I dunno if this is the best place to address this, but honestly I have no one to discuss it with, so here it is. I know quite a few trans people in RL now, but I don't tend to hang out with them very much. The reason behind this is that I have a hard time identifying with being transgender, while most of the trans guys I know are really hardcore into trans pride or strongly identify as trans. I, personally, just identify as a guy. I don't want to talk about being trans or participate in trans pride stuff or consider myself a "trans man," even in my head. I just want to live like the dude I've always been. Being on hormones has made that possible, and I always feel like I don't quite mesh with a lot of other trans guys because they consider being trans such a strong part of their identity, while I don't. I don't tend to think about being trans much at all in my everyday life, and I think about it less and less the more I pass. I am also bisexual, but I have never been into gay pride stuff or strongly identified as my sexuality, either. Sometimes, though, I feel like a bad person because I'm NOT the trans person that stands up for trans rights or whatever all the time. (Well, not any more actively than a cis person who supports trans people would.) Heck, the idea of being a "trans man" feels as foreign to me as being a "woman" does. I just feel like a MAN. And I don't WANT to feel any other way, I am happy like I am. But at the same time, I feel weird because I have a hard time relating to my friends who are so big on the trans pride stuff. Does anybody else feel like this? I'm sorry if this is making no sense... I really wish I could better explain my feelings and why I feel like I don't fit into the trans community as well as some people. I guess it's just that I would be perfectly happy living me a stealth life and never addressing my gender stuff at all. I feel like I am who I'm meant to be now, so I just want to be that. I don't want to share my story with people I know or post pictures of my transition on Facebook or go to trans support groups or any of the stuff I see my friends do. I don't mind talking about the nuts and bolts of transition with friends or on forums like this, but in general I'm happy just thinking of myself as a guy and living as a normal guy. But I'm afraid to share these feelings with any of the trans people I know because I'm afraid they'll think I'm a jerk. And I'm really not a jerk, I just don't feel any connection to the idea of being transgender (even though I am). I feel disassociated from it, like there is no emotional connection there. I guess it's sort of like how you could technically refer to me as "that brunette person," but I feel no special connection to being brunette. I don't go around thinking about being brunette or considering myself a brunette or talking about being brunette. I just am brunette. That's about all the connection I feel to being trans. Is that totally nuts?
I don't think it's all that odd at all. It may seem like every trans person is deeply invested in the transgender struggle, but I think that's mostly because the most visible transgender people are the ones who are passionate about it.
I have never been to a pride day, I have been to one trans group meeting. I might go again but it's not a major priority. I am transgender, I am a lesbian but really I am a geek. I have read a comic where the doctor team's up with captain Picard to stop the cybermen, who are manipulating the Borg. I am plotting my next D&D session tomorrow and writing this whail watching season two of daredevil, I am a geek.
Ok got of topic, but ya I think there is nothing unusual with your view of things.
Serena
Most homo/bisexual folk don't go to pride, either. Just be a dude.
Thanks guys, that makes me feel a lot better. One of my best friends is very into the pride stuff, so I always kind of feel like there must be something wrong with me since it's not a huge priority for me.
There are 3 major stages of transgender.
1. The pre stage were we fear coming out and facing what we are.
2. The transition stage where we explore what we are and become part of the TG group.
3. The promised land. The goal that we spent all this time to reach where we are just one of the crowd.
You have reached stage 3 rather quickly and there is nothing wrong with that. You like me remain with the site to help others along the path but our life off the site is living in the world we built. You have nothing to worry about and everything to be proud of.
I know exactly how you feel. I met some trans guys and was hoping to become friends with someone going through a similar struggle, but it turned out that our struggles weren't so similar after all. My identity was male, just your average guy, I wanted to live 'stealth'. They were openly transgender and some weren't afraid to dress in a 'genderqueer' sort of fashion. I heard the word 'trans' in every second sentence, we couldn't have a conversation without gender being thrown in there somewhere. I just couldn't relate to them, so I left it at that. I don't think you're nuts, you just want to continue on with a normal sort of life without thinking about gender constantly.
I think it's normal.
