I think I may have introduced myself back in the spring, but I can't remember, so I'll do it again. Although I haven't been posting, I've been lurking religiously here, and always feel better after reading through the Susan's posts.
I'm MTF, 47, married with a super-supportive wife, and tentatively planning on widening the circle of friends that know in the spring. Like most older TS's, I don't think stealth is an option at all, as I've got a job, family, community ties, etc, etc. So after I finally came to grips with my GID around December or January, I've been wrestling with a) what to do about this realization and b) how will I (and the world) come to terms with those actions.
A) is resolving itself very, very quickly with my wife's support and my doctors and psychologist's help. The more I take action about my GID, the better I feel about myself, and that means the hormones and laser treatments and the looser gender presentation I've been doing for the past 6 months are things that point the way towards the future. I don't have any real doubts at this point that I'm headed for full time, surgery, FFS, etc.
But B) is still quite a mystery and it's what I'm working on right now in therapy. I am afraid of the responses to my coming out and transitioning before everyone's eyes, but I also suspect everything will be all right. I think it's the uncertainty that's causing me difficulty. The best of all worlds will be that I transition and end up with everything I've got now, just without all that misery and desperation. And, of course, that's what I'm hoping for. The worst would be the loss of everything: job, family, friends, etc. I don't think that's going to happen. The realist in me is trying to figure out just where on that spectrum reality will lie and brainstorming how I can make it fall more to the good side than to the bad.
I'm a published professor who has no interest in throwing away all that earlier scholarship or faculty/student relationships, and I think that's also causing me some difficulty. Everyone knows me, in my field, at least, so despite being a reserved person who just likes to be behind the scenes, I know that this announcement I have to make around May or June is going to ripple to every university. Maybe it'll spawn an enormous wave of good karma, contrary to all my fears. I feel a little stressed anticipating that this transition will necessarily have to contain some element of PR (maybe a personal website or press release or something), and that I can't just grapple with it privately, or with just one firm, or one hometown.
I'll survive, I'm sure.
My town is Lubbock, TX, not necessarily the most progressive city in the high plains of the United States, but it *is* a college town with quite a bit of diversity around the university. No support group, however, and that really bugs me. I have met with another patient of my psychologist's (with both of our consent, of course), and that was wonderful.
In any case, howdy again, and I promise to begin posting. This October has been a great thaw in my life and it's as if the fog has lifted and my writing ability has returned.
Joyce
Hello, Joyce, and welcome to Susan's, the place to discuss everything.
I congratulate you on realizing that you are gender dysphoric and that you are seeing a therapist to deal with it.
Life might appear like a balance sheet, "If all goes well..." and "If all fails..." IMHO, it isn't. It's far more complicated than anything binary.
One can change their career, address, haircut/color, political affiliation, church, whatever, and no one will give a hoot, but change your gender and *everyone* will have something to say about it. Please don't allow yourself to be lulled into too much comfort, Joyce.
When I transitioned in 2002 I decided, after much deliberation, that I needed to fix the disconnect between my birth gender, female, and my physical gender, male. When I made that decision all felt like it was made to happen for me, hand-in-glove.
I would be lying if I told you that I didn't have problems with family, friends, and at work but I have survived them. I share my life with my soulmate and lifepartner and I would not trade what I have found for a ton of .999 pure gold at $800 an ounce.
Please stay aware that things can either go as you hope they will or another way entirely.
Stay well and be happy.
Wing Walker
Go n-éiri do bhóthar leat
Hi Joyce good luck on your journey.
You allready have the support of your wife, your therapist and now that you have made contact the community here at Susan's!
So keep posting, ask for help if you need to and let us know how you're doing, Ok.
LL&R
Maebh
Hello Joyce and thank you for posting an introduction!
Please take a few moments to get familiar with all the boards of the site, review the site rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)before posting, and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Main_Page), chat (https://www.susans.org/chat/index.html), and the links listed at the main page. (https://www.susans.org/index.html) We look forward to your future posts and participation. Enjoy your stay at Susan's! :)
tink :icon_chick:
Welcome to Susan's, Joyce. You're ahead in that your spouse and therapist supports you. People will react one way or the other but it is your life and no one can live it for you. I am transgender and a crossdresser and very, very happy and content.
