After a lifetime of being alone with my situation I am finally feeling better about being a part of something bigger. I am slowly becoming more involved in the community especially since making the The LGBTQ... health clinic my primary care physicians. Just wondering how others relate to the community or do you deal with all the change alone.
Right now I'm dealing with it alone due to my town being located in a retrograde universe. Hopefully, that's about to change. I'll find out next week anyway.
Well, I am fairly active in my community, both in the fire department and the community association, but I am not out to them yet. That's going to be "interesting" when the time comes!
Among the people I am out to, I have support from my wife and from my next-door neighbours on one side. I also go to a trans support group that is an hour and a half drive away. So I have pretty good support.
I certainly feel connected to other trans people, but I'm not involved with my local lgbt community as much as I would like to be.
I'm trying to get my butt to the support group at the LGBTQ... center, but haven't start6ed yet. I do go a lot to the clinic and pic up meds and stuff.
Where I reside, there are no support groups, and few therapists. There is no "lgbt" community, just some lesbians, and a few gay men ... and me. My only connection is online.
I am always alone. Rough day at work well I had better not vent about it. Once when I had antidepressants trying to force me to commit suicide I basically had the crisis counselor tell me that I wasn't important and that I was selfish for not having empathy for my tormentor. I was there trying to make it through the night without killing myself and the counselor would only talk about my supervisor who was a terrible human being, the only thing that kept me alive that night was anger that in my darkest time when I reached out for help not only was there none but I was effectively called selfish.
There was a time while I was on antidepressants that we were still trying to figure out what was going on as I was getting these massive mood swings and the psychiatrist that I had said to me "you are too strange for me to deal with" and dropped me as a client that day.
My friends disregard anything that I say or feel with either oh you just got that from the internet or worse saying that I am stupid and an idiot. My boss is a transphobe and because of where I work there are many people in this backwater city that know me.
The thing that I learned in my life is that I am truly alone, I have no where to turn for help and if I have a problem I am supposed to just internalize it and shut up.
I would likely feel less alone if I were to spend the rest of my life in solitary confinement.
It's really tough when the population at large are either ignorant of stupid. Ignorance I can do something about That takes work. Exposing myself to others and tell my deepest secrets. My observation is that most of the population is ignorant. They think we convert because we like to spend $70,000 on surgeries so we can stalk their women in the bathroom. They think we enjoy a regimen of hormones and kinky sex and based on the pictures I've seen on the internet, they may have a point. Myself it was predetermined to be transgender because of medical malpractice before I was born. It is something I have hidden all of my life to the point of destroying most everyone I love and kept me from making new friends. As I have begun HRT after living a life of shame and getting an education in the last few months that it isn't kink that made me question my sexuality but something far deeper. I actually thought I was one of a kind. I am finally getting comfortable in my own softer lovelier skin. I love the clarity of thought without seeking revenge or holding a grudge. I enjoy calmness I have never before experienced. My wife likes that I have an until now, unknown desire to do housework. I look down at my growing breasts and think this is the way it always should have been. I am extremely envious of the kids that were able to make the decision early in life enough to have minimal effects on their growth. My testes have shrunk from walnut size to pecan size. And no I do not have a pie in my pants. :D. I have a hard time with all the technical talk, binary, cis, and a lot of other terms that are foreign and although I have been an engineer for a lot of years, it's a lot of technical information. We need it to be as easy to explain as diagramming a football play on a white board. It's great that you know all the terms but until we can make our experience known to our detractors in the simplest of terms we will be outcasts to society. Even within the LGBTQ community we really have no place as they have their own agendas and fighting for your rights is not on the list.
I really am trying to be upbeat instead of a downer as communication is doable and as with most solutions to root cause the solution must be repeatable consistently, the message has to be the same and it has to be legit. We've made inroads to pretty much half the nation. We still have work to do.
Thought's? Questions? Am I out of my head? Just rambling on, to hear the wind whistle through my ears? I hope not. As a Root Cause Analyst I've learned you have to get past the superficial problems and perhaps refocus on the root cause. Does passing solve the problem or just cover it up? Does communication? I actually think the latter is the key. It's not easy especially for introverts. But anyone that can work through their sexuality issues is capable of expression. Anyone who can present in public is capable of expression.
Oh wow, DawnOday... Just reading the last post here, and you posted yesterday (I had not read this thread before)... I somehow remember seeing your avatar and the last paragraph, like I've seen it before.