I don't like the word trans, I don't like being trans, I don't especially want to wear it like a badge on my front or have it as some sort of prefix for who I am. I don't think that is 'wrong', nor odd.
I finally understand my friend's problem with his mother calling him her "gay son" instead of her son, so he never came out to her because he feared the label would overtake himself in her and his family's view. I am probably the "trans kid" in my family now, and that sucks.
You're definetly not alone.
I used to identify as trans man but that was early in my transition and since then it's become just a man. That's all there is to me. Well, sure, I have transitioned but that's part of my personal (medical) history now and in my mind, it doesn't define me as a person at all. Being trans is not part of my identity, it's - like I said - part of my personal history.
Only the people who I've known prior to my transition know about it and I'm happily living as stealth these days. That's what I wanted back in 2011 when I started this whole process. It was awesome to realize one day that I'm now at the point that I dreamt about all those years ago and I sure as heck am not gonna give that up.
I've also given up with the sexuality labels on my part. I just got fed up with them. If someone asks, I'll tell I'm bisexual because I don't want explain everything. I'm in a relationship with a woman (she's cis if someone wanted to know) but I still lean more into guys.
I gotta admit, though, it would be nice to check out some of the local prides at least once but do I want to get egged etc? Nah. Welcome to Finland where prides are still in danger of stuff like that.
I have lot of respect for those trans people who are open about it and raise their voices so that the rest of us would have things easier etc but is that for me? No. Even if it's partially my battle, I don't want to fight it. I just want to live my life in peace, like anyone else.
I don't think you're bad or should feel guilty, either. I feel the same way, though.
I am pretty reserved and introverted, anyway. I will absolutely stand up to injustice where I have the opportunity but I am not that integrated in the trans community in the real world. It is a part of me, absolutely. But I prefer to remain out of the spotlight. It is not something I actively hide, but I don't often reveal it to those who don't know either. I don't need to. My trans status does not define me solely. As Valwen said, I am many things. Trans is just one of many.
I've also found that trans people are just like all other people. We are varied in interests and personality. Some you will "gel" more with than others. And some you might not find much common ground at all besides being trans. There is no one way to take this journey and there is no wrong way. Just do you.
i'm this way as well. i have tried to participate in the LGBT community as a member, but i just can't do it. i can volunteer to help others but i don't need people helping me or participating in pride stuff. i don't tell people i'm trans unless the situation calls for it (doctor, someone i'm dating, etc). i don't feel as if it is important or as if it reflects who i am. i'm just a guy, i wanna be treated as such, not a trans guy where people ask all these really invasive questions, etc.
i didn't go to pride until after i came out and i haven't been back since. i've tried to do transgender groups, and i can't just do it. i don't feel like i mesh with them. they're too early into their transition most of the time the trans people i meet or just figuring it out and here i am, with two years on T and a year and a bit post op for top surgery. i've met some people who have had T but no surgery but i still feel like i don't "mesh" with them because they're all "out and proud" and i'm well...not. well, not out but i'm still proud.
either way, you aren't alone.
Although I am younger, I can agree to a certain extent. I don't really want to tell people I'm transgender, I have to. I have to in order to get anywhere with this. But really, I am the same as you. I'm not transgender - I am simply a young man.
I don't feel any connection with the word transgender, as it's a term originally with multiple meanings. Transgender can mean a cross dresser, a drag King/Queen, a ->-bleeped-<-... It can mean someone who feels like the other gender. Literally anyone who doesn't fit the norm of their gender, can label as transgender. It's open.
that's why personally, I prefer the term transsexual. Considered outdated by some, but it means someone who in mind is one gender, in body, another. That the person wishes to, or has, changed that. It's more of what I am then transgender is. When I have to label myself, I say transsexual. It makes this come across as more than a phase. That I will do this.
But either way, I've never been a fan of support groups, lgbt youth groups... People are trying to get me to attend them, but I really don't see a point. Pride over here is in September, and already people are talking about it. ALREADY. I've never been to pride, and if I ever go, I think I'd have to have a boyfriend to take with me... The idea of going with friends who are in relationships seems weird to me.
