Hello, do you who have transitioned a nd living fully as females find it hard to interact with family and friends who have known you your whole life. That knew you as a masculine male.. this is one of my fears that is keeping me from taking the step to transition and I would just like some input from those of you experiencing it.. I feel like if I transition it will be very awkward around family since they have always known me as a very masculine tough guy. Like I would feel weird talking with i different voice and being very feminine around them especially with spending 35 years as male around them
I'm not fully transitioned. only in month 3, but honestly, it varies from family to family, mine isn't very accepting, so that means it's always awkward for me and probably always will be. But if your family is accepting then it probably shouldn't be very awkward.
I have stressed about that for more than what I feel is a responsible amount of time, although as I have been going through the early stages of transitioning I have found that as long as it feels right to you, concerns about other people relax with time, although I feel I have been exceptionally lucky with how accepting my family has been.
Lily
It will depend on a couple of things. Firstly how, supportive and accepting your family is, and how well they can handle change in a mature way. It's not going to be easy if they are antagonistic, intentionally misgender you and/or say demeaning things even if those things are intended as "a bit of fun". Secondly, your own self confidence and self comfort presenting as your identified gender will go a long way to changing the dynamic of the situation. If, for example, they are supportive but feel weird or uncomfortable around you then your confidence and comfort will help to normalise the situation quickly...that's what it was like with my mother.
I'd suggest getting in a bit of experience in girl mode before they get to meet you that way, that way you will feel less self conscious and more confident and things will be more natural/second nature for you. That's what it was like with my disapproving father; I thought it would be really awkward when I got to meet him six months after transition but it wasn't.
Grace gave you good advice. Before you tackle dealing with family and friends, spend some time dressing in your gender and interacting in a safe environment, like a support group. Don't force yourself to be overly feminine. Just act natural. You will likely rediscover a lot of natural feminine mannerisms that you buried in childhood -- at least that was my experience.
And as far as being a tough masculine guy -- don't worry. Hormone therapy will fix that.
My other bit of advice is, take some time to discover your personal style. You are a girl, so act like one. Figure out your favorite colors, and your favorite clothing, and how you want to express yourself. T shirts and skinny jeans? Tunic and leggings? Dresses and skirts? Maybe try a wig or two to see how you like dealing with long hair. Experiment with breast forms if you want. Or if breast forms are not your thing (I didn't want them, I wanted it to be all me in the bra), then get some padded bras or smooth front sports bras or bralettes.
You would not enter a motorcycle race with no prior riding experience. So no need to walk into the lion's den without some advance preparation. This is about who you are. You've been suppressing your true self for your entire life, so you need some time to learn to express yourself. So go do it, have fun with it, and only deal with people when you are comfortable.
I think you have to keep in mind that we live life one day at a time. Nothing is perfect at first. It takes time. I am recently full time. I take things a step at a time. I tell folks that I am a work in progress. It takes the pressure off. I think that to deny your future based on what might happen can be sad. If you decide to put in the effort, you will get to a place where you feel comfortable. Heck how many of us feel comfortable with all our relatives pre-transition?
Moni
As one of the other girls mentioned about relaxing...I have found since I stopped policing myself that my natural tendancy is for more feminie posture and gestures. and now that I am on Hrt and starting to relax even further, I feel the need to police myself only when in male mode to ensure I am not too "feminine" in my actions. My wife was the one to pointed out to me how my manerisms have changed since self acceptance whic was a huge surprise as I had not noticed.
Liz
Quote from: ElizabethK on June 27, 2016, 12:13:30 AM
...how my manerisms have changed since self acceptance...
It's amazing what a difference it can actually make!
Great advice from all of you ladys thank you so much.. I'm really just trying to work out most of my fears waiting for my first appointment with a therapist that I have in 2 weeks I'm hoping it begins to help me work through my many many fears. And hopefully one day I will have the courage to transition like all of you have done
My family are the only ones I knew before I came out (having moved back in Victoria a few months after coming out).
Mum was very clear with them, treat me as a female or get out of our lives, so can say I've never had an issue, that said at first I felt a little weird around my family at big get togethers, like they were talking about me or something, turned out they weren't.
The only time its ever come up was I was talking to my aunty and cousins one day about it all and they were really into what I was saying.
Whether you do it now or later I don't think their reaction would change much but what is clear is that it is a huge step for you to take so being mentaly prepared is very important. Establish a plan in advance if you want, visualise how you want to do it, one by one or all together but the more you feel ready and in control, the better. I knew it was a possibility but I never thought it would happen to me: I slowly lost all family and friends when I transitioned but I was 50 so I already had a well organised life and for me, it is better to be comfortable with myself than with others. Of course I get lonely at times but we all are amazingly good at adaptation. Just remember, you are the most important person in your life and although it is perfectly alright to take care of those you love and who love you, their opinion must never stop you from living your life your own way. Good luck, Rose.