So, as things are continuing to get more "real" I have been second guessing my own moniquor. The last minute nerves have began to rear their ugly heads... What's good around friends and sounds good in theory; will it play well once it's legally owned, and for all intents and purposes permanent. I keep wondering "does the name fit the face?" "Does it sound natural?" "Does it fit my personality?" "Does it sound forced, or disingenuine?". Doubt ruins great ideas when it takes hold of your thoughts...
So, who should be my sounding board? Who is my honest broker? Friends? Strangers? Forum patrons? Are friends really the best judge of things, or are their opinions tainted after the first introductions?
Some fail to take into account that a new name should sound typical if one wants to blend in, and not draw unwanted attention. I know my name does not raise any eyebrows when spoken.
There are some that do want the attention. At some point, they might regret it. If it sounds like a stripper name, it might fall in this category.
Ummm OK. But wasn't quite my question.
Quote from: Harley Quinn on September 14, 2016, 08:38:27 PM
So, who should be my sounding board? Who is my honest broker? Friends? Strangers? Forum patrons? Are friends really the best judge of things, or are their opinions tainted after the first introductions?
Are you comfortable with the name and is it you? I liked my name the first time I saw it on a license plate. The name is me. I am informal. I like a name that not everybody has but it is a real name that was available when I was born. I would like to think it's the type of name my parents would have given me had I been born female.
Don't try to meet other peoples standards as they don't have to live with the name. You are the one who will live with the name so your opinion is the only one that counts.
In my therapy group, one of the first questions that was ask was what name do you want to go by. Everybody used that name so we became used to it and we knew if it was right for us. If a name is wrong, you should be able to determine it pretty quick.
I like my name alot. Its the same name I was born with except on the feminine side
Some friends and loved ones will hold back for fear of hurting your feelings or you getting mad. Others won't. I think the tendency is to avoid conflict.
Strangers, with no emotional investment will give you a straighter answer, but then they don't know you.
If you are having doubts it may be easier to be specific about what you do or don't like about your name and ask for a yes or no answer with a disclaimer, "I won't get mad."
Like "I'm afraid this name is too feminine for me and I can't pull it off. What do you think? I won't get mad. I really need to know."
Or "I'm afraid my name is too masculine. What do you think. You will be doing me a huge favor if you give me an honest answer. Yes or no."
I think first that you have to be comfortable making the decision. If you have an S.O., that's an opinion that counts for a lot. I honestly wouldn't go beyond 1 or 2 really close friends including a partner, if applicable. I would also use on-line resources to find popular birth names for the year you were born and for current popular names. Not that this should necessarily rule out a name, but to give it a good test. Names that are really popular at the moment might not fit in a few years as those children start to grow up.
One of the things I found in selecting a name is that you'll find some association with almost every name, maybe to a famous person sharing it, or maybe a song or movie reference. Remember that not everyone shares those same references, unless the name is truly iconic. The more people you poll, the more of those negative associations you'll find. Everyone doesn't have to be happy with your name. I hope you're happy though.
L
Just keep in mind that NOBODY looks like their name... Think about it. They are born, and immediately given a name, even sometimes before they are born. If you hear a voice, you don't think "she sounds like an April" or "Definitely a Sarah." When you introduce yourself, people will feel that it fits and it will stick. Getting used to being called a new name is weird and takes a lot of repetition to become normal. My rules were simple. Common name from the timeframe I was born, and uncommon enough that half of my friends don't feel like I'm taking their name.
I only knew a handful of Heathers growing up and am only friends with 2, so it seemed a decent choice.
I like the Artesia Claire name that I picked. My wife doesn't. So, I went back to the drawing board to find one I like and that she would be comfortable with. My wife says the Artesia name is to uncommon, and could cause me problems, but I can keep it here and on my video game characters. I've shared it with a coupe doctors, my therapist, and my wife. The Therapist and doctors all said it's pretty, and flows well, but didn't say if it would be a good name or not. As a RPG player, and former SCA (society for Creative Anachronisms) Member, wearing different names is almost second nature, so switching doesn't bother me.
I want a name that doesn't sound like a stripper or like I got it off the Internet. I don't want to draw any more attention to myself than I will get anyway, so it has to be a name that is age-appropriate for my generation.
I picked my screen name because it sounds like my male given names. The more I use it, the more it sounds like me. I go by Kathy in the local support group, and it sounds like people are talking to me when they use it. If I chose a totally unrelated name, it would take me a second or two to remember that that is me they are talking to.
My wife is the one who will use it the most, so she has an interest in my name choice. However, her taste is for totally implausible movie-star names. Ack! So not me!
I am not 100% sure I will stick with Lauren as my middle name, but I am pretty sure I will keep Kathleen as my first name.
Quote from: Harley Quinn on September 14, 2016, 08:38:27 PM
So, as things are continuing to get more "real" I have been second guessing my own moniquor. The last minute nerves have began to rear their ugly heads... What's good around friends and sounds good in theory; will it play well once it's legally owned, and for all intents and purposes permanent. I keep wondering "does the name fit the face?" "Does it sound natural?" "Does it fit my personality?" "Does it sound forced, or disingenuine?". Doubt ruins great ideas when it takes hold of your thoughts...
