I have read several threads were people have had good experiences with this, and am hoping this is how my wife takes it.
The reason I think she will be okay with it. She has called me a girl several times when I'm the one who tears up at sappy movies and she doesn't. She knows I like women's clothing. She has also commented on my making female characters for my games, saying things like "you just want to have boobs" and such. Maybe she already knows, maybe she doesn't.
The reason I'm afraid is that she jokes about the bathroom stuff by saying stuff about 1 president doing something like freeing the slaves, putting men on the moon and stuff, and Obama putting a man in the woman's room.
Any tips on how to come out to the spouse would be appreciated.
I wish I have some good advice for you, but I don't. I came out to my wife out of sheer desperation at the realization that not coming out would mean living with regret for the rest of my life. It took me months to work up the courage to do it. Finally, my only thought was, "Gotta do it. Gotta do it. Gotta do it."
When I finally did it, the conversation started something like this: "There's something I have to tell you. It's really hard to talk about, and I don't know how you will take it. I am pretty sure I am transgender." Just a couple of sentences to give her a head's up that something heavy was coming down, but not beating around the bush.
I decided ahead of time that I would have to accept whatever her reaction was. I literally had no idea how she would take it. If she had decided to leave me, I was ready to accept that, including the financial consequences. As it turned out, her reaction was better than I could have hoped for.
I have no good advice either. I came out as trans to my wife because I was on the brink of suicide because of her extreme fury about cross dressing. If she had given a different reaction I might not be here today. But once she understood the fury disappeared also.
I couldn't take keeping it from my partner anymore either. The topic came up and I pretty much blurted it out. I've had to remind him multiple times and we've had some arguments over it since then but him at least knowing has gotten a lot off my chest. He still misgenders me, but nowhere near as much as he used to. Some people take a long time to get used to it and fully accept it, and I'm holding on to the hope that he will truly accept me one day.
Maybe the next time the topic is brought up is a good time to tell your wife. There were multiple times I hinted about being trans without outing myself, so when I came out during that certain conversation, my partner understood the signs a little more than I expected.
Update:
My wife dragged it out of me today. Were talking about what to do, and I said I wanted to get a blouse. She then talked about why, and basically forced me to talk about it. She knew I liked the cross dressing, and now she knows everything. She gave me some of her old clothes that no longer fit her, fit me perfectly though. She was angry, and a bit upset, but understanding at the same time, and she said she was fairly certain that this was what it was. One of her exes is a MtF also, and she helped him along. She doesn't know what she will do if/when I progress as she is not into women, but she loves me, so....I guess it went alright, even though I wasn't really prepared to come out to anyone yet.
Thanks everyone!
Glad to hear it went well.
My therapist said that anger helps our spouses come to terms with this (as part of the coping mechanism)
Best of luck
Steff