Anyway, I've gone in and out of the trans community over the last 18+ years. This time, I've just come back in recently. I did have times when I was going this alone, and other times when I would be part of the community, if I was close enough. Right now, I'm an hour away, so just about everything I do is online, and I am stealth out in public. Most of my host's family knows about me, though. Fortunately, they are very accepting people.
Interesting topic for me. I'm active in the local community under my male persona, but nobody knows about my transition yet. The most a few people know is that I'm getting some medical treatment that appears to alter my appearance slightly. (They don't know about the surprise under the oversized untucked polo shirt. ;) )
My only contacts with the local Trans community are through my group sessions and a couple people I've 'friended' in Michelle's Facebook account. I've never been big on social contacts myself, relying on my wife for most real-world acquaintences. I'm very much an introvert, from hiding my true self for decades, and fear that close contacts will lead to my being discovered in here.
Online, this is by far my biggest community of contacts. A little sad, I suppose, and a sure sign that I really need to get out more.
I tend to be pretty solitary by nature, and want the time I spend with other people to be quality - I think someone recently posted about moving away from small talk, I'm all about that.
When I first realized I was trans I sought out trans community (I suspect on this very site but who knows, it's been too many years) (and GLB communities, back then they weren't really connected) and as I dealt with it and then decided not to medically transition I simply came out to all the people who mattered and stopped spending time seeking out trans people - it was painful to have decided not to proceed.
So for a long time I was not really connected to any trans community and only to the queer community in general because that's a fair fraction of my friends.
I outed myself to everyone else (except some family) 8 months ago when I started hormones and of course started here soon after that as I try to figure out the process of medical transition. By coincidence I was invited to join a pansexual group that had arisen from the ashes of a disbanded local lesbian group. I haven't had a lot of time to spend with those folks (see above about solitary nature) however the time I have spent has been quality and very affirming. It's especially nice to finally feel accepted among lesbians (the defunct entity had been open to trans men, not trans women).
No LGBT local support at all.. I can go 1.5hrs in any direction and find some, but having no social skills to speak of I am generally a outsider when i attend events..
But I have a good therapist and a supportive family and coworkers so I consider myself very lucky..
Most of my info comes from Susan's and general internet sources..( i find internet cartoons a good source of inspiration..)
But at the end of the day.. this is a journey is my own to figure out..
This is my only connection so far ....its great though as my environment is just men and a few woman out in the middle of no where susans place is alife line for me
I've never had much in the way of contact with a physical community in a sense other than skilled work of some sort.
I do intend for that to change, though I'm not sure how to present in order to accepted beyond merely being tolerated. I think I have to make an outward step to do it, actually present as female in front of someone other than myself. A very hard step I think, but one I don't think I can put off forever.
I really feel this place will give me the courage to make that happen in the not to distant future.
I can't say that I feel like apart of anything. I relate to people more than ideals.
I guess you could say that I relate to people in the community, but not to the community.
I'm still on the periphery of the community , but I'm getting closer the more I go to the LGBTQ... health clinic and stop by the community center. It's quite a good feeling to be a part of the community if still only on the edges. Chicago's Boys Town is quite a big community though as compared to other areas.
Oh yes, I feel a part of the trans community. Chicago is a trans friendly city for the most part and hosts a number of trans support organizations. These groups played a huge part in the early days of my transition, and now that I've achieved womanhood, I want to stay connected to some of these groups and give back.
The trans community is quite diverse, ranging from cis male cross dressers to the gender queer to transsexual women (I have little exposure to the trans male community). There is a wide variance in social and economic status as well. It is quite a fascinating world, and I'm still learning from my involvement. It's unfortunate that many who reach the end of their transitions disappear. I am sometimes astounded by the lack of knowledge that so many girls exhibit about transitioning basics. I feel that we have a role to play in helping them on their journeys.
We are social creatures and I think it is a natural instinct to be with one's flock. I do identify as part of the trans community, and I have a small number of friends who know me as trans and accept me, but no, I do not feel connected to the LGBT community on the whole. Susan's is probably the closest direct association I have with the LGBT community, and even here I feel small and unimportant. But I am here nearly every day, reading, thinking, trying to contribute when I can. It does help.
