This has probably been asked before, but has it? For me personally, before I transitioned I was uncomfortable with what is down there to begin with, but lately after I hit 4 months of hrt, My dysphoria down there has gotten worse. I keep wondering how I'm going to cope with it until I can get the surgery because I hate the sight of what's down there right now. I hate how self-conscious it makes me when I'm in public and if I didn't tuck right if it's visible or not. Is there anything I can do to make it not as bad, or am I stuck with it until SRS? It also just sucks when stuff like the testicles can't make up their mind if they want to shrink or not, I'm glad they aren't producing anything anymore, but still...just everything about it down there sucks right now.
It did during my first attempt at transition. This time though, no it hasn't, if anything I feel to the slightly positive side of neutral. I think that is due to doing a lot of personal work around self acceptance of my body and even self love. If my dysphoria around not being female wasn't so strong I would be quite happy with myself as I am.
For most of the time during this transition no, but every so often it spikes a little then goes back to what it normally is. Although those spikes are becoming a bit more common. I suppose it is probably to expected coming into SRS. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: Mariah on July 18, 2016, 08:14:37 AM
For most of the time during this transition know, but every so often it spikes a little then goes back to what it normally is. Although those spikes are becoming a bit more common. I suppose it is probably to expected coming into SRS. Hugs
Mariah
Hugs sounds like it. And it kind of is like a spike now that I think about it. I wish I could have SRS without all the waiting but just a thing we have to do.
Tis true. I may not like the hoops, but they are for a good reason. I could have moved slightly faster, but I'm actually glad I dragged my feet a couple of times. I'm far happier and healthier for it. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: link5019 on July 18, 2016, 08:16:42 AM
Hugs sounds like it. And it kind of is like a spike now that I think about it. I wish I could have SRS without all the waiting but just a thing we have to do.
Ever since my genitals were pointed out to me and made fun of during early childhood the dysphoria has always been there for me, maybe it's fluctuated some now and then but I can't really say that's it's gotten any better or worse over the years
I am very early in my transition and the sudden dsyphoria has been a real shock. It can be particularly pronounced when I am out in public in feminine-ish outfits or a sudden bout can happen without warning. My facial hair is making me sad and I find my self shaving far far more frequently than I ever had.
Quote from: Daria67 on July 18, 2016, 10:47:54 AM
I am very early in my transition and the sudden dsyphoria has been a real shock. It can be particularly pronounced when I am out in public in feminine-ish outfits or a sudden bout can happen without warning. My facial hair is making me sad and I find my self shaving far far more frequently than I ever had.
I had that same issue. I was shaving and sometimes so frequently it made it an issue and I ended accidentally cutting myself. It gets better though
I never really cared for having the dangly bits but, what can you do? You work with what you got. Besides, we had some pretty great times together.
However more and more these days I am having episodes of what can only be summed up as genital dysphoria, as the mind wanders to what life with vagina will be like. Not in an upsetting wayto have the dangly bits, just fantasizing life on the other side in MUCH more seriousness then ever before. Certainly a vagina is potentially a lot more useful then the dangly bits are these days :o I never imagined this happening, but it is.
Quote from: JoanneB on July 18, 2016, 06:06:04 PM
I never really cared for having the dangly bits but, what can you do? You work with what you got. Besides, we had some pretty great times together.
However more and more these days I am having episodes of what can only be summed up as genital dysphoria, as the mind wanders to what life with vagina will be like. Not in an upsetting wayto have the dangly bits, just fantasizing life on the other side in MUCH more seriousness then ever before. Certainly a vagina is potentially a lot more useful then the dangly bits are these days :o I never imagined this happening, but it is.
The dangly bits have never been very useful to me honestly. I always was uncomfortable with them and wish they were't there. I made the decision never to use those bits and wait for anything that involves that area sexually until after srs.
Yes, when I present as female in public. Genital dysphoria is, for me, the biggest reason I object to the RLE requirement for SRS. Going out dressed, with nice makeup and clothes is spoiled by the worry of having a bulge down there. I hate it. It would be so much easier if I were anatomically correct.
With kindness,
Terri
Quote from: Maybebaby56 on July 18, 2016, 06:32:52 PM
Yes, when I present as female in public. Genital dysphoria is, for me, the biggest reason I object to the RLE requirement for SRS. Going out dressed, with nice makeup and clothes is spoiled by the worry of having a bulge down there. I hate it. It would be so much easier if I were anatomically correct.
