So I have my consultation with Dr. Dulin in Plano tomorrow morning, and I am really nervous. Taking hormones was easy because it goes slowly, you know? As annoying as it is to wait for the changes, they happen really gradually. But top surgery will be more like wham, bam, thank ya ma'am, and I am having second thoughts about it, mostly because I have seen so many results I don't like but also just because I don't handle change well. Now if I could take a pill to make them disappear I would in a second--it's the idea of someone slicing me up that is freaking me out. I don't know why I am suddenly feeling so freaked by this when before I was fine about it. It's just such a complicated process... See, I can't even get my thoughts on it out! Argh! I'm going nuts. Especially since this is just a consultation to talk to him about it. Did anyone else suddenly start having doubts right before doing it? Not because you didn't want a flat chest but because the idea of having surgery to get it was just so freaky? I feel like I'm going crazy. I had to take a freakin' Klonopin last night to sleep because I couldn't stop being anxious about it! I am terrified of what it could possibly look like after surgery, especially since my chest is already so small and so I don't have the problem some guys do where their chest keeps them from passing until after surgery. But I can't have intimate relationships with people with my shirt off right now without feeling weird. Honestly, I dunno what the actual point of this post is--I guess I am just vomiting all my nervousness here because I don't know what else to do with it! :-\
the anxiety and weirdness of it is definitely something that put me off of surgery for a long time. in the end it's worth it for me to have so i can be able to look at my own body, to feel more confident intimately with my boyfriend (i feel like i can be more dominant now once i'm well enough to get physical again, something i personally couldn't be with my original chest) and to be able to walk around in any clothes i want, not looking in mirrors and windows all the time and yanking at my clothes so no one might see any chest curve even with the binder on as i was so paranoid.
one thing to remember is that surgeons are medical professionals and they are doing a job to help you, not to get their kicks at cutting people up. I don't know if that's how you might view it, but i know I did for awhile, and I needed to remind myself of the truth.
I'm three weeks post op today and its still fresh so of course it doesn't look perfect, but my surgeon did an amazing job and I'm so excited for how it'll look in the months to come as it heals completely. while it may not look exactly how you want it to right away, some benefits are immediate, like with wearing clothes and not being so paranoid someone can see any chest shape, because there's no longer anything there to hide! it's great. but it took me a couple years to finally realize i needed to do it for myself, and everyone needs to be ready in their own time. a consultation will give you more of an idea, but you don't have to make a decision yet after that if you aren't ready.
I was really nervous before my consult. It was really common early on in my transition for medical related stuff to give me awful anxiety. I found that I felt a lot better if I made lists before each big step. Things to ask the surgeon, things to do before surgery, things that I needed to buy, etc. It helped me focus on things that mattered and kept me from worrying too much about other things.
I don't like change but you know when you are ready. I was small too and immediately afterwards I forgot how my chest was before. My post surgery chest felt so right there was nothing to miss from before.
I never liked the idea of going to a doctor let alone having a surgery. This was my first real surgery where I was going to have scars and have something major done. I didn't start really freaking out until the week of my surgery. The nice thing though is my surgeon prescribed me some xanax before the surgery. It helped me calm down a lot. You're not going to feel anything, you're not going to wake up in the middle of the surgery. The only thing you will feel is them putting the IV in you when you lay down on the table. Within a second you are waking up in recovery.
I was afraid of my chest looking absolutely horrible. I was afraid it was going to look so bad that I would never want to take my shirt off. Yes right now (A year post op) I would not take my shirt off in public. My scars are still very visible but are slowly starting to fade. Plus my chest hasn't really built up either so I'm flat as a game board. Just make sure you do everything your doctor tells you :)
I agree with Max, start planning and making those lists.
Well, my pneumonia came back so I had to cancel my consultation. :-\ Hopefully I will be able to reschedule soon!
FtMitch, I live within driving range of Plano and would like to know how everything goes with your appointment.