Hi,
finally, after about 5 months of gender therapy my doc yesterday said that, if I want, I'm ready to start hrt. She said that on her behalf she doesn't have problems to authorize medical treatment with hormones, because during this months I have showed, in interviews, analisys and tests, a feminine psycology, so ... she said that if I want i have her license to start hrt.
Well, this is absolutely a great step for me, I've been waiting for this since so much time, and now I'm going to start the physical transformation. She has defined the first stage of gender therapy a "psychological transition", now i can move to the next one.
I'm obviously happy and i have the feeling that a great step is done.
However, during the last meeting my therapist told me that cause of my age - i'm 51 now - the changes could be very slow and there is the risk that I won't never be completely plausible/passable as "woman", she said that someone, even after the hrt treatment, could still perceive me as a "male", and she asked me if i wanted to undergo the hrt anyway.
I said YES! So, in the next meeting we will define the details of medical treatment, medical check up, preliminary exams ... and everything.
Now, I'm happy, but ... even if i was already aware that my age is not the ideal one, what she said yesterday and the way she said it is making me a bit worried. She said that with hrt I could fatten up and to have emotional ups and downs. I replied that she was prospecting a sort of "tragedy" for me, and ... she smiled saying no, but I have to tell you all the possibilities.
So, I think and hope that for deontological reasons she just had to warn me about the whole spectrum of possibilities and risks. But I'm a bit worried now.
I told her that I'm not "schwarzenegger", I already have a thin body with little waist, and that i look pretty younger than 51 yo ... and it already looks pretty feminine. She coldly replied that ... yes that's true, but the more we start hrt far from puberty, less are the effects of the hrt. She said that she is a psychologist, not a seer, therefore she could just certify that, on her behalf, I can start hrt because my psychological profile shows a feminine psychology warning me about the risks. The decision will be mine.
I'm aware that all you are not "seers" and nobody is really able to predict the future, but ... if you will want to share similar experiences or any other thought/comment about ... I will be happy to read it.
I've already told before on this forum: English is not my first language, and ... moreover, now I'm emotionally proved, so i could have mistaken some grammar and orthography ... be merciful :)
I just add a pic to show how i look, i wear a wig in the pic, not because I'm bald, lol, i have brown hairs - pretty long ... i just put on that wig that day because ... well, there is not a reason ... i just did it :p
Thanks for the attention.
Hugs and Kissess
Aly
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F7NIpQ21.jpg&hash=56d493b25f089275f626e35c61919a5874428ba3)
congrats, I'm 64 and started 3 years ago. I do liken myself to Greta Garbo , but that's not necessarily how others see me.
Quote from: stephaniec on September 08, 2016, 07:42:53 AM
congrats, I'm 64 and started 3 years ago. I do liken myself to Greta Garbo , but that's not necessarily how others see me.
Thanks Stephaniec, great to know that you started over 60 - that means that the doc was mostly checking my determination - she said that usually the hrt stops at 60, and ... it's not true. Sometimes gender therapists are bit "tricky" - i've noticed that often they say something just to verify a reaction. :/ - Hugs - Aly :)
It's going to be individual and before HRT nobody can predict the outcome. I can tell you that I am 57 and started HRT 20 months ago. It has apparently changed me a lot. I don't really see it myself but people that don't know me generally now perceive me as female at first look. This is with me dressed either androgynously or in straight up male clothing and without makeup.
I haven't yet tried going out with makeup because quite honestly I am afraid to. That's something I'm still working on.
So, age when starting HRT is not as big a barrier as is commonly believed. There are no guarantees though and it's all going to come down to your own individual genetics and how it reacts to HRT.
Quote from: Deborah on September 08, 2016, 08:46:10 AM
It's going to be individual and before HRT nobody can predict the outcome. I can tell you that I am 57 and started HRT 20 months ago. It has apparently changed me a lot. I don't really see it myself but people that don't know me generally now perceive me as female at first look. This is with me dressed either androgynously or in straight up male clothing and without makeup.
I haven't yet tried going out with makeup because quite honestly I am afraid to. That's something I'm still working on.
So, age when starting HRT is not as big a barrier as is commonly believed. There are no guarantees though and it's all going to come down to your own individual genetics and how it reacts to HRT.