With kindness,
Terri
A very significant portion of the time I feel completely alone, but that hasn't necessarily been a bad thing. The person that the last year has molded me into is an incredibly strong willed, friggin' amazing, I-know-what-I-want, and-im-good-with-being-forever-alone-because-im-learning-to-date-myself chick that doesn't feel the least bit vulnerable or insecure.
As such I don't think I have the normal run-of-the-mill trans* issues like "do I pass?". My question is always, "Where is my happy?" I laugh at myself constantly. I'll look in the mirror after staying up way too late and being way too ragged out and be like, "Oh hellz to the no..", wake up the next morning, wash my face, do a little something with my hair, and then I'll see her and be like, "Oh, there she is!" akin to Pockets in Hook when he finally recognizes Peter Pan.
But yup. Alone. Except for pixels on a screen. ;)
I am not connected to any bigger community and feel very alone. I've gone to a couple support groups but have yet to come away with any meaningful connections. I don't have any friends at all in my life, not one. The trans support groups I've gone to have actually felt really freaking uncomfortable and don't leave me with much of a desire to go back.
Still, I'll probably go back anyway, at least a couple more times. I know I need to "get out of my comfort zone" but they just really don't feel meaningful, or helpful, or happy. It's depressing. Maybe it's me.
I am in Philadelphia and regularly attend one support group. I will go to a second group in the new year; it is a social group. I could also go to a third group.
I participate in the Philly trans health conference and work Pride.
Pride at work wants volunteers for leadership at the work Pride. I am really busy for the next 4 months or so but who knows.
I am immersed in a cis world at work and interact with many groups.
I am very blessed to have 2 major support groups. One is AA. My home group and the local Lambda group have both been amazingly supportive. My home group cis girls invite me to girls nights, I still present and look very male, and bring me gifts like makeup and lip gloss. They say I'm their big sister. The local trans support group, SAGA, is also amazing. They have gals in various stages of transition and non-transition who love to share their experience and give advice. If you can find a group to go to, GO to it! It really helps me to have safe places I can be out and me in.
I still feel alone, even though I have friends who are going through it all as well. We talk about it all but I still struggle and feel I am not know what is going on in the wider community.fdr
I feel mostly isolated, I find it difficult to relate with many in our community. The few here I did relate with either dont post anymore or were banned :'(
I've tried connecting in real life with other trans women my age but its been incredibly difficult. I do try to help as much as I can, like giving back in the way of voice training.
I find myself connecting more with cis women nowadays. I guess its cause I've been post transition socially for sometime now. And the people I seem to share similar stories with are often intersex, which just makes me question that piece of my identity even more. I just can't afford the tests at the moment.
My community is here on susans.org.
Quote from: Clara Kay on September 05, 2016, 04:02:18 PM
It's unfortunate that many who reach the end of their transitions disappear.
Not going to lie I think I will be one of these women.
I want to learn and share throughout my transition, however long it lasts, and benefit from others experiences as much as they may benefit from mine. I think this way the knowledge and learning is passed from generation to generation. Though I am not at a stage to share a whole lot right now admittedly.
I get the idea that the more vocal and "out and proud" a community is then the easier the learning, healing and public acceptance for that group becomes. Many trans women, speaking for myself admittedly, are not ready or willing to get involved in that fight, nor do they feel they have a dog in it simply because of who they are. Many may just want to be regarded as women and vanishing into society once all their surgeries and passing is complete is the best option for them.
Speaking of Chicago trans community, when I was younger and transitioning for the first time I read a blog by a transgirl who went by the online handle Authentikate. Her website was an absolute revelation for me at the time and really opened my eyes to who I was and that this was okay.
She detailed her hormone regimen, her SRS, her FFS surgery with Ousterhout and documented her life with work, family and social life learning how to have fun and enjoy herself in the world as a young woman. It was an emotional but expertly written account and a really valuable insight into translife not just for me but for so many young women like me.
Ultimately Kate nuked her site and vanished into a life of stealth and whilst that repository is lost her experiences and knowledge was shared with thousands.
I'd forgotten about Authentikate! Thanks for the reminder and of course nothing on the internet ever disappears thanks to the wayback machine. Here's the last snapshot of Authentikate.com
http://web.archive.org/web/20030613092926/http://www.authentikate.com/
Google also has held onto a couple of Kate's photos.
