Hi everyone,
I am a 19 year (almost 20) trans girl, I transitioned when I was 18 with HRT only. And so far I haven't had any surgeries, SRS or BA.
Before HRT, I always had feminine mannerisms, a feminine voice that never dropped, was petitie and pretty face. Which made my life very hard, because people often couldn't get if I was a boy or a girl, and would ask, be rude or even assume I was a butch lesbian. However, starting HRT, I started passing and at two months nobody would believe I was boy even if I dressed as such. I started getting harassed on the street so frequently that, after year, it has become normal to me (unfortunately). At 6 month mark I started getting remarks by people everywhere how "you are such a pretty girl", "you're very pretty", "you are so gorgeous"... which was quite an ego boost but I now find it gets old fast. Society values looks over anything else in a girl. It makes me feel like a pair of walking boobs and pretty face.
Most guys who approach me or act interested in me are committed to other girls. And I always refuse going out with them. I tell them all the same: I do not go out with men who have GFs. But somehow I find only jerks approach me. It seems nice/shy guys don't really like to approach at all, or are intimidated to do so. I honestly don't want a man who's all about going out at night, drinking, smoking, having sex bam thankyou. I want something more meaningful, but all I attract is losers. And I ask myself, why? Am I doing anything wrong? I feel so vulnerable sometimes. It wasn't easy getting here, and I did most alone. I just want someone to share who I am with. Someone caring, nice, funny, who can keep interesting conversations. But it seems my supposed "good looks" only attract trash. Or perhaps it's a woman thing. More likely the latter.
Is it really possible find a man who fits this "bill" and who understand our condition?
I would suggest you hold your virtues up as a shield. If a guy shows an interest in you, make it clear you are looking for a long term relationship and you are a bit old fashion in your values. The other issue is if you are attractive, many men may think you won't be interested in them. To counter that, you need to open the conversation with them and show a little interest in them. You could ask about what they are doing, what they like or some other small talk to melt the ice and help the conversation flow. Often women need to be the aggressor but without showing aggression but by showing interest.
yes, that's me <Link removed at request of poster>
I don't think I look that pretty. And even if I did, I still have trouble getting genuine interest from men, not just the type that wants you to lay on his bed...and yeah. Why does it have to be so hard?
You are very pretty. As a shy guy, I would never have approached you. I would have looked at you from far away, especially if the more athletic types were the ones showing interest in you. Even if they are just trying for sex. Look around, and see if anyone is looking at you that might be further away. Talk to the guy who looks away as soon as you notice him looking. If the conversation goes well, ask to meet again, and progress from there. Sometimes the shy ones need the confidence boost to ask for a date.
Quote from: Artesia on September 16, 2016, 05:15:32 AM
You are very pretty. As a shy guy, I would never have approached you. I would have looked at you from far away, especially if the more athletic types were the ones showing interest in you. Even if they are just trying for sex. Look around, and see if anyone is looking at you that might be further away. Talk to the guy who looks away as soon as you notice him looking. If the conversation goes well, ask to meet again, and progress from there. Sometimes the shy ones need the confidence boost to ask for a date.
That is really nice to know. Maybe I should look more carefully. I went yesterday on a date with a nice shy guy and it was awesome! But that's the thing, if I don't approach nice guys first, they don't do it while all the jerks are hitting on me. Why do I attract unavailable men? Maybe I give off an insecure vibe
I like men but the too sexual attention creeps me and I also find it strange why some guys are so focussed on my virginity...it shouldn't be such a big deal, should it?
I was an extremely shy bloke that could never approach anyone.
I have found the males who are only interested in their own egos are very forthcoming. The shy ones, as has been said hold back and watch from afar only wishing they could be worthy of a beautiful girl like you.
From past discussions I have had, this is animal type behavior where the strong rule the herd and mate as much as possible to ensure the longevity of the species.
Look beyond the confident ones and look for the shy. We are the ones who show the greatest respect and will be the rock in your life.
You are still very young and the maturity of men at your age is very low. If you can manage to get through until your mid twenties then you will find very different attitudes and behaviors.
I wish you well in your search and know Mr right will turn up.
Cheers Sue.
Quote from: Aurorasky on September 16, 2016, 10:30:08 AM
That is really nice to know. Maybe I should look more carefully. I went yesterday on a date with a nice shy guy and it was awesome! But that's the thing, if I don't approach nice guys first, they don't do it while all the jerks are hitting on me. Why do I attract unavailable men? Maybe I give off an insecure vibe
I like men but the too sexual attention creeps me and I also find it strange why some guys are so focussed on my virginity...it shouldn't be such a big deal, should it?
Sadly, that is normal. The shy ones will avoid the larger group be it from fear of one of the members, fear of failing in what they want to do, or fear of rejection by their peers. The more confidant ones, from my experience, don't really care about anyone butt themselves and the status that "eye candy" provides. In at least one case the football player was actually only interested in men, but needed the beauty to hide his reality from the rest of the guys. Sad state of affairs, I wish the human race could just accept everybody. But I digress. Virgins, especially pretty ones, are something for a teenager to conquer, it is a holy grail quest type thing to bag one, and the status gained by having sex with one is oddly treated as a bigger success. It's not you, it's society, and the young mind that is causing this issue. Just stick to your guns, and find the right one for you.
Pretty eyes. Ambition is not always a meritocratous thing. There are alot of people who are deserving and desirous who don't get much because they don't demonstrate. Like the poet said, We are a sign unread. Are you willing to be the active one?
A really great way to meet guys is through clubs and activities where you might share common interests. I don't know what your interests are so it's hard for me to be specific here. But, so many young people like anime, gaming, sci-fiction fandom, there are so many others. And there are a lot of shy, nice young guys that would find it a lot easier to approach a young woman in a setting where they have an interest in common than simply out in the street.
Quote from: Rhonda Lynn on September 17, 2016, 09:33:00 AM
A really great way to meet guys is through clubs and activities where you might share common interests. I don't know what your interests are so it's hard for me to be specific here. But, so many young people like anime, gaming, sci-fiction fandom, there are so many others. And there are a lot of shy, nice young guys that would find it a lot easier to approach a young woman in a setting where they have an interest in common than simply out in the street.
Good advice.
I'm in the same situation as you. I always thought something was wrong with me that's why guys never approach me. But over the year I've found out that in reality guys are pretty shy and now if I see someone I like, I do the confronting just because if I sit and wait, only the terrible ones will come around. :-\
My advice: Be a little more aggressive! :)