Hello All,
My wife and I really got into a tough one today and it looks like Anne has to go. I have always said that if it came down to Anne or my marriage, my relationship with my wife is too important to lose. I stopped taking e today and am going to try to shut her down cold turkey.
All of you on Susan's Place have been so good to me, I want to thank you for putting up with me and my ramblings. This is really tough but please wish me well.
Good bye,
Anne
I don't do goodbyes, so I'll leave you with a 'See you later.'
Sent from my HUAWEI LYO-L02 using Tapatalk
What ever makes you happy. We will always be here for you <3
Please be careful and take care of yourself. Try to be mindful of your state and behaviors.
We'll be here if you need us.
- Michelle
Two words come to mind reading your post "unfair" and "sad." I wish you the best of course.
Moni
Wish you the best. I tried to do what you're doing and failed so I had to end up making a different choice. I hope whatever happens you are happy. That's what's important.
Please take care of yourself and think things through with your wife and ask your wife to think things through as well.
I understand where you are coming from, been there! My love to both of you and we are here for support when we can give it.
To be totally brutal do remember that sometimes visiting an ex-partner is better than visiting a grave.
Anne so if you had cancer she would tell you not to do anything about it? Anne going back into the closet doesn't work,I tried to rebuild the closet and it kept falling down and the urge to dress got even stronger. Anne I don't know your wife but if you don't have a say in your marriage it's doomed anyway for a marriage is a two way street.
If you are going for a detransition, you'll need therapy for that and for the fact that you have to live with the person who made you do it.
Its so sad you have to make such a choice I truly empathize with you as i may have to make the same choice soon you are not alone I wish you all the best
bobbisue :'(
Quote from: Anne Blake on October 15, 2016, 07:56:49 PM
Hello All,
My wife and I really got into a tough one today and it looks like Anne has to go. I have always said that if it came down to Anne or my marriage, my relationship with my wife is too important to lose. I stopped taking e today and am going to try to shut her down cold turkey.
All of you on Susan's Place have been so good to me, I want to thank you for putting up with me and my ramblings. This is really tough but please wish me well.
Good bye,
Anne
The good news is that these things tend to work out for the best.
Good bye Anne,
we will be here for you.
I wish you the best of luck, truly! I tried that path years ago and found that even though I stopped my medical transition back in 1996...Kaity still carried on with her work inside. That break of 20 years actually turned out to be anything but.
Be careful trying to be something for someone else. What is the other person sacrificing for you?
Quote from: Anne Blake on October 15, 2016, 07:56:49 PM
Hello All,
My wife and I really got into a tough one today and it looks like Anne has to go. I have always said that if it came down to Anne or my marriage, my relationship with my wife is too important to lose. I stopped taking e today and am going to try to shut her down cold turkey.
All of you on Susan's Place have been so good to me, I want to thank you for putting up with me and my ramblings. This is really tough but please wish me well.
Good bye,
Anne
That is the case for me, too. My wife would never agree with transitioning, Thus, I have to find any possible subtle ways to progress. it is not easy but the first priority is her.
Quote from: Anne Blake on October 15, 2016, 07:56:49 PM
Hello All,
My wife and I really got into a tough one today and it looks like Anne has to go. I have always said that if it came down to Anne or my marriage, my relationship with my wife is too important to lose. I stopped taking e today and am going to try to shut her down cold turkey.
All of you on Susan's Place have been so good to me, I want to thank you for putting up with me and my ramblings. This is really tough but please wish me well.
Good bye,
Anne
Good luck, Anne! :D
However, please think slowly, wisely, and carefully about what exactly the best choice for you is; indeed, please be careful to make a decision that you will not end up regretting, say, 5, 10, and/or 20 years down the line! :(
Best of luck, Anne. I hope it works out as you want it to. I won't give you any advice, as you certainly know the situation better than anyone. But I will offer my thoughts and prayers for you both.
L
Hi Anne,
So sorry to hear about the choice you believe you must make. Nothing about being transgender is ever easy. I truly hope your wife appreciates the sacrifice you are making for her.
Take care,
Paige :)
I was so sorry to read this as I recall you saying how supportive your wife was in a previous post. I too was given 'the ultimatum' a couple of years ago but, in my case it was just crossdressing rather than having to turn around and go back as you are having to do. I too chose my relationship above my TG activities.
As I have said in previous posts, I am extremely sympathetic of the spouse's point of view as it can't be easy watching the person you love gradually undergo such fundamental changes and have to deal with the social fallout that occurs as a result. We can't help the way we feel (and, to be honest, I really wish I didn't have TG feelings) and I do find it hard to surpress the urges when they hit me but what has helped me in the end is understanding how I would feel if the tables were turned and it was my wife who was the one wrestling with gender issues and not me.
Unfortunately, once we accept that we are TG, everything we do thereafter is govened by choice, as indeed is everything in life. Unfortunately, for us, these choices often feel like lose-lose situations - I continue and lose my spouse or I give up and lose my inner happiness and possibly my sanity. In a way, I feel lucky as my TG urges come in waves which means, for a lot of the time (including now) I am able to function normally without the overriding longing to be female. Clearly you have far more to forego than I did but I hope that you are able to find a solution which you are both at peace with.
With best wishes,
Amanda
Anne,
I'm so sorry. I feel for both of you. Personally, I feel like once you've come out of the trans closet, that revelation will still color your marriage. Even if you stop HRT, the fact that you identify as a woman may continue to be something that bothers her. It's not always as easy as just stopping HRT.
