I am in a confuse state right now. For all my adult life I been wanting a husband. And I had a boyfriend before, but it was someone that I couldn't really love back, but he was just a man to fill that void in my life. But looking back, it was more or less one of my happier years in life.
I am now in my mid 20s, and I want marriage more than I even want to transition. I feel like as a transgender woman it would be very difficult to find marriage, especially with my job (relocating every other year). And I am tired of singing Scarborough Fair every time I leave the city, He was once a true love of mine, and so I don't see myself transitioning anytime soon. That aside. I can ignore my desires to be a woman enough... but love/marriage is stronger than that.
Marriage is something I want. And I think I been holding back on it because I think I am not ready enough for it... but I also come to a realization I am not going to be any younger or as good looking, there's no point in holding off on it. It's not like I am going to have kids either, so waiting for the great job is futile. I also been waiting for real love to enter from just meeting him, but that's a fat chance of that happening because it hasn't happen yet.
So I think if I throw a lot of personal adds into the dating internet world, I'll find a man. I don't even want to think about how it will happen, but just let it be. I don't see any other way to solve this issue.
Do you deal with this as much as I do?
When I was young I wanted marriage and children and knew at the time for that to work was to play the male role,i found a wonderful woman who I told before we restarted our relationship,but not the full story yrs later I leveled with her,her only request was no hrt. Now she says I can do hrt only if a dr says I need it,buy I'm not,I love her to much to destroy what's left of our relationship. After 28 yrs we have gotten comfortable with one another.
In my "past life", I hated who I was, enough that I could never love another person. Only after transitioning, could I find the ability to love someone else. Marriage is not as grand as some people make it out to be. But ... When you find someone you would not want to live without, then that is when you want to consider marriage.
If you are truly gender dysphoric, marrying the wrong person will only make matters worse. It will make you try to hide your true self. Depression and thoughts of suicide would drag you down seven further.
Please think carefully before you do something that may cause irreparable harm to yourself, and anyone close to you.
I had a change of heart. I need to transistion... I am just so afraid, but I am going to try before the end of this year.
I just need a hamburger and French fries. My mind is so boggle up with so much right now. lol