With kindness,
Terri
I agree. It kind of defeats the purpose of RLE if you don't tuck properly or something just shows, and then you get called out so it's like I need to do RLE before surgery, but I can't do true RLE until surgery XD
Coming from the other side of the fence, but yes, it did! I went from having none whatsoever (not as in I liked what I had, but more so that I could easily ignore it) to full blown "I need to fix this ASAP". That shift didn't come until after my chest surgery. At that point I had been on HRT for a while and was passing consistently, and fixing my chest was the last thing that kept society/the public from seeing me as male. But I still knew about the rest of me and that just didn't jive with the mental picture I had for myself.
Went from not considering bottom surgery to having researched and scheduled it within about nine months.
Quote from: FTMax on July 18, 2016, 07:25:27 PM
Coming from the other side of the fence, but yes, it did! I went from having none whatsoever (not as in I liked what I had, but more so that I could easily ignore it) to full blown "I need to fix this ASAP". That shift didn't come until after my chest surgery. At that point I had been on HRT for a while and was passing consistently, and fixing my chest was the last thing that kept society/the public from seeing me as male. But I still knew about the rest of me and that just didn't jive with the mental picture I had for myself.
Went from not considering bottom surgery to having researched and scheduled it within about nine months.
Oh wow o.o How did the results turn out ^_^
flippant answer: yes
less flippant answer: it depends. When I first came out as trans I went through a period of intense dysphoria about my genitals. Convinced that my genitals could never be fixed, I managed to make the dysphoria fade by pushing my focus away from that and trying to embrace what I had. It was imperfect and I had a real problem with sexual function during that time, but I didn't think about my genitals much, so #winning. Since I started testosterone, the changes to my brain and specifically to my sexuality (the way I orgasm) have forced focus back on my genitals. I also have room to think about surgeries because I completed my top surgery. So I think about it a lot although the pain is in some ways less. Testosterone oddly enough made me more comfortable with my front hole than I had ever been. (So weird.) Masturbation changed a lot, almost like a relearning process. Transitioning has made it possible for me to consume het porn, which I was previously disgusted by, but unfortunately looking at a lot of beaver makes me feel bad about how I perceive my genitals as looking. So, it's complicated, but I definitely think about it more and have bad feelings about it more. At the same time, I'm comfortable with more stuff sexually and I'm not sorry about the t-dick thing even if it didn't accomplish what I would like. I hope to find out there are more options four years from now than there are now.
Quote from: Maybebaby56 on July 18, 2016, 06:32:52 PM
Yes, when I present as female in public. Genital dysphoria is, for me, the biggest reason I object to the RLE requirement for SRS. Going out dressed, with nice makeup and clothes is spoiled by the worry of having a bulge down there. I hate it. It would be so much easier if I were anatomically correct.
With kindness,
Terri
I hate the whole notion of RLE. What a cruel joke. The people who prescribe such dehumanizing actions have never had to do something so difficult themselves. Just because a minority of trans people can successfully pass pre-hormones does not mean the rest of us can or should try. What possible therapeutic value is there to making a patient a lightning rod for transphobic and misogynistic hatred?
Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on July 19, 2016, 05:36:17 AM
I hate the whole notion of RLE. What a cruel joke. The people who prescribe such dehumanizing actions have never had to do something so difficult themselves. Just because a minority of trans people can successfully pass pre-hormones does not mean the rest of us can or should try. What possible therapeutic value is there to making a patient a lightning rod for transphobic and misogynistic hatred?
That's a good point. With RLE well it means that you should be able to live as your desired gender with no hiccups. Well some things you can't have RLE with until after SRS like the sexual activity. And for those that don't want the world to know they are trans, dating is kind of going against RLE isn't it? I mean you kind of have to tell your partner that you're trans and that kind of defeats the purpose of RLE right? I understand it's to like show that hey you absolutely want this surgery, but at the same time it's like I have to spend two years proving I'm a woman, less if you do your HRT and RLE at the same time. I personally have done RLE for about a month now, and only made the decision to because I can easily pass, but still what about the people who can't. Pre-hormones I was in the middle, slightly feminine so it could go either way. I just, there needs to be a better way to go about this, whether it's shortening the RLE time or something because as far to my knowledge I have not ever read of a Cisgendered person going and being on hrt for years and trying to get the surgery. Like if I can go on HRT for an extended period of time and it's documented I'm happy, is that really not enough?
