Susan's Place Transgender Resources

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Hey all, need help, always wanted to be a girl just have a bf and move away and be able to pass, im 24 now did i leave it too late i was told to think about it for a year and i did, im scared i wont be able to pass though, please can anyone give me an honest opinion

You are the one who has to answer that question as you have to put in the effort and live with the results. Many people transition even if they know they will not pass effectively because it's more important for them to live in the proper roll than continue as they were. It was never my goal to become a sexy bomb shell but instead I wanted to end the depression I was living with that was going to kill me if I didn't treat it.

Some people on the site have made compromises where they only do a partial transition and that give them enough comfort that they can continue living life in relative comfort. The question for you is what do you need to feel comfortable with your self. We can make suggestions but only you can answer the question.

Hi Cloe,

It is your decision. The dysphoria will not go away and it gets worse with age.

You are young and  have soft features and should do well. What HRT does not do surgeries can.

See a therapist, and sort out your needs.

I am 54 and just had FFS. The male markers are gone. When I put on a wig and a very little makeup I pass.

Wanting to know if you should transition isn't the same thing as wanting to know if you'll pass, sweetie.

Just for a moment, take passing out of the equation. What do you feel about transitioning? What is it you want for yourself?

There are 50 year olds on this site who would give  just about anything to wind the clock back and be in your position.

Your decision whether to transition out not should have nothing to do with how you look. First of all it's about how you feel about it and second there are lots of options to modify your appearance be it clothing, wigs, makeup, hormones or surgery. Some use all those options others just a few or even none. It's about you because as long as you can't be your true self you're not living YOUR life but the life someone else dictates on you. I made that experience for decades and finally came to the conclusion that I will be only a very bad copy of my self who makes my own life and the life of my loved ones miserable, so I decided to change things.

Only you can answer the question whether a transition is the right way for you. Your therapist might be able to assist you in making this very tough decision but at the end it's only you who can make it.

Sorry, I have no magic solution for you, just the raw reality.

Hugs
Jessica


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I am, or was, 6ft tall, balding since 14, deeper then normal voice, big tree frog hands and super extra large feet. Twice in my early 20's I experimented with transitioning. Both times utter fails. Both failures having nothing to do with the above.

"Transition" for me started with changing how I felt about myself, being trans, and what I was doing to fight it, ignore it, or otherwise not handle something that I absolutely knew as true since I was like 4 y/o

Quote from: Chloe Cloud on October 22, 2016, 11:51:33 AM
Hey all, need help, always wanted to be a girl just have a bf and move away and be able to pass, im 24 now did i leave it too late i was told to think about it for a year and i did, im scared i wont be able to pass though, please can anyone give me an honest opinion

Whether or not you should transition is something that only you can decide.  A good therapist can help you find your way to a decision, but only you can make it.

You are young and have a face with a lot of potential.  I started at age 61.  We do what we can and what we must with what we have. 

As others have said, dysphoria does not go away, so one way or another you will need to find some way to deal with it in your life.

Hi Chloe

For me it really was a matter of ...if I don't deal with this then it will kill me. I am over 50 and the trauma you experience becomes compounding until in my case I was barely able to function. In my early 30's I tried to transition and make some headway but I still was deluded about my Dysphoria. I really thought I had it under control

It struck me the other day that most people do not have a "go to suicide plan" when they are teenagers, at least they didn't when I was growing up. I have spent a fair amount of time recently thinking about how much of my life has been spent in ,day dreaming, wishing, thinking, planning, bargaining, acting out, suicidal idealisation and the list goes on...all because I knew at age 5 I was a girl...that revelation at the time felt like I had to move a huge weight before I could see myself as a girl, it was such a weird sensation that I still remember it at 52.

I can give you 100 reasons why I should not Transition....and you know what...despite having them and listing them my final word would still be... yeah but....give me a reason and my mind will rationalise it out but my heart, my core, my secret self is all woman...this is such a personal journey. When times get tough...which they have recently. I am one year into my transition and my entire world was severely shaken a few weeks ago, causing my resolve to transition to falter, I  stumbled, lost momentum briefly but in the end my heart knew what was true and that my course was set.

I really feel the contrast between how good I can feel now and how bad I can feel now...its not all mixed up together. When I am on top of my Dysphoria I am dangerously good...LOL What gets me on top of my Dysphoria...being me, being Liz.

Will I pass, don't know, I am going to have some things done to see if I can but wether I do or don't have the procedures, it will not change the outcome. I will be proceeding with transition regardless. I am rapidly approaching the point where I am going to go full time as I am having difficulty tolerating the dysphoria. I am a "long way from ready".

