I unfortunately don't have a say in any kind of therapy I go to as I am a minor. My mom doesn't like it when I pick my own therapists and would much rather do it on her own. I'll probably be starting therapy anywhere between now and October.
I was at the doctor's office today, getting my annual school-year checkup. As I'm starting the school year, my doctor wants me in therapy. My mom agrees. They want me in therapy due to Generalized Anxiety Disorder and because of the fact that I'm currently not taking any medication for it. Even then, though not all of them are, a lot of my problems are due to being trans. I decided that it was time to stop prancing around therapists and I'll be straight up honest about the whole gender-fiasco-thing to whoever my next one may be, because there'd be no getting out of it, anyways.
My doctor asked me if I knew what cognitive behavioral therapy was, I said no. That's the kind she and my mom want me to go to. This is how my doctor explained it to me.
"See this iPad?" she asked.
"Yeah." I said. It was sitting in her lap, the wallpaper of it being a kitten.
"Think about it like this. I'm afraid that if I touch this iPad, the little kitty-cat will jump out of the screen and scratch me in the face. What they do is they make you touch the screen to realize that won't happen."
I would've laughed at the example, but one of my "irrational fears" suddenly came to mind. Anyone who sees me will never see me without a hoodie on unless I absolutely have to take it off. It doesn't matter how hot it is outside, I always wear a hoodie due to chest dysphoria. I'd sit in the shade. I've had this problem for a long time, I even remember being around eleven years old and asking on Yahoo Answers, "I always feel like that if I take my jacket off in public that people will stare at my chest, even if my shirt isn't revealing?" (Poor eleven year old, had-no-idea-it-was-dysphoria-me) And sure, it can be part of GAD, but it's mostly due to gender dysphoria. I then knew it'd be best if I just straight up told my therapist, "Hey, I'm transgender, it causes me a lot of problems. I'm not comfortable with taking off my sweatshirt, and never will be until I've had surgery, I understand it's your job, but please don't try to fix that fear on your own." (Course, it'll probably escalate into a conversation about my trans issues, which I will have to mentally prepare myself for.)
This is the part where I ask for advice. Have any of you ever been to cognitive behavioral therapy? What was it like? I doubt the therapist is going to be built to deal with trans issues, so what could I expect from telling them I'm trans? One of my fears is that they'll say, "Sorry, I can help the best I can but I'm not very good with that field." and proceed to ask "innocently ignorant" questions, something like that. Hopefully they'll talk to my mom? I don't know. I guess they could advise I go to a therapist who deals with trans issues, but I just don't want anyone else in my family to find out I'm going to therapy for that purpose, because then things would get complicated and fights will probably break out.
Agh, wow. Why do things have to be so unnecessarily difficult? Sometimes I feel like my life is a mid 2000's teen sitcom, haha.
Your options are to waste time and remain in the closet or come out, address the issue and move forward. Should you decide to move forward, you will have to train your therapist and you can start by providing a link or copy of the accepted standards of care (http://www.wpath.org/site_page.cfm?pk_association_webpage_menu=1351&pk_association_webpage=3926). Your therapist should understand and start following the guidelines or suggest to your parents that you see a therapist that will treat you by the standard. Yes there may be some difficulty with others but I suspect as you proceed through treatment, you will decide it's worth it.
Quote from: MisterQueer on August 11, 2016, 11:40:52 PM
This is the part where I ask for advice. Have any of you ever been to cognitive behavioral therapy? What was it like? I doubt the therapist is going to be built to deal with trans issues, so what could I expect from telling them I'm trans?
I went to a cognitive behavioral therapy for generalized anxiety, but didn't want to be there and never told the therapist about gender stuff. From what I can recall, the therapist just asked why I was nervous about ABC, then tried to have me come up with solutions in order to do ABC. She also suggested yoga, which I wouldn't do due to panic attacks (yoga=dysphoria). She eventually said because I wouldn't try her suggestions or take meds, that there was no way for her to help me.