Since your marriage means so much to you that you are willing to sacrifice your transition, and who you are at heart, to remain with your wife, I hope that will not be the case. But I wanted to make sure you were aware that this may not be so easy.
I would also suggest, if you don't already have one, a therapist, because this is going to be something very difficult to deal with. You might also want a separate one for you and your wife to see together, for the effects everything has had on your relationship and marriage.
All my best to you, and *hugs offered*
I wish you best of luck.
I've made the same promise to myself. Made the offer to stop to my wife many times. A few times during my "WTF am I doing???" meltdowns when things got between us I tried to stop. It isn't an easy thing to do. My wife put it best; "We both know you cannot".
My prayers are with you
Wow, what a heart felt response from all of you! I have shed many tears just hearing all of your concerns and compassions, it is so evident that many of you have dealt with this issue several times over.
I think that I have some good news to share but first let me bail out my wife. She has not made me try to put Anne aside, that was all my doing. She is fully supportive of Anne, she just had some end point constraints that she couldn't handle and made me promise not to cross them. Anne in my life has been growing and filling out so much and so fast that I realized that I am quickly losing control of it all, if I ever really had control in the first place. I came to realize that if I don't stop now, I will not be able to keep the promises I made to her. This is the first time that I have ever realized that I was out of control about anything, and it scared me. Anne had to go to protect my wife from me not being able to stop.
Well it only took a week to realize the truth that Joanne mentioned, "We both know that you cannot (stop)". It took several days and a lot of talking and crying but we came to the conclusion that neither one of us can handle a relationship that does not have Anne in it. Our plan now is to sit back and enjoy, or at least survive, whatever comes about. I still do not like not being in control but I am scheduling time with my therapist to work that one through.......and I am beginning to look into what it takes to survive full transition (whatever that means).
Thank you all once again for being there for me! Cindy, you were brutally honest but it had to be said and that helped my wife to see what was at stake. Michelle, thanks for reminding me to "Try to be mindful of your state and behaviors". It was touch and go there for the first couple of days. Kind of scared me to see how close to doing really stupid things I was. By the way, love your new look.
Anne
Nice to have u back again :)
No longer in control.... Oh how I know that feeling all too well these days after a lifetime of trying to orchestrate the world around me and try to not just know or predict the future, but to control the future.
When I get that way my wife simply asks "Who made you Empress of the Universe?". My therapist reminds me I am not God and cannot control what others do. I eventually remind myself I really have a pretty poor track record of actually controlling myself, much less even getting close to any predictions about myself.
My wife and I take things one day at a time. Neither of us have a clue to the future. I sure do not know how long I can continue to balance every aspect of what makes me Me in this non-binaryish existence I have. We both know if/when the opportunity comes again for me to go part-time, I intend to. It's not quite a "Need to" but about as close as one can get. My wife has difficulties now dealing with my breasts and the bouncing between female and male at home. No longer able to think of me as a husband, yet still her spouse and hopefully lifemate. If/when I ever go fulltime, she isn't sure. GCS is sort of a line in the sand. Yet so was HRT. I guess until the day came she she said "I think you can handle HRT now and I'm OK with it if you want to try" Her great fear being as I discover more and more what it is like to be actually be me, my interest will lean towards having a man in my life.
One Day At a Time
Quote from: Anne Blake on October 20, 2016, 05:53:17 PM
Wow, what a heart felt response from all of you! I have shed many tears just hearing all of your concerns and compassions, it is so evident that many of you have dealt with this issue several times over.
I think that I have some good news to share but first let me bail out my wife. She has not made me try to put Anne aside, that was all my doing. She is fully supportive of Anne, she just had some end point constraints that she couldn't handle and made me promise not to cross them. Anne in my life has been growing and filling out so much and so fast that I realized that I am quickly losing control of it all, if I ever really had control in the first place. I came to realize that if I don't stop now, I will not be able to keep the promises I made to her. This is the first time that I have ever realized that I was out of control about anything, and it scared me. Anne had to go to protect my wife from me not being able to stop.
Well it only took a week to realize the truth that Joanne mentioned, "We both know that you cannot (stop)". It took several days and a lot of talking and crying but we came to the conclusion that neither one of us can handle a relationship that does not have Anne in it. Our plan now is to sit back and enjoy, or at least survive, whatever comes about. I still do not like not being in control but I am scheduling time with my therapist to work that one through.......and I am beginning to look into what it takes to survive full transition (whatever that means).
Thank you all once again for being there for me! Cindy, you were brutally honest but it had to be said and that helped my wife to see what was at stake. Michelle, thanks for reminding me to "Try to be mindful of your state and behaviors". It was touch and go there for the first couple of days. Kind of scared me to see how close to doing really stupid things I was. By the way, love your new look.
Anne
I have been really worried about you, I am just so glad you have moved forward from where you were and it sounds like a good outcome.
Hugs
Liz
I'm SO glad you're back.
Laura
Quote from: JoanneB on October 19, 2016, 06:04:49 PM
I wish you best of luck.
I've made the same promise to myself. Made the offer to stop to my wife many times. A few times during my "WTF am I doing???" meltdowns when things got between us I tried to stop. It isn't an easy thing to do. My wife put it best; "We both know you cannot".
My prayers are with you
Wise words from your wife.