So, as I said in my introduction post, I'm worried that I might have strong transgendered tendencies without knowing it. I say "worried" because, while I love looking like a pretty girl and have fantasized about living in a female body (to the point that I have trouble with sex from a non-feminine perspective), I'd (obviously) rather not have to go through the trouble of transitioning into life as a member of a highly persecuted group. I still want to work in small business consulting, and I still want to be a rock star under my existing male stage-persona.
I'll note that a large chunk of telling you all this is for me to tell SOMEONE about this: I've started working with my therapist on this, but I just don't have enough information on any of it. I was even uncomfortable bringing it up to him, even though he's totally knowledgeable and accepting.
As part of trying to understand this, I sat down and made a big-'ol document to chronicle this, and I'm going to share it here. What I'd like for people here to do is look through, comment on what you think is important, and ask questions you think I need to be asking. I don't have anyone around me who can really help me understand what I'm dealing with right now, and my psychologist can only see me for what seems like a brief hour a week.
So... Here's that document...
QuoteBackground
- 25 years old
- Computer Science Degree/Background
- Working on Business Degree
- Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder due to child abuse.
- Previously identified as androgynous, but now not sure if more female than anything.
- Trying to decide if I should start the transition process or let it go.
- Worried that I may simply be Autogynephilic, a crossdresser, or a confused feminine-Androgynous person.
Reasons I may be a trans-woman
- I fantasise about being a girl. I fantasise about wearing pretty dresses. I fantasise about being cute and adorable. I fantasise about having a female body. I fantasise about being penetrated as a woman by a man, sometimes impregnated.
- I used to have alot of sexual awkwardness, but ever since I started playing things from the female side, it's the only way I can find real interest in a situation. In hindsight, I treated my female partners as I'd like to be treated, being unable to achieve full arousal in bed unless I imagined what it was like for them. I had my male partners treat me like a girlfriend, and couldn't understand why reciprocating in a masculine manner was hard.
- I am attracted to males, and prefer for my male sexual partners to treat me like a girl. It is hard for me to get into the idea of penetrating others, even though I am a very sexual person.
- Seeing myself looking feminine has always made me feel happier about my appearance.
- I have had long hair since I was a child and am a bit obsessive about keeping it.
- I really like my feminine features, like my girly hands, hips, and face. It bothers me that I have awkward shoulders and a large chin and brow.
- I'm embracing a repressed love of soft things, and recently redid my bed with plush material. Now I can't stop picturing myself as a cute girl snuggling with her soft stuffed animals.
- I love having little to no body hair, and stroke my now-shaved legs as a comfort thing.
- I test more female than male, though mostly non-gendered, on those gender grid tests, and agree with the result. One time I got a result thinking I was a transitioning trans-woman.
- Early childhood games included playing house or diner, adding stories to whatever games I was playing, and at a couple points, pretending to be female.
- As someone with a Dissociative Disorder, when I look at myself in the mirror while presenting as female, I find that I connect with that image, even though there are ways I'd like to make it prettier, more than I connect with myself wearing nice men's clothing.
Concerns about why I could be wrong
- Most of my fantasies are sexual in nature. The first place I began openly expressing this was on Cybersex sites.
- A large chunk of this is sexual: I've indulged in castration, demasculinization, gender transformation, and male-impregnation fetishes, and I got into erotic roleplay as a female. I am turned on by the idea of being seen as a sexy girl, having a vagina, and being penetrated by men.
- I don't want to transition in my professional life.
- I have straight male friends who are willing to overlook transsexuality, and I want to have sex with them.
- I am worried that my hair is an obsession and I am doing this to justify keeping it.
- I also like my bushy eyebrows, and had things I liked about my carpet of leg hair. I recently removed a handlebar mustache from my face after 3 years. I do, however, greatly prefer myself with shaved legs and a hairless face.
- I seem to gravitate towards very colourful and pretty things when thinking of female clothing I want to wear, even though I've always dressed in black and gone for a sort of a "punk" look in my male life. This may have been a defense mechanism though.
- I want to be female for the people i pretend to be female to online.
- I have been an activist/advocate for these things for a decade, and am worried this may be me incorrectly identifying as some sort of in-group with people I identify with for other reasons.
- I am 25, have known about this stuff for a while, and am just now deciding it's for me.