Quote from: Clara Kay on September 05, 2016, 04:02:18 PM
It's unfortunate that many who reach the end of their transitions disappear. I am sometimes astounded by the lack of knowledge that so many girls exhibit about transitioning basics. I feel that we have a role to play in helping them on their journeys.
I don't see this as unfortunate at all. I left whichever forum I used to go to back in the late '90s when I decided against medical transition because it was painful enough to make that decision, I didn't need to make it worse. I never stopped transitioning internally and slow but sure, my rougher male edges have worn away. That transition didn't need help or advice, it simply needed to happen.
Sometime after surgery I will stop coming here. It may be a few weeks, it could be 6 months. I also miss the radio silence that we see sometimes with post op friends but I'm also glad to know they're able to move on with their lives.
My community is ultimately people I can see, hear and touch and like-minded is about many more things than gender orientation. The world has happily changed a lot since I was last considering physical transition and I'm glad that people are now open to non-binary and people who cross dress aren't looked down on as somehow lesser trans people.
I was at the LGBTQ.. clinic yesterday and I always just hang out in the waiting room and relax. I find the whole community quite interesting There is such a variety of people under the umbrella .The on line community can seem cold and indifferent , but you can get a lot of info.. I've been transitioning for 35 months and right now my main focus is on GRS. I find the experiences of those prepping for GRS and those completing the process incredibly helpful to me. I'm realizing how many of us are out there. I hope I can do GRS at some point because the reality is that's who I am and it's really been a dream of mine since the age of 4 even though at 4 it wasn't a knowledgeable awareness of what was needed just a feeling of needing to be like the other girls. Later in grade school the thought grew far more intense and a better understanding of what was involved started to grow. The online community has helped me grow exponentially .Now I starting my reach out to the community outside of the internet.
I am not immersed deeply into any specific LGBTQ... community per se, but I've attended some events, and have learned helpful things through community resources. Certainly, I use care providers connected with the community, and I definitely go out sometimes to places which are known to be LGBTQ-friendly.
This year I participated in Pride for two days, including walks/parades, which in years prior I could not see such as anything but putting myself on display for others to offer sympathy or applause or some such. Was I afflicted with something which needed a special day or event? I didn't get it. To me, living normally, away from specialized events, just going to normal everyday events/places, etc., was the best way of celebrating my transness... by just being normal, being me, etc. My perspective was tweaked when I realized that the very ability to even consider transitioning in relative safety, to shop at normal stores, to live a largely unfettered life as a transwoman was largely possible because of so many unsung heroes who came before me and got out and marched/walked to make statements that "We are citizens! We exist! We are a part of the map! We have rights!" often amidst circumstances of serious marginalization that prevented any sense of normalcy. By not participating in any specialized community events, I was taking for granted the source of the luxury that would allow me not to go in the first place, the coattails of freedom upon which I ride, which allow me to even consider having a relatively normal life. So showing up to Pride, as one example, is really a way for me to celebrate and remember those folks, as well as to remember how fragile things still are.
I'm glad though I arrived at that understanding on my own... unrelenting promotion or peer pressure can often hinder interest. It's best for me to arrive organically at an understanding of where I need to participate, and how much.
Like "our" community the varied responses here point to a principle I learned early on in transition. Many times the only thing some of of us have in common is being transgender and if you have met a transgender person you have met only one! What this suggests to me is the incredibly diverse people and community we are or could be.
I love being social, out and visible, even more so since transition. I have been an activist all my adult life and enjoy most group process, perhaps because i grew up in a family of 15 in a 4 bedroom home ;) I am a big part of the LGBTQ community and helped to start our own Q Center here. I enjoy the trans and queer peer support and social groups and really appreciate that our local trans group includes everyone. This way we get to hear from MtF, FtM, non binary, questioning, spouses, SOs and allies. I am honored to have many friends and people who support each other. Our local Q choir is 10 X more fun than watching TV and we do game night every Sunday.
There is tremendous and sometimes an overwhelming need for support out there. We have folks who own their own companies and fly to Thailand for surgeries and those who are homeless and/or in group homes. This summer I became a legal guardian for one of our trans sisters who is now incarcerated. The so called criminal justice/mental health system in the USA is another fascinating learning curve. :(
I feel my life has been graced and my eyes opened by this exposure. Before I accepted myself as Queer I thought most queer people lived in San Francisco or New York. Before accepting myself as Transgender I thought we were this infinitesimally small minority. Now I meet people coming out every week, even in our small town rural area.
