I'm really new to this site and this is going to be my first thing I've really done on here. I'll be 15 in September and came out as trans to my single mother recently. I'm intersex, so the transition won't be as drastic as some because without T I have a two inch possibly penis?? I have female genitalia as well as whatever you can call my member and no testis so I guess I'm ftm. No beard no deep voice. I've always said I was a boy since I could first talk and my transition is just going to help my body image. Not planning on going on T until I'm 18 or older, the same for top surgery.I like nachos, David Bowie, the emo trinity, pierce the veil, the labyrinth, nightcourt, fishing, riding my atv, and working on the tractor (I live on a 56 acre farm). Arkansas is beautiful but intolerant so I'm thinking of living somewhere with a view of the ocean because I really want to study hagfish. I LOVE people, and acting like a nut, and late summer running around the farm fishing and throwing apples at my bros... They have been so supportive of me- I cried, so one binder and a roll of socks later I can pass, and they showed me this site so I could get advice
Hi and welcome!
You're sort of the opposite of me! :D
I've got external male genitalia but also turned out to have an ovary that was just found out, by complete accident, a couple of years ago when I was 35.
Found that out when it turned into a cyst and I had to have it removed—thought it was just an abdominal cyst when I went into surgery though, and so did the surgeon! Everyone was incredibly surprised, but it did explain why I've always had high levels of estrogen and somewhat low levels of testosterone. They just evened out and I got, the way I look at it, the best of both worlds.
It ended up explaining a lot about my physical appearance too; I'm pretty short, have 'softer' features, a mid-range voice, wide hips, sparse body hair, let's not talk about how I could only ever grow random patches of facial hair, and a lot of features many would consider traditionally 'feminine'. Until June 30th of this year, I also had actual breasts (not just fat tissue). Sadly, those had to go due to a high family risk of cancer, but I don't miss them all that much.
My parents were great and let me explore all things gender related throughout my life, then let me pick which gender I wanted around puberty to use day to day (back in the early 90s 'gender fluid' wasn't really a thing—or rather, wasn't a thing that had a proper name for it. I do remember asking if 'both' was an option though.); I chose male, but really tend to live in what I call a 50/50 state. I am whatever I'm read as, and always kind of like to have people guess if they don't already know me and, for me, you can't get the pronouns wrong because I'm comfortable with he/him and she/her.
While I'm technically intersex from a medical perspective, I can't honestly say I identify that way since I wasn't aware of it and that part was removed (and as far as I know, I haven't got a second ovary! :) ).
It's always great to hear about someone else having a supportive family; those tend to be far rarer than they ought to be, and it makes such a huge difference in mental and physical health when someone has a supportive family. I sometimes feel a bit bad talking about mine as I don't want it to come off like 'bragging' or to have it upset people who didn't have a supportive family.
Honestly, the best advice I got from my parents was to do what made me comfortable and made me feel the best about myself as long as it wasn't self-destructive or harmful to anyone else, and use it as a gauge as to how other people fit into my life.
They were also adamant with me that there's no wrong way to present yourself and no wrong way for anyone's body to appear; you present yourself as you are and how you're most comfortable, not as what you think you should be to make others comfortable. I wish I'd been able to take that advice as a teenager, but, teenagers can be pretty notorious for not taking parental advice sometimes. It took me until my mid-20s to fully be able to kind of get what they were trying to teach me.
What I did learn, in retrospect, is that trying to mold yourself to fit what you think you should be as opposed to what you are only leads to anxiety, stress, depression, and general unhappiness anyway—because lord knows I tried doing that in high school for awhile and it never ended with me being happy or comfortable with anything, and made it hard to keep proper friends as they always got to know an act I was putting on to try and fit in with them instead of getting to know me.
When it came to my body, when I was a teenager, I went through thinking I was really not masculine enough looking or acting and kind of looked like a girl--having breasts didn't help that either. It also didn't help my self-image that my younger brother is very masculine, tall, bulky linebacker type build, etc...and I found myself comparing my overall body to his and being jealous that he somehow got to be a boy AND obviously look like one.
It helped that I was overweight and they could be passed off as 'fat guy boobs'. For awhile I tried to be a lot of what I wasn't, which was more masculine seeming because I thought I was supposed to be that way because I'm a guy. All that ended up happening was that I ended up with kind of terrible friends, and was always a mix of anxious and depressed because I was presenting myself as something that I wasn't and knew I wasn't.
Once I gave up doing that and just presented myself how I was the most comfortable, life got a lot easier.
At this point in my life now, I can easily and happily toss on a skirt and go to work and nobody says a word to my face or even comments on it. I can just as happily show up in jeans and a t-shirt, it all just depends on what I'm most comfortable with that day. Today is a skirt day, if you were curious.
I know it sounds hokey to say 'be yourself', but once you can drill that into your head, it's a very freeing path; having supportive family and friends just makes it easier to get there.
With surgery (any surgery, tbh!), just do tons and tons and tons of research about the procedure(s), the healing processes, the complications that you might run into, and definitely research your surgeon well to make sure you get the end results you want.
The top surgery board here was incredibly helpful for me when I had my surgery back in June in showing me exactly what I could expect in terms of healing, what it would look like, etc...so I had no surprises and no worries along the way as I already knew what to expect, and knew where to set my expectations as to what my chest would realistically look like throughout the healing process after having my breasts removed.
Even though you're not planning yours for a few more years, I'd highly recommend reading through it as there's a lot of good information there. Going in to the process already well informed will make it a lot smoother and a lot less stressful.
Welcome!
Hi Jayden :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
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