Great, Deborah - Thanks :) Nice to see that hrt has effects in spite of age. I don't demand to become some kind of "top model" ... just to look natural and feminine as more as possible without to look too much "weird". I'm pretty trustful and I'm calming down reading your replies :) - I've already gone out with makeup and "enfemme" - my therapist is about 100 km away from me, and i go there by train, with makeup and everything ... from my experience i can report that usually people don't mind at me at all. They are pretty indifferent to my presence, even sitting near of in front on me on the train. Sometimes someone looks at me with a puzzled expression, but that's all. :)
If that's you in your avatar you should do quite well
Yes, it's me with my big nose ;) (and tons of makeup lol)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FZE7l1Ms.jpg&hash=eacca4531aa6caae83167da4e3aa18c751426377)
Hello, I think the therapists always do that, I have started at 26 and my therapist said the same thing, If you believe what they say even the slightest change shall make you happy right?
I do that to myself all the time, believe the worst and then even slight goods feel amazing.
I don't worry atall about the changes HRT bring really, it was more a matter of me continuing down the wrong path.
Now I am set straight and so excited and happy about the future, that is the ultimate goal of HRT, it really is to make us happy, I believe anyway, and it works wonders <333
my therapist has been my advocate. One time about 2 years ago I got sick from the flu and when I get sick I get sick because of a chronic condition . I told my therapist I was going to give up , but she encourage me telling that she knew I was a woman.
Quote from: ChristineRachel on September 08, 2016, 11:32:13 AM
Hello, I think the therapists always do that, I have started at 26 and my therapist said the same thing, If you believe what they say even the slightest change shall make you happy right?
I do that to myself all the time, believe the worst and then even slight goods feel amazing.
I don't worry atall about the changes HRT bring really, it was more a matter of me continuing down the wrong path.
Now I am set straight and so excited and happy about the future, that is the ultimate goal of HRT, it really is to make us happy, I believe anyway, and it works wonders <333
Great point!
If they said to you the same thing at 26, my god, lol ... when should we start to be in the right time? I agree with you Christine, the most important thing is to stop continuing down the wrong path, that's why i answered "yes" whatever it will happen i say yes! My therapist has never been reassuring with me from the beginning, she is a woman (cis) with a pair of cold blue and cryptic eyes, she never comforted me, at the contrary often she provoked me. The first time, smiling and with a gentle voice she said "So, you are a ->-bleeped-<-..." I said "no, you are offending me", and she replies "why, do you have something against ->-bleeped-<-s?" ... i replied no again and that wasn't the point and i started to talk deeply about myself. She listened to me but she didnt tell me nothing like "ok now i have understood", she just fixed another meeting saying that for the moment i was there for "transvestitism".
After a couple of meetings, during the interview i said something like "... just the idea that one day i could start transition gives me a sense of relief." Totally unexpectedly she replied that i was already in transition, and she explained the first step is psycological, and I was already making progress in my transition. I felt soooo happy.
Therapists are tricky people, but i'm grateful to her.
QuoteIf you believe what they say even the slightest change shall make you happy right?
Yes, you are absolutely right, Christine :)
Thanks.
Hugs - Aly :)
60 here and for me the only difference between 21 and today would be that at 21 my balding was still minor.
Passing in some ways is easier as we age because the expectations of 'pretty' become easier to meet (something I never thought of myself but I have read it on the internet :-) ).
Mainly I think she's applying some fairly cis-sexist biases in that warning. I'd give my eyeteeth to pass as well as your photos show.
Greetings Aly,
For the record, I began hrt ~2.5 months ago at the age of 68. My goal was to be able to feel a bit more comfortable in my skin. If my body changed to a more feminine appearance, so much the better. So far I have experienced a few minor but enjoyable physical changes; softer skin, change of body odor (from strong male to a more pleasant almost fragrance), slightly slower facial and body hair growth rate, and just the beginnings of breast/nipple sensitivity/soreness but no growth. These have been fun to watch come on but have not been earth shattering. The part of the change that has really impacted my life is all psychological and emotional. I feel so much more up and happy about myself. Both my wife and son have expressed liking the change. And the emotions....wow!!! Tears of joy and sadness, things that I had not really experienced in the past 50 years. Even if I never can grow a set of 36b breast, it will be totally worth the effort.
Hope that this helps and please keep us updated on your journey.
Anne
For what it's worth, I think you look pretty good. Hormones will only help to improve upon that.