- I believe myself to be more in the androgynous corner then the female corner of the graph.
- I didn't constantly try to be female as a child. I played with army toys and toy swords and liked violent games. I didn't care about whether I was a boy or a girl. Part of this may have been repression.
- The more I work to look like a male, the more I look like my abusive father: I am worried that this may be a distancing/avoidance thing.
Being transgender is something you are born to and it's not something that we pick up over the corse of our life. I figured it out at age 13 but I can see the signs of it being there all the way back. Others never suspected it until I came out at age 23. Unfortunately there is a sexual component to being transgender in many people but it will fade should you decide to start HRT. ->-bleeped-<- tends to be tied to testosterone so reducing testosterone helps to eliminate the distractions caused by the feelings we have.
As for masculine activities, I have worked for 40 years as a software engineer and can fix most anything. That ability doesn't make me any less a woman and there are many women out there who have the same skills I have.
I am 6'2" and not exactly feminine myself but I didn't transition to become the sweet little sexy thing. I transitioned to find a role in life that I could comfortably live and not have to deal with the near constant depression I had.
The simple questions you need to answer are.
1. Who do you want to go to bed as.
2. Who do you want to go to bed with.
The first question will determine your gender identity and the second your sexual preference.
Quote from: Dena on August 24, 2016, 10:56:07 PMThe simple questions you need to answer are.
1. Who do you want to go to bed as.
2. Who do you want to go to bed with.
Easy.
1. A female.
2. People I like. (Pansexual)
As for stuff from my introduction thread:
Quote from: Amanda_Combs on August 24, 2016, 09:20:35 PMDo transgender person things and see if it makes you happy.
They do make me happy. :<
I like wearing female clothes, passing as female, looking in the mirror and seeing a pretty girl. I like when guys treat me like a girl, cuddle me on their lap, roll me around on my soft bedding, and do things that guys do typically do with girls. I guess my big hangup is that I know most transgender people are really seriously dysphoric about being the wrong sex, but I'm not THAT dysphoric, I just feel like I'd really like to be a girl instead of a boy, you know what I mean?
A. Please stop dropping the autogynephelia references, it's already been explained to you why we don't allow that subject on the site.
B. I'm a woman, I'm not womaned. I'm Irish, I'm not Irished. I'm transgender, I'm not transgendered.
Welcome to the site, I hope you find what you're looking for.
Hugs, Devlyn
Hi and welcome to Susan's
First thing I can suggest is a good therapist(hopefully you have this covered) who can help you sort out what you need. It sounds to me like you already know. Am I right after reading what you wrote that sexual fantasy seems to play a big part in this for you. Please forgive me if I have interpreted this wrong. I must admit for me sex is so low on the priorities it rates just above walking the dog and lower than doing my nails...both things I like to do.
Are you a woman?
Do you want to be one?
Do you want to live the rest of your life a woman?
What is the most important thing for you in wanting to be a woman?
Have you sorted out your child abuse issues? if so is this ongoing or resolved?
Have you thought about where on the gender spectrum you fit in?
Lets say for the sake of the argument that sex was no longer part of equation, would you still want to be a woman?
These are questions for you and the answers may help you with your journey so don't feel you should answer them in you post...they are rhetorical in nature for you to ponder.
It might help for you to read some of the previous stuff written by those who are well into their journey. When I started this journey for myself...sex was so low as a motivator that it didn't rate...but that is just me.
Do you know what was making you feel uncomfortable speaking to your therapist about how you feel.
If your focus is of a sexual nature that does not make you a bad person or diminish who you are...it just makes you human. If you don't fit into a particular "box" then fine...you don't have to.
"I test more female than male, though mostly non-gendered, on those gender grid tests, and agree with the result. One time I got a result thinking I was a transitioning Trans-woman."
I hate to tell you this but most of the stuff I have come across is so highly full of stereo types that it is not difficult for the person taking the test to know which answer will get them the desired result. In the past when I was still working out what it was I was/wanted, I took the COGIATI test so many times that I could manipulate the result to give me what ever answer I wanted. The first time I took it was probably the most accurate...but that is also like saying the Mum running the Fortune telling stall at the local school fete is a clairvoyant. Possible I guess but highly unlikely.
Hopefully your psychologist is good at what they do and don't be to quick to decide you are one thing or another.
