We've been approached by a couple people the last few weeks asking to learn more about Mia and Marq. We've stayed consistant with how we feel since the day of our realization of our nature, which incidently the 1 year anniversary is coming up on the 5th of November, Happy Recognition Day(Mia's Day) us!
Anyways during these conversations we were able to state things in a different way then normal because conversations are fluid things and they develop differently with different people. We'd like to share some of the things said in the hopes that others can understand Bigender/Two-spirited people better. I of course invite any other bigender and two-spirited people to add whatever they wish to these comments.
What are you about? What's the deal?Marq and Mia are two seperate individuals with their own interests and motivations. They just happen to share a physical body and share control of that body. Read on...
How do you operate/exist? As one or the other at one time? or both always?Both always, best way to put it would be envision that Marq and Mia are standing behind a podium of some sort. Any given situation in life could be translated into some sort of question maybe that would draw from their skill sets. Based on which one is better suited to handle a situation, they would step foward and be represented for that situation. If a situation comes up that Mia can handle like personal relationships or need for compassion she handles it. If the situation calls for Marq's straightfowardness or competitiveness he handles it.
So it's like both of you live in that one body?Exactly, essentially two souls in one physical body. It's already difficult to explain what exactly a soul is and it isn't specifically stated that the soul to body ratio has to be 1 for 1 all the time. This concept of two spirits in one body was first documented in Native American tribes but has not been limited to them, just more accepted within those tribes.
Do the two of you share memories? Since its a tag off constantly, we almost always share the experiences as far as memory goes. It is possible for one to be disinterested in something or not involved in something that is placed squarely in the others expertise, and in those rare instances, memories may not be completely mutual. This instances though are only out of lack of interest at the time of one of the two. The gaps in memory are infrequent and feel like nothing more then occasionally being forgetful. The information feels slightly out of reach just like when you're trying to remember something. Usually the other is happy to fill in the missing memory if asked.
Has Mia always been there or did she appear when the realization was made?Mia has for the most part been unrecognized up until last year with our realization. She's been there all along and her influence is clear from the beginning of our first memories when we think back. Just no one tells you you're sharing your body when you're growing up and so for those years she felt something wasn't right with her much like a transexual might experience growing up. What would have been confusing was that Marq felt fine except for that feeling that there was a side that wasn't being recognized. We share feelings, so if one of us is confused, we both experience the feeling to some degree. These feelings of confusion were clear in the journals we maintained for a number of years.
How does it feel when you're not in control and the other is?You don't notice it because you could always just take control again at any moment. The next moment may be where your skill set is needed more. The rest of the time you're just waiting but the experience is still very much first-hand. You don't feel like you're just watching, you feel like its you doing it. We just know now we're taking turns. We just trust each other enough that we consider everything a shared experience that we've handled together as a team. Its so nice to be supported always by someone you trust.
How do you relate to each other? Is the relationship romantic?We love each other very much but the way you love a sibling. We're very playful with each other and we do what you would expect of two close siblings. Friendly teasing, playing tricks on each other, and just in general playfulness. We love each as identical twins would which we largely consider ourselves, perhaps the ultimate conjoined twins to an extent. It isn't romantic in other words.
Siblings fight, do you two have conflict?Siblings do fight, and as a result we too do have conflict and disagreements. We keep an open dialogue on any issues we don't agree upon and usually work out some sort of agreement or comprimise on those issues. We think this back and forth discussion is what attributes the balance we feel all the time. The two of us working together as we do can handle almost anything that gets thrown our way.
Do the two of you really have different interests, likes and dislikes?Yes, to compromise on what you like or dislike would be to blur who you are, and so we keep our interests, likes and dislikes, as our own. We do have a number of interests in common which makes for the easiest time in doing what we enjoy but make time for everything that isn't on both lists. To everyone else, we probably appear to have a well balanced list of interests but its really a mixture of seperate interests. We don't really have any opposing likes and dislikes where one would like something and the other dislikes it. Usually one likes or dislikes something and the other is for the most part indifferent to it.
Do you know which one is represented at any given moment?This is one of our favorite questions and to a certain extent we can derived which one is most likely being represented. We don't know though at any given moment and its really for one main reason, simplicity. The concept of self is a funny thing. One of us, if asked who they were, will answer what they know, they will say "me". You then ask well who is "me", they'll just say "I don't know, just me". The inevitible question follows "Well then who is the other one", and response would be "If I knew who the other was I'd know who I am."
So why can't you even tell yourselves apart from each other? Because thats an unnecessary piece of knowledge for us. If we each knew exactly, whenever we're in control, we'd know we were in control and whenever we weren't we'd know that. Since it changes constantly based at any moment on which of us needs to be expressed, not knowing when we switch places allows for our experiences to blend into a single stream of experiences. Don't worry about who is in control and just contribute. It has to be that way to make for the simpliest time for us. A simple analogy would be if you could see the light in a room and everytime you changed, the light switch got flipped on or off, you'd be bothered by the flickering light. Now if you couldn't see the light in the room because your eyes were closed, you could have the lights flipped on and off all day and you'd never be bothered by it. We'd just keep doing whatever we were doing.
How did Mia get Marq to recognize her? What clues were used?
- A number of clues were used of which many probably don't seem to make all that much sense by themselves but were enough to get the point across. Those of you questioning some of these things might want to take note. We started "crossdressing" when we were pretty young and that was off and on since then, though it felt right at the time, it also felt wrong too. We were in disagreeance about the appropriateness of the attire for us apparently.
- Fully developed female personality on online roleplaying games indistinquishable in behavior from another female. These opportunities were actually Mia's way of secretly expressing herself without limit. The reason that even people that knew it was my character still thought it was someone else was her behavior was very different from Marq's.
- Getting the feeling I had an identical twin that I would switch off with when no one was looking. I addressed questions to myself like why didn't I realize the switch and said that it was because of shared memories. I did hit a sticking point when I asked why didn't my parents tell me I had a twin when I could feel them there. It hadn't occured to me we were sharing the body.
- Creating a seperate email account, screen name, and myspace for a female me for no other reason then why not. Mia was just flat out bold with this stuff. The direct approach works sometimes. I had created all of that stuff way before I had my realization but it made sense when we did.
- This is actually a pretty common one, but it was part of the puzzle. Acting completely different in a small group of 5 people then when conversing with just one person. Its so obvious, we're having trouble figuring out why no one pointed this out to us way sooner.
Those are some of the big ones, but they were enough to get things moving and when all was said and done the pieces fit.
We didn't cover every question and certainly invite more. Lets see what you got?
Mia and Marq
Together, ready for whatever comes our way.
Thanks for sharing Marq and Mia, you are truly beautiful and unique people!! It's wonderful to get to know you.
zythyra