Hi all. I am a 23 year old post op transsexual, having had my operation back in 2003. I've noticed that my sex drive has dramatically decreased since the operation and it's really messing things up with me and my boyfriend who i've been with for 2 years.
I'm of course still on hormones....I take Estrafem rotated with an Estrogen/Testosterone (low dose) every day but my sex drive just won't come back.
I mean this is horrible, lol!!!! I feel totally satisfied with my results, body, myself in general aside from this. I just get irritated alot when my bf wants to engage in any sort of sexual contact and it's very bothersome for him and especially me knowing how sexual i used to be. I was wondering if any of you that are knowlegeable or post op could offer any advice. I'd appreciate it greatly. ::Hugs::
Edit to remove doseage
Maybe have your endo look at your proportion of testosterone and make sure it's not affecting your sex drive. Also, could be thyroid, iron deficiency, or any number of problems.
You should probably talk to a doctor about it and go for a thorough round of blood tests and other tests.
If nothing physical is found, then there are therapists who specialize in the area. It may be something psychologically you're not aware of.
Dennis
Nada, Rien, Nichts, Niets, ничто, ingenting, 沒什麼東西, 何も, لا شيء, τίποτα, 아무것, niente
Does it matter?
Of course it doesn't!
It has never mattered! :)
tinkerbell :icon_chick:
Yup. It is a wonderful gift of mental freedom to be rid of it! I've often wondered how this view of intamacy of mine influenced me to transition.
I'm glad to see you're sense of humor is still in tact Tink.
Cindi
Quote from: Cindi Jones on January 22, 2007, 10:56:55 PM
Yup. It is a wonderful gift of mental freedom to be rid of it! I've often wondered how this view of intamacy of mine influenced me to transition.
I'm glad to see you're sense of humor is still in tact Tink.
Cindi
Actually the only funny thing I did was to translate the word "nothing" in different languages, the rest is no joke. ;)
tinkerbell :icon_chick:
Sex drive - what the heck is that. Someone drove off with mine and they haven't come back yet :) But then I'm in no conditin to even think about sex :)
Steph
i'm [not] post-opt yet. my sex drive has been in the area of 0 since i began hrt, and [I don't care either]. if i cared about my sex drive, i'd definitely question my transsexuality
Isn't it dangerous to drive while having sex?
I traded mine in too. Don't miss it either!
-Sandy
My excuse is being 69 years, 7 months and 17 days old. But I can still spell sex. See?
Robyn
i had surgery 3 years ago, previous to that i never had much drive, now that i'm through with surgery i have even less..... its starting to create a rift at home.... he's dosing with T and i'm on shots of E..... i feel wonderful with my body, fully sensate, self lubricating multiple orgasm capable... i just never have any drive.... :embarrassed: i dont want him to suffer because i dont have any drive.... but i'm not sure what to do. i love snuggling and being really close etc etc but it takes me almost forever to get warmed up..... once i get warmed up things get rather hot and both of us are left very satified... but its so infrequent... and i know he must be struggling with frustration....
Classically, it's men that have the sex drive and pursue women. Often women have a "headache" or they just spread their legs and let their men get off. And if the guy asks, women say, yes, it was great, you're such a great lover.
I had my surgery in 1986, twenty years ago. I am not a sexual woman. I know it is possibly true that some women have a huge sex drive, but possibly they are only trying to please men rather than themselves.
It is natural to lose your sex drive when testosterone decreases.
Just spread your legs honey and enjoy your womanhood :)
Quote from: ruthie on February 27, 2007, 10:10:24 PM
Just spread your legs honey and enjoy your womanhood :)
LOL ;D...well, I'm afraid it isn't
that simple yet. Perhaps in another six months when
everything is totally healed up. ;)
tinkerbell :icon_chick:
Hi BK, If there are no physical problems it's worth remembeing that what you've been used to was the male orgasm, your in new territory now girl. As a woman you will have sensations that are not as clearly defined as a guy's, but more of a subtle feeling of being swept up gradually. So maybe if you focus more on the "pathway" to reaching a climax you will be less anxious. Lets face it, anxiety can be a real buzz kill. -Jonie:)
Speaking from my own experience it is possible to have a sex drive through hrt and post-op. My ability to cum or orgasm (and there is a big difference there) is lessened, but that wasn't the goal during sex to me anyways. The major goal was to make one's partner feel good and to feel good in the process oneself as we have sex. I have a strong sex drive and always have had such, but sex isn't important, the intimacy with the other is. Enjoy what you can, but don't let it become a purpose in life. (Former sex addict speaking).
