Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm two months short of 3 years into my transition and I'm very happy that I'm doing this. I've wanted this since grade school and have struggle with this since 4 years old. Each day my life is becoming clearer.

Perhaps this poll would be even more useful if it polled the fully transitioned... Is life better now?... If you could would you go back to what you had before transition?

My votes?...

Is life better now?

Yes! Life is more amazing than I ever imagined it could be and I am happy at levels I never knew were available to me in life!!!

If I could go back would I?

Truthfully, I'd rather die... I busted out of prison and have seen the gorgeous world outside the walls...there is no going back....

Onward we go!!!!

Ashley :)

Transition has given me a wonderful life... It gave me confidence to pursue my dreams..

As a man I was shy.. as the real me, I am confident.. this confidence allowed me to leave my home with a friend to start a business in a strange place.. and make a success of it.

I am now an outgoing woman with a wonderful man in my life.. I love him to bits.. and I cant wait to be his wife

My vote, absolutely yes. Many friends said I didn't smile much, in a company of 1,000 there are co-workers that I only knew by sight only would come up to me and talk to me where many would say I was unapproachable before my surgery and now very approachable.

Several things contributed to my happiness, being able to pass and living in Oregon where people are very accepting for the most part of people in the trans community.

I don't know about happy.   I do believe it will give me peace and contentment.

Quote from: karenpayneoregon on August 23, 2016, 09:12:15 PM
Many friends said I didn't smile much.

Since I have made the decision, my usual scowl has been replaced by less of a scowl but I feel much better and look forward to each day.

Yes, I'm happy. I have no regrets. My life isn't perfect, but who's is?

Today while talking to a girlfriend (cis) whom I came out to, I said to her that I had no regrets and reflected on the misery before and it brought tears to my eyes. There isn't anything in the world that would make me want to go back to that.

-Rhonda

Transition didn't give me happiness. Transition fundamentally isn't about giving someone happiness.

With that said, it removed a LOT, and I mean a LOT, of negative persistent sources of distress in my life, and so the moments of happiness that I do have are way happier.

I see it as a medical condition with a medical solution. Does being cured from a cold or cured from a chronic pain make you happy? No, not usually. But it is one heck of a big relief to be cured from it, and makes it much easier to not constantly be bogged down with self-loathing because things hurt so much and are harder with that sickness than they are when you're healthy.

To me, it's not the difference between being sad and being happy. It's the difference between having a chronically-frustrating medical condition that negatively impacted the quality of my life, and not having that condition.

Hmm well it's kinda the last ditch for me right now. I'm very fortunate that I have a supportive parent because the amount of anguish has been pretty awful and I'm sure if I didn't have her I would have died by now. But it still hurts all the time and I'm scared of surgery as well. I feel like transgender men and women aren't really offered proper medical solutions and we're treated like children or people with psychotic disorders. It's been over a year and a half since I started HRT. I'm still pretty much looking like the same person and it's kinda hard when people look so different.

I think it's more than just happiness (although I am certainly happy more often than I used to be).  Happiness is temporary.  I'm not happy ALL the time.  I think a more accurate way to describe it would be peace of mind, a lasting sense of contentment, and for the first time ever, genuine hope for the future.

Am I happier? No, honestly, not really. It's a medical condition that I have, coping with it post-everything does not bring universal happiness.
Some things are easier, some things are harder, some are better, and some worse.
Life isn't all sweetness and light, no matter if you are trans, cis, male, female or NB.
But then, I've always been a "glass half empty" person.
YMMV

I told myself from the start that transition was no guarantee of happiness.  That said, friends that have known me pre-transition tell me my smile is much brighter, and I seem more relaxed and open. Although I will have realized a lifetime dream, the final bill has yet to be tallied. There is still the potential for great loss, be it friends, family, employment, etc.  Despite the risks I can say at this stage I will never go back to being male. One thing transition does give me, without a doubt, is hope.

~Terri

Quote from: Carrie Liz on August 23, 2016, 11:49:20 PM
Transition didn't give me happiness. Transition fundamentally isn't about giving someone happiness.

With that said, it removed a LOT, and I mean a LOT, of negative persistent sources of distress in my life, and so the moments of happiness that I do have are way happier.

I see it as a medical condition with a medical solution. Does being cured from a cold or cured from a chronic pain make you happy? No, not usually. But it is one heck of a big relief to be cured from it, and makes it much easier to not constantly be bogged down with self-loathing because things hurt so much and are harder with that sickness than they are when you're healthy.

To me, it's not the difference between being sad and being happy. It's the difference between having a chronically-frustrating medical condition that negatively impacted the quality of my life, and not having that condition.

