I hope it´s okay if I just vent for a while...
I have ups and downs in dysphoria... sometimes it´s not so bad and sometimes it´s so bad I can´t control the urge to self-harm. Sometimes I can ignore what´s down there and sometimes I hate it so much, I wish I could just peel it off and throw it on the sidewalk.
There is people I can talk to but I never bring this up. There´s trans meetings in my area but they pretty much consist of going to a bar, drinking and chit-chat. I don´t like it very much, I don´t know how to feel comfortable enough to trust other people with my struggles.
Since I´m on T I have more trouble connecting to my emotions (I already had some trouble relating to emotions before) and now I´m even less competent in being social and asking people to meet up with me, because for some reason I never get asked the same question. I feel alone a lot of the time.
I wish I had a trans brother or something similar, but maybe with the PTSD it´s just hard to really connect to anybody.
I know this is cliche but, have you considered therapy? I have worked on CBT and DBT with my therapists and it really helped me with that whole connecting with my emotions thing. I had lots of problems with that because of the ASD and that was well before I started T. As I have gotten better with awareness techniques I've only gotten better at naming and claiming my emotions despite the fact that I've started T.
I think being in touch with you emotions is a skill and the hormones aren't really that important although for some people they do change you emotions somewhat. (I think estrogen made me more anxious but I'm still pretty anxious.)
Are there support groups in your area for folks with PTSD and anxiety? Group therapy or anything like that? That may be a better bet because your local trans group is so low key. It's possible someone else at your trans group has problems like yours but it's not coming out. Plenty of trans people don't have severe emotional issues so it may be the group facilitator has never considered the idea. You could bring it up with the group facilitator that you are having major dysphoria issues and could use a buddy. Maybe they would be able to introduce you to someone. If they are no help, though, I would look in the self-harm, PTSD, and anxiety sector to see if there is a support group. It seems like you would be more likely to find people going through similar things. Who knows, maybe there is another trans person there that you haven't met.
Hey AnxietyDisord3r thanks for the reply :)
I´ve been in therapy... forever. Pretty much going on about ten years now.
I just quit one treatment that didn´t work and am about to start a different one...
The trouble with therapy in the past has been that I never did have full-time for it, because I was trying to study and work at the same time. Mission Impossible but I still wanted to have a somewhat normal life. I guess now I do have a chance to put some time into it.
There are no support groups in the country that I know of for PTSD (except for veterans), but I did a search on Facebook and I did find a group with a bunch of members so who knows, maybe I´ll find someone in my area who "gets" it, haha...
I actually spoke with the facilitator of the trans group (he´s a friend), and he said it used to be more of a supportive setting, but people at the time did not need the support as much, so they just turned into somewhat of a social/informal group.
I hope you do find the in person support group you are looking for. Here's a hug :::November Fox:::
Hm...this is probably an odd and random request but my friends and I have a group chat on skype, a lot of us didnt know each other at first but in a way it has become a support group of sorts, we dont always talk about trans stuff only but sometimes we do and its always a relief to know someone else kind of gets it.
I'd say you can join ours or perhaps find one of your own, I mean Im not necessarily trying to recruit people thats just what popped into my head when I read this, being able to vent about that part of life online helps.
I second the DBT recommendation. I don't know if I've read anything about it in terms of effectiveness with PTSD, but it has been incredibly useful for me in terms of healthy coping skills and connecting with/understanding my feelings.
Thanks guys,
@AnxietyDisord3r much appreciated! :)
Oof, I don´t know. As I said, I´ve had years of treatment under my belt. Most of it didn´t do much. I guess there is something to be said for trying new things, at the same time I think I have something similar to treatment fatigue...
Atm I am applying for a treatment for panic and OCD and it´s probably similar to behavioral therapy... I just hope I like the environment they give it in.
WolfNight thanks man! Not a random offer at all and I appreciate it as well. However at the moment I am looking towards existing friends and figuring out how to be closer/more communicative with them, it´s a constant topic in my life and I haven´t figured it out yet.