Like an iceberg there is much more below the surface in our communities than most will see. I feel it is also fun and important to be part of the larger social community too. I am engaged in the elected political world, travel a fair amount and get to know people from all over the world. That is one of the best features of this Place IMO, getting to hear from people like you from places I can only imagine...so far ;D
Perhaps I am at one end of the social spectrum but there is a dynamic world just waiting for any of us to dip our toes in the cool waters of community ;D Get out there, we need you!
Quote from: Deborah on September 02, 2016, 05:16:20 AM
Right now I'm dealing with it alone due to my town being located in a retrograde universe. Hopefully, that's about to change. I'll find out next week anyway.
I've got an update to my first answer. I am going to a support group run by my new therapist this Saturday. Until now I have been completely on my own. The support here on this site has been lifesaving as there is really absolutely nothing LBGT support related in my town or anywhere nearby (the legacy of the Bible Belt). But as I move forward I am finding I need some personal face to face interaction as I am beginning to feel lost on this journey. So here it is finally and I'm a little scared and a whole lot excited.
Quote from: Deborah on September 08, 2016, 04:47:31 PM
I've got an update to my first answer. I am going to a support group run by my new therapist this Saturday. Until now I have been completely on my own. The support here on this site has been lifesaving as there is really absolutely nothing LBGT support related in my town or anywhere nearby (the legacy of the Bible Belt). But as I move forward I am finding I need some personal face to face interaction as I am beginning to feel lost on this journey. So here it is finally and I'm a little scared and a whole lot excited.
That's great, Deborah! There's nothing like being face to face with people who see you as normal. :D I know I get tired of always being the weird one in the room.
my therapist is constantly trying to move my butt into a group at the LGBTQ... center. I need to take action. Good for you therapist.
Quote from: SadieBlake on September 08, 2016, 07:43:52 AM
I'd forgotten about Authentikate! Thanks for the reminder and of course nothing on the internet ever disappears thanks to the wayback machine. Here's the last snapshot of Authentikate.com
http://web.archive.org/web/20030613092926/http://www.authentikate.com/
Google also has held onto a couple of Kate's photos.
And that is precisely why I'll never ever post any pics on the internet. Loss of control if I ever want to remove them.
In the very beginning, I was heavily involved with the CD/TV/TS 'scene' locally to me.
As I progressed I slowly moved away from it all, and now I only have two TS friends from that time, and I never see them, we just exchange Xmas cards.
It's only recently that I've dipped into the community here on Susan's, I was out of touch with all things Trans, and needed some help and advice. And this place has been a goldmine of friendly help and advice. And above all, I can remain 'in stealth' too. Long live Susan's Place!
just speaking for myself I get a kick out of being part of the community especially when I'm walking around Boys Town Chicago. I think it's a hopeless situation for me as far as my picture is concerned. I've posted my entire transition on Susan's. The cats been irretrievably let out of the bag.
Quote from: V on September 08, 2016, 05:18:20 PM
And that is precisely why I'll never ever post any pics on the internet. Loss of control if I ever want to remove them.
.....
And above all, I can remain 'in stealth' too. Long live Susan's Place!
Funny you should say, I'm quite serious about security and privacy. It happens that my first/last name combo is sufficiently uncommon that I'm the only person in the US with the name (and there aren't a hell of a lot of people with either the same first or last names). (1)
Searching my name turns up precisely one image of me and that's there because the center I worked in from 2011-15 wanted a photo - I chose one zoomed in 20x from a mountaineering picture.
For sure Google knows who I am, I have maintained a personal page of one sort or another since 1996 (and am glad the wayback has snapshots).
Image search does turn up a few photos I've taken (mostly things posted on Google Plus) and ironically all of the PIs in the center, quite a few friends in my artistic and professional communities and some related images. So far also none of my art work and I need to remedy that but obviously want to think through how I do it carefully.
I'm quite glad of that. I don't belong to Facebook or LinkedIn because I've observed both of them are only too happy to sell my privacy for a few pennies and I have disabled face tagging on G+. (Again, fb used to fail badly on this, maybe they're better today).
I also do occasional checks between my femme moniker and real name and Google has only once made a connection - which I was able to remove.
1. In the US my first name has a frequency of .03%, surname .0005%. As such I'm pretty easy to 'finger' and I'm quite pleased that my caution has succeeded so far.