That's pretty much how I feel. I view myself as a male person of transsexual experience. There are much more interesting things about me than my medical history. I can understand that some people want to live out and proud (and that some people have to), but that just isn't me. It's not something I connect with.
I know a lot of trans people, either locally or through online groups that I'm a part of. But I don't hang out with any of them, aside from during special events. I don't think having a similar life experience is enough to qualify as a friendship. I think that is a common pit we fall into, thinking that just because someone is also trans that they automatically become someone you can be friends with. I'm sure they're all decent enough people, but if we have no shared interests or nothing in common aside from this similar experience, I don't see much of a point in maintaining that relationship.
I don't mind sharing my transition. I think it is good for other trans people to have someone that they can ask questions to, especially on the FTM side for guys going through bottom surgery. It's becoming much more common now but we still seem to be a little less likely to share than the ladies. So I think it's important to give back to others in the same way that other guys helped me get to this point. I also do it for the cis folks that I know. I see it as combating ignorance. It is hard to hate a group of people when you have someone you know telling you about their struggle and their experience.
Nah, I grok that.
Once I'm passing all the time, I don't plan on discussing being trans with anyone if I can avoid it. I'm not ashamed of being trans, but in my head, this is a temporary thing, actually. Eventually, I'll just be a guy - and that is what I want. For right now, I'll hang out here, do the occasional pride, and self identify as trans if it helps people out. But the future will be something else.
All of you just echoed my thoughts exactly.
My issue is I'm just starting out and I gotta deal with the adjustment of telling those close to me and changes there abouts to eventually be the guy I really am, stelthy, sly and swaggerific.
Only question is I don't want bottom surgery as of now, I feel like that's going to make dating as a stealth hard. Any suggestions?
Quote from: zeus33 on June 10, 2016, 09:28:27 PM
All of you just echoed my thoughts exactly.
My issue is I'm just starting out and I gotta deal with the adjustment of telling those close to me and changes there abouts to eventually be the guy I really am, stelthy, sly and swaggerific.
Only question is I don't want bottom surgery as of now, I feel like that's going to make dating as a stealth hard. Any suggestions?
imo, when it comes to dating, you be upfront with your partner. things like friends, employers, etc. i don't feel it is relevant because they aren't examining you or getting personal with you physically (like sex). if i had my name change when i got my job, i wouldn't have told my employer (they were cool with it though and made it super easy for me to be stealth) and i do not tell future employers. my school doesn't even know i'm trans.
however, when it comes to doctors and dating, i think it is super important to be 100% honest. i rather someone know me and love me for me, that includes the trans thing. i don't want them to expect one thing and get another. i think it is much easier to be upfront about it because if they're cool with it, fine, and we can move forward but i don't wanna wait like 6 months and they found out and we end after we built this relationship. i don't think i'm lying, and i don't think i'm being dishonest or whatever people can think of when trans people don't tell their partner they're trans right away (which i don't think you have to if you're just getting to know someone, but i would if i knew things were gonna go further). when i tell them i'm a guy, it's because i am. i just feel like people go into a relationship expecting something and don't expect that curve ball thrown at them (especially when you're older and marriage and kids can be involved). so either way, being stealth is fine but imo, some things you can't really be stealth about. you could if you want, but i don't think it is a good idea.
Quote from: zeus33 on June 10, 2016, 09:28:27 PM
Only question is I don't want bottom surgery as of now, I feel like that's going to make dating as a stealth hard. Any suggestions?
Well, I'm not going to have anything to declare in the trouser department for quite some time, and even afterwards (I only plan on getting a meta) I will probably mention the situation to someone I plan on being physically intimate with. I feel like that's the safest course of action.
Quote from: zeus33 on June 10, 2016, 09:28:27 PM
Only question is I don't want bottom surgery as of now, I feel like that's going to make dating as a stealth hard. Any suggestions?
I'm not going to undergo a bottom surgery so naturally I'd be very much outed if I stripped down to my birth outfit in a locker room etc. Which I don't do and don't have to do.