Rashelle
I asked in the wrong thread
Quote from: SSindysmithI have a question for those that have experienced penetration post-op.
I have this crazy idea that it will feel like I am being stroked.
Can you describe the feeling?
Uhhoh this is a hard question to answer and to verbalize. My answer is from my experience. For me it does not feel like being stroked. What it feels is "RIGHT" in that it feels as if I'm penetrated. When I first woke up after SRS and Dr. Chet said it's ok everything is alright. I did not need to look or too feel the bandages or any other form of checking to make sure the offending organs from before were gone. What I felt was that everything was in it's right place and natural. That was the most wonderful feeling to wake up to ever. It colors my thoughts/feelings on being penetrated now in that what it feels is natural and different then from what it felt like having those dangly bits between my legs before.
Rashelle
*giggles* Oh boy, recently I've been hearing certain terms on these forums which, for some reason, make me giggle. ;D :D
tink :icon_chick:
It is a totally different feeling. There is nothing like it in the male experience. It's sorta like the difference between squeezing and swelling. Does that make any sense?
Cindi
Quote from: Cindi Jones on April 07, 2007, 01:19:25 AM
It is a totally different feeling. There is nothing like it in the male experience. It's sorta like the difference between squeezing and swelling. Does that make any sense?
Cindi
Well Cindi, I haven't experienced anything "in the male experience" for a very long time, probably as long as you have, so that "male part" doesn't make sense to me. However, the "squeezing and swelling" part may make some sense depending on how things develop in the future. ;)
tink :icon_chick:
I'm not desperate to have sex "every day" like Hidrix, lol. I want my fiance to enjoy me as a human and not a sex toy.
Is this all you kitty cats think about? sex, sex, and more sex?....geez I swear that this is the only place where I hear that word. ;D
tink :icon_chick:
P.S. BTW nice avatars Yvonne and Hidrix. ;)
hello bad kitty,
you have had more time since your surgery than i have, so i don't know if that could potentially happen to me, too. i am at the two year mark, and i think that is around the time where you were at when you met your boyfriend. i am in the beginning of a new relationship myself.
post-op sex isn't as good as i had hoped it would be. i do orgasm, but not always. he has to be gentle, especially at first, and help me make it happen. obviously, if you don't orgasm after getting worked up sexually it can be a bit of a letdown, although even when that does happen i still must admit that i enjoy the act. i like the closeness and i love being female.
i am double your age, and my sex drive should be quite a bit lower than you own. really, for all i know your sex drive could be three times as much as my own. when you say your drive has decreased, to what extent do you mean? do you want to be with him once a week? three times a week? or is it less than that? right now, i am feeling passionate at least three times a week. a lot of it has to do with working myself into a sexy mood. i might watch porn before he comes over, kind of to set the mood. when a guy is all turned on, that is another big mood enhancer. maybe it would help you if you kind of psych yourself into the mood. anything can get mundane and repetitious if you don't spice it up a bit. if you ate your favorite dish 7 days in a row, it would lose its appeal. i think that can happen with sex, too. have you tried experimenting a little with different fantasies? you don't have to get all kinky - a little bit of spice can make a lot of difference.
i have a lot of gg friends my age who have a lower sex drive than i do. my niece and her friends (who are about your age) think about sex a lot (or at least talk about it), but once they are in a relationship they don't have sex any more than i do. my niece was with a guy for a year and only had sex with him maybe once a week. she broke up with him shortly afterward. what do your friends say? you probably should just talk to your gg friends your own age. post op and surgery kind of complicates the issue - you don't know about the results of anyone elses surgery. if your sex drive is a lot lower than theirs (and i mean someone in a relationship for awhile) you might want to compare notes and find out what they are doing differently from you. you are just a girl like they are, after all.
i know i had more questions than answers - i'm sorry i wasn't much help. i don't really think that your sex drive is being affected physically, though - at least i hope not - but it won't hurt to get bloodwork done checking all the hormone levels. if your boy friend thinks about having sex with you a lot, take it as a compliment. there are all kinds of ways to help him out! LOL that can be fun all by itself, as long as you are not feeling like you are just being used. i wish you a long and happy life and sex life...hugz back!