Talk about a timely topic...I don't think my genital dysphoria has either increased or decreased. It is very hard to tell. I have found with the quietening of my Dysphoria as a whole I am able to better think through how I feel about things. I feel really strange...so calm...and when I think about things like SRS it has traditionally been very traumatic for me but now it is just a simple fact...I want to be as complete anatomically as I can be and I also have no real affection for my penis and testicles. They will be handy to help form a neo vagina but apart from that they have only ever done two things right by me and that would be my daughters apart from that they have caused me mostly shame and greif. Prior to HRT I could not clarify any of that, it is like I really do want to be able to pass, I have always told myself it doesn't matter to me...well I was wrong and it does matter to me.
I have spent my whole life thinking about things in terms of who I could not be and what I could not achieve rather than what I did want and what I could achieve...since beginning transition in September last year I have come to recognise just how miserable I am with my current physical configuration. I don't know how I am going to do it but I am going to have SRS. Making that decision was not as difficult as I thought it would be and I think that is because in part I know that for me to deal with my dysphoria to a point where I can get on my my life. I can't do it by half measures...and not having SRS would be a half measure for me!
So no I don't think it got worse I just recognised it for what it was...although I have to say, nearly cutting my penis off when I was about 13 was a bit of a clue for me.
Liz
Quote from: ElizabethK on July 19, 2016, 06:43:15 AM
Talk about a timely topic...I don't think my genital dysphoria has either increased or decreased. It is very hard to tell. I have found with the quietening of my Dysphoria as a whole I am able to better think through how I feel about things. I feel really strange...so calm...and when I think about things like SRS it has traditionally been very traumatic for me but now it is just a simple fact...I want to be as complete anatomically as I can be and I also have no real affection for my penis and testicles. They will be handy to help form a neo vagina but apart from that they have only ever done two things right by me and that would be my daughters apart from that they have caused me mostly shame and greif. Prior to HRT I could not clarify any of that, it is like I really do want to be able to pass, I have always told myself it doesn't matter to me...well I was wrong and it does matter to me.
I have spent my whole life thinking about things in terms of who I could not be and what I could not achieve rather than what I did want and what I could achieve...since beginning transition in September last year I have come to recognise just how miserable I am with my current physical configuration. I don't know how I am going to do it but I am going to have SRS. Making that decision was not as difficult as I thought it would be and I think that is because in part I know that for me to deal with my dysphoria to a point where I can get on my my life. I can't do it by half measures...and not having SRS would be a half measure for me!
So no I don't think it got worse I just recognised it for what it was...although I have to say, nearly cutting my penis off when I was about 13 was a bit of a clue for me.
Liz
I tried pulling it off at 8...my parents took it as I was trying to pleasure myself when I wasn't, now they don't even remember the event. This is very interesting ^_^ All the responses :)
Had genital dysphoria bad for a while. Then when I figured out the proper tucking methods and don't have the bulge anymore. I kind of forget about it.
I've only acknowledged I'm trans in the spring, and before that I didn't like my genitals but didn't know why. I always hated my breasts, and became even more uncomfortable with my vagina. Now that I've acknowledged that I'm a trans guy to myself and starting to tell a couple folks close to me, I'm definitely feeling more misaligned in this female body, not just genitals, but curves, everything. Trying to figure out next stops now and researching and thinking about what I want to do.
Quote from: link5019 on July 19, 2016, 04:58:58 AM
Quote from: FTMax on July 18, 2016, 07:25:27 PM
Coming from the other side of the fence, but yes, it did! I went from having none whatsoever (not as in I liked what I had, but more so that I could easily ignore it) to full blown "I need to fix this ASAP". That shift didn't come until after my chest surgery. At that point I had been on HRT for a while and was passing consistently, and fixing my chest was the last thing that kept society/the public from seeing me as male. But I still knew about the rest of me and that just didn't jive with the mental picture I had for myself.
Went from not considering bottom surgery to having researched and scheduled it within about nine months.
Oh wow o.o How did the results turn out ^_^
I'll report back once it's done :) Expecting to have the first stage (of 2) in August.
Quote from: FTMax on July 19, 2016, 01:40:52 PM
Oh wow o.o How did the results turn out ^_^
I'll report back once it's done :) Expecting to have the first stage (of 2) in August.
Oooh I hope it turns out well!!!
Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on July 19, 2016, 05:36:17 AM
I hate the whole notion of RLE. What a cruel joke. The people who prescribe such dehumanizing actions have never had to do something so difficult themselves. Just because a minority of trans people can successfully pass pre-hormones does not mean the rest of us can or should try. What possible therapeutic value is there to making a patient a lightning rod for transphobic and misogynistic hatred?
Well spoken. You absolutely nailed it!