And I really don't have to worry about the dating aspect either since I was already in a steady relationship when I started my transition but if things went really wrong and this thing ended, I would have to tell a potential partner sooner or later. I'd most likely make sure that the person is trustworthy enough to tell such a thing because honestly I don't want someone to run around the town telling about me and what I have and what I don't have.
Quote from: zeus33 on June 10, 2016, 09:28:27 PM
Only question is I don't want bottom surgery as of now, I feel like that's going to make dating as a stealth hard. Any suggestions?
I would treat it carefully. Depending on how you meet the people you're going to date, it may be easier to mention up front that you are trans (online - definitely, through work colleagues - perhaps not). I think it's ultimately your choice when to tell them, but I don't think you should go into dating with the assumption that you can get away with not telling someone - even if you were to have bottom surgery.
If anything I envy you Mitch for having such an easy, uncomplicated male identity. Life is more complicated for me, and as a monosexual person who has identified as gay for almost half of my life (and involved in GLBT organizations, long term same sex relationship) being queer has been part of my identity for too long to be able to be okay with being a straight white guy. That's just too weird for me. But that's exactly how I'm going to be perceived because I don't have that much of a feminine side.
There's nothing wrong with not embracing a trans "identity". Denying that you're trans when you are can cause you a lot of distress. But it's just a condition that we live with. Becoming trans as a social identity is something totally different.
In countries where there are third sexes, some third sex individuals are fighting the designation of third sex because they just want to be a man or a woman, full stop. Whereas for myself, I'd feel comfortable with a third sex identity and resent that it's not an option in our society. I'm not NB or GQ, but I feel like being caught in between male brain and female body does make me third sex. It just fits for me, just as being a man fits for you.
I think there are probably way more FTM spectrum people who just simply want to be a man, full stop, than who embrace trans identities. Can't prove it either way but that's my feeling about it.
Quote from: OzBunny on June 08, 2016, 12:01:32 PM
But either way, I've never been a fan of support groups, lgbt youth groups... People are trying to get me to attend them, but I really don't see a point. Pride over here is in September, and already people are talking about it. ALREADY. I've never been to pride, and if I ever go, I think I'd have to have a boyfriend to take with me... The idea of going with friends who are in relationships seems weird to me.
Well, thank goodness for glbt youth groups. If not for them I wouldn't have found out that FTM existed! My culture only taught me (mostly wrong things) about MTF.
I made good friends there of all genders and the meetings were like an escape valve from my non-understanding family and hostile outer world.
I feel the exact same way. Apart from this forum I am completely stealth IRL. I haven't been misgendered for about a year and a half and I don't think it's ever gonna happen again. I don't really want anything to do with Trans pride or anything like that. I work hard to look as masculine as I can. The facial hair helps.
I'm just a dude living his life. I don't want to be asked if I've "had the surgery". I don't want funny looks and I don't want the fact that I'm trans to be a part of my every day life. I commend the people who are active with their trans pride and go to rallys and conventions etc but that's not what /I'M/ about.
I don't want to fit into a "trans mold" or fit in with the trans group outside this forum unless I specifically tell someone that I am trans and tell them they can ask me any trans related questions.
I feel you dude.
First, you don't have to fit into any 'mold'. Forget molds!
I knew when I was 4 years old (1974) that I was supposed to have been born a boy (those were the only words I had for it back then). So my transitioning was for one reason and one reason alone: so that I could be comfortable in and with my being and stay alive.
I'm not a trans activist (though I have been lightly involved in my local trans community). I'm not all about Pride events. I'm Pansexual but don't go to gay bars.
Funny, though, I don't consider myself to be Stealth; I'll wear a trans t shirt or pin...but in the same way I'll wear an Anarchist T or a shirt from something else I'm into or supportive of.
I'm an introvert and have always been most comfortable in the woods doing solitary things. I'm an Anarchist and definitely have strong feelings about personal freedoms and animal rights. I'm far more active in those areas than in trans activism.
Don't beat yourself up or feel pressure to do anything, ANYTHING that you're not comfortable with. Don't follow the herd ;)
cheers
Mod Edit:Language
I think it's nothing to be worried about.