This forum is a great place to meet people and discover more about yourself. Do you work at Texas Tech?
Gennee
:)
Hello from another Texan you ol' flatlander you!! :)
I have not been to Lubbock in years. From what I remember it was hospital city. I remember once you get out of Sweetwater it pretty much gets flat as a pancake. Oh well, welcmome to Susans.
Quote from: Joyce on November 03, 2007, 03:19:23 PM
I'm a published professor who has no interest in throwing away all that earlier scholarship or faculty/student relationships, and I think that's also causing me some difficulty. Everyone knows me, in my field, at least, so despite being a reserved person who just likes to be behind the scenes, I know that this announcement I have to make around May or June is going to ripple to every university...
Have you read Jennifer Boylan's book,
"She's Not There?"You might find you can relate to much of it, as she transitioned while a teacher in college (and it went rather well).
~Kate~
Welcome from Longhorn Country ( and for the non-Texans that would be Austin ).
Daisy
Hi Joyce
Us Texans have to stick together, ya know... (I'm from Dallas)
Welcome to Susan's. We have some wonderful people here and they can make the tough times a little easier.
If you ever head to Big D, drop me a line.
.....Laurry
Hey :)
I guess me transitioning at a younger age and with very few friends, family or work colleagues to worry about makes it a little easier for myself, so I cant really honestly say I'm in a position to relate to your situation. However, I was introverted and fearful of what I was for many years and I know how it tore me apart and the worry of being open about it caused me much mental strain. I didn't know what was going to happen, and I think the not knowing is what hurts the most. .
I know its unlikely to be of any reassurance, but when I finally became completely open about myself with EVERYONE, it was the most freeing thing ever. It just came totally naturally and all of a sudden and I found that, though its something completely alien to most people, the majority of people will be more curious than offensive or cruel. You'll get teh odd idiot who will make their bigoted opinion known, but you get used to all that rubbish and after a while it just seems childish and rather funny.
I hope that everything goes well for you, with all my heart I do :)
best wishes,
JJ x
Quote from: Kate on November 06, 2007, 12:46:39 PM
Quote from: Joyce on November 03, 2007, 03:19:23 PM
I'm a published professor who has no interest in throwing away all that earlier scholarship or faculty/student relationships, and I think that's also causing me some difficulty. Everyone knows me, in my field, at least, so despite being a reserved person who just likes to be behind the scenes, I know that this announcement I have to make around May or June is going to ripple to every university...
Have you read Jennifer Boylan's book, "She's Not There?"
You might find you can relate to much of it, as she transitioned while a teacher in college (and it went rather well).
~Kate~
Yes, my wife and I read it in bed last month, which helped open up some really great discussion since we were talking about someone else's transition. And yes, the story is frightenly familiar -- English professor, married, 2 kids, same age, same stories. It got kind of uncomfortable at times.
Joyce
Well if you want your wife to feel really good about herself, read Wrapped in Blue by Donna Rose. That was a spouse from hell.
Hey, that was what I called my ex, the spouse from hell. Didnt need a basket either I was already there, I can still smell the odor of sulfur and brimstone..
Cindy
Quote from: cindybc on November 09, 2007, 01:20:30 AM
Hey, that was what I called my ex, the spouse from hell. Didnt need a basket either I was already there, I can still smell the odor of sulfur and brimstone..
Cindy
You should write about it...I love good dramas :P
Hmmmmmmm, moi, The Dunes of Mars Warrior Princes? I think I have one little problem, I lost my Quantum Level Puddle Jumper back there somewhere, now I am an alien in a strange land. No I will not, I refuse to wash dishes to buy another Quantum Level Puddle Jumper
Meanwhile back at the camp.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi11.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fa191%2Fcynthiag932%2Fnomads.jpg&hash=734509bac9528179dc317a5b6a3abdf72fba06d4)
The Princess holds a conference with her advisor Jeanie.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi11.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fa191%2Fcynthiag932%2Ffriendship2.jpg&hash=e33571baa65a0418dd0cdf54c63e4a1a457d18ac)
Cindy