Blessings to you,
Terri
Yes, especially after going full time and legal name change etc.
For me it is the most obvious reminder that I am still in a male body. Kinda breaks the illusion- even if it's just in my mind.
Prolly the worst time is changing, showering or using the restroom.
A new one that threw me off was hair removal of the surgical site as well. Definitely in my face that I'm still not quite there.
Suppose I'll be that much more thankful for my future self staring back at me through the mirror ;-)
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Quote from: Brooke on July 19, 2016, 11:37:21 PM
Yes, especially after going full time and legal name change etc.
For me it is the most obvious reminder that I am still in a male body. Kinda breaks the illusion- even if it's just in my mind.
Prolly the worst time is changing, showering or using the restroom.
A new one that threw me off was hair removal of the surgical site as well. Definitely in my face that I'm still not quite there.
Suppose I'll be that much more thankful for my future self staring back at me through the mirror ;-)
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Yeah it really does break the illusion when you go into areas like that.
The more self-conscious I become, dysphoria goes were it's never gone before.
Restrooms, Restrooms, did I mention Restrooms...? :(
But I think the severity is also related to the divorce stress I encounter now for more than half a year and the road block it puts in my way.
It would get pretty bad when I was much younger. I never really had what I would consider to be a severe bottom dysphoria. Some people get suicidal feelings or intense depression, though my issues were more with everything else.
I definitely would be 10x's more comfortable in my own skin if I had the female genitalia down there though.
I never really had a lot of genital dysphoria in the past. I am finding now that I am starting to transition and the possibility of getting to live as a woman gets more real, I feel it more. I tuck when I get out of the shower now, because I don't like what I see in the mirror.
Yep its gotten pretty rough over the years. Its at its worst now since I'm really social nowadays and I really want to continue dating but Im not able to anymore cause of the dysphoria.
Quote from: Lady_Oracle on July 23, 2016, 03:42:47 AM
Yep its gotten pretty rough over the years. Its at its worst now since I'm really social nowadays and I really want to continue dating but Im not able to anymore cause of the dysphoria.
I've been having that issue too. Dating, I want to, and I've become more social, but at the same time I can't bring myself to date because of the dysphoria.
I get random bouts of dysphoria but tucking helps. I can wear more fitting clothes and it reminded me that I am doing fine.
Transition can be so revealing, reassuring and darned hard to predict. I knew I was on the right path with the right hormones and developing a body more congruent with my gender identity. I initially intended no surgery but as my body changed those genitals were more difficult to reconcile. I have now had an orchiectomy and will consider GCS.
There are degrees of dysphoria and, in my case, not bad enough to push me too fast. I have coped with what I have for a very long time and still make the most of every intimate opportunity with my spouse. Intimacy is actually better for me now as I do try to accept the current reality of being a girl with a small penis or a very large clitoris :D
Quote from: Tessa James on July 23, 2016, 01:22:48 PM
Transition can be so revealing, reassuring and darned hard to predict. I knew I was on the right path with the right hormones and developing a body more congruent with my gender identity. I initially intended no surgery but as my body changed those genitals were more difficult to reconcile. I have now had an orchiectomy and will consider GCS.
There are degrees of dysphoria and, in my case, not bad enough to push me too fast. I have coped with what I have for a very long time and still make the most of every intimate opportunity with my spouse. Intimacy is actually better for me now as I do try to accept the current reality of being a girl with a small penis or a very large clitoris :D
I actually really like your view point! I like the idea of seeing it as a small penis or a large clitoris XD I never thought of it that way, but I'll have to try that. I have been considering an orchiectomy recently, thinking that maybe that would help a little bit, but I'm still on the fence with that.
No.
As a male it was my best part, that and my eyes... my dysphoria wasn't related to that part of my body. I like it still.
I now realize I will not pass, I don't have the budget for that and I hate any surgeries, maybe the only one I would consider is breast augmentation. Plus I'm 6' tall, so the first impression will always be... not a woman.
I like my body, how HRT reshaped it (so quickly). I don't have hips, always been very slim, I won't look like an average woman, but I'm certain I can be very hot in the right and sexy enough clothes (when I can get them). And I won't care about the bulge. Some men are interested in that. I'm a hybrid. I like miself, just like that. And that makes me much stronger. So HRT will be enough, maybe orchi since these two really annoy me and often hurt, but even then...
Quote from: link5019 on July 23, 2016, 01:45:01 PM
I actually really like your view point! I like the idea of seeing it as a small penis or a large clitoris XD I never thought of it that way, but I'll have to try that. I have been considering an orchiectomy recently, thinking that maybe that would help a little bit, but I'm still on the fence with that.
