OK ,, I am humming along well in my transition, people are accept me as female ( till they hear my voice but that's a issue for another day ).. but there is one common issue that I cant figure out.. because frankly,, I have no general social skills... Being a guy was kinda easy.. you just insult everyone in good humor... but this whole compliment thing throws me for a loop.. I will be talking to someone and they will compliment me on something, To which my general reply will be to say thanks and run away..
What are the general rules and etiquette when some one says something nice ?
Say thank you and compliment them back. If they've complimented your clothing or makeup, tell them where you got it.
Sspar, thanks for posting this, I have exactly the same experience. It seems odd that I can't process a simple compliment.
Agree thank them back and share info. Another awesome thing to do is compliment other women in a nice and friendly manner. It sometimes takes a bit of courage to do at first, but it usually is a great social interaction. Women tend to smile at one another much more than guys to guys or women to guys.
It just seems awkward..That I am almost apologizing by complimenting back because they said something first..
I do enjoy the caring and hugs and listening to woman show off.. But when the attention is on me its new territory that I managed to avoided for a very long time..
Sarcasm and insults have served me well, and working in a male dominated field are still usefull tools..( it actually puts my coworkers at ease because it shows that in some ways, I am still the same person )
I have had to overcome a lot of challenges to get this far.. I will have to add this to my too do list of things to conquer.. I just wish there was a surgery or pill to fix this..But i guess it comes down to stubbornness and will power.. I am just so lazy tho.. but i will succeed .....
many thanks
On the flip side of this, I've often noticed something I like on a woman such as hair colour or an accessory, but my male trained mind stops me from making a compliment, grrr.
I'm having the opposite problem. I'm living more or less as a woman outside of work (planning to go full time by the end of the year), and I've been catching myself complimenting women at work the way I would elsewhere and getting weird looks. So far, no conversations with HR, though, thank goodness.
Isn't it ridiculous that when presenting male, we can't even make a simple compliment without the assumption of some sordid agenda.
The woman who drew my blood last Friday told me I had beautiful eyes and also commented she loved my watch. I thanked her for the compliment on my eyes and told her where I had ordered the watch. I did return the compliment. It does take some getting used to and obviously she would never have said that to me if I was appearing male.
Ah compliments - I couldn't comment. They got me into a heap of trouble once, (a long time ago),at work, and now I just keep quiet.
The never ending story in my life of the 1001 signs you are trans*.
Sno.
I used to get compliments from some of the women in my running group about my legs. I would just thank them and we would have a conversation as we ran along. I was in male only mode then. The first time I ran with them though the only comment was to ask if I shaved my legs. At that time I hadn't but they had lost all their hair from my first time around with HRT.
Quote from: Sspar on September 16, 2016, 01:22:23 PM
Being a guy was kinda easy.. you just insult everyone in good humor... but this whole compliment thing throws me for a loop..
Yea... insulting people, even in a friendly manner, is not something that women typically do. :) Like others have said, when you receive a compliment, thank them and compliment them back. Like this:
woman:
You look great! I love your shoes!you:
[big, gushing smile, and expressing excitedly] Thank you sooo much!! I bought them at XYZ store! And I absolutely love your earrings!! Wherever did you get them?
The conversation can go on from there. Remember that women are very nice to other women, even strangers. And they smile at each other a lot, even when walking past each other on the sidewalk, even if they don't know each other. Also one last tip about compliments... do not compliment a woman on their weight, or their frame, or their face, or any aspect of their body. It can sometimes be taken the wrong way if they have insecurities about their body (which many women do). Instead, compliment them on their clothes, shoes, purse, jewelry, etc.
It takes some practice, but you'll get the hang of it if you remember to keep doing it!! :)
Complements and smiles came at work when I came out and expressed. It was like being accepted, in a way. I would give complements to women at work way before coming out but they were much less frequent and more vague. Now it is a way of saying hello but only if you mean it.
If I am in an elevator and see a piece of jewelry or clothing I like I say so. There is always a smile and an exchange of where it was purchased and a thank you. It feels good to receive and give a complement. In the office every day complements are given and received.
There is one woman i am close to that we talk about food and weight because we are both trying to lose a few pounds. It is something that we do to remind each other to eat healthy. Another woman who has a models body. I said such and said you can wear anything and it looks great. She said she would love to gain weight ( she eats a lot of food too). So use extremely care in this area.
The power of one and circles. Start with one complement per day per circle of women you know. At work there tends to be women that socialize in small groups. In our office area we have GI, nurse practiotiones, facilities, child life and environmental health and safety. So in this small area,there are 5 groups and and an awesome opportunity to make friends, give and receive complements, and get help, buying shoes, tops, pants and dresses as well as jewelry. I have found woman to be accepting and love to help other woman.