So I was thinking or imagining the future the other day.. basically just envisioning how certain things will be if I transition.. and I was thinking of how it will be for me to now be female in front of my family and maybe how my cousins or uncle might give me crap and think I didn't man up or something of that nature then I got to thinking why should it matter. Why should I care? If I feel like a woman and i am truly a woman inside than why do I need to man up why should I care I can just tell them I'm not a man so I have no shame about being a woman? Anyways what I'm asking is did hrt help you to drop all of the macho stuff that we all had to learn and conform to all of our lives I mean I'm trying to drop alot of that but its hard after 35years of living that way.. I feel like if I truly drop all of that out of my personality it may help me to not really care about what others think.. I lived and proved that I made it as a man I have the toughest and one of the most dangerous jobs a man could ever have i have been an honest man a good father excelled at me career so I'm thinking if anyone have me any crap about it I would just tell them well how does it feel knowing this transgender woman was more of a man than you will ever be lol but that would be more Mach crap coming out haha do maybe not a good idea
In my case I proved to myself, like you did, that I could "out man" the overwhelming majority of the ones with big mouths. Even with that there was some insecurity involved with letting go of the need to continually prove it.
HRT has helped a lot in making me mostly not care about any of that anymore. So the answer is yes, but I think the HRT only helps. You still have to do the letting go yourself.
Sapere Aude
I put this in the wrong area not sure how to move it I meant to put it in transgender topics
Hey Deborah thanks for responding.. yeah I'm trying to get rid of that stuff on my own its just hard when it's been ingrained in me my whole life.. I'm just hoping hrt will help with it
You're not alone in having learned how to pass as male (how I interpret what you're saying). I can relate a history as you describe, I've done stuff that very few men ever get to --- professionally, I'm fairly accomplished, I've done a lot of traditionally macho stuff. However when I realized I was female inside 20 years ago I just learned how to think more like a woman as I did them e.g. I rock climb in manner that's characteristic of females.
So I shed a lot of my attachments after deciding that while acknowledging myself as trans I wouldn't transition. What I didn't realize was just how much I was hiding and when some uncomfortable situations came up that pushed me into more male ways of doing things (resolving conflicts not of my making) it made me extremely angry and depressed - how I usually deal with anger.
Ultimately that has moved me to start HRT and to be out visibly transitioning.
Yes it's making me more happy, less defensive.
HRT has helped me shed abit of my ego, or rather I've become content with not being able to do things. I used to be very competitive but not so much these days. It has made me abit more docile as well. But that's just me. I spent 11 years working in Oil and Gas, and was very good at what I did. It was a noticeable change that people who I worked with noticed and asked me about before I was fired for being trans. They figured the changes were cause from HRT.
Ego in the workplace is the reason it is so hard to make practical, well thought out decisions. Which destroys morale
Honestly, in my workplace I do not really notice any difference in male and female egos. This may be unique to where I work or it may be that I'm not observant enough?
With "ego" being "sense of self", hormones will not take that away. The male attitude is likely to subside, as the female attitude comes in to play.
I'm glad to see this topic, it has been a big question for me too. I'm trying to quit smoking and lose some weight before hrt but the masculinity/dysphoria/isolation/depression quagmire is making it difficult.
I'd been wondering about this as well
Good topic yes to dig onself out from under the male ego ....I'm looking fkrward to hrt....this is such a mission
One thing that I have noticed lately is that if I'm discussing something of a controversial nature I no longer feel the need to "win" and get the last word. Before, particularly if I knew I was right, if somebody disagreed I would end up with a huge adrenaline rush and fight to the death, so to speak. That seems to be gone now and now I am just as happy to let it all go for the sake of peace.
This came in handy a few weeks ago at work when I did say something kind of offensive about conservatives. One guy I work with got really mad and started yelling at me. Amazingly, the old fight response wasn't there.
He did come back and apologize after a few hours so all is well.