Yes, I understand the desire for privacy.
There are plenty of pics on the internet of me, if you know where to look.
And my full name is sufficiently unusual and uncommon so that if you typed it into Google, I'd come up straight away, at the top, and there is no-one else with my name that also comes up.
But there's nothing to link me on here to me "out there", so I feel pretty safe posting on here.
Quote from: stephaniec on September 08, 2016, 06:38:46 PM
just speaking for myself I get a kick out of being part of the community especially when I'm walking around Boys Town Chicago. I think it's a hopeless situation for me as far as my picture is concerned. I've posted my entire transition on Susan's. The cats been irretrievably let out of the bag.
Me too. I'm not really trying to hide anymore. I almost wish someone would read it and blab to the world. That would make everything a lot easier.
For the past 8 years I have not hidden anything and now don't have the energy to. What's the point? I am 69 going on 70 and while I have not taken any hormones or had any surgeries all people seem to see is a little old gray haired toothless granny, even after they see the M on my driver's license. I get addressed as Miss and then Mr and when I say at the doctors, I prefer Miss sometimes the Nurse says that legally she has to call me Mr. but then in the next sentence she calls me Miss again.
In life, it all depends upon where we are in the cycle of life, and how we have taken care of ourselves. I survived by living butch for 53 years and when my family imploded, I accepted that I was a woman, and began my transition first in private, and publicly the last 8 years.
We do what we can, and I guess that's all we can do. We have to live the lives we have created for ourselves and we have to decide how we will put the puzzle of our lives together. I chose to make my life one puzzle piece with many variations. I will never be able to hide being transgender, but I find as I age it is getting harder for many others to see me other than a graying balding toothless little old granny.
I have found that when I explain that I am a transsexual lady, when I feel the need arises, I have gotten a smile and a big, "So what!"
Wow. What incredible comments. Ladies you're the bomb. The more I read the less isolated I have become. I have been lucky in that someone came forward several months ago to help clue me in. Thank you so much Chris-deee.
Usually I feel mostly on my own, I've had little luck making strong connections or building any sort of friendships within the transgender or LGBT community in general.
Mostly alone. I have a few trans women I've met locally that I talk to occasionally, and post online every once and a while. Other than repressing myself till I was 35 things have gone fine for me, friends/family/wife/kids all supportive, blend in well enough.. Honestly feel kind of guilty that it has been easy for me, and it makes it hard to fit in I guess. I'm also pretty introverted so that doesn't help lol
Some are really lucky to have support from other people. That's excellent. I was born like this and I have zero support from many people that I've known for many years, which I find really strange. I'm outgoing and personable, and a really easy going person. Plus it seems ridiculously really difficult to meet people in the trans community.
I never really been or felt like I was part of anything, especially related to the gender identity part of my life. No friends, no support groups, no family, nothing like that. I am and always was my own support. I never felt the need for it, tho maybe I could have used it. Then.
Now, tho, there's LGBT support in town. But I still don't feel that part of my life is anyone else's business. I'm not the loud, proud and in your face kind of woman anymore. Maybe in years gone by, but not anymore.
I guess because of that, I am pretty much on my own. :eusa_boohoo: Current friends and family notwithstanding. They weren't there then, and if/when I go thru transition again, they won't be there either.
Always been alone, always will be.
No black and white answer to the question really. It can be either or both or neither at any given moment. For the most part, I feel like I am part of a larger community of like minded individuals on similar paths. I am not yoked to the community, but it is there if called upon. There is always an element of working with and through stuff by myself though and I am not open to sharing every thought or helping with every single problem that is presented through the group.
Sometimes, and these are really the icing for me...I just AM. No community, no GI stuff, nothing but me feeling at peace with me and the universe at large.
Quote from: CallApril on September 08, 2016, 04:00:23 AM
Not going to lie I think I will be one of these women.
. . .
I want to learn and share throughout my transition, however long it lasts, and benefit from others experiences as much as they may benefit from mine. I think this way the knowledge and learning is passed from generation to generation. Though I am not at a stage to share a whole lot right now admittedly.
I get the idea that the more vocal and "out and proud" a community is then the easier the learning, healing and public acceptance for that group becomes. Many trans women, speaking for myself admittedly, are not ready or willing to get involved in that fight, nor do they feel they have a dog in it simply because of who they are. Many may just want to be regarded as women and vanishing into society once all their surgeries and passing is complete is the best option for them.