Liz
QuoteQuote from: Dena on August 24, 2016, 10:56:07 PMThe simple questions you need to answer are.
1. Who do you want to go to bed as.
2. Who do you want to go to bed with.
Easy.
1. A female.
2. People I like. (Pansexual)
Sounds like you have a good deal of it worked out and there is one other question you need to consider. You might be binary female or non binary favoring female. Why do you wish to retain the masculine role and would you be content to fully give it up? If it's because at times you still feel somewhat masculine, then you would be non binary. If you like many of us fear the reactions of others, that is short lived and can be overcome. For me, the effort of switching between roles all the time would be uncomfortable and not pleasant, however we have members who comfortably live in both roles switching when they are comfortable doing so. Surgery and HRT could still be appropriate in either case but as the goal is to construct a new life, it's best to know what that life would look like. I feel you are transgender and it's not a fantasy but as always, it's up to you to decide.
As it stands, you are aware of male privilege, and passing. This conflicting with the knowledge that you have desires to be female.
Switching gender as lead in a band. Yup, that's been done before, and it expanded the bands reach into new groups too. (Take a look at Against Me!)
In a business/commercial sense, that transition can be managed, by creating an employee for your alter-ego, when you are comfortable with your appearance en-femme. This is so you can ultimately pass the business on to her.
I'm never a big fan of lists as they move the 'why' of objections to 'what' we are objecting to. The list moves the focus of the discussion.
For sure, if you decide that transition is for you, then a few eggs will get broken. But, part of the wonderful attributes of being human is our resilience and capability to overcome obstacles.
Sno.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on August 25, 2016, 03:45:12 PM
A. Please stop dropping the autogynephelia references, it's already been explained to you why we don't allow that subject on the site.
ANY Other woman feeling "She looks Hot" getting ready for a date, or a night out, or just going to work does not get crap like that. There is nothing "Sick" about feeling good about how you look
Back to the OP. I have a simple rule. If you think you are TG, you are. Cis people NEVER have such thoughts as we do. Which leaves only one other option.... What you need to keep in mind is being TG only means you are somewhere "On the Spectrum" between cis-female and cis-male. Multiple universes reside in that space. So just where are you?
Depending on your age, (sorry) raging hormones can rule the roost. OF COURSE sexual fantasies are there. I had plenty, it is the human condition. How else can you explain 9 Billion of us on this rock? During my transition "experiments" when the rubber hit the road.... well real life wasn't quite like the fantasy.
Being TG is not an All In or All or Nothing situation. Just because you are TG does not sentence you to HAVING to do X, Y, and Z according to some rule book. You do and live your life in accordance with what you feel TODAY what you need to do.
People grow, evolve, change. How you feel today is not how you felt in the 3rd grade, in h/s, not how you'll feel in the future.... provided you are truly alive. For many decades I was not alive. I did not feel. I did what was expected. I was not me. I grew, I changed a lot over these past 7 years. I still live and present primarily as male.
Gender is but one aspect of the many that make me, Me. Some I know, always knew are innate. Other aspects of myself I am only coming to realize. I try to balance many needs and wants, sometimes in direct conflict. Life hardly ever has clean easy answers. You do what you feel you need to do at that point. As long as you continue to wake up on the sunny side of the grass, you can always change what you are are doing
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on August 25, 2016, 03:45:12 PMA. Please stop dropping the autogynephelia references, it's already been explained to you why we don't allow that subject on the site.
Sorry, I wasn't repeating it, I was copying it directly from s document I'd started earlier. I am curious though as to what you would call it when a non-female has a fetish for having their male anatomy swapped with a female one, because that's what I mean: I know cismale with that fetish.
QuoteB. I'm a woman, I'm not womaned. I'm Irish, I'm not Irished. I'm transgender, I'm not transgendered.
Really? I've never heard that, but that's probably because I've never been involved in the trans community any more than an activist and drag artist.
Quote from: ElizabethK on August 25, 2016, 05:24:37 PMFirst thing I can suggest is a good therapist
As stated,
I AM working with a competent therapist. He has told me to keep exploring, and part of this is me gathering information to discuss with him at our next session.
QuoteI must admit for me sex is so low on the priorities it rates just above walking the dog and lower than doing my nails...both things I like to do.
