing black from my wardrobe.
So fading from male to androgyny and then to female appearance has been as seamless as I can make it. No boats were rocked. Well not much!
I nearly came unstuck when I was waiting for a shop assistant to get me something from out back when one of my boys' friends' mother walked past, recognised me and said, "hello!", then immediately continued to shop... I was in tight black jeans with high court shoes on and my face still pretty manly... But after my initial panic I realised that she was shopping... and focused on that - not me. She probably barely registered who I was or where she'd seen my face before. But if she'd told her family and her son had picked on my son, the sky would have fallen in! well, maybe. But it never happened and I learned to lower the risk of making life awkward for others. I made friends with other parents easily (estrogen being the friendly hormone, helping again, I expect) and my boys have had no issues.
So courage is required - but think of it as excitement and if it all goes wrong, try to see the funny side: I went to a food shop and an elderly couple saw me and froze... their jaws drooped open - wow! They'd clearly heard of people like me on the TV but never seen such a person in broad daylight and I had them transfixed! So I took a couple of steps towards the man and motioned my hand as if to shut his mouth whispering, "you're staring!", smiled and carried on shopping!
The only other event was leaving another shop that had some kids hanging around outside. One of the boys did a mocking laugh at me... unfortunately it came out a little too high and girly, so I stopped and turned and said, "I think I'm worth more than a girly laugh like that!", expecting some come-back, but there was nothing. I guess I was a scary grown-up they thought was telling them off... but I did look wrong - I still can, so I'm perfectly willing to forgive people being interested in me.
I look at this as a journey. Soon I'll reach the destination and simply remember the journey as awkward and amusing in equal measure.
As I've evolved and gone through awkward looking stages, people in my area have come to know and recognise me until I feel like a minor celebrity. My youngest son and I go round town and at most of my regular shops the assistants all come to chat - I never experienced this at all as a man. It's great! So looking wrong for a while actually helped me be noticed - but being nice led to the people who noticed me wanting to see me again.
The need to be friendly had ended up with me joining lots of clubs and meeting people there too.
So I hope you enjoy your journey too: it's an adventure; a part of your life to look back on and wonder how you ever made it - and why you didn't change earlier! Have fun!
Kaley Goode,
Welcome to the site. Thanks for sharing that. Looks like a well planned shift without rushing.
I also wanted to share some links we try to pass along to new members who are posting. It's mostly welcome information and the rules of the site. If you have not read through it, please take a moment to do so:
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) |
Once again, welcome to Susan's. Hope you find the friendship here is part of what you are looking for.
With warmth,
Joanna
Just relax & be yourself. Like any woman you want to look your best. Colors are important & self confidence in your appearance are important. No one else knows anything. Just enjoy being a woman, your self. In time you will wonder how you ever dressed "yuck male". I never liked being forced to dress "male" so wrong for me. Good luck girl friend.