I've never been to an LGBT event in my life. A trans friend invited me to Berlin where she lives, 'for pride', and I immediately thought 'no, I'll be looking at the dates it falls on and going well after it'.
I can't personally think of much I'd rather not do.
Yap i can relate from the opposite side of the spectrum. It funny i consider myself a girl but not very feminine at all because i am not dysphoric at all in social pressure. Because i never cared how people viewed me. I just never like my body and found a doctor that finally let me take hormones without the living as the other one for a year and thearpy which i would have never gotten a letter since i dress as both a girl/guy and act in both mannerisms and don't trully conform to ether side unless it to define my body which truly frustrated me when doctors told me i wasn't trans.
But meh I swim against the current and got what i needed now i just flow and relax. I don't get involved in pride and the debates i dont want to spend my whole life fighting i don't need to. Sure this is me yes i am proud of myself but im just a girl who wants to talk, relax, listen to music, and hang with friends while not doing so legall stuff.
As much as I doubt I'd ever participate in pride events, I see that they help to normalize us and reinforce that we have a right to exist and have fun. I see why they happen and the positive side of them so I'm glad there are people who go to them and stand up for gay rights. Very glad, in fact.
But I am oppressed by crowds, or perhaps even phobic of them, so I cannot go.
Well, I don't care for some of the people that show up at the big transmarch event in SF, but I'll go if only to provide one more ordinary transperson, mixed in with the queens, exhibitionists, and nudists that seem to be drawn to these events. Unfortunately, media coverage will show them, and not the actual transgender folks. I'd like to see as many of us ordinary folks show up as possible.
We exist. We're not going away.
Besides, fitting into a mold is conformity. we are not going away and that is why the "RIGHT" has problems with anything that doesn't fit their mold because it will widdle away at their conformity thus their way of life. In 200 years everyone will hopefully mike their own business, not care how you identify and get on with their lives.
Quote from: Michelle_P on June 16, 2016, 07:54:17 PM
Well, I don't care for some of the people that show up at the big transmarch event in SF, but I'll go if only to provide one more ordinary transperson, mixed in with the queens, exhibitionists, and nudists that seem to be drawn to these events. Unfortunately, media coverage will show them, and not the actual transgender folks. I'd like to see as many of us ordinary folks show up as possible.
We exist. We're not going away.
What you've said gives a viewpoint on something that didn't even cross my mind. The fact that media coverage is heavily aimed on the drag queens and those dressed in quite a... Kinky manner. That is something that has put me off ever going to pride... As I don't properly know what pride
really is. I just know that you get a lot of people like that. Which is fine, just there are teens like me who have been a little bit scared away by that.
With the happenings in Orlando, I see more of a meaning to pride events... I might go... As I'm in a safe area...
Quote from: Gilbert Rose on June 17, 2016, 09:26:04 PM
What you've said gives a viewpoint on something that didn't even cross my mind. The fact that media coverage is heavily aimed on the drag queens and those dressed in quite a... Kinky manner. That is something that has put me off ever going to pride... As I don't properly know what pride really is. I just know that you get a lot of people like that. Which is fine, just there are teens like me who have been a little bit scared away by that.
With the happenings in Orlando, I see more of a meaning to pride events... I might go... As I'm in a safe area...
Yes!
When folks hear transgender, they think "RuPaul", or Tootsie from the movie poster, or any of the other media images of 'dudes in dresses'. Transmen? They don't believe those even exist. Heck, when I came out to my wife, I'm pretty sure she imagined me in that red sequin number from the Tootsie poster.
"Mrs. Doubtfire" is a better image for many of us. ;)
At the San Francisco TransMarch on June 24, we will likely have the usual contingent of 'nuns in whiteface', the Leather Brigade, probably the local nudists who turn out for any event (even the farmers market...), and some other local characters. There will be maybe 100 of these, and several thousand folks like me. Unfortunately, I know who will get the air time on the local news.
There's the public perception of the 'trans mold', and then there's moldy real world us.
