Recently I'm really disliking how I look. I didn't think I'd start to look like the handsome trans men you always see on tumblr; but I didn't think I'd look this 'bad'. I was reading a post on tumblr whereby a guy said it's normal bcos you're not used to looking masculine but I haven't heard any other transguys mention this. I don't know what it is but I don't like how I look and I wasn't this self conscious pre T. Any other guys have this problem?
Honestly I was a little concerned about the skin coarsening on T and the acne but I've been fighting the acne and I think my face looks okay. It's filled out more which looks better than it did before. Starting facial hair also looks quite awkward so I've been shaving it off. I'm pretty ambivalent about facial hair but it would be nice to have enough to I don't get misgendered.
Oddly, my hair on my head is actually thicker now which is arguably better than what I had before.
I think you mentioned being non binary so this may be an issue to bring up with other non binary people? Some folks only go on T temporarily because of not wanting to look too masculine.
Why do you think you might look ugly?
Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on September 30, 2016, 07:00:59 AM
Honestly I was a little concerned about the skin coarsening on T and the acne but I've been fighting the acne and I think my face looks okay. It's filled out more which looks better than it did before. Starting facial hair also looks quite awkward so I've been shaving it off. I'm pretty ambivalent about facial hair but it would be nice to have enough to I don't get misgendered.
Oddly, my hair on my head is actually thicker now which is arguably better than what I had before.
I think you mentioned being non binary so this may be an issue to bring up with other non binary people? Some folks only go on T temporarily because of not wanting to look too masculine.
Why do you think you might look ugly?
Yeah I think it's the not wanting to look too masculine thing. I like the changes from T but it doesn't reflect my actual gender identity. And I guess it's the same old thing of not looking like other men; which I know is ridiculous because cis men have different shapes and sizes too.
I'm still waiting for facial hair which I hope will help my self esteem. Plus my acne is starting to come under control now that I'm using some acne cream.
Atm I can't imagine being 100% happy about being on T but I hope that'll change the further I progress.
I highly appreciate myself on T, I feel I look and feel better than ever before. The part I worry most about is my changes on T over time, part of me doesnt want to overmasculinize, grow beard hair, beer gut in middle ages...I kind of like looking like a feminine male, Im wondering if I can lower my dosage before too much happens or something (rather than stop entirely, I guess. Someone please give me advice on all that)...plus I always feared being irrevocably manly in appearance partially because those family members to me do not see me as such
At first when I was very young and naive I thought the problem with trans men (Chaz Bono) was that he was ugly, not that his going female to male was a big deal, when I was a kid that part confused me and I didnt quite understand it. I thought my parents didnt like him because he was an overweight, bearded guy.
If you feel less attractive I would suggest doing things to make you feel better, maybe changing your dosage or stopping? Working out/adjusting your body type, hair trimming/haircut, wearing certain kinds of clothing that make you feel good.
Elis- do you have a pic youre comfortable sharing so we can see, You posted them before didnt you? I think I saw them before and if its what I remember and still accurate you dont look bad at all, you look fine~
Quote from: WolfNightV4X1 on September 30, 2016, 07:59:43 AM
I highly appreciate myself on T, I feel I look and fedl better than ever before. The part I worry most aout is my changes on T over time, part of me doesnt want to overmasculinize, grow beard hair, beer gut in middle ages...I kind of like looking like a feminine male, Im wondering if I can lower my dosage before too much happens or something (rather than stop entirely, I guess. Someone please give me advice on all thar)...plus I always feared being irrevocably manly in appearance partially because those family members to me do not see me as such
At first when I was very young and naive I thought the problem with trans men (Chaz Bono) was that he was ugly, not that his going female to male was a big deal, when I was a kid that confused me and I didnt quite understand it. I thought my parents didnt like him because he was an overweight, bearded guy.
If you feel less attractive I would suggest doing things to make you feel better, maybe changing your dosage or stopping? Working out/adjusting your body type, hair trimming/haircut, wearing certain kinds of clothing that make you feel good.
