Hello I'm new here. I live in Albert's canada. I was born male tho haven't felt like it most of my life. I joined this site to try and get a grip on the feelings that have been hitting me hard now. Not sure how to talk to my wife about it. I don't know maybe I am just loosing my mind. The way I grew up was that boys didn't cry or share feelings. You just suckered it up and be tuff.
Hi Kevin :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Here's a few quick links to help you along
Please be sure to review
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) |
Reputation rules (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) |
Hugs
V M
Welcome to Susan's Place. You are not losing your mind but you are under a good deal of pressure. Unfortunately talking to your wife will be difficult and the outcome is unknown. Possibly the safest approach is to state you are uncomfortable with your gender and you need to see a gender therapist. People fit into other categories than just transsexual and therapy will help you define your feelings and decide what you really want out of life. After you know that, a second talk with your wife, possibly with the therapist will help her understand what you are feeling. If there are questions I can help you with let me know.
I am incredibly lousy at putting feelings into words
I sucked it up for 30 years until I almost had a breakdown. My wife knew I crossdressed but had no idea to what extent i was willing to take it, but when my therapist suggested I could take estradiol and she would write the letter I need, I jumped at the opportunity. It appears to me after a month and 12 days that my body is reacting as if it was missing something. Especially my mind. Anti depressants were not working and I continued to get angrier and angrier. Taking the E has calmed my mind and made me kinder less reactive. I don't feel the need or desire to be vindictive. old wounds have been healed. I had a very long memory and now we have shortened it up to concentrate on the good stuff and the future. Before a month and a half ago I was lost in my own head. I told my wife about three months ago I wanted to transition. She vacillates between being mad and really impressed with the new attitude. My wife is the strongest person I know so I know we will get through it. I also told my kids and they handled it with class and understanding. This is my experience and yours may vary. Ok, it will vary but hold on. I love my wife but if I had to move out, I am prepared to do that because this, short of the birth of my kids, this is the happiest I have ever been. You may want to write it all down. It took me about 4 months of research to find the right explanation and this is the best place to start. There is a lot of good help here. Peace.
Thank you for this words
I am turning 50 next month. I haven't cross dressed thought about it. Well I guess I have.... the only way I can find some jeans to fit me right I women's I have a small waist and wide hips.
Another issue I have is I live in a small town and fairly well known
Hi Kevin,
I was born and raised in rural Alberta about a generation after you (I'm in my late 30s). I am opposite of you in that I was assigned female but never felt like a girl/woman.
I wish I had advice for how to tell your wife. I hope it goes well. My conversations with my spouse have not been particularly pleasant or helpful.
It will be hard to find a therapist with any training in gender issues in a smaller center. You will probably have to travel to Edmonton or Calgary to find someone. I don't know what resources are available in Calgary but in Edmonton, The Pride Centre can be a good starting point. They have trans social groups and can point you to trans friendly services.
Welcome my fellow Albertan and good luck!
Sent from my SM-G870W using Tapatalk
Welcome to the site.
I was in deep denial or clueless(not sure which but I think denial- I'm not so dumb). I did not realize that I was transgender till I hit 50, about a year and a half ago. I have been married for 26 years now with three teen daughters. I had the compulsion to cross dress and would buy or "borrow" things sporadically. Stuff I bought would soon get thrown away and "purged". I probably started that around 8 or 9. However, I didn't "Know I wanted to be a girl all my life," like you will often hear. Like you, women's pants have always fit me better.
My wife knew I was very depressed. She was thrilled when I decided to got see a therapist. I told her we would talk about my visits once I had nailed down some things for myself. I started going to therapy thinking I was a cross dresser. About 2-3 months later, I realized I am MTF transsexual. Then I prepped and we talked about it. She was not thrilled with the diagnosis but so happy I talked about it. She has been supportive so far. I have been on hormone therapy for almost 8 months and feeling much better mentally. I am not out at work or really socially. I only have one group I meet with, my therapist and my electrologist who see me dressed. However, I wear women's clothing that is similar to what I have always worn for day to day work. Don't know how far I will have to go or if our relationship will last but we are trying.
A small town does make things more difficult. arice has a good idea going to the Pride Centre as a start. I think therapy(in particular gender therapy if you can get it) is the best first step. I did a lot of sucking up and that is where I created my disconnected feelings. I did not even realize I was depressed. I thought everyone felt that way. Once you get into therapy, you can figure out what is going on with you then talk to your spouse. If you talk to her with no information, usually the worst scenarios are what can be jumped to.
I can only talk based on my experience. I can't tell you what to do. However, I hope from the advice you will find options and a way to move.
I wish you love, acceptance and a smooth journey.
With warmth,
Joanna
Drop me a line if you have any questions. Once you reach the magical number of 15 posts and can private message, I have no problems with you contacting with questions or just needing an empathetic shoulder.
Yes I am going to see if I can talk to someone at the pride center first. I don't think I should drop it on my wife at this time. We have been together 20 years and we have 4 grown kids.
Here's sorta a kick in the nuts ( pardon the pun) my mom told me several times that I was supposed to be a girl they had the name all picked out and no thought of a boys name. Then I was born on my brothers birthday lol. They planed matching names.... Michael and Michelle
Hi, Kevin. I grew up in Alberta. And I currently live in a small village on the east coast, where I am quite well-known. So we have some things in common.
Coming out to your wife is definitely a challenge. If you can get some counselling help through the Pride centre to help plan your coming out, that will help. I didn't have that option, so I had to do it cold turkey. It was hard, I won't kid you. Everyone here was very helpful to me, so don't hesitate to lean on us for support.
Everyone's situation is different. The good news is that sometimes things work out well. My wife is good with my transition. I hope you are as fortunate.
Sorry for the jokes it's a defensive mechanism of mine.
We have a few gay friends so she doesn't have a problem with that. I love her with all my heart I just don't want her to think I am going to run off with some guy
The oldest boy might be another story.
I'm normally no this talkative usually the guy in the corner by him self