I'd reserve judgement on how effective they will be until you've been on them for a few years. I'm sure you'll be surprised and happy about the changes :)
Hi Sadie,
QuoteMainly I think she's applying some fairly cis-sexist biases in that warning
The other side of the coin is that when she warn me that way, smiling under her blue eyes, she pushes me in digging in my own possible/residual sexist biases - in the end of the whole story i will become nobody else than myself. HRT isnt a magical wand that will turn me into something beyond my possibilities.
Yes, sometimes i think the same (she's applying some fairly cis-sexist biases) ... maybe yes and maybe not... : what is significant for me is that with that kind of inputs I'm forced to work upon myself in acceptance of what i am in spite of everything.
It's a strange process, and ... in every case, I'm not a judge, i'm not judging the therapist ... she made me very angry sometimes, sometimes some of her words thrown me into a deep despair ... but it was my own despair, it was already there, it was already in me, she just let it come out on the surface of my conscience and this has given me the opportunity to face it, to deal with it.
What to say? In the end i'm "healing", i'm accepting more and more myself - i still have some "bad days", and will surely have good and bad days also in the future, but i see very clearly that i'm going in the right direction, and i feel very much better. Suicide feelings have gone now, and ... well, i gave up smoking and so many self destructive behaviors are no more there.
Everyone can be criticized, and i have silently criticized her so many times for the way she interacts with me ... but looking at the whole path i must recognize that a healing happened, it's not completed yet, but ... i feel very much better.
I do not envy her "job", i'm aware that it's not easy , she has to touch some such delicate points in my psyche that ... i'm aware that it's not easy to do. I think she is doing her best, nobody is perfect ...
QuoteI'd give my eyeteeth to pass as well as your photos show.
This is a compliment, thanks Sadie, but, please keep your eyeteeth, there is no need to lose it ;)
All the Best :) Hugs,
Aly
Quote from: Anne Blake on September 08, 2016, 05:00:40 PM
Greetings Aly,
For the record, I began hrt ~2.5 months ago at the age of 68. My goal was to be able to feel a bit more comfortable in my skin. If my body changed to a more feminine appearance, so much the better. So far I have experienced a few minor but enjoyable physical changes; softer skin, change of body odor (from strong male to a more pleasant almost fragrance), slightly slower facial and body hair growth rate, and just the beginnings of breast/nipple sensitivity/soreness but no growth. These have been fun to watch come on but have not been earth shattering. The part of the change that has really impacted my life is all psychological and emotional. I feel so much more up and happy about myself. Both my wife and son have expressed liking the change. And the emotions....wow!!! Tears of joy and sadness, things that I had not really experienced in the past 50 years. Even if I never can grow a set of 36b breast, it will be totally worth the effort.
Hope that this helps and please keep us updated on your journey.
Anne
Beautiful! Thank You so much for sharing. Absolutely Fabulous Anne :) <3 <3 <3 Your post has warmed my heart :)
Thanks V ;)
Alycya,
If it is right for you to transition, do it. It will not be perfect. I am 59 (on hormones 14 months) and it is wonderful for me to be living full time as the woman I am. If I said, "Oh the hormones won't make me look fantastic, so I won't transition." I would have missed out on this amazing journey. If it is right for you to transition, don't let the doubts stop you. When I was in your position it helped to read about and watch stories of people who were successful transitioning. It made me see that good things were possible. It made my doubts be less strong. Good luck!
Moni
Quote from: HappyMoni on September 08, 2016, 06:38:41 PM
Alycya,
If it is right for you to transition, do it. It will not be perfect. I am 59 (on hormones 14 months) and it is wonderful for me to be living full time as the woman I am. If I said, "Oh the hormones won't make me look fantastic, so I won't transition." I would have missed out on this amazing journey. If it is right for you to transition, don't let the doubts stop you. When I was in your position it helped to read about and watch stories of people who were successful transitioning. It made me see that good things were possible. It made my doubts be less strong. Good luck!