See... Part of me does want to be a horny girl, and I feel like, while there'd probably be less masturbation on hormones, I'd be really into having as much sex as I do now, especially if my body became more feminine, because that'd make sex more enjoyable.
QuoteAre you a woman?
I don't know?
QuoteDo you want to be one?
Yeah, that sounds like It'd be a whole lot of fun!
QuoteDo you want to live the rest of your life a woman?
Well, I wouldn't want to get OLD as a woman, but no one wants to get old as any sex... So... I should say I think I would enjoy that, and I certainly can't see myself regretting it. The only problem I have would be dealing with the patriarchal society without male privilege, but then again, I've always have problems with society, so...
QuoteWhat is the most important thing for you in wanting to be a woman?
Sex, Prettiness, Softness, Cuteness, Sassiness... Pretty much the stuff that comes out when I'm comfortable presenting as female feels better to me.
QuoteHave you sorted out your child abuse issues? if so is this ongoing or resolved?
I don't think it is safe to say that they will ever be sorted out: C-PTSD is a permenant injury caused by the brain wiring itself for trauma during part of its formative years. I had severe, ongoing trauma in every stage of development from 3 years old to 17 years old. I know I'm not supposed to think about this, but some psychologists consider that a terminal illness, and there certainly isn't a cure for a miswired brain.
QuoteHave you thought about where on the gender spectrum you fit in?
Feminine-Leaning Androgynous.
QuoteLets say for the sake of the argument that sex was no longer part of equation, would you still want to be a woman?
Maybe... I mean, I like looking pretty and being cute and indulging in things... Sex IS a big part of who I am though: I embrace it and am one of those people who "loves freely" as they say. My general response to "wait, are you attracted to me?" is "If you were interested, I would not turn you down."
QuoteDo you know what was making you feel uncomfortable speaking to your therapist about how you feel.
Social Anxiety. Fear of Rejection. Being of a conservative mindset. (I sometimes feel like I'd be a moderate Republican if it weren't for my understanding of science) It's not that I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of becoming female: if I were offered the opportunity to become physically female (menstruation and pregnancy included) right now, I'd probably take it. I think pretty much everyone can relate to being generally uncomfortable about coming out as a member of a highly persecuted group, especially when you grew up in fear of being found out for anything that made you different...
Quote from: Dena on August 25, 2016, 07:17:49 PMSounds like you have a good deal of it worked out
As I said, I didn't come into this blind, I'm just looking for insight.
QuoteYou might be binary female or non binary favoring female.
I will make this clear: I am pretty sure I'm non-binary favoring female. I'm more deciding if I should transition in my non-professional life.
QuoteWhy do you wish to retain the masculine role and would you be content to fully give it up?
Punk Rock comes across much better with a masculine voice, and I really like the way I sound right now. I don't want to do that whole "gender ambiguous" thing that the emo bands were doing, and I don't want to pull what Laura Jane Grace did with Against Me. I want to keep singing the songs I've been writing in the voice I've been singing them, and I want it to stay under the image I wrote them for: the one I grew up with when Punk Rock chose me.
Yes, this is an artist thing.
I've written songs for female singers before, and I've thrown together some ideas for a potential project as a female, but that's a different thing: I'd like to retain what I've built, at least for now, even if it means having to cross-cross-dress back to male whenever I do it.
As for the business stuff... Cismale privilege. I absolutely hate it, but I'm not in the position to push it to the point that transitioning would.
QuoteIf it's because at times you still feel somewhat masculine, then you would be non binary.
It's not that I feel a large degree of discomfort at being male: I've gotten used to it, and it's by far not the worst thing I've had to live through. I mean, you have to understand: I was literally tortured and brought to the point of near death several times during my teenage years, and at some point believed that if my father did not kill me I would kill myself before the age of 18. Now that, through luck of guns which weren't loaded, pills which happened to not be deadly, and lungs persistently breathing after suffocation, I have lived past the age of 18, I don't know how much there is that I can really call a life-ending ordeal. This, however, is partially dissociation, and is most certainly not healthy nor conducive to this decision...
That being said, I don't necessarily feel like a man. I mean, I never do, and being called one actually bothers be on some level. Sometimes masculinity is comfortable and efficient for me, and the other times, I've been just sort of going with the flow because that's easy enough for me.
QuoteIf you like many of us fear the reactions of others, that is short lived and can be overcome.