I'd like to offer the flip side view a bit. While it's your human right to live in peace as a man there are those who for one reason or another don't have access to healthcare and won't pass as men. There has also always been a strong counter-culture among LGBT where we don't want to fit in and believe that the goal should never be to live within the hetero- and cis-normative culture and its values. Pride events tend to display the extreme as it's a celebration of being different and if you identify this way or just believe that we shouldn't have to conform it can feel liberating. There is the argument that "we are just like everyone else" that some trans people use to justify their existence and I think it can be harmful in that not all trans people are just like everyone else nor should they have to to have basic human rights and dignity.
There is just as wide a spectrum of human experience within trans as there is within cis men, and I would venture to guess you are in the majority in feeling that you want to be part of the "mainstream".
So just live your life, there is nothing wrong with that.
Quote from: Michelle_P on June 18, 2016, 12:10:02 AM
Yes!
When folks hear transgender, they think "RuPaul", or Tootsie from the movie poster, or any of the other media images of 'dudes in dresses'. Transmen? They don't believe those even exist. Heck, when I came out to my wife, I'm pretty sure she imagined me in that red sequin number from the Tootsie poster.
"Mrs. Doubtfire" is a better image for many of us. ;)
At the San Francisco TransMarch on June 24, we will likely have the usual contingent of 'nuns in whiteface', the Leather Brigade, probably the local nudists who turn out for any event (even the farmers market...), and some other local characters. There will be maybe 100 of these, and several thousand folks like me. Unfortunately, I know who will get the air time on the local news.
There's the public perception of the 'trans mold', and then there's moldy real world us.
I love your turn of phrase. You're so descriptive and funny. I don't want to go to your local farmers market.
I feel halfway that way, but also halfway still identifying as trans.
I feel the reason for this primarily is a lot of us havent gotten past the struggle of just BEING. It's hard. You often get the constant reminder socially and legally and physically that you really aren't what you say you are, it's like you have to overemphasize it to make it true.
I want to rest someday, to just be a guy like I used to think I was a girl (without the underlying masculine leanings pushing at it)
In any case a lot of us have to talk and talk and talk and talk about it because we have tell people how it feels, and draw comparisons with others and see that it isn't just in our head.
I tend to refer to myself as male, transmale when it's necessary to draw the difference between my birth. It confuses people less.
Quote from: T.K.G.W. on June 16, 2016, 07:37:04 PM
As much as I doubt I'd ever participate in pride events, I see that they help to normalize us and reinforce that we have a right to exist and have fun. I see why they happen and the positive side of them so I'm glad there are people who go to them and stand up for gay rights. Very glad, in fact.
But I am oppressed by crowds, or perhaps even phobic of them, so I cannot go.
Dead on for me. Plus Chi gets way crowded. Staying home tomorrow.
I definitely understand. I haven't started transitioning so I don't talk about it at all and I've only said it to 3 people and it felt odd to say.
Not feeling the same as other ftms or even mtfs for that matter is a big reason why I don't really come on here anymore. I don't have the same struggles or passion as people on here and even the few I follow on instagram I don't really connect with.
When I start to transition I don't want to have to keep telling people. I've never been big on talking about stuff like that because like you said it doesn't make me who I am anymore than my hair color makes me. It's another reason why I want top surgery first and then t. I already pass with just a binder a good deal of the time and I've had people continue to address me as sir even after hearing my name. So top surgery then t will let me transition in a stealth way like I want
Sent from my A0001 using Tapatalk
I've never felt "trans". I've never been proud of having such an ugly body, nor have I ever understood someone having "pride" in such a thing. If you're unhappy enough with your body that you need to change your entire life, then how can you also be proud of it? I've just never understood the feeling.
