I know it shouldn't matter if the child is biologically related to me, but it is still something that bothers me a lot that I can't.
To me, the worst thing about being a transsexual is having this option taken away; having your own bio children with your partner is one of the most natural joyous events a person can have.
It has always been sad to me that being a transsexual means the end of biological reproduction. To those that have gotten over it (as in, not thinking about it all the time) , how did you get over it?
I know I was deeply saddened at first knowing I could never have my own children. However, that sadness has been replaced by my knowledge that one day I can adopt and provide a home to a child who desperately needs it.
Quote from: asiangurliee on October 23, 2007, 12:51:45 PM
It has always been sad to me that being a transsexual means the end of biological reproduction. To those that have gotten over it (as in, not thinking about it all the time) , how did you get over it?
I haven't. It breaks my heart, AND my wife's, as we never had children... and now never will. Not from me anyway.
I've been pondering adoption. A lot. I need to get through the last details of transitioning first, but it's fast becoming a top priority, as I'm running out of time. I don't want to leave this world without giving something BACK. Sure, it bothers me that I gave up the bio option, but still... an adopted child is just as much a joy ;)
~Kate~
There are many more things I plan on contributing to the Earth and the greater nucleus of mankind's understanding than simply squeezing out a kid. If more people thought about what they can do to truly make the world a better place rather than just have kids brainlessly, we might not be in such a tough spot.
Of course the thought of bearing a child is heart-warming to me. But there are other more satisfying accomplishments I can achieve.
As I always say, "It's sad that so many people go through life, and the only thing they ever accomplished is having kids." It's pretty depressing, I mean, good job - you had sex. Must have been really tough.
I guess in short, I got over it pretty fast. Better things to do.
Quote from: Blair on October 23, 2007, 01:14:58 PM
Of course the thought of bearing a child is heart-warming to me. But there are other more satisfying accomplishments I can achieve.
Ponder... ponder...
I'm comin' up empty here... ;)
~Kate~
The idea that I will never have any kids never bothered me. I like being alone and not needing to worry about how I am going to provide for someone else. I am extremely broke as it is and I would hate to put someone through being in poverty.
Quote from: Kate on October 23, 2007, 01:34:22 PM
Quote from: Blair on October 23, 2007, 01:14:58 PM
Of course the thought of bearing a child is heart-warming to me. But there are other more satisfying accomplishments I can achieve.
Ponder... ponder...
I'm comin' up empty here... ;)
~Kate~
What can I say? I'm young and full of contempt for the current global situation. My recently deceased father left his life's work on my shoulders. I can't leave the species hanging, here. I have a job to do.
I'll leave the baby making/adopting to those of you with the time to spare!
~ BB
I dont like the fact I will ever have a little Jay running around.. but I have started to think.. I cant have children I was never born to have children.. sometimes it helps. I could never give birth to a child so I cant have children...
I always figured, yes it's saddening in a way, but look how overpopulated the world is in the first place. By adopting not only are you making a huge difference in someone's life, but you'll also show them that there are people out there that care. That still doesn't mean it's sad in a way, just not something I need to think about because it will never happen.
All of the logistics of having children aside, I'm deeply saddened when I think about that. Sam and I actually tried for almost a year. Of course, this was before I started transitioning. It's been heart breaking for me, but as others have said, I know some day I can adopt.
Every time I watch TV and see a young baby, I cry. I'm certianly not over the fact that the opportunity to have my own child is one of the sacrifices that come along with transition.
Kelli, I understand about the tears.
From the other side of things, I can say that having children does not stop the tears. There are many days when you wonder why you ever did this. There are many tears of hurt. There are tears of sadness. And of course, tears of joy. But I can also tell you that more tears await those of us who have children and love them, but are torn because we had them before we started being true to ourselves. Many of us will lose them if we are out. That is one hell of a choice.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
I never could have children. I don't really think about it much. Sometimes I do. But I'm not much of a children person, unless they are for dinner. *kidding! -- those who watch my vlog will know what I'm talking about.*
Anyway, sometimes I think about it, but I don't know -- I just can't see myself having children or wanting children. I have other friends like that.
Maybe, someday, but I just can't see it.
Still, I can understand the sadness. And if you want children how hard it would be if you knew you couldn't have them. I've felt like that a couple of times before, strangely enough I get maternal sometimes, and I'm like, wow, I can't have children.
You have them or you don't have them.
If you have them, they grow up to hate you.
If you don't have them, you wish for them all your life. But if you had them, they'd still grow up to hate you.
Cindi
I have accepted the fact that I can't have children and i am ok with that. The great sadnness for me is like what Kristi said about coming out to our children and probably losing them. This has been one of the hardest choices for me in deciding to transition, was the fact that i might lose my 14 yr old son who is my buddy, but I know that I have to be true to myself and the only way for me to do that is to transition and become who I truly am. I have tried to prepare myself for the possibilty of losing him, but I know if that happens there will be alot of tears.
Hugz,
Ariana
Again, all the logistics aside, I've sat up so many nights feelings so robbed in that area. At one time, some one who I was with had a 6 year old daughter (Lauren). That little girl and I connected on an indescribably deep level. I still get tears in my eyes when I think of her. I feel robbed because I loved her so deeply. It was my very brief glimpse into what motherhood could be.
It's not about the physicality of being pregnant...although if it was possible I'd go through it. What I mean is I don't feel a sense of loss in the physical inability to bare a child. Where my sense of sadness comes in is when I think about the love that I have to give. It's one of the many things that I've sacrificed in order to transition.
I absolutely see the other points. I have a few friends who have experienced having kids completely reject and disown them.
Quote from: Cindi Jones on October 24, 2007, 12:35:55 AM
You have them or you don't have them.
If you have them, they grow up to hate you.
If you don't have them, you wish for them all your life. But if you had them, they'd still grow up to hate you.
Cindi
I was gong to say....having kids is a double edged sword. I think the younger they are when you transition, the better things are. I love my son more than anything on this planet and would do anything for him but one...not transition. I looked at it two ways...I could be here for him as a woman or not at all. I chose. If he hates me for it later in life, then so be it. But not all kids hate their parents Cindy. Some do and I'm sorry yours did. I cannot imagine the pain and anguish that brings to you daily.
Quote from: Cindi Jones on October 24, 2007, 12:35:55 AM
You have them or you don't have them.
If you have them, they grow up to hate you.
If you don't have them, you wish for them all your life. But if you had them, they'd still grow up to hate you.
Awl Cindi, I'm so sorry :(
Still, ya know it's not so uncommon for ANY parent to be hated by their kids... some never seem to get over the rebellious teenager phase and get stuck being so anti-authority.
But time does change people. They mature. Kids mature. And in time, their priorities may change... they may see what REALLY matters in this life are *people*, not issues and grudges and emotional baggage.
It might be different too for parents who have or adopt kids AFTER transitioning. I keep looking at my two young nephews and thinking,
"Wow, they'll never NOT know me as Aunt Kate!" There's no change, no adjustment for them to go through.
~Kate~