This a thousand times over. It's not about happiness, but yes I am a lot happier. People say I smile a lot now. Dealing with it especially once SRS is over with will let me heal as much as possible considering and I am thankful for that. Hugs
Mariah


Sent from my Mariah's iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: Carrie Liz on August 23, 2016, 11:49:20 PMTo me, it's not the difference between being sad and being happy. It's the difference between having a chronically-frustrating medical condition that negatively impacted the quality of my life, and not having that condition.

Thumbs up.   You know, in a way, I think transition is allowing me to FEEL both happiness and sadness in a natural, human way for the first time.   

Rejoice in both the smiles, and the tears.   Because they are real.

Quote from: Carrie Liz on August 23, 2016, 11:49:20 PM
I see it as a medical condition with a medical solution.

+1 to this^^

I voted for 'not sure' because I see a full transition as trading one set of problems for another. On the other hand, I NEED to take meaningful steps in that direction to maintain my sanity. Whilst I really don't know how far this road will take me, taking steps to medically treat this condition has given me a better life; a life that isn't marred by incessant and crippling dysphoria. Due to social reasons, I doubt if a full transition will bring me complete happiness, but it sure beats living in that constant hell.

Will transition give me happiness?

No.  Transition will allow me to say "I am enough."  I'll be complete, myself, and authentic.  I'll be vulnerable.  I'll be able to connect with others.  And THAT will bring me joy, and peace.  Transition will give me the tools I need to achieve happiness.

I've already gotten glimpses of the future.  Coming out to my immediate family, and starting treatment has been like crawling out of a dark cave to a partly cloudy day.  There are still plenty of dim patches, and the sun doesn't alays shine.  Oh, but when it does, it is glorious.

Absolutely yes!!  I was a failed depressing human being as a man, I'm now a confident, self assured and positive woman, my family says I've just glow with happiness and confidence, I'm also married to a wonderful and supportive man, best husband in the world.

Quote from: stephaniec on August 23, 2016, 09:41:13 AM
I'm two months short of 3 years into my transition and I'm very happy that I'm doing this. I've wanted this since grade school and have struggle with this since 4 years old. Each day my life is becoming clearer.

Yes, being the true me will make me happy. So yes transitioning will bring me happiness

It´s like the story about the ugly duckling who turns out to be a beautiful swan.

Well, inner peace and calmness are definitely present but with those I am happier. Sort of like a recipe. I have a murderously stressful work environment an odd situation at home and a few things hammering me right now. I am soooo calm and at peace that it is not even imaginable. Someone at work commented a few weeks ago "wow things must be looking up, I see you smiling all the time" I laughed and said "indeed they are"
Short answer, you bet your best pair of earings transition brings happines, all parts of a recipe.

Sara

"Transition" without any transition cant be a way to get lucky. I hope to find another key for happiness in my life, but theirs no stronger desire than the wish to be a woman.

I believe that I am in Michelle's camp on this. For me, transitioning is providing the canvas to paint a life on. As Michelle said "I am enough."  I'll be complete, myself, and authentic.  I'll be vulnerable.  I'll be able to connect with others.  And THAT will bring me joy, and peace.  Transition will give me the tools I need to achieve happiness." We all paint our lives on one canvas or another. For me, any other canvas that Anne would lack authenticity and would be difficult to find fulfillment in. I do know that I sure wouldn't want to try to find happiness any other way.

Anne

Oh how I love your questions. And dealing with semantics.

To me, "Transition", is simply to change. Over the past 7 years I've undergone tremendous changes. I've grown immensely as a person.

I still live and present as a tall bald old guy.

Did I find the happiness I sought seven years ago? Absolutely NOT.

Did I find happiness? YES, Yes and Yeppers.

Did I get what I wanted? Well, I am a tall bald old guy finally at peace being me. It took over 50 year to there. My life today is not what could have imagined it may become 8 years ago.

Did I transition? By the common definition I did not. By Websters or the OED, and most importantly me, I did. I Changed. I am happier for it.

At the end of the day, I was forced into it. "Changing" as in MAJOR Change was a last ditch effort to preserve my life, such as it was.

It DID get better

To lose that constant nagging feeling that something is wrong, to stop the cycles of constantly fighting with myself, to gain being perceived as the woman I am, oh yes I am happy. I am still new in my transition, so I could be naive, but I don't think so.
Moni

Well, I still experience a crapload of gender dysphoria, but at least I can actually *do* something about it now. Transitioning is a giant hassle, a process of many years in my case. It was *really* hard for a good year or two. But it has been way easier in the long run than the nearly constant panic of not transitioning that preceded it, and I'm far more successful in life in pretty much every way as a result.