Speaking of Chicago trans community, when I was younger and transitioning for the first time I read a blog by a transgirl who went by the online handle Authentikate. Her website was an absolute revelation for me at the time and really opened my eyes to who I was and that this was okay.
She detailed her hormone regimen, her SRS, her FFS surgery with Ousterhout and documented her life with work, family and social life learning how to have fun and enjoy herself in the world as a young woman. It was an emotional but expertly written account and a really valuable insight into translife not just for me but for so many young women like me.
Ultimately Kate nuked her site and vanished into a life of stealth and whilst that repository is lost her experiences and knowledge was shared with thousands.
I agree with you that lots of repositories have been lost. That site you cite was active about 15 years ago. However, there were long-time transitioners at the time who tried to dissuade her, and others, from being quite so open. But what did we "old ducks" know, anyway? Blech! Paradise had just opened up and those old closet days were behind us. "I'm not coming out of one closet just to be going to go back into another one. I'm too tired for that," several of them at that time said--but in my experience that was not the nature of the T-closet.
One of Dr. Spack's college-age HRT patients explained it thus: Sexual preference is who you go to bed with. Sexual identity is who you go to bed as.
The LGB closet is one where sexual preference is in the closet. The T-closet is one where gender identity is in the closet. An LGB person comes out of the closet, but their identity remains relatively the same. When coming out of the closet a T-person's identity-markers change, even if it is to blur them or to live fluid.
In the case above, as I recall, although she was attractive and men would hit on her, her story dogged her. And one of the things we give up if we are "out" as T is control over our own stories. It is tough to negate an LGB narrative. The whole point is to put that out as "realness." No one seriously says to an LGB person, "You can't love same sex people. Your chromosomes are against it. You are delusional. You don't belong in our bathrooms. You're just mixed up about who you actually love. A person is born straight because of their genitalia." However, for a T-person "realness" can be withheld. A T-person can be aggressively misgendered while an LGB person usually would not be, save for using a slur. Every misgendering is a slur, intentionally said or not. And this goes to the heart of closets and the difference between LGB vs T closets.
The T-closet is suppressing identity, not sexuality. Sexualities are different from identities. An identity is
lived 24/7/365. Sexuality? a lot, maybe, but not quit that.
After a while, one by one, those glamor sites came down. We are no longer the hot chicks we once were. New sites with videos, no less, give more recent information. No one goes to Dr. O anymore anyway. He's busy with a winery and another doctor has taken over his medical practice.
The people from back then have finally come out of the closet and lived the lives they wanted, without a shadow back-story, by disappearing off the radar. It's coming "out" by going dark. That's why it's called stealth.
tbh im somewhere in the middle, but leaning more towards alone. the reason is, i don't really participate in transgroups at my clinic or events, even though i've been encouraged to by my PCP. but honestly, i feel like im not "trans" enough to make a difference in the community. plus, whenever i see other trans gals and guys in my clinic, they're mostly minding their own business (either on the phone or whatever). moreover, most of the trans people i've ever met are out of my age range and it's hard to connect with any of them while they talk about family, marriage, etc (things i dont have yet). im more comfortable with my lone wolf personality :-\
There's no real "trans" community that I can find here, although my doctor tells me her practice (multiple doctors) has 600 trans patients (!!!). I've tried reaching out to other transwomen via twitter and okcupid but got nowhere. So I am flying solo, and none of my loved ones knows yet. They will most likely freak so I'm scared to death of the future. But I am who I am, so what else can I do but go on?
Quote from: Karlie Ann on October 03, 2016, 05:18:53 PM
There's no real "trans" community that I can find here, although my doctor tells me her practice (multiple doctors) has 600 trans patients (!!!). I've tried reaching out to other transwomen via twitter and okcupid but got nowhere. So I am flying solo, and none of my loved ones knows yet. They will most likely freak so I'm scared to death of the future. But I am who I am, so what else can I do but go on?
well, if you can get to an LGBTQ...center you can find a lot of people.
Thanks stephaniec - I do go to the local LGBT center for my therapist. So far, lots of LGB there, but I've met no T :(
The one I go to in Chicago has meetings twice a month
Hey Karlie! Have you inquired as to whether your center has any Trans specific groups? We have 2 meetings a week with another for SO's. Most centers have them, even if the center is small.