Quote from: HerJeepness on February 05, 2007, 01:30:20 PM
i had surgery 3 years ago, previous to that i never had much drive, now that i'm through with surgery i have even less..... its starting to create a rift at home.... he's dosing with T and i'm on shots of E..... i feel wonderful with my body, fully sensate, self lubricating multiple orgasm capable... i just never have any drive.... :embarrassed: i dont want him to suffer because i dont have any drive.... but i'm not sure what to do. i love snuggling and being really close etc etc but it takes me almost forever to get warmed up..... once i get warmed up things get rather hot and both of us are left very satified... but its so infrequent... and i know he must be struggling with frustration....
Umm, what procedure did you have that gives you self lubrication?
Hi all
I am new to this forum and don't know any of you, so I can only base my judgment on what I have read in these forums.
For some reason there doesn't seem to be enough destinction between sex drive and orgasms, they are 2 different things so let's not discuss orgasms in this particular topic as it is really about the loss of sex drive.
I had my SRS in 1986 when I was 26. The first few years were crazy, it was as if I wanted to catch up on all those years I had been without sex. Eventually I settled down and found my first boyfriend. We were very much into eachother in the beginning but after about a year my sex drive started to drop and eventually I lost all interest in having sex with my boyfriend... so it ruined our relationship. A couple of years later I met a new man and sure enough, the same thing happened. Eventually I met my current husband and no surprises there, same thing again after about a year. We have been together since 2000 and are on the vurge of a divorce simply because I don't feel that I am contributing to the "partnership" and he obviously feels he is missing out.
Ok, that's the short version of my life but that is actually not why I am posting here.
For those who are interested in this topic may also be interested to know that you are not alone. I live in Australia and recent research shows that approx 43% of all women in Australia experience loss of sex drive. I guess it somehow justifies that about half TS ladies experience the same... however...
A trial of a new drug has started in some of Australias major cities. They believe that the female sex drive is triggered in the brain and this drug is designed to stimualte the particular area and increase the woman's sex drive. This is very promissing and it is something I have been waiting for for 100 years (well it sure feels like it). The trials are being done on women between 25 and 45, unfortunately i am 2 years past that so I will miss out on the trials. I wonder whether it will have the same effect on men and women since it stimulates the brain and not by hormones.
Anyway... that's my rant. Unfortunately I don't have any detalied information about this or even a website to send you guys to. I have contacted the particular TV channel who aired the story yesterday and I promise I will post information here when I have any.... if anyone is interested!
'ave a fair dinkum good one!
I've been on progesterone pills for about a year now, and while I didn't have much of a sex drive before them, it has plummeted while I've been on them. The only time it comes to light is when the opportunity for a 'new experience' comes up. If it's the 'same old', I'm not interested.
Quote from: tarasita on September 24, 2007, 04:54:48 AM
Hi all
I am new to this forum and don't know any of you, so I can only base my judgment on what I have read in these forums.
For some reason there doesn't seem to be enough destinction between sex drive and orgasms, they are 2 different things so let's not discuss orgasms in this particular topic as it is really about the loss of sex drive.
I had my SRS in 1986 when I was 26. The first few years were crazy, it was as if I wanted to catch up on all those years I had been without sex. Eventually I settled down and found my first boyfriend. We were very much into eachother in the beginning but after about a year my sex drive started to drop and eventually I lost all interest in having sex with my boyfriend... so it ruined our relationship. A couple of years later I met a new man and sure enough, the same thing happened. Eventually I met my current husband and no surprises there, same thing again after about a year. We have been together since 2000 and are on the vurge of a divorce simply because I don't feel that I am contributing to the "partnership" and he obviously feels he is missing out.
...