Thanks :). I'm happier being a feminine guy too so how I'll look in 20+ years really bothers me. I can't imagine wanting to take T for the rest of my life. Although I can't stop right now otherwise my dysphoria becomes unbearable while on T I almost have none which is a huge relief.
I'm at an awkward stage in my life whereby I'm too self conscious to work out plus I'm trying to grow my hair long. Last time I cut it short I think I felt dysphoric so right now my hair looks sorta a mess :P. I try to keep reminding myself I look fine and me thinking I'm ugly is all in my head; which is helping somewhat.
Getting a second opinion helps if youre comfortable with that :)
Im totally going to ask my doctor on my appointment next month about advice on T dosage and how masculine I'll get...I suspect if you stop entirely (even slowly) your body will return to feminine traits and I absolutely do not want that at all...rather stay stable until I learn how much I want to age over time, Im pretty unsure of myself in that respect so I have to agree with you on that, yay empathy!
Part of me likes my youth even if I may pass as 15/16 or younger not 21, I feel like I missed out on being a teenage male so if I look like a bearded 21 year old it'll be off
Edit: btw your below link has not worked for me
So this is what I currently look like :P
http://m.imgur.com/a/gEnMn
You look like a handsome top notch dude to me~ I suspect it might be not used to the change despite feeling better as male, trasitioning in life tends to have that effect, I can see that if you were used to your feminine look before and others were too and you masculinized it could be deemed ugly and make you self concious.
Quote from: WolfNightV4X1 on September 30, 2016, 08:36:13 AM
You look like a handsome top notch dude to me~ I suspect it might be not used to the change despite feeling better as male, trasitioning in life tends to have that effect, I can see that if you were used to your feminine look before and others were too and you masculinized it could be deemed ugly and make you self concious.
Not sure whether to believe you but thanks :). Some days I think I look fine then others I just want to stay inside. I guess it's just bcos I'm not used to how I look.
I've looked at lots of FTM before/after comparisons of their faces pre-T and several years after T and it doesn't strike me that anyone "becomes ugly" or uglier on T. They just begin to look like male versions of their original selves to me. Same eyes, nose, mouth but the outline and angles and lines of the face are the things that change. They do look "older" usually, although this may be part illusion due to the fact that women's faces are usually more neotenous (younger-looking, closer to their child proportions with what looks like larger eyes etc.) than men's faces (you can see the opposite in the faces of those female bodybuilders who use T, so it's definitely an effect of T).
Fixing acne and allowing any water retention to run its course and getting the facial hair might lead you to feeling much better about it.
You look like a dude; not uber tough or anything, but no one should mistake that face for a girl's.
That said, T is incredibly powerful in enabling negative emotions of all types. It doesn't cause them, but it can and will add whole new dimensions to anger, dissatisfaction, aggression... I think you're seeing a face that you're not comfortable with yet, and the T is granting you a quickness to dissatisfaction that is also unfamiliar.
That said, in 50 years of playing the "male" role for everyone else's benefit; I don't think I ever encountered a guy that would give the though, "my face is ugly" more than a passing, noncommittal moment. Whether the bicep vein shows, or not, however... cause for EXTREME vanity!
I went through a decidedly not cute phase. I think it was that point that we all seem to have on T where our faces get really bloated? Not a good look for me. But now I'm definitely super hot if you're into small, ginger lumberjacks.
Just remember that a good percentage of the guys on Tumblr who are super attractive have either been on T for a really long time, or were awfully good looking pre-everything.
YOU'RE CUTE, ELIS. I hope this is a short phase for you :)
Quote from: T.K.G.W. on September 30, 2016, 09:05:53 AM
I've looked at lots of FTM before/after comparisons of their faces pre-T and several years after T and it doesn't strike me that anyone "becomes ugly" or uglier on T. They just begin to look like male versions of their original selves to me. Same eyes, nose, mouth but the outline and angles and lines of the face are the things that change. They do look "older" usually, although this may be part illusion due to the fact that women's faces are usually more neotenous (younger-looking, closer to their child proportions with what looks like larger eyes etc.) than men's faces (you can see the opposite in the faces of those female bodybuilders who use T, so it's definitely an effect of T).
