Why is it so hard to just come out and tell your family; "hey, i was born a male but i'm not a male.."?
All our social interactions are built on expectations. When interactions don't work out the way people expected, they get confused or hostile.
Famliy are the people we have the most history with, so they have more expectations of us than anyone else. So they are more likely than a random stranger to react with confusion or hostility to something they didn't expect.
The fear comes from our own expectations. We expect the confused or hostile reaction.
BTW, I wouldn't say "i was born a male but i'm not a male." "I was born male" validates the misconception that our gender is determined by our genitals. Personally, I say that I was born with a male body and a female brain. Or that the doctor simply made a mistake because the genitals were all he had to examine at the time.
You might be surprised by their reactions. I thought for sure my dad would disown me, but surprisingly he gave me a hug and said, "welcome to the family Jillian." He later disowned me and now refers to being trans as a lifestyle, but I think that's more because of my stepmom than anything.
My mom has been amazing though. We'd had a strained relationship for years and transitioning brought us closer together than ever.
It's tough questioning what's going to change by coming out. It's terrifying. I'm sure it'll work out for you though. I'd love to know how it works out for you (: Good luck
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Since males have a higher status in the US than females, many people report having little trouble transitioning to male presentations. Some even report getting promotions at work, gaining the testosterone boldness to court and win beautiful wives.
But perhaps the ones who don't have success don't write articles.
I came out to my family as partial transmale as soon as I realized it, three years ago, but since they already weren't communicating with me, not much difference. In fact, some of them have recently actually started talking to me.
Perhaps the realization I may have been a sort of male all along helped change their judgement of my past, unacceptable behavior. My mother and sister especially worked all their lives to bring me into line with acceptable female behavior. I used to be touched by their optimism and persistence.
Lydia,
Let me start by saying I love your name. It is my middlest daughter's name. Welcome to the site. It is a tough path we travel. However, with the support of many members, I hope you can find your way.
I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment to:
Things that you should read
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.
With warmth,
Joanna
If you tell them you are transgender, then there is a chance for rejection/embarrassment/degradation/loss of love/loss of respect/loss of everything you consider the "most" valuable in your life.
It depends on how much you value your family, and how important being your true self is.
None of this really matters though, because the world is only an "temporary" condition, and human suffering is part of being a human. The only true path to happiness is peace from your family is to not want it at all.
If you think being transgender is worth the risk of losing their love, then take this advice.....
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