She also found out I wasn't returning after the holidays because of insurances changing, so she seemed pretty bitter (but that's beside the point).-------------------
Basically, they can't really force you to do anything if you don't want to. So if the sweatshirt situation becomes a problem, you could always move on to other issues you want to deal with. In the short time that I went there, I mostly lead the conversation or was asked about how things progressed from the previous visit.
Like Dena said, you'll probably have to train your therapist. Hopefully they will be willing to learn and listen. My impression was that all therapists were going to be like my first one, and refused to consider therapy again until recently. Keep in mind that not every therapist is necessarily good, and not all will immediately (if at all) click with you. There are always different therapists out there.
As for your family finding out, I'm sort of in the same situation now with looking for a therapist so I can't really say how to deal with that. If anything comes up with my parents, I'm going to say that it is just my anxiety and not actually mention that anything is trans related. Also, depending on your age and location, there may be a paper for you to sign saying if the therapist can talk to your parents or not about what you discussed with them. I'm not sure if you want them to talk or not, but it's something to keep in mind. Best of luck.
I'm currently having CBT and am finding it amazingly helpful. I started going 4 months ago because my social anxiety and depression didn't go away after starting T like I thought it would. Even though a lot of your anxiety is coming from dysphoria it's good to remember T isn't a magical cure all, yes T will help some get rid of some anxiety but it's helpful to have therapy to learn coping strategies to cure the rest of your anxiety. I thought I wouldn't have found it helpful as I've had bad experiences with therapists in the past; but she makes me think of the triggers for my social anxiety I hadn't thought about before; as well as rationalising my fears by saying everyone gets nervous and anxious and I'm not alone (which probably sounds obvious but it's helped hugely to be reminded of that and makes me feel normal when before I felt like a bit of a freak). It's a good example that you're doctor used, people are as anxious as you are most of the time and just because your fear says something bad will happen doesn't mean it will :)
I've also talked with my therapist about problems I have with my dad in regards to him being emotionally abusive (which has caused me to have social anxiety) and not accepting. She basically said it's not my fault for the way he treated me and even though I don't quite believe it yet it's help my confidence and anxiety to hear it. Not sure if you have similar problems with your mum but it's good to talk everything through.
Btw; in the first few sessions she got me to pick a recent example of something that made me anxious, then she wrote down stuff like how it made me feel physically and emotionally, how I coped with it, what was the outcome etc. I'm guessing your therapist will do the same for you. And every session I also have to fill in a form to discuss how I've been feeling since the last session (do I have suicidal thoughts, on a scale of 1 to 10 how good am I at coping with certain things etc)
And I'd tell your therapist on the first day that you're trans otherwise the therapy just won't work. Because I live in the UK and took the NHS route I first had to see someone to discuss if CBT therapy was right for me (I had to do a questionaire type thing over the phone first and mentioned me being trans as being one of the things that leads to my anxiety) then when I saw the person i had to convince them thst my anxiety is seperate from me being transgender (i had anxiety first long before realising I was trans). So when I saw my therapist she was unjudgmental about me being trans and we only talk about it if it's relevant to discussing something about my anxiety. So yeah you may have to convince your therapist that anxiety is seperate and not fully die to you being trans.
Sorry this has been such a long post. I'm a huge advocate for CBT and now can go without a session for 2 weeks instead of one, am a lot more confident and self assured, no longer really have depression and taking medication for that and can generally cope a lot better than I did just 4 months ago.
I have had CBT in the past and told my therapist about being trans but she had never dealt with it before and it felt like she was afraid to question anything incase it seemed offensive. I carried on with it for a month but because she didn't know enough it really went nowhere for me, maybe others have had more luck though.
One positive thing though if you havnt came out to anyone yet this may be a good opportunity to speak openly to someone about it and you may get lucky and find someone who is very helpful. I think it's still worth trying if there's no other options right now. :)