Fixing acne and allowing any water retention to run its course and getting the facial hair might lead you to feeling much better about it.
Yeah I'm quite surprised how I still look like me but somehow different. I look at pics of me 3 months on T and the changes are subtle but noticeable.
Quote from: FTMax on September 30, 2016, 12:26:35 PM
I went through a decidedly not cute phase. I think it was that point that we all seem to have on T where our faces get really bloated? Not a good look for me. But now I'm definitely super hot if you're into small, ginger lumberjacks.
Just remember that a good percentage of the guys on Tumblr who are super attractive have either been on T for a really long time, or were awfully good looking pre-everything.
YOU'RE CUTE, ELIS. I hope this is a short phase for you :)
I think I'm starting to see water retention/bloating but it's hard to tell bcos I'm naturally chubby. I guess even cis guys feel they went through an awkward puberty stage and now feel ok with how they look.
And thanks for the last comment; it made me feel a lot better about myself today :)
Elis-
I think you look quite handsome!
We are always our own harshest critics.
My face is pretty round and I'm not sure if that's from the dreaded water retention phase of T or if it's just cause I'm overweight, lol, so I've been having similar feels lately, but I've noticed from watching lots of FTM transition pics and videos that facial features change more over time (as in, it seems to take longer than some other changes) so I'm just trying to be patient (and also lose some weight). But yeah, right now I feel more like a frumpy girl than a cute guy. Kind of depressing. And I'm also aiming for the more fem/androgynous/pretty boy style of maleness.
Anyway, I think you look awesome and maybe you just have to give yourself some time to get used to the changes.
Thanks Chris and Jonathan :).
Btw Jonathan I had the same feeling 6 months on T whereby I looked awkwardly inbetween and felt I looked more like a butch woman :-\. When I got to 7 or 8 months I got past that and started looking simply male.
I'm not on HRT yet and what we're experiencing are imperfect mirror images of the same issue, so I can't claim to have a great understanding of what you're going through, but I feel that I can relate.
One technique that helped me deal with feeling ugly was not judging myself by either male or female standards. If I were to judge myself by male standards, then I would feel that I'm diminishing my appearance, and if were to judge myself by female standards, then I would feel that I look horrible, but since I judge myself by non-binary standards, I feel that I look fine.
If that doesn't work for you, maybe try judging yourself by young male, developing male, or feminine male standards. I'm not sure what will work for you, but I think if you viewed yourself through a different lens you would be able to more fully appreciate your appearance. I'm not saying you shouldn't strive for your ultimate happiness, just that I think you're creating an inaccurate self image by judging your current self by the standards of your future self.
Another technique that helped me was accepting that I can't walk into crowded room and feel like Casanova anymore, but that this is a good thing. The reason being that without my facade, I may not feel as great about appearance, but I know that this sacrifice is vastly eclipsed by the peace of mind it brings me, which allows me to carry on and develop other things that make me feel good about myself.
So, when you find yourself brooding, even though you know you're on a one way street, maybe try training yourself to refocus your attention onto doing something that makes you feel good about yourself.
P.S. Based on your picture, you look like a good looking young male.
Quote from: Elis on October 01, 2016, 05:47:36 AM
Btw Jonathan I had the same feeling 6 months on T whereby I looked awkwardly inbetween and felt I looked more like a butch woman :-\. When I got to 7 or 8 months I got past that and started looking simply male.