Hi Tarasita,
Welcome to the forum! I find your post is very interesting... Cause you mentioned during the first a few years post-op you're crazy about sex, it probably means you changed sexual partners often, and sex were more interesting at that time... so I'm just wondering after you settled down to be with stable your bfs, your sex drive went down, is it because you're tired about sex with the same partners? or it's just because you're just no more interested in sex at all with anybody? Cause I beleive that's different... If it's the case that you're no more interested in sex with anybody, is it because you're no more able to get orgasm? Comparing to you, I'm just a newbie (6 monthes post-op), so I'd appreciate to get some first hand experience from you... Thanks in advance... :)
A.R.
Hi A.R.
I don't think the lack of "desire" to engage in sexual activities is linked to whether you are able to have an orgasm or not. The only orgasms I have had are the ones I have woken up with during the night. However I have friends that have frequent orgasms when with a guy but they say the same thing about lack of sex drive.
After hearing about the above studies I don't necessarily think that the lack of sex drive is related to being TS either. A huge difference is in the solution, while a GG may not have problems increasing testosterone levels in her body, I'm pretty sure a TS would do anything to avoid it.
I'm sure everyone gets a bit bored with having sex with the same partner year in and year out but with no sex drive it just makes it so much harder to make an effort. Personally I would love to have my sex drive back as I think it might save our marriage.
I'm not sure whether I answered your questions or not as I'm not really clear on what you want to know.
what? ??? sex drive ??? i'm in a lot of pain. how could i even think about sex?
this saturday is my first month anniversary. still fairly new at this & getting used to the dilation routine. grrrr...
I have no sex drive at all! It is only three weeks after my surgery, and maybe it is normal, but I am afraid it will never return. I know, I am special case, but I think sex drive have nothing to do with that. I still like to watch pretty women, especially if provocative dressed, but, there are no more those feeling of blood pressure, pulse increasing, "butterflies" in mu stomach... Does it needs some time to recover, or it is just lack of testosterone (I still did not star to take it).
I think sex drive varies from one person to another. I am pretty sure that a lot of this is in the mind.
I have pretty well zero testosterone, but my sex drive is absolutely alive and well thank you. I am very willing and I always enjoy... Yes I may not initiate as often as some might, although it is certainly not unheard of, and if my partner winks an eye at me then I'll certainly roll over and open up shop ;)
For me female sex drive is a completely different feeling to male sex drive. Its a slower hotter smoldering yearning thing rather than a quick SURGE. But boy is it powerful when it has you in it's grip!
My personal suspicion is that some of those who report no sex drive may simply have failed to learn to recognise the new feelings for what they are.
I just want to back up what jenny is saying, though I am pre-op.
I was thinking for ages that I had no sex drive. Since starting hormones my desire has changed a lot. Yet I am totally receptive to my partner, and initiate as often as not. I want it, I love it. I love the intimacy, the connection, I love how she makes me feel, I love being touched. It is just very different to how it felt on T. I'm recognizing now what It means for me to be turned on, and it is like a moldering yearning. I don't get erections most of the time either, that focus has totally gone.
So perhaps my sex drive is actually pretty high. I could quite happily have sex everyday I think, except sex with women seems to take a long time and I would never get enough sleep, not that I would complain! :D
I have to say that my sex drive is plenty health post-op! It was fairly healthy while on HRT, but body image issues stood on the way of me acting on anything. I am very happy with my sex drive as it is today and hope I keep it! Two more days till I see my girl friend again, part of that is my sex drive talking!!!
Nope....can't relate to a lack of drive.... I'd hope I've still got a few decades to go in fact...before I take up golf....lol
Only pre-op while on Androcur....did I wane...ish
3 months post-op no problemo..... though I'm an afternoon's evenings gal....but will submit to morning glory quickies... if staying somewhere suitably glam on his account, having been taken away for the weekend....lol
my libido is also alive and well post-op, and I think it's wonderful. Like Kat referred to, once you can just let go and experience sex drive without the body image issues of having the wrong parts, its a truly beautiful thing.
Mine is a lot less since the surgery. I was concerned before that it would be difficult to go without for months while I heal, but to my surprise that hasn't been a problem at all. Yet the ability to umm, have a great time, is much greater now. :D