I'm going in the fifth year now and its still hard. Last year postop was the hardest ever in my life. Next year will be hopefully a bit better. But my pain is still there. Hairloss is still there. And my tears in the soul. Life is war. Not fun.

Quote from: galaxy on August 26, 2016, 05:47:10 PM
I'm going in the fifth year now and its still hard. Last year postop was the hardest ever in my life. Next year will be hopefully a bit better. But my pain is still there. Hairloss is still there. And my tears in the soul. Life is war. Not fun.

Yep, I feel your pain, my life could be described by your words quite well.

A deep feeling that it will bring me inner peace and happiness...perhaps more

I'm 3 years in and at times I feel so phenomenal being me in the proper gender. There are the normal life problems , but the more the proper gender shines through the better I am.

Happiness must come from within.  It is a grim prospect ahead for anyone who stakes his or her happiness on a given individual, physical feature, job, relationship, etc. 

For me the issue is relief from the incongruity of gender and physical sex.  As others have pointed out, removing the gender question would result in relief of distress not happiness per se.


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Removal of distress enables happiness.  It does not directly cause it.  But with continuous distress happiness seems like a fleeting dream.

I voted for not sure because I usually question even the most obvious things. I have memories of wanting to be a girl from elementary school and I think transition will enable me to live my life fully. Hopefully that will bring happiness along the way.

I have felt the wrong of my bodies current configuration since my earliest memories.  I have had the intention of doing that which is possible to correct it since I knew such was possible.  I do not feel itso much as 'happiness' as I do that there will finally be some contentment.

So far I'm definitely happier on HRT. I guess it's 8 months now, amazing how fast time goes by. Having just had a 3 week stint off of estrogen, I was surprised at how much worse I felt and some things I hadn't even realized had changed were suddenly back with full effect.

The prospect of GRS is daunting. While I'd give a lot to be an attractive woman, even ffs, hair transplants and thousands of dollars I'd have to spend on electrolysis wouldn't meet that bar. On the other hand my sexuality so far doesn't work so well on estrogen and so transitioning without GRS seems like a non-starter, time will tell.

I answered 'better of two evils'

yes, GRS is very daunting and I've thought about it so long and hard, but the longer I'm on HRT the more I realize I need  it

I don't think happiness is what it's for in my case. I'm doing it as a last ditch attempt to see if I can feel involved in my own life, if I can stop feeling like the body is the enemy, to see if it can fix something before the rest completely falls apart. It really does feel like something I have to complete before it's too late - not too late because there is no time but too late because I'll have lost every scrap of desire left to live otherwise.

I might be wrong. There might be no saving this heap. But I'd like to know I tried everything. I guess I feel like my spirits are dying and unless something can revitalize them I am really screwed. I can feel it now, after many years just how much will or strength is left (or not). Happiness doesn't even come into it, it's just a desire to not die or to not mentally waste away to the point I'm too broke to keep going. 

I guess the term happiness might be too strong. Transition is giving me a reason to live

I will say that transition changed my life for the better so much, that I am a lot happier because of it.

I have never been happier than I have since transitioning. 
It has been far more than I ever realized it would be though.  The process has left me a very different person from whom I was before.  I had no idea that "I" would be somebody new beyond the flesh.  So many things were repressed from my continuous struggle that when I stopped fighting that I became who I really was. 

So yes I am very happy but I am also no longer the same person so is fair to ask if it would give me happiness?

Posted by: Deborah
« on: August 27, 2016, 04:20:01 pm »

QuoteRemoval of distress enables happiness.  It does not directly cause it.  But with continuous distress happiness seems like a fleeting dream.

OMG...couldn't have said it any better. It's a platform for me to seek happiness. In my present state, ther's none to be had under any circumstance. It will be the vehicle to drive me where I want. But I still need to drive myself to that destination.

Let's just say the smile has not gone from my face in 19 days so far. For once I am at peace with myself and everyone around me.

Quote from: DawnOday on September 03, 2016, 05:10:08 PM
Let's just say the smile has not gone from my face in 19 days so far. For once I am at peace with myself and everyone around me.

That's what it its all about!!! So good to hear Dawn!!!... Onward we go!!!! :)

Do you believe transition will give you happiness?

I came out and started to transition late in life. Since I came out I have been misgendered more times than I can count.

Do I believe transition will give me happiness?

Absolutely.  I don't believe it. I know it.   There are zero regrets.  I wouldn't change a single day since I started to transition. Living as a woman? - yes. Not hiding from anyone any more? - yes.  Being a proud, out and loud member of the most wonderful transgender community - yes.  Coming home to a place where I actually belong? - yes.
Yes. Yes.  And yes.

well, for me honestly , transition has given me my life back. I know now how desperately I needed estrogen.