It's what I'm trying to overcome right now. The social anxiety problems are pathological, I know that. I'm working on it. I've already come out to some of my close friends about this, and I've even tried presenting as female to a few of them. I hope to be comfortable enough going out in public to start presenting as female in a club at the University which I know to be a safe environment (because I've talked to the gay couple which runs the group about it) in a week or two.
QuoteSurgery and HRT could still be appropriate in either case
Honestly, I will not deny that I want both of those.
Quotethe goal is to construct a new life
...does it have to be? I mean, I don't feel like it's possible to just restart as if I had none of my previous connections and experiences. I actually like most of my current life, and I'd like to keep living it, I just want to change one thing about it, and that's who I get to be when I'm not trying to sell s*** or screaming profanity on stage...
Quote from: Sno on August 25, 2016, 09:31:08 PMAs it stands, you are aware of male privilege, and passing. This conflicting with the knowledge that you have desires to be female.
Yes, you get it exactly: I'm worried about
QuoteSwitching gender as lead in a band. Yup, that's been done before, and it expanded the bands reach into new groups too. (Take a look at Against Me!)
I've actually been listening to Transgender Dysphoria Blues lately, and read her interview again. As one of her contemporaries, I am well aware of her coming out and transition. I've actually been considering getting into contact with her, although my social network has waned in the past few years, and I'm not sure if any of my people know any of her people...
QuoteIn a business/commercial sense, that transition can be managed, by creating an employee for your alter-ego, when you are comfortable with your appearance en-femme.
I'm going to be dead honest with you: I don't think this will be possible. I don't know if you've picked up, but I'm actually a celebrity in the area I live in. I was hoping this wouldn't be the case, but I'm coming to terms right now that, if I transition, I'll be recognized as "that very unique artist in this area is wearing dresses outside of drag shows now!" Part of me hopes I can hide behind the fact that I'm a known radical for a while when it first comes out: it might actually be easier if people think it's a publicity stunt...
Quote from: JoanneB on August 25, 2016, 09:51:15 PMANY Other woman feeling "She looks Hot" getting ready for a date, or a night out, or just going to work does not get crap like that. There is nothing "Sick" about feeling good about how you look
You guys are completely misunderstanding my use of that word, which is probably from me reading it in a few articles (some of which are recent and by transgendered people and gender-therapists) and not fully understanding it in the context you are. I'm talking about the possibility that wanting to "become female" is mostly fetishistic. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's not a good idea to go out and get a sex change just because the idea turns you on. I think it should be obvious that I'm not saying that that's what transgendered people are doing, and I think I'm making a clear distinction. I'm just trying to stay aware of the potential that this might NOT be a real identity thing but a sexual thing.
Remember, I'm trying to be open and casual here because I'm here asking for feedback in my own self-exploration here, and the idea that this might be me taking a fetish too far is a very real concern.
QuoteIf you think you are TG, you are. Cis people NEVER have such thoughts as we do.
Not sure this is true...
QuoteWhat you need to keep in mind is being TG only means you are somewhere "On the Spectrum" between cis-female and cis-male.
Oh, ok yeah, that's right. I guess I should say is that I'm trying to figure out if I'm trans-feminine enough to start moving towards HRT and all that.
QuoteSo just where are you?
Female-Leaning Androgynous, as far as I know.
QuoteDepending on your age
25. It says it at the beginning of the document I copied.
QuoteBeing TG is not an All In or All or Nothing situation. [things that the wikipedia article says]
Ok, let me be clear about something: just because I'm confused and have no one around for good advice does NOT mean I have no idea how gender works. I'm aware that I don't HAVE to even transition to call myself trans-feminine, I'm just wondering if this is worth it to me. Transitioning is a very arduous process, but also one that I'd rather do sooner than later. As for X, Y, and Z, I would probably like Y and Z (HRT and SRS) very much, but I'm hesitating because, as has been said, this is not a decision one should take lightly.
Not saying that it's not something I need to be reminded of, because saying that just now was a good reminder to myself, so thanks. Just don't think I'm unaware of basic gender stuff. I'm no stranger to gender issues, and I only turned to forums after general-use articles lost their use.
Quote from: PrincessCrystal on August 26, 2016, 01:18:52 AM
Sorry, I wasn't repeating it, I was copying it directly from s document I'd started earlier. I am curious though as to what you would call it when a non-female has a fetish for having their male anatomy swapped with a female one, because that's what I mean: I know cismale with that fetish.