Moni
Dear Moni,
I already know i will do it. Reading your postings is already helping me, there is no need to read about successful stories. I can feel that, even between ups and downs, most of you are living a worthy experience. Myself I'm living a worthy experience, now the door is open - I have access to the HRT ... surely i will go for it. All fears are over? No, but I know I will cross the threshold. I always knew somewhere that it's my way, when i was a child my parents told me to beware of the swirling leaves, there is a sort of local "legend" here that says that if a "boy" get caught in the middle of the swirling leaves he would be magically turned into a girl. When I was a child I ran after the swirling leaves trying to jump in the middle of one of them ... and one day I managed to do it. Nothing happened ... but is going to happen now ... maybe the legend was true. :)
Thanks for Sharing <3
Aly
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Hi, Alycya! Lots us us are late bloomers. I'm 62, and have been on HRT 3 months now. A friend in our group is 65, has had GCS, and is now looking at facial feminization surgery. Age isn't the detriment that it used to be.
Quote from: Alycya on September 08, 2016, 02:52:52 PM
Great point!
If they said to you the same thing at 26, my god, lol ... when should we start to be in the right time? I
Hugs - Aly :)
Ha honestly we would need a time machine to be able get ourselves back to the right time lol.
Or or back into our mothers wombs with a lasser and blast all those Y sperm cells that wanted to ruin our good X base :/
Lol but all jokes aside, you have made it passed her attempts to put you off, which shows her you do believe you are what you say you are, and thats great.
And Judging by your pics you should do great once on hormones, you look quiet femme and petite.
You must be strong and push through now, real life will be tough too, so far I have avoided it as I haven't come out myself, so I can't help you ther :S
Goodluck :3
Hi Alycya!... I started hormones at age 52 and am just short of 3 years in... I had 27 hours of surgery in 2015... Since I jumped into FFS at about a year in I can't truly judge how much the hormones did for my face... My breast development started slowly and really started taking off around the 2 year mark along with hips/ butt getting a bit more padding and they are continuing to improve..
Anyway...you look in your photos like you could easily pass in public as you go about daily life... It is not just how someone looks alone that makes passing possible... Confidence is a huge factor as well as how you walk/move/carry yourself, your voice etc....
Here's the secret though.... Most of us do not pass as genetic women 100% of the time and you know what?... It is okay!!!... We are living amazing and fulfilling lives that are finally our own...without regret!!! ...This whole thing is about self acceptance,...being okay with who you are inside and living who you are inside...All you need to pass as, is who you are... a transwoman...knowing that you have a place in the world just like everyone else
Onward we go!
Take Care,
Ashley :)
Hello Aly,
I threw in my two cents worth a while ago but I thought that I might add another couple of pennies (maybe a nickel's worth) to the mix. For me, for many of the other contributors and I expect for you, beginning hrt is a wonderful step in gaining more of the life that we seek. It is a wild ride and great (at least so far for me). But, as mentioned several times before, it is not a magic bullet, or even the bigger part of achieving our goals. I have no idea of your targeted end point; part time gal to full time, with or without surgery. I don't really know my own goals, they seem to be shifting all of the time. For me, the largest piece of the puzzle in finding peace as Anne is confidence, owning your gender, your identity. Neat concept and almost impossible to do from the start. Little steps have helped me get to where I am comfortable being out and about in almost any situation. Some key contributors for me have been; the support of my wife, faith in my God, a support group (currently a local group as well as places like Susan's Place), and experience (going out and doing things, shopping, makeup lessons at Sephora's, meals with friends). Then there are tools or actions that make it easier; getting my beard under control (hair removal is a long expensive painful tedious process but it allows such freedom and spontaneity along with less makeup), watching those around you to see the differences in motions, gestures, walk, talk between, guys and gals, cis and T. And finally, it is a journey, hopefully a long and joyful one that you can enjoy each step of.
Good luck and enjoy the ride,
Anne
Quote from: tgirlamc on September 09, 2016, 10:36:21 AM
Here's the secret though.... Most of us do not pass as genetic women 100% of the time and you know what?... It is okay!!!... We are living amazing and fulfilling lives that are finally our own...without regret!!! ...This whole thing is about self acceptance,...being okay with who you are inside and living who you are inside...All you need to pass as, is who you are... a transwoman...knowing that you have a place in the world just like everyone else
Onward we go!
Hi Ashley,
yes, i absolutely agree with you, I know I may won't never pass as a genetic woman 100% of the time - but that it's not the target. You said very well : " .. a transwoman...knowing that you have a place in the world just like everyone else".
Anyway it's really nice to see that even starting over 50 there is still the chance to live a worthy and fulfilling life, ...... and .... well .... you really look beautiful, Ashley :) congrats :).
And Yes again: Onward we go!