It's difficult just trying to get treatment and live as a man, when everyone else expects you to fit into the "trans community". My doctors all keep trying to force me to go to group therapy, which I absolutely will not (especially since even one-on-one therapy isn't for me). They keep expecting me to go to events and talk to their trans therapist. And each time, I have to explain, while trying not to sound like an ->-bleeped-<-, that I want nothing to do with other trans folk or the community in real life. (I've had nothing but horrible experiences with trans people I know in real life, and even though I know they're probably the extreme, it still puts a terrible taste in my mouth for meeting any new trans people, ESPECIALLY in groups/crowds). I also can't imagine sitting in a room full of people with the purpose of complaining about transgender problems. Living trans is NOT the hardest thing I've had to endure in my life; there are parts of my life I refuse to even stop and reminisce on for fear of having a severe meltdown. To me, I just take all the problems of living trans with a shrug, and go about my day. I honestly fear that surrounding myself with people who think trans problems are as bad as it gets is going to take a serious toll on my mental state. But doctors only want to see me for what I am, not who I am, and would never find that as an acceptable excuse for avoiding trans meet-ups.
In the same way, I'm also mostly gay, yet I don't dress/act gay. I don't have gay pride, and I cringe at the thought of going to any form of Pride (even though I really don't even know what it consists of). I don't even know that I would be comfortable walking into a gay bar. Personality and interest-wise, I'm more of a manly-man, and that's how I prefer the men I date, as well. I'm friends with a good bit of very gay people, and it's just very hard for me to understand how people can have such flagrant pride over such a thing. I don't mind if other people live that way, it's just simply not for me, not a part of who I am.
It's hard to be your own person when everyone expects you to be a certain way just because of something like gender or sexual identity. I just can't wait for the day when my outside appearance is able to mask my "trans-ness", just so I don't have to keep dodging all the requests to associate with strangers I don't care about. I'm hoping by that point, I'm also manly enough that people don't see me and immediately think of the fact that I date guys. I'd be ok hearing, "Wow, I never would have guessed he dates other guys".
^
Yeah, that is an odd thing I noticed too, my therapist, my doctor, my sister, and a few friends seem to put inordinate emphasis on me going to some kind of group therapy. I don't need group therapy. I don't need to talk about being trans in a room with other trans. I'm not sure why it's assumed I do, but I have no guilt and no shame over 'being' trans - but I see no reason to be loud and proud about it either. I understand for those who feel shame or negative feelings about being trans then getting together and being assured that you deserve to exist and be happy is important. But like I told my therapist plenty of times, I don't have that problem. My seat in a group therapy session could be taken up by someone who really needs it. Not that there is any group therapy within quite a distance of where I live anyway; I think you have to be placed lucky as a trans person to have that kind of support network conveniently.
As these friends and relatives say "but you need a support network"... yeah, I do sometimes... but I'd prefer that support network came from the people around me, the cis people I'm already involved with, and that I don't have to go to specific meetings in strange towns with strangers to access it.
I don't even like one-on-one therapy with my clinic's trans-specialist. Group therapy? Sounds like some kind of Bosch-like punishment.
Just because you don't want to hang around with other trans people, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. I've got brown hair. Do i feel some kind of special kinship with other brown haired people? No. Some of them are a**holes.
I'm just a guy with a different medical history than most. I noticed that at first I was more into stressing "trans", but that was almost six years ago. As I've gotten more comfortable, I don't really think about it.
I'm married to a gay man and he has no desire to get into the pride stuff. Granted, he's 31 and I'm 29, but it just isn't our thing. We don't particularly like big parties or bars or any of that stuff.
The only relationship I really have with being trans now is that I go to a gynecologist. In fact, I went to my doctor last week and it took me several minutes to figure out why I was getting weird looks in the waiting room. The nurse apologized for a lot of women staring at me and it just clicked. I chuckled and said that it must look weird to see a guy in an ObGYN office.
Sent from my SM-G920I using Tapatalk
Quote from: Ayden on July 01, 2016, 05:48:04 PM
In fact, I went to my doctor last week and it took me several minutes to figure out why I was getting weird looks in the waiting room. The nurse apologized for a lot of women staring at me and it just clicked. I chuckled and said that it must look weird to see a guy in an ObGYN office.
The facility I go to has several doctors and half a floor devoted to GYN
and infertility. The other men tend to be with a woman or waiting for a woman, but people don't tend to stare at me. I suspect that they think I'm there to drop off a "sample" for the infertility side of things. :D