Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello everyone, my name is Melissa

I have known since I was about 8 years old that something was different about me but back then at age 8 I didnt know what it was other than the fact that I felt as if I was a female in a male body.

I had a crush on a boy when I was 9 and my parents found out and it didnt go over well at all. I was not accepted and I was told that basically it is wrong to love a boy and all that and they were very religious. I was disciplined to not be gay. So I hid the fact that I was still having gay feelings and attraction to boys my age and older.

I kept in the closet for years about who I really was and went on living what looked like a normal hetero life. I found out early on that I was attracted to both certain males and females and so I am bisexual. This made me pretending to be hetero come easy.

Long story short, for years I have had online relationships with men and women. My wife inquired as to why i was spending more and more time on the computer and isolating myself. I then came clean and told her everything. I thought we were going to get divorced over this but fortunately we have stuck it out so far. Its been 11 months that she has been aware of me being bisexual and I also have started a transition to my feminine self, the real me that I have kept hidden for so many years.

My wife is not excited at all that i am transgender and bisexual. She says its such a turn off to her. Additionally she said that she wanted just a normal guy and for years I was that normal guy. She said that she didnt marry to be converted into a lesbian with my transition and I have tried to explain to her that its not like that at all, that while I am transgender I will be keeping my male anatomy down there and I cant afford the surgeries and hormone treatments anyways.

We have been butting heads at this for the last 11 months and I have won the ability to wear panties, nail polish to fingers and toes, have my earings that I have always wanted, and grow my hair out longer.

Last halloween I used that day as a way to cross dress and feel more comfortable in public. My wife wasnt thrilled at all, she said I looked goth with the make up and she begged me to take it off but I didnt I wore it all day at work and everywhere else. It felt so good to be me and free of keeping it all hidden.

I came up with my name of Melissa 21 years ago back in the days of dial up. My parents mentioned once a long time ago that had I been born a girl they would have named me Lisa, but I didnt care for that name. I had friends with the name Melissa and it has a ring to it that is so me and so I took it on as my new name.

I havent gone through any measures of changing my legal name, i am still a male with a male name on drivers license etc and at work I work as a male even though I'd rather be a female 100% of the time.

My employer gave me some issues about my hair being long. I countered that discrimination/harassment with the fact that my hair is no longer than that of females that also work here, so my hair remains at its current length. I keep my hair pulled back at work and its only down below my shoulders right now.

At work I am the only Bisexual Transgender, but I find comfort chatting with some friends who are gay.

I think the most difficult thing lately has been trying to figure out which clothes will work and which ones wont work. There is no good conversion table online to cross reference between male/female sizes.

As far as panties so I know I am a size 9 because I tried on my wifes one day doing laundry and the size 9 fits perfect to my male 36 waist. I did some hunting around online for panties that would work best for transgender males who are female and found stretchable ones so I bought Hanes Microfiber bikini panties and wow they are so much better than the male underwear I use to wear. In fact I threw away all my male underwear as a means of getting 1 step closer to where I want to be with what i am comfortable with on my journey to being Melissa.

My wife has been not very thrilled that when her catalogs show up in the mail I look through them for clothes for myself. I saw a awesome V neck shirt in one of her catalogs that i liked a lot and showed to her. She kinds of said.... umm...noooooo and then she said if you convert to a female that she is going to divorce me. I am hoping i can convert more to being my true female self without driving her out the door but through small changes over time so that she can adapt to me without wanting to leave me.

Well time for bed here and so I need to end this introduction, however i want to mention that I found a local transgender group in my area that meets every other wednesday and the group of people there are awesome and Gail who runs it I am so thankful that she runs it. Its nice to not feel so alone as a transgender. Its nice to be with others just like me. I look forward to chatting here with you all and maybe even helping some here in he forum when i can.

This video linked here was a big help to me. I saw this on fathers day and I linked this on my facebook and came out to the world about myself being bisexual and transgender. My mother and father are not thrilled at all about me being me, but its my life and I am hoping they will learn to accept me vs ignore who I really am. The girl in the video is amazing. I wish my parents were as supportive as her mothers for her transformation from male to female. I am proud that she didnt go into hiding like I did and she won in the end against the bullies etc. Being different growing up I ran into issues and can so relate to the problems she expressed in the video. This video made me cry when i saw it because it reminded me of my past and I was so proud that this girl pushed forward and didnt let any problem people stop her from being who she wanted to be.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0v_idyvjco

Hi Melissa  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

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Hugs

V M

Melissa,

Welcome to the site.

You seem to have come to some pretty solid decisions.

If you don't mind my asking, are you currently seeing a therapist? They help us navigate the maze of questions that come up and keep us grounded. I would highly suggest it if you can. Taking it a step further, a therapist with gender specialty makes it all easier.

It sounds like your wife could use therapy too. There is a saying that however far it goes, a transgender person is not the only one transitioning, the family does too. It is sometimes easy to forget that we have had inklings of who we are for a long time, our family is just realizing it now(11 months). If your relation ship is important to you and it starts to get rocky, you might think about a couples type. I will also point out that there is a significant others section here that your wife could use to: answer questions; reach out for support; look for a shoulder to cry on; compare notes...

I wish you love, acceptance and a smooth journey, where ever it takes you.

With warmth,

Joanna

PS Is it possible you created a second account yesterday that you did not activate? If you could just post that in this thread, I would appreciate it.