Hi again everyone, so today was my second day out and today I was faced with the inevitable scenario of which bathroom should I use. Thanks to the HB2 bill in North Carolina this issue has become a major headache for the transgender community, let me tell you about my experience from earlier today.
First off I am still adapting to life as a transgender woman and still have much to learn :P Today I went shopping with my wife and kids and after having lunch I started to get that dreaded feeling of having to go to the bathroom, my first instinct was to use the family or gender neutral bathroom to avoid any issues however since this was an outdoor shopping center there were only men's and women's bathrooms which kinda made the scenario that much more difficult. I walked into the customer service office and asked the front desk clerk if she had a family bathroom and she responded "our bathrooms have stations for infants", I told her that I was a transwoman and needed to use the bathroom but did not want to cause problems for either myself or the customers.
She was very helpful and told me she would check the women's bathroom and if it was clear I could use it while she stood outside and I thought that was very nice however it sounded better than it appeared, the bathroom was completely empty so I proceeded to use the first stall and quickly take care of business (let me tell you that after 37 years living as a male it is difficult to adapt to using the bathroom as a woman) when IT happened, ladies starting coming in one after another (too much water i guess). I finished as quickly as I could and went to wash my hands when a group of ladies gave me the ugliest stares in the world and one woman told me I was disgusting and perverted for using the wrong bathroom.
I quickly washed my hands and left the bathroom, I looked around and noticed that the clerk was nowhere to be found. Not to get into politics but thanks to the HB2 bill everyone seems to focus more and more on identifying transgender people and making our lives as miserable as possible. The only advice I can offer from a personal perspective is to go into the bathroom or changing room with a friend or group of friends as it makes it less likely that somebody would decide to approach you.
Nobody should ever be told they are disgusting and perverted. I am sorry to hear you had to hear such words.
In reality, it is her that is disgusting for speaking that way to someone.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I use the men's room, keep pepper spray in my pocket, and lock the stall door if possible. It's still a pretty vulnerable position to be in, especially when you go out to wash your hands or if you use the urinal. It's also fairly awkward feeling being in a gender segregated facility for the other gender. But I'd rather feel uncomfortable than be attacked verbally or otherwise, which I feel is more likely in the women's restroom.
Sometimes, if the place is too sketchy, I'll wait and find somewhere else, but sometimes it can't wait and can put you in a pretty bad spot. I was on a long drive the other week and ended up going into a highway rest stop to use the bathroom at like 3 in the morning. There was one dude in there and another outside smoking a cig. I was pretty nervous about that but nobody bothered me; for the most part people are cool and true predators are somewhat rare (I hope?).
But I'm completely aware of just how vulnerable I am in situations like that. Between the strength loss from HRT and the increased likelihood of being a target, I definitely feel pretty scared when I'm in a situation that people could easily stop my escape or overpower me. It's weird being pretty much completely reliant on other people for my safety.
For the first time in my life I feel a sense of relief when cops are around, though I've heard enough horror stories of their interactions with trans people that, while I'm glad they're there, I try not to interact with them directly or do anything to draw their attention or ire. I guess that pretty much sums up my interactions with the world in general these days.
Still use neutral when available as using the gents seems like lying/cheating but using disabled feels insulting though still preferred to gents. I do feel my body is not female enough yet to stake my claim on the ladies room despite my changes so far.
Still read as male by most people, I think, as I do dress kinda andro (high waisted skinny jeans, tight-ish tshirt & trainers nothing fancy).
Once drivers licence arrives (next week?) I'll be using the female facilities. Makes it easier to justify my position if challenged. In the UK where the is no legal stuff for bathrooms but from a comfort perspective it will make me feel more secure in my choice.
Far from the most difficult. Use male restroom until you pass.
Sadly, HB2 just shows the ugly side of people.
Honestly though HB2 really goes so far as to do their thing within government buildings and the likes, which private businesses still are granted their right to provide an inclusive non discrimination policy, though the masses show their true colors of genuine dislike and lash out with unadulterated remarks.
I'm sorry you went through that, and hope that things would possibly get better within time. Maybe in the near future people will figure out that we are not bad people, despite their logic that they believe we are. All we do in the bathroom is "god forbid" just use the toilet to go to the bathroom, and then when done, possibly to just touch up make up or what not.
Kate <3
Sorry this happened to you. Safety is definitely a concern.
I am in Philadelphia which has laws the allow a person to use a bathroom consistent with their gender. At work I use the staff bathroom. I have a safe bathroom app on my cell phone when in the city. I usually go to the gayborhood where it is "safe".
My name change hearing is June 3.
I live in NC and had to deal with this today. I had to be in 2 different government buildings (courthouses) for most of the day so I held it and went next door afterwards to a restaurant and used the women's bathroom.
We have a big target on our backs right now... It's not right, but it is what it is for now. Just pass as best as you can. I have never had a second look at me and no stares or snickers or anything so thankfully I don't have to deal with rude comments and stares, at least not yet and I hope I never have to.
When I'm wearing a dress or skirt the ladies,regular clothes the mens,I've gotten used to the weird looks I get in the mens.
That's terrible! Awful, awful treatment by some really inconsiderate people
I actually somehow managed to luck out and the main city I go to (I live out in the country in the middle of several towns and cities) passed a law allowing transsexuals to use the restroom they present as. It's also pretty shocking as this is Indiana.
Not that it will make it much easier as far as the social aspect goes, but it does help when you can say the law is on your side. There is also a Target in town, and plenty of gas station with single-occupant restrooms. It's hard to believe that I'm saying this living in such a Conservative place, but I'm actually pretty lucky as far as restroom use goes, especially since the university I go to (where I spend most of my time in town) is officially trans-inclusive by policy.
Horrible that happened. I have been pretty much using the women's bathrooms and locker rooms exclusively since this time last year. I've never had anyone say a thing other than "excuse me" or "hi " I have received one two or colder stares but that is it. I too carry a pepper spray because it is just a good idea.
How utterly sad that some of us are subjected to the self righteous nonsense of would be bullies. It may seem easy to say but in practice I have only been challenged once in 4 years and I don't pass 100%. I did not and will not back down.
They're not going to get this big girl off her throne!
Hello,
For me this is not a difficult decision. I use the women's room. The first five or six times that I dressed I used a family/single occupancy bathroom. After dressing several times I began to use the women's room. I've been using the women's room for the last 4 years out of 4 and half years of transition. I am very passable so nobody says anything about me using the women's room. Nobody in 4 and half years has ever said anything about me using the women's room. My female coworkers at work that know I'm trans are comfortable with me using the women's room while they are in there. So I've been lucky that I've had a positive experience using the bathroom of my presented gender.