So after I got back from my lunch break today, one of my coworkers said that I was going to make for a fine young man someday and that my wife will be the luckiest girl on the planet.
At first I was a sort of proud of myself, but then the dysphoria set in and I could not stop thinking about how I do not want to be a man. I am a woman. And I definitely do not want to marry another girl now. Maybe have sex with one just to try it, but I want to marry a man who will love me for me. I want my future husband to be everything my coworker said that I am.
I have not come out at work at all and I so badly wanted to tell her that I am not a man. But two years ago when I first started working, A gay guy came up to this coworker and basically asked her to ask me out. I was still in the dark about who I really was and was trying to suppress homosexual thoughts as I felt shameful for having them. So I told this coworker that I was most certainly not gay and would not go out with him. So at this point I can not come out to her even though I would really like to, at risk of me sounding like a hypocrite.
So I guess long story short, my dysphoria is starting to get worse and worse by the day.
There's nothing hypocritical about coming out as trans when you didn't confess to being a homosexual that you think you're not before.
Your coworker could be reading your feminine aspects and responding to you being the good person that so many macho guys simply will never be.
Mostly I think don't over-think it. Her complement is about you and today you're still presenting as male so she can only name you as a fine man -- unless she had unusually good trans-dar :-)
Well, technically you're not homosexual, you're heterosexual. And most self identified gay guys are only into d00ds. For all you know if you had gone out, the encounter would have triggered your dysphoria for that reason.
I would not worry about what you said in the past to define a future path.
I agree, gay guys want a guy unless otherwise your sexuality is understood before hand. I have been with some gay guys in the past and is wonderful to a point then it dysphoric and not of interest.
I had shared with co-workers prior to coming out and I expected it to not remain a secret. It did not remain a secret and that was my intent. It forced a sanctioned formal coming out at work.