Hello friends, I wrote this letter to my mother and step-dad this morning, because I was frustrated in their lack of understanding of my problem. Thought I'd share it. -Jenn :
Hi Mom & ****l,
Just wanted to explain more clearly what my problem is. I suffer from Gender Dysphoria. It is a medical condition NOT a psychological disorder.
In the womb, before the 14th week both male and female fetus start out as female. For males, on the 14th week a wave of the testosterone hormone floods the body. Normally a male child's brain is receptive to this testosterone and forms into a male brain. On rare occasions like mine (1 out of 10,000) the brain is insensitive to this testosterone and stays female. It is a physical disorder, not psychological. Then the brain locks into being female at a certain point and can't be turned into a male brain, ever. There have been dissections of female and male brains and they always showed a difference between the sexes. Transsexual women's brains (like mine), when dissected, have also shown to be FEMALE.
So you see I have a female brain trapped inside a male body. This is just how it is. And to be happy I need to make my body congruent (the same) with my mind; I've always wanted this my whole life and have researched this disorder since I knew about it at 18.
I have a female brain and now I have a female body. The body only knows it is male or female by the hormones given to it. And under hormone replacement therapy, I have more estrogen in me then most other women, and a normal range of testosterone for any other woman. The only part of me that is different now are my genitals. Fortunately, surgery has gotten so good that once done, no gynecologist can tell the difference. Fully sensitive, functional, indistinguishable and appropriate for my brain and body.
Did you know there are some boys that are born with female chromosomes, and that there are some women born with male chromosomes? Or that there are some born with both genitals? Why is it so hard to believe that this can't happen to the brain organ? That it can be female inside a male body. This is what I suffer from.
Ever since I was little I knew something was wrong. I always wanted to be a girl, cause I knew I was one inside. This is a rare condition, 1 out of 10,000 people. And I don't feel bad about it, cause I know God made me this way, for some reason.. just like He makes other people with other birth defects.
A common problem in the history of mankind, is they don't believe what they can't see. And this is one of the most horrible birth defects a person could have. They discriminate, make fun of and call us crazy.. when all we suffer from is a birth defect. Instead of understanding and supporting those of us with these problems, mankind , in general tries to ridicule us and discriminate.. much like they have done many others throughout history.. by race, birth defects, obesity etc..
I am seeing a very reputable gender therapist for a while now, and she wouldn't steer me the wrong way. She is very careful in filtering out those with this genuine medical problem and those with other problems. Plus I pray to God about it all the time and am comforted by Him.
I am not confused now, but I can tell you I have been all my life. Imagine being trapped in a male body mom all your life when you know you are woman. I know now that God has made things easy for me to do this. I am well accepted by everyone as a female and only know me as a female. All but my family. This is the only thing that hurts me and brings me unhappiness.
I have a court date set for early November and will have my name changed to Jennifer ******* **** and Female will be on my ID. The government recognizes me as a woman. The public and my friends do as well. Why can't my family? The government knows this problem exists and assign my gender appropriately. Once I get surgery down there my birth certificate will be REPLACED in the state of California stating I was born FEMALE. The Federal Government (Social Security) will also recognize me only as female.
This isn't a fetishistic fantasy, this is reality, a true medical problem. I am doing this for no other reason but to make my body congruent with how my mind was born. And please in no way think it is your fault in any way.. God made me this way to do this.. and I am happy with how He made me. This has nothing to do with cross dressing, transvestite fetishism. I don't even need to dress or do makeup to feel female. I know I am and now my body is becoming that also: losing body hair, fat redistribution, male muscle mass loss, breasts growing, etc..
Besides my brain being female (which is really most relevant), there are other reasons I did this. I have always had female fat distribution and abnormal genitals for a normal boy (1 out of 1000 suffer this problem I have with genitals). I've had my hormonal levels checked all my life and my testosterone was always below borderline for the normal male, and my estrogen levels were in the low female range. I should get a chromosome check and other intersex tests because chances are I suffer from some intersexed condition as well. (who knows, i might have a uterus and not even know it, this happens). It just costs too much money for these tests and it doesn't matter cause I know I am female anyways.
I wish that you would explain this to Grandma or give her a printout of this e-mail that I am sending you. Please tell other family members also that don't understand. This is a legitimate birth defect and right thing to do is go through with what I am doing. Why not accept me? God has made this corrective course so easy for me. Once done, the birth defect will be resolved.. and I can live a normal happy life continuing to serve God. Why can't my family be happy for me that this is being resolved? I know I should of done this a long time ago but I was AFFRAID.. very very fearful of what my coworkers, society and my family would say.. it is a HORRIBLE thing to have to go through all my life, being trapped.
I love my family the same as I have always.. and I am the same loving person inside, except happier. And now my happiness literally glows through my pretty smile and eyes.
I Love You,
Jennifer
It's a great letter... very informative and heartfelt.
The only thing I'd mention though, is if I could go back and do the "coming out" thing all over again, I would avoid anything that sounded like I was apologizing, explaining, justifying, or proving myself or my feelings to anyone.
I came out to my parents over the phone, saying pretty much everything you have in your letter. And all it seemed to do was give my parents more things to QUESTION, ironically. It made it seem like I was offering my feelings up for a debate:
"You say you've ALWAYS felt this way, huh? Well, what about..."
"You say you're a girl inside, huh? Well why then..."
"You say your therapist is helping you, huh? Are you sure she's not *coercing* you instead?"
"You say it's an accepted medical condition. But I just saw this show where they said sex changes don't work and are a big mistake."
No, if I could do it again, I would focus on:
1) What I'm doing, what's going to happen, what they can expect
2) The acceptance, love and support I've found with people in my life
3) How grateful, relieved and lucky I am to have found a way to be happy at last
I realize questions will be asked, but it can quickly become a bit of a "slippery slope" slide into an interrogation rather than a discussion.
For what it's worth ;)
~Kate~
Don't put too much justification i(medical, past actions) in the letter
Like Kate said, its just an invitation for debate and there will be
no point to it.
Better to focus on how you feel NOW and were
you believe you should be in the future.