Oh man, that is so comforting to hear. I keep seeing pics of trans guys who pass fairly early on and it makes me so jealous, haha. On the other hand, it does feel pretty validating to be so aware of how uncomfortable I am being seen as a butch woman. Definitely makes me feel I'm on the right track.
i think it's normal to feel that way. i felt like i didn't have much progress on the looks department until about a year in. i felt like i had no significant changes, like my face stayed the same, etc. i just felt ugly. now over 2 years on T, i like how my face looks and that is also largely due to losing a lot of weight. my face thinning out because of the weight loss helped my confidence a lot because i no longer have chubby cheeks, etc. right now i have to shave every day for class so i hate how young i look with a baby face, i feel like i look less masculine (which makes me feel kinda ugly) but then again, every guy in my program needs to also shave and we all have young looking faces, even the guys who are my age. so either way, that feeling comes and goes.
Quote from: Jonathan L on October 01, 2016, 04:21:39 PM
Oh man, that is so comforting to hear. I keep seeing pics of trans guys who pass fairly early on and it makes me so jealous, haha. On the other hand, it does feel pretty validating to be so aware of how uncomfortable I am being seen as a butch woman. Definitely makes me feel I'm on the right track.
It is taking me so long to pass so we can take forever to change on T together. My T levels were pretty much nil before and I'm 36 so I figure I have a lot of estrogen influence to reverse.
Thank you Autumn for the advice :)
Quote from: invisiblemonsters on October 01, 2016, 04:36:48 PM
i think it's normal to feel that way. i felt like i didn't have much progress on the looks department until about a year in. i felt like i had no significant changes, like my face stayed the same, etc. i just felt ugly. now over 2 years on T, i like how my face looks and that is also largely due to losing a lot of weight. my face thinning out because of the weight loss helped my confidence a lot because i no longer have chubby cheeks, etc. right now i have to shave every day for class so i hate how young i look with a baby face, i feel like i look less masculine (which makes me feel kinda ugly) but then again, every guy in my program needs to also shave and we all have young looking faces, even the guys who are my age. so either way, that feeling comes and goes.
Yeah guess I'm in the awkward teenage faze :P. I'm looking forward to how I'll look a year on T even though there probably won't be much changes in just two months nd how I'll look January onwards.
It sucks that you have to shave for class but at least others look the same as you. I'm surprised by how many cis guys I see who are my height which makes me feel tons better about myself.
Quote from: Elis on October 02, 2016, 01:46:59 PM
Yeah guess I'm in the awkward teenage faze :P. I'm looking forward to how I'll look a year on T even though there probably won't be much changes in just two months nd how I'll look January onwards.
It sucks that you have to shave for class but at least others look the same as you. I'm surprised by how many cis guys I see who are my height which makes me feel tons better about myself.
it's alright, i'm 25 but i get aged at 21 - 22 which isn't too bad. once facial hair comes in, it will definitely shape your facial structure differently. that's why i like facial hair because it makes my facial structure look more masculine like squared off, and thinner.
a lot of guys in my program are 5'7" - 6'2" easily while i only stand at 5'2", which is the height most women are at in my program, and even then there is taller. but the height doesn't bug me, never has but i get why for some it might because they think women want these tall dudes but that isn't the case and as you get older too, you realize this. the more you also project those insecurities, the more women (or men) see it as a turn off.
i just feel as if the further you get in your transition, the less the stuff ends up mattering that you were SO concerned about in the beginning. you just end up looking around one day and realizing that a lot of cis guys look just like you. it's a huge weight off your chest to feel that way too.
Trust me I know exactly how you felt. My first year on T I felt like crap. I looked fat/chubby and my face was all puffy looking. I was so worried that I would never look like how all these other trans guys look because of being slightly older. Over two years now and most of the fat has redistributed and my face has slimmed down. I definitely feel more confident in my looks but still not confident enough in getting involved in a relationship. Give it time and you'll start feeling more confident.
PS-You're not ugly and you're going to be a good looking dude!
Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on October 02, 2016, 08:53:19 AM
It is taking me so long to pass so we can take forever to change on T together. My T levels were pretty much nil before and I'm 36 so I figure I have a lot of estrogen influence to reverse.
I'm sorry you're in the same boat, but glad to not be the only one, lol. And I'm 31 so I've also been wondering how much having longer exposure to estrogen affects transition. So many of the trans guys on youtube (my main frame of reference) started T at a much younger age :(