Thanks the the toxic news stories seeping in through my social media accounts and T.V, I have been suffering from very disturbing, upsetting, and terrifying thoughts of things that will most likely never happen to me. I can't escape those thoughts either. I try to distract myself with online games, artwork, listening to music, even socializing in public with friends, and all have failed to make the thoughts let up. It's awful. And I think they're getting progressively worse. Thanks to racial tension and trigger happy police you see on the news, and the stories you hear of innocent people being jailed or mistakenly executed on death row, these thoughts are mainly ones of being arrested for something I didn't do. Being detained for hours against my will, fighting for my rights in court, it's all very unlikely. I know this. It's quite obvious it won't happen. I had thoughts like these before but nowadays, they have been utterly relentless. Now, every time I see a cop car on the street, or hear a police siren I seize in place, and almost cry...
You can argue that "a few bad apples" are the ones getting all the media attention, and that police fear for their lives as well, and you would be correct. Like I said, I'm sure that a cop coming to arrest me or harm me for no reason is a 1 in 100 chance or less. But remember, this is irrational anxiety and OCD that I'm dealing with. It doesn't give a damn about counter arguments, let alone of my wishes to make my brain stop throwing terrifying scenario after terrifying scenario at me almost 24/7.
There isn't an hour that goes by when I don't think about what I'm going to do if I get arrested. I can't shut my brain off. My head feels like it's full of sludge with all the terror it has created and left to rot. I can take my Ativan, but that just leaves me so apathetic and tired. I can quit facebook since I have family and friends I talk to and I'm an admin to a group.
I just really want my brain to stop.
I've been plagued with intrusive thoughts ever since I can remember. So far distracting myself seems to be the only thing that helps but sometimes those thoughts can be more powerful and seem to take over my mind. Some days it seems impossible to cancel out all the horrible scenarios that play in my mind (the combination of OCD, depression and anxiety only amplifies intrusive thoughts). During those times I remind myself that the thoughts never last forever and always pass. Sorry I can't be of much help here. I'll probably learn more coping methods when I start seeing a therapist.
I didn't have it that bad, I think, but the depression and anxiety would often send me looping over Bad Thoughts for hours on end, definitely not good for my continued existance. I had to learn meditation to find my way to a calm state. My therapist pointed me to a series of "audio guided meditations" (Google that!) that were helpful. I'd find a quiet spot and play them from my phone when I got in a bad state.