As a fully transitioned woman, it absolutely made me happier.  Changing my sex hormone balance from T dominant to E dominant was the key.  I lived my entire life from puberty to my transition in a constant state of mental dissonance.  Dysphoria was like a DC bias voltage on an AC signal that was my everyday mental ups and downs.  When it was gone, my sense of happiness and well-being were permanently improved.  Of course being able to experience life as my true gender is lovely, too. 

Quote from: Clara Kay on September 05, 2016, 03:36:59 PM
As a fully transitioned woman, it absolutely made me happier.  Changing my sex hormone balance from T dominant to E dominant was the key.  I lived my entire life from puberty to my transition in a constant state of mental dissonance.  Dysphoria was like a DC bias voltage on an AC signal that was my everyday mental ups and downs.  When it was gone, my sense of happiness and well-being were permanently improved.  Of course being able to experience life as my true gender is lovely, too.

Well, that D.C. bias does help, with of all things, crossover distortion; you have to overcome that depletion region somehow. 

I agree, the lack of T and the plethora of E have made a world's worth of difference in how I feel about myself and the world.  Now I am at the point where I kind of do not care what people know or think they know and my goal is to completely remove any doubt as to what they think they know.

I'm finding for myself the  longer I've been on HRT the better I feel. It's like a whole new life.

I spent yesterday working on photo albums. It was something that I've been meaning to do for a long time.

My photo albums started at 1990 and go to present. 1990 is when I started transition. I really enjoyed looking back on my life over these past 26 years. I finished working on the photo albums it struck me that life for me really started in 1990. Everything before that - the memories are there, but it was like one long bad dream. I don't like to look at photos, talk about and remember things from before.

It seems almost strange to even ask if I'm happier. The thought of going back is one of the most terrifying things I can imagine. And it's not that my life is one long day at Disneyland. It really isn't. I have plenty of bad days and lots of challenges and the messiness that is life.

I'm transitioning in slow motion. I'm not there so I don't know how it'll end. I started about 4 years ago by coming out to my then wife (now partner). Long hair. Lot's of androgynous looks. Then therapist #1, she was good. Then Therapist #2, she's better. Came out to my GP Doc. Now have an appointment for HRT next week. Maybe electrolysis or laser next year. Need to come out to my 21 yo son next. At my age it's possible I won't last long enough to make the finish line. But my guiding principle is as I make each step, I ask am I happier than the last one... So far definitely yes.

Happiness is the road, transition is just me walking it.

Hey Lauren, you bring up a really good point that it is not a race and there really is no finish line.  In the beginning, there are more than a few really big milestones, but one is never really finished with 'the process'.  Life is about transition...and that is not just for trans.  CIS folk transition from one phase to the next as well as they age.  Their path just looks a little different and often they are completely unaware that it is actually happening.

The main thing, be happy with where you are...even knowing that there is further to go.  We have no idea where life will take us, regardless of our chromosomes or hormones or whatever.  Being happy with who one is, well if more people could find that sweet spot or nudge a little closer to 'happy', this world would be a pretty chill place indeed!

In the end, being in motion towards being true to one's self is really what any of us are really striving for.  There is no timetable or map to where that point is.  The fun is in how we navigate to that which we desire and what we learn about ourselves and others that is the 'good stuff'!

I was a late transitioner - for 45 years of my life I knew that something was way off but I never knew what it was. And then I figured it out.

I never saw transitioning as being the holy grail that would fix everything in my life - I saw it as a necessity to remove a very large monkey from my back that was impeding everything else in my life. And so now the monkey is gone.

As a not unexpected consequence some old problems are now gone, and some new problems have replaced them. The difference? The new problems represent normal, every day things that everyone has to deal with. The old problems were related to my dysphoria. I have arrived at "normal", and I can now proceed with my life.

This includes a lot of happiness where before there was none.

Quote from: Eva Marie on September 09, 2016, 10:00:41 AM
I was a late transitioner - for 45 years of my life I knew that something was way off but I never knew what it was. And then I figured it out.

I never saw transitioning as being the holy grail that would fix everything in my life - I saw it as a necessity to remove a very large monkey from my back that was impeding everything else in my life. And so now the monkey is gone.

As a not unexpected consequence some old problems are now gone, and some new problems have replaced them. The difference? The new problems represent normal, every day things that everyone has to deal with. The old problems were related to my dysphoria. I have arrived at "normal", and I can now proceed with my life.

This includes a lot of happiness where before there was none.

Amen

Quote from: stephaniec on September 09, 2016, 10:36:42 AM
Amen

X2 :)