I don't ever want to lose my inner strength. I don't want to give up.
Being a trans guy on the autistic spectrum is particularly hard. What makes my life harder? Autism and the anxiety/depression that come from certain struggles, or being a pre transition guy? Both can make my life pretty miserable. I don't know what keeps me alive. Incredible inner strength. Hope? Probably that too. I also went through a bad depression. I take antidepressants and hope I will never get another deep depressive phase again.
Why is life so miserable for me? I'm seeing a therapist and I hope it won't be just another empty promise.
It's hard to be neurodiverse and transsexual at the same time. You can imagine the stigma, the intersectional discrimination, the various struggles....
I'm not wallowing in self-pity. Just saying I feel like my life is objectively difficult. I fear future discrimination for jobs and housing, being an aspie trans man. I want to have a job and a life that allows me to transition and be happier, and feel better than how I feel now.
Still in college, but its end is not so distant. This means I will soon have to look for a job and see what I can do to transition. This means I will have to face possibilities of unemployment or getting fired.
I'm just too scared of the future. I shake and cry thinking about it.
On the plus side, "aspie" traits may be seen as more acceptable in a man. I don't know how things are country to country but you shouldn't have to disclose your trans status to everyone, even at work. It's okay to feel frustrated and have bad moods. It's hard to decide if autism enriched my life or impacted it in a more negative way. I know I would be a very different person and I think I'm okay with being me.