I hope this helps

Liz

My advice would be to start growing your hair out, get a therapist, and start working on whatever the biggest sources of dysporia are for you.  It also really helps to have friends who are in on it.

Right now, I'm working on shaving, waxing, and lasering off most of my body hair, taking herbal anti-androgens, and learning how to more effectively present as female.  I also went through my active online accounts and changed the genders of the ones I don't use professionally, so there's another place to comfortably present.

I can definitely see something feminine hidden in your face and can say that according to me, you'll look like an average girl- not mesmerizing but pretty for sure. Even now, if you do some Photoshop add hair and retouch cheekbones a bit you'll see it too. Cloe, go for it. Im 25 myself pretransition so if you need any help, message me 😊

Well... here's the thing: You'll never be younger than you are at this moment.
I started transitioning at 28 because I got to the point where I was completely disassociated from my physical body and barely able to mentally function. My only regret is that I allowed myself to become that far gone before I intervened.

Being trans doesn't go away. It can't be wished away, hoped away, thought away or forced away and it will always find a way to assert its presence in your existence.
No one can absolutely say whether or not you'll pass, but I can absolutely tell you that trying to push your feelings away -because- of the fear you won't pass will only land you in your later years feeling hopelessly miserable.

As others have said, you have soft features and eyes. You know what else you have? Your youth.
The unknowns of transitioning scare everyone, trust me. In my case, I knew I was at the tipping point when it occurred to me that the unknown was far, far less frightening than the 'known'--picturing myself as a bitter old lady full of regrets--and I accepted whatever future the transition had in store.
I'm a calm man now and at peace.

If this is something you honestly want and need, seize your chance because there will never be a better time than now.

I transitioned because of my dysphoria, and that's what it comes down to, your own internal feelings and sense of personal identity, a question only you can answer.  However, I did everything in my power to pass, because that was a huge component of my dysphoria.  So I'm going to level with you about passing, assuming you want to do this.

Chloe, you have a lot of things going for you right now.  You're young, and you have a fairly round face.  The biggest problem you have right now is hair -- it's thinning on top (but you've still got just enough) and there's too much on your face.  If you're going to do this, do a crash course on hormones, find a therapist, and get on HRT to preserve your physical assets as soon as you can.  The proper HRT can halt your hair loss, slow your facial hair growth, soften your features, and of course help you grow breasts.

This is what you'll need to do to pass.  First, you'll need to get rid of your facial hair -- laser and/or electrolysis are the only methods that are permanent, and even with laser you'll likely need electrolysis to finish things off (which is more expensive).  At the same time, start growing out the hair on your head.  Give yourself a couple years for all this.

Next, you'll need a female voice.  This takes work and time -- six months?  A year?  Daily training for a marathon, basically.  You'll want to be able to speak in a higher pitch, with a different timbre or resonance.  There are plenty of resources here and elsewhere on how to accomplish this.  Many have found that surgical intervention -- after doing all the work -- gets them over the edge, or keeps them there.

You may not need facial surgery (time will tell) but judging by your pics you're a great candidate.  Seriously consider it -- almost everyone benefits from these procedures.

To pass in bed, you'll need bottom surgery.

It'll take a few years, plenty of perseverance, and it gets expensive.  This is the bare material reality you'll have to confront and overcome if you want to pass.  There's actually more (and more interesting) things besides this -- things like socialization, for example, but for now I'll leave it at this.

Personally speaking, once I realized that I could do all these things, the compulsion to transition was overwhelming for me.  It was, frankly, the possibilities opened up by facial surgery that made this all but inevitable for me.  Spurred on by my dypshoria, I did all these things.  And now, everyone genders me female, and I don't even have to talk about the old life if I don't want to.

I'm so, so glad I did it. 

I believe the struggle about deciding to transition is the battle between two very strong forces. The first one is the status quo. There is an inertia to stay with what is safe, what you have always known. It means lower risk, no danger of losing family and friends, and not having to overcome a lot of fears. Everyone has an image shown to the world which may not be comfortable, but it is a known entity. The second force is the need to change. To varying degrees it drives us away from the status quo. It could be a desire to be something different or a discomfort with what has been. For me, these two forces fought for, what seemed like, a million years. I finally reached a tipping point where force #2 was way too strong to contain. I took step after step toward changing and watched how I reacted to each step. For me, I realized that transition was right. I had been stuck in an illusion that I could be happy on the old path. No, it was more like, I could tolerate it and be satisfied. No one on these boards can tell you your truth. It is legitimate for you not to know your truth. The thing is you have to put effort into taking steps to get more information, see how you react to experimentation. Then you can figure it out. The big mistake is sitting there miserable and doing nothing, hoping your feelings will go away. Good luck to you.
Monica