Really? I've never heard that, but that's probably because I've never been involved in the trans community any more than an activist and drag artist.
As stated, I AM working with a competent therapist. He has told me to keep exploring, and part of this is me gathering information to discuss with him at our next session.
See... Part of me does want to be a horny girl, and I feel like, while there'd probably be less masturbation on hormones, I'd be really into having as much sex as I do now, especially if my body became more feminine, because that'd make sex more enjoyable.
I don't know?Yeah, that sounds like It'd be a whole lot of fun!Well, I wouldn't want to get OLD as a woman, but no one wants to get old as any sex... So... I should say I think I would enjoy that, and I certainly can't see myself regretting it. The only problem I have would be dealing with the patriarchal society without male privilege, but then again, I've always have problems with society, so...Sex, Prettiness, Softness, Cuteness, Sassiness... Pretty much the stuff that comes out when I'm comfortable presenting as female feels better to me.I don't think it is safe to say that they will ever be sorted out: C-PTSD is a permenant injury caused by the brain wiring itself for trauma during part of its formative years. I had severe, ongoing trauma in every stage of development from 3 years old to 17 years old. I know I'm not supposed to think about this, but some psychologists consider that a terminal illness, and there certainly isn't a cure for a miswired brain.Feminine-Leaning Androgynous.Maybe... I mean, I like looking pretty and being cute and indulging in things... Sex IS a big part of who I am though: I embrace it and am one of those people who "loves freely" as they say. My general response to "wait, are you attracted to me?" is "If you were interested, I would not turn you down."
Social Anxiety. Fear of Rejection. Being of a conservative mindset. (I sometimes feel like I'd be a moderate Republican if it weren't for my understanding of science) It's not that I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of becoming female: if I were offered the opportunity to become physically female (menstruation and pregnancy included) right now, I'd probably take it. I think pretty much everyone can relate to being generally uncomfortable about coming out as a member of a highly persecuted group, especially when you grew up in fear of being found out for anything that made you different...
Wow I didn't expect any answers so thanks for taking the time. I am sorry I missed the part about the therapist. I have had great results myself so I guess I have a tendency to tell others. Good luck...you seem to have been able to sort a fair amount of this stuff out for yourself.
Liz
Quote from: ElizabethK on August 26, 2016, 02:11:07 AMWow I didn't expect any answers so thanks for taking the time.
One can only get what they give out of therapeutic activities. I'm being open because 1) it helps me to form my answers into words and 2) it helps you all to offer the insight I'm looking for. As I said, I'm working with a therapist, but he can only offer so much right now, and he told me to explore outside of it, so I came here to find people with good feedback.
I answered them all now. Go look.
QuoteI am sorry I missed the part about the therapist.
A few people missed that. Maybe I should put a disclaimer at the top...
Quote from: JoanneB on August 25, 2016, 09:51:15 PM
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on August 25, 2016, 03:45:12 PM
A. Please stop dropping the autogynephelia references, it's already been explained to you why we don't allow that subject on the site.
'ANY Other woman feeling "She looks Hot" getting ready for a date, or a night out, or just going to work does not get crap like that. There is nothing "Sick" about feeling good about how you look'
No one said there's anything sick about it. ->-bleeped-<- is, however, something completely related to sex and sexuality. Since the site is not generally sexually oriented, the subject has no place here. Particularly when it is being used as a diagnosis. I hope that clarified the matter.
The "No ->-bleeped-<-' rule has been on the site far longer than you or I.
Hugs, Devlyn
->-bleeped-<- is not about feeling good about how you look anyway. It's a discredited theory that your sexual desires are displaced towards yourself in a different body. In other words, you desire yourself.
Doesn't the 'no ->-bleeped-<-' rule relate to the discussion or promotion of the whole issue of the subject and its sweeping and incorrect generalisations? What I see here is self-questioning of the drivers behind PrincessCrystal's desire to be female and, prima facie, it seems just as legitimate a question to ask herself as 'do I want to be female because my body doesn't match my brain or because I crave a female lifestyle'?
:police:
"No ->-bleeped-<-" means no ->-bleeped-<-. Thread locked and the O/P can try again with another thread that doesn't mention the subject.