So, who should be my sounding board? Who is my honest broker? Friends? Strangers? Forum patrons? Are friends really the best judge of things, or are their opinions tainted after the first introductions?
I was going with Grand Duchess Anastasia III but I plan on keeping the name I have always had as it is a female/male name already.
Get a stripper name. Put it on your license plate!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1279.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy537%2FDevlynMarie%2F20150805_114139_zpsjj6a6abq.jpg&hash=196ae21da8b3b17108d0b1e1d6af7d863b3199f5)
Hugs, Devlyn
I think something that suits your personality .....its a very personal thing depends whether you want to blend or be out there for myself i already have a couple of out rageous ones ..but then my grandma's name keeps filtering through ?
I had my wife help me decide. I had a few names picked out and thought I'd go with my first pick, but I then started to find different names that I liked a lot. So, Siobhan isn't the name I picked for good, but it's my online persona, if you will. Now, my wife calls me Bridget and refers to me as a girl. I smile every time. :)
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on September 15, 2016, 07:54:59 AM
Get a stripper name. Put it on your license plate!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1279.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy537%2FDevlynMarie%2F20150805_114139_zpsjj6a6abq.jpg&hash=196ae21da8b3b17108d0b1e1d6af7d863b3199f5)
Hugs, Devlyn
Ha ha ha ha ha ha..... That's funny!
Thank you everyone for your wonderful and well thought out advice. I suppose my takeaway will be try and get used to it. I have 4 friends that have taken my name and ran with it. Sadly, they all live hundreds and thousands of miles away, so I don't hear my name very often. I have been timid and non-comittal with my name when it comes to speaking with my doctors. After hearing all the advice, I'm sure that's going to be my next step in getting over the shock and awe of progress. So, with that... I guess I should add it in my signature block on posts.
Thank you ladies! As always, this site seems to attract all the best people!
~ Victoria Quinn
Hey, Victoria! Now it's your turn to deliver some "shock and awe!"
You're going to do fine.
Quote from: Dena on September 14, 2016, 11:06:43 PM
Are you comfortable with the name and is it you? I liked my name the first time I saw it on a license plate. The name is me. I am informal. I like a name that not everybody has but it is a real name that was available when I was born. I would like to think it's the type of name my parents would have given me had I been born female.
Don't try to meet other peoples standards as they don't have to live with the name. You are the one who will live with the name so your opinion is the only one that counts.
In my therapy group, one of the first questions that was ask was what name do you want to go by. Everybody used that name so we became used to it and we knew if it was right for us. If a name is wrong, you should be able to determine it pretty quick.
How do you get your name from a license plate if you don't mind me asking?
My name was my friends name, I always liked her name so that is what I went with
Quote from: mythaisrs on September 15, 2016, 02:38:59 PM
How do you get your name from a license plate if you don't mind me asking?
My name was my friends name, I always liked her name so that is what I went with
About 1978 or 1979 I walking through the company parking lot in Anaheim and I glanced over at an older car with an early customized plate. It was love at first sight because the length, letters used and the fact that is was feminine. I wasn't that uncomfortable with my old name but it was the perfect replacement for it. It even had the advantage that should somebody call me by my old name, a person could mistake it for my new name.
I decided on my name after perusing my long lost culture fem names. I still feel awkward with it, but meh. I am happy with what I have chosen. :-X
Quote from: Lady Sarah on September 14, 2016, 09:18:59 PM
Some fail to take into account that a new name should sound typical if one wants to blend in, and not draw unwanted attention. I know my name does not raise any eyebrows when spoken.
There are some that do want the attention. At some point, they might regret it. If it sounds like a stripper name, it might fall in this category.
No one seems surprised when I tell them my name is Kitten ;D
Quote from: kittenpower on September 15, 2016, 09:44:00 PM
No one seems surprised when I tell them my name is Kitten ;D
Really? That's AWESOME! I love it! :)
Quote from: kittenpower on September 15, 2016, 09:44:00 PM
No one seems surprised when I tell them my name is Kitten ;D
They do chuckle when they find out your last name is McMittens, though! ;D
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on September 16, 2016, 06:54:12 AM
They do chuckle when they find out your last name is McMittens, though! ;D
Hugs, Devlyn
😀
You two are making me laugh... which is awesome, the VA hospital is always so depressing.
:D
Ive also been thinking the same thing.... I just knew my name was Rita 15 years or so ago when I started using it. But lately it doesnt seem to fit me. I feel like a Michelle for some reason. ???
When I picked my name, It was a shortened version of my first name. It was androgynous to say the least. Then I decided to go with my middle name because it was unisex. But then when it came time to legally change it , I felt "did I really come this far to still have a somewhat masculine name?" So I played on it and made the spelling more feminine and went with it.
I love my name shortened as "Ari" and I don't have any regrets. The only thing I would change if I could, would be to honestly change my name to a simple, very common first and last name so it's harder to clock my transition name. And just use Aria as an alias. But whatever. It's my name and I love it.