Thanks :)
QuoteAnne wrote:
Little steps have helped me get to where I am comfortable being out and about in almost any situation. Some key contributors for me have been; the support of my wife, faith in my God, a support group (currently a local group as well as places like Susan's Place), and experience (going out and doing things, shopping, makeup lessons at Sephora's, meals with friends).
Hi again Anne,
until now (and even now) I did as you: baby steps. I follow my spontaneity without forcing me in any direction. Luckily my SO is unconditionally supporting me, and this it's really important because it's of great help. I'm happy because I feel that things are going to be awesome, i have this feeling inside.
Yes, asap i will undergo some ffs, my nose has to be corrected ... I don't really have a "faith" in "God", but something very similar, I'm trustful towards Life ... and, well, this could be just a "semantic" difference lol.
Thank You again for your inputs, Anne :)
All the Best!
Hugs
Aly
Dear Alycya,
It is nice to see how you seem more optimistic or confident as this post has progressed. I thought I would let you know I liked your swirling leaves story. In my younger years, I had dreams of walking through the woods and finding a pond or stream that had the magical power to change me into a girl. It was a happy yet frustrating thought.
Moni
Quote from: HappyMoni on September 10, 2016, 09:40:49 PM
Dear Alycya,
It is nice to see how you seem more optimistic or confident as this post has progressed. I thought I would let you know I liked your swirling leaves story. In my younger years, I had dreams of walking through the woods and finding a pond or stream that had the magical power to change me into a girl. It was a happy yet frustrating thought.
Moni
Dearest Moni,
i think that when we were children we were much more free from social conditionings, and what we already were inside us could express itself very much easily.
I remember that before to go to primary school, i used to paint portraits of girls, i remember i had those big sheets of paper and colors, and i painted the face of a girl, with long hair braids - just the face, like there was a mirror in front of me instead of a piece of paper.
My parents were a bit puzzled because i did it very often. I remember their comments, they said that the drawings were nice, but they wondered why i painted the face of a girl so often.
When i started to go to school my drawings changed, i started to draw a "mechanical" male face, like the one of a robot, it was very "spiky", no more rounded, and divided in sections kept together by screws.
I think that the change is very significant because i started to do that kind of drawing just when i had to start to keep a certain social behavior as a "boy".
The face of the girl was graceful and natural, the "male" version was the representation of an artificial "forcing".
I'm not sure why I'm sharing this episode lol, but i think it's quiet significant.
Maybe I'm writing about that because when we were children we perceive the world as a "magical" place full of possibilities ... with no boundaries ...
The frustration comes when we start to believe at what "they" tried to "taught" us about how the so called "reality" has to be perceived: divided in "possible" and "impossible", and divided in so many other ways ...
In that division all dreams (alternate possibilities) crumbles and we start to feel like robots with a program to perform: all poetry has gone.
This is sad, and it's sad because it's a lie. Truth is never sad, truth is always joyful.
We are not born to be robot-like, we are living mysteries, and with the birthright to fully live the mystery we are without boundaries and pre-cooked definitions.
I believe that that magical pound is still there :)
Hugs,
Aly
When I was young, I always hoped a magic genie would come and grant my wish to be a girl.... The genie never came but, many many years later, I realized I could be my own magic genie...
Onward we go!!!! :)
Aly,
For me, I don't allow myself to get to far down the road of mourning the past and what should have been. It makes for too much sadness. I have always looked forward. Now I am learning to live in the present. Going full time has finally allowed a pleasant place to live in the here and now. For those who are not where they want to be, I just want to cheer lead and urge them on.
Thanks for sharing your story of the paintings. Yeah I say there is some meaning in that.
Tgirl,
Was your genie Barbara Eden? At any rate, it looks like you did a wonderful job being your own genie.
Hugs to you both.
Moni
Quote from: HappyMoni on September 10, 2016, 09:40:49 PM
Dear Alycya,
It is nice to see how you seem more optimistic or confident as this post has progressed.
Yes, I feel very much better now. The contributions of all you to this post have been Precious.
Thanks yall.
Hugs :)
Aly
Quote from: Alycya on September 12, 2016, 05:24:08 AM
Yes, I feel very much better now. The contributions of all you to this post have been Precious.
Thanks yall.
Hugs :)
Aly
Aly, I wish you well, and to pursue the girl you used to paint, as she is your true self. Sending hugs to you.