After 3+ years on HRT I like the shrinkage very much and have less bulge after the orchi. We watched a very funny movie last night ("Most Likely") and a couple were talking about his small penis and his partner says something like; it is so cute, like a little mouse i want to cuddle ;D ;D
Quote from: Soli on July 23, 2016, 02:28:27 PM
No.
As a male it was my best part, that and my eyes... my dysphoria wasn't related to that part of my body. I like it still.
I now realize I will not pass, I don't have the budget for that and I hate any surgeries, maybe the only one I would consider is breast augmentation. Plus I'm 6' tall, so the first impression will always be... not a woman.
I like my body, how HRT reshaped it (so quickly). I don't have hips, always been very slim, I won't look like an average woman, but I'm certain I can be very hot in the right and sexy enough clothes (when I can get them). And I won't care about the bulge. Some men are interested in that. I'm an hybrid. I like miself, just like that. And that makes me much stronger. So HRT will be enough, maybe orchi since these two really annoy me and often hurt, but even then...
I like your assertive declaration and appreciate the idea of being a hybrid. I share that and have never really tucked either so I accept my little bulge too. I also appreciate any trans person who can accept themselves just the way we are.
My main reason for an orchi was to eliminate the T factories, reduce my medication and never have to worry about going back :D
Quote from: Tessa James on July 23, 2016, 02:35:42 PM
After 3+ years on HRT I like the shrinkage very much and have less bulge after the orchi. We watched a very funny movie last night ("Most Likely") and a couple were talking about his small penis and his partner says something like; it is so cute, like a little mouse i want to cuddle ;D ;D
I never actually could find a rough estimate on how much shrinkage can happen down there. I am a bit nervous about an Orchi because from what I've read, if your surgeon doesn't do the incision correctly, it can effect SRS and complicate things.
Pre hormones.. I never hated my male bits ( and dare I say I even enjoyed them ). but i never felt they belonged there and wanted them gone.. then awhile after being on hormones.. everything stopped working completely..
My wife would touch them and then get disgusted and role over..( she didn't mean it to be.. but i think that its the worst thing anybody has ever done to me..)... that's when real genital dysphoria kicked in hard.. it takes every once of self control to not too cut it off right now.. really the only thing stopping me is surgery scheduled in 3 months ..
I hated the 1 year RLE... but in that year i have learned alot and have come along way in accepting myself and others... no small feat.. My vote would be to keep it..
Quote from: link5019 on July 23, 2016, 06:36:19 PM
I never actually could find a rough estimate on how much shrinkage can happen down there. I am a bit nervous about an Orchi because from what I've read, if your surgeon doesn't do the incision correctly, it can effect SRS and complicate things.
The shrinkage varies. Knowing more than a few trans girls, it seems that those who use the equipment more often get less. The process of getting to SRS/GCS gives us plenty of time to make inquires and find out just what your preferred surgeon requires. My orchi was proceeded by most of the same steps; Two psych letters, RLE, etc. Risks are low but, unavoidable and at some point we are in someone else's hands. Someone we hopefully can trust. :D
Quote from: Tessa James on July 24, 2016, 12:57:14 PM
The shrinkage varies. Knowing more than a few trans girls, it seems that those who use the equipment more often get less. The process of getting to SRS/GCS gives us plenty of time to make inquires and find out just what your preferred surgeon requires. My orchi was proceeded by most of the same steps; Two psych letters, RLE, etc. Risks are low but, unavoidable and at some point we are in someone else's hands. Someone we hopefully can trust. :D
Wait, you need 2 letters for an orchi? My understand was you had to get a letter from your doctor referring you, not from two psychs. And well I only use it about every 3 weeks, just don't have a reason to touch it otherwise lol.
Quote from: link5019 on July 24, 2016, 07:19:53 PM
Wait, you need 2 letters for an orchi? My understand was you had to get a letter from your doctor referring you, not from two psychs. And well I only use it about every 3 weeks, just don't have a reason to touch it otherwise lol.
I don't know about requirements where you are but, that is what I faced in Oregon; Two letters, two different, credentialed Psych folks and i already had 3+ years of RLE ;)
I loved the change in my libido after starting HRT and don't miss being so impacted by testosterone. What a relief :D
Nope, transition has only helped diminish my dysphoria. It's annoying to have to tuck in the meantime, before I can get bottom surgery. But it's much more manageable now than it was.
Hugs,
- Katie
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