On Second Life and multiple virtual realities I think a rose smells as sweet if called something else.
I think I related to Mujina and Cynthia best though out of the names I choosen in past lives. Arusha is a good name.
I think I would like Shania a lot too... But too famous of a name.
Quote from: RitaChans on September 17, 2016, 06:11:37 AM
Ive also been thinking the same thing.... I just knew my name was Rita 15 years or so ago when I started using it. But lately it doesnt seem to fit me. I feel like a Michelle for some reason. ???
Michelle what are you waiting for?
Quote from: Wild Flower on September 17, 2016, 11:49:41 AM
I think I would like Shania a lot too... But too famous of a name.
Made me think of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJL4UGSbeFg
I've been called Charlie by nearly everyone my whole life. I like it, so I think I'm going to legally change it from Charles to Charlie. I feel it fits me. :)
i found when i did it. i thought to myself i want a formal name that can be shortened like most people will do with it. for example allison it can become ali or alice. it took me like 6 months to pick mine but i found for me anyway i grew into it ,i became allison and people will see you happy and no longer who you used to be, i found they will like and accociate whatever name you choose with you soon enough. but find 5 names you love and call yourself them outloud for awhile she which ones makes you feel happy. them embrace it and you will become thst person :)
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on September 15, 2016, 07:54:59 AM
Get a stripper name. Put it on your license plate!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1279.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy537%2FDevlynMarie%2F20150805_114139_zpsjj6a6abq.jpg&hash=196ae21da8b3b17108d0b1e1d6af7d863b3199f5)
Hugs, Devlyn
lol devlyn. ;D
I don't know if this name for me will stick but how i found mine is i looked up the meaning
behind the name. For me i liked that it related to the round table it was neat and reminded me of a worrier more then anything although the meaning is actually "love" it doesn't completely fit but eh i felt it worked at the time.
It's possible this one will fade for me too fairly quickly. But for me its looking things up or asking friends that's how i come up with names for myself. I just haven't met anyone yet or had anyone use mine so it never clicks or stays with me and always fades.
No stealth for me, Tristan! ;D
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Wild Flower on September 17, 2016, 11:50:35 AM
Michelle what are you waiting for?
I dont know, Ill try it for a while and see how it feels.... :)
You know you found your name when you light up inside when somebody calls you by it.
I'm going to offer a different perspective. And some of you may disagree, but this is my opinion.
It's just a name. It's not a big deal. It doesn't change who you are.
I was born in South Korea, and was given a male Korean name at birth. When I moved to the United States, I kept my Korean name. It was difficult for my friends to pronounce, but they got used to it.
Just before I started college, I thought it might be helpful to have a more common American name, anticipating all the new friends I would meet. So I legally change my name from a male Korean name to a male American name.
Many years later, when I first started going out into the real-world TG community, I chose the name "Mirya" for myself, because I thought it was pretty and unique. (it also happened to be the name of my primary World of Warcraft character, and I'm a huge gaming nerd!).
Eventually when my transition progressed to the point where it came time for me to do my legal name change, I decided I wanted a more common first name in order to make things easier when meeting new people. So I chose Emily. And I made Mirya into my middle name.
Now I am thinking about what kind of name I want to have as my female Korean name. I settled on 은비 (pronounced Eun Bee in English), which means "Silver Rain".
So as you can see, I have gone through many different names and changed my legal name twice (once as a guy, and once as a girl!) Through it all, I never felt anything weird or special about each name change. Again, it's just a name. It doesn't change who I am. It doesn't define who I am.
My former male self made it a point to not read lists of names while he gave me time to name myself.
Beth.
It only took about 3 weeks, and how did we know it wasn't just a random name?
This is how:
Quote from: michelle on September 22, 2016, 07:36:53 PM
You know you found your name when you light up inside when somebody calls you by it.
It's definitely a process though, take your time and do what's right for you.
First time I sneaked a look at the Jem cartoon as a kid Rebecca clicked. She was good, fun, emotional, gorgeous, intelligent and more than 1 person to people so yeah that really resonated deep inside even back then even if I couldn't explain it and I dearly wished I could grow up to be her. Always wanted her earrings but don't we all.
When the time came and I got my memories back I just knew that I was Rebecca the same kinda way I just knew I was a girl. Y'know like it was so obvious that I felt silly for not knowing it sooner.
I set my work password to "I am Ms Rebecca Helena -----" and smiled every time I typed it and still do.
No polling or questioning I just was and am Rebecca so hearing it and telling people is as natural as breathing to me.
While a name certainly doesn't change who you are they often contain hope for the future from those that give it. You have the unique chance to name yourself which for me was a wonderful thing.
To me my name is who I am and a reminder of who I wanted to be. Yeah it's true I totally wanted to be a boring cartoon girl who also got/had to be a rock star to help people I can so live with that lol.
If your name makes you smile when you look in the mirror and say "I am....." then world be damned you take the name you like and rock it ☆