As I understood it, changing one's name as a trans person is often a necessity.
I didn't really expect people to resist my name change. However I've found quite a few people suggesting that I don't change it. I mentioned to my GP the other day I'd like the gender rectified on my medical record and she asked if it would only be that and I wouldn't be changing my name at all (it's a gender neutral one). But I'm actually intent on changing it and she seemed surprised. My sister seemed surprised. I know my housemate will probably be critical of whatever name I do choose etc. etc. Only my aunt who has two kids, one trans, who changed their names recently was completely unsurprised and expectant that I'd probably want to change it.
I find the resistance or hesitance odd, considering most of these people expressed previously that my name never suited me anyway.
Did anybody here encounter unexpected resistance to a name change, and were any reasons given for it?
I had a couple of people who said "You'll always be Mike to me" but they all switched to Devlyn as soon as it became official. These are lifelong friends, so I was ready to be patient about it. I'm very glad that I don't have to worry about it after all. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
I have been working on settling into a new name. I really like the name that my wife gave me but it is just a little bit too different to not draw notice. My wife is having some problems with me using a name other than the one she gave me... but we are working through that. It is such a small thing compared to the gender identity thing as a whole. I am getting quite comfortable with Anne. None of my friends are having name trouble, but they are having lots of problems accepting the new me. Hmm, maybe if I chose a really outrageous name they would not notice the gender change thing...what do you think?
Anne
Yeah my mom wasn't happy with the middle name I chose. She said it didn't go with my middle name, but here I am and have proved it does. For changing my name was a need for me and not because someone in society said it was. Technically I could have left it my old name. There were girls with my old name the year I was born too so I could have done that, but I just didn't want any part of it. In the end it really comes down to personal preference and comfort. It's your call and your transition. Your the one that has to live with the name be. I say go with what makes you happy. If your happy with the one you have and don't want to change it then don't. No one should have to change a name if they don't want to. Good luck and I hope they all understand in the end. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: T.K.G.W. on October 13, 2016, 11:00:14 AM
As I understood it, changing one's name as a trans person is often a necessity.
I didn't really expect people to resist my name change. However I've found quite a few people suggesting that I don't change it. I mentioned to my GP the other day I'd like the gender rectified on my medical record and she asked if it would only be that and I wouldn't be changing my name at all (it's a gender neutral one). But I'm actually intent on changing it and she seemed surprised. My sister seemed surprised. I know my housemate will probably be critical of whatever name I do choose etc. etc. Only my aunt who has two kids, one trans, who changed their names recently was completely unsurprised and expectant that I'd probably want to change it.
I find the resistance or hesitance odd, considering most of these people expressed previously that my name never suited me anyway.
Did anybody here encounter unexpected resistance to a name change, and were any reasons given for it?
I've had people say that they wouldn't call me by my new name until it was legal, or that they wouldn't call me by it at all. Obviously I don't talk to these people anymore.
I've had people not like parts of my name. I don't care, it's my name not theirs.
Never had someone not understand that I wanted to change my name. But my old name was very feminine.
As a little kid I changed from using my very feminine first name to my unusual-enough-to-be-gender-neutral middle name. After coming out I adopted a fairly common and definitely male name. In my experience, people sort of expect a trans person to use a different name in the same way as they switch pronouns so it wasn't a massive deal.
Yeah I had an Aunt pull that stunt in regards to not doing tell it is legal. Guess it comes down their believing or seeing it actually be the case. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: FTMax on October 13, 2016, 03:35:06 PM
I've had people say that they wouldn't call me by my new name until it was legal, or that they wouldn't call me by it at all. Obviously I don't talk to these people anymore.
I've had people not like parts of my name. I don't care, it's my name not theirs.
Never had someone not understand that I wanted to change my name. But my old name was very feminine.
One of the reasons I'm intent on changing it - even though I have the luck to be given a gender neutral name in the fist place - is to feel like I'm starting over - that name of mine I have brings back as many memories of being thought female as not. So I'd rather just do over.
Quote from: T.K.G.W. on October 15, 2016, 10:15:12 AM
One of the reasons I'm intent on changing it - even though I have the luck to be given a gender neutral name in the fist place - is to feel like I'm starting over - that name of mine I have brings back as many memories of being thought female as not. So I'd rather just do over.
And that's the idea, I guess. You have to go with what you want. Nothing less. If you crave for a new beginning, live it :) Names are just labels. Choose one that fits you.
One thing to consider... once you've transitioned, do you plan to remain "out," or will you pursue a more "stealthy" existence? Keeping your name can make paperwork management much easier, but my personal belief is that in transition, people need to be able to separate the old and new you. If they call you the same name, they see you as the same person, not the person that you've become. My name change signified a new beginning as a new person, but you need to do what fits your circumstances best.
Some people were resistant to acknowledging my name change, but to solve that problem, when they used the wrong name I intentionally ignored them until they got it right. Problem solved.
I get frustrated with people insisting on using "real" names, rather than those chosen by the individual and in many cases legally changed in court. Why is a name given to you more "real" than one you chose for yourself?
L
Quote from: Dayta on October 15, 2016, 11:51:06 AM
I get frustrated with people insisting on using "real" names, rather than those chosen by the individual and in many cases legally changed in court. Why is a name given to you more "real" than one you chose for yourself?
L
I'm not sure. I think perhaps because it's relatively rare for people to go about changing their names these days. Historically in some cultures it was a common practice to change names many times through life, and to choose new names for yourself to mark particular events, such as coming of age or acquiring a new status in life. Now it is almost never done unless someone is married, or uses a stage name or an artistic name. I don't think I know anybody in my personal circle who has changed their name except a relative of mine who is trans and is considered to have a "reason" to have done so. If they decided to change their name on their own I think their parents might well have been offended. I've heard of other people fearing to change surnames or middle names for fear of offending their parents, so that may also be another reason.
It must be common enough to be written into law that a person can change their name because in the West you can definitely do it and it's not usually too hard to do... but the general view on doing it among family and friends seems to be negative, or as if it's some great effort to remember a new name for a person. It surely isn't, because nicknames are often given to people and we learn those quickly and can use them in all sorts of situations. There's some mild taboo on name-changing here I think, but I'm not quite sure what the reason is.
Not that that'll stop me going ahead.