I'd been planning to write letters to my siblings in early June telling them that I'm transitioning. (I decided that a real live paper-and-pen letter would be best.) I found it really hard to get myself to do it and when I'd sit down to compose something, the words wouldn't come.
I think the problem is that I don't expect my siblings to actually care. I grew up experiencing that nobody cared what I felt (esp. my parents), except maybe to make fun of me or criticize me, and I soon learned not to reveal anything that mattered or that made me feel vulnerable. Whether it's my behavior or the family tradition, I've never had more than a superficial relationship with anyone, and the few times that anything deeper has come up, I've gotten unsupportive responses -- either implying blame or sometimes flat out saying "we don't want to hear about it." I once described it as feeling like I'm the family dog -- you feed the dog and take him for his shots, but it's not like you are interested in what's going on with him or anything he has to say, for that matter. And if he howls or whines or barks, you put him in the basement until he shuts up.
Also, the times I've seen family members, I've dressed pretty much the way I've been dressing everywhere except work: skirts with feminine or neutral tops, sometimes dresses, and nobody has said a word.
Anyway, after a few false starts, I got about 4 sentences stating the bare facts -- old and new names, full-time date, and that they'd see me as their "new sister" when the family gets together next summer -- and yesterday I sat down and wrote the letters out. I was going to post them on the way to work this morning, but I couldn't sleep, so I went down to the post office in the middle of the night and dropped them in and came back to bed.
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In other news, I met with my attorney about the name change petition. Hopefully, everything will be ready by the time the new copy of my birth certificate arrives and we'll get it in this month. So maybe it will be official in the next month or two. My passport expires in November, and it would be nice to renew it with my new name and gender marker, rather than having to do it twice.
That's very brave.
I hope it goes well.
Hi Asche, That is a seriously bold move. I'd be sick waiting for responses. I hope it goes well for you and please let us know how it turns out.
Hugs
B
Good luck honey.
I only came out to my dad. The others are busy laughing about my nails.
Let em laugh. I dont give a crap about it.
Funny how things change when you've had it with the bs.
I lost friends when I came out. Religeon played a part in that.
Good luck honey.
Indeed a big step. How were the reactions? (If you're OK to share it – and I hope they were good)
I got a card from one of my sisters-in-law. It basically thanked me for sharing this with them and asked me to be patient if they occasionally messed up names and/or pronouns. Not bad, but it still leaves me uncertain as to what, if anything, they're thinking.
I haven't heard anything from anyone else.
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Oh, and I met with the attorney. We've got everything together to file the petition for a legal name change, including the check and my signature. He hopes to file it this week. The court order might come next month, but almost certainly by the end of the year. It's getting real....