So I am trying to work through a bunch of personal ineptness, and I don't know what all dysphoria actually affects. I can hardly tell what it's like because I can't really remember not feeling 'off', to the point that I don't even know what 'on' feels like, but I can't quite tell what all I am probably messing up on. I'm feeling like I can't go for opportunities at work, because it involves doing things that I have in past bungled from depression and I don't know what else; I should with any luck actually be able to get HRT soon and I am hoping... hoping... that it gets my brain to quit running away from me like a dimension-hopping mouse in a cluttered room. Poof, gone, off in lala land while I am sitting helplessly trying to find it so I can get things done outside of the meat-mecha. But I don't actually know what dysphoria usually does to mess with people, and I feel like I don't know what I SHOULD be able to do.
That's a hard question to answer, but some of your mental problems may be due to how sex hormones interact with your sexed brain. For many people, mood disorders and cognitive problems clear up on HRT. Ultimately only you can discover what you are capable of. The dysphoria is alienating and gives you that 'out of body' feeling and can only be distracting towards whatever else you're trying to accomplish. You will likely be calmer and more focused on HRT.
After going to my 1st therapist for about 2 months I asked her two questions. One, am I transgender? I knew the answer. Two, do I have dysphoria. She said yes and very bad. I asked what it was. She rattled off a lot of examples from things I had told her. Some people who are trans do not suffer from Dysphoria. Everyone is different so there is no narrative but there are similarities.
Technically gender dysphoria is a feeling of unwell of one's gender.
For me there were many manifestations. Such as: my genitals, height, voice, body, extreme jealousy of woman, their cloths and social aspect. There is more but that is an example.
It made me really depressed. I had a lot of anxiety, mostly related to social situations and how I was being perceived. Pre-transition, any mention of sex characteristics was liable to make me dissociate. The only luck with it was that my depression and anxiety were high functioning, so it didn't have too much of a negative impact on me in terms of school and work. But it was a pretty constant feeling of just not being right.
I'm constantly going through minute-long cycles of screaming, hyperventilating, crying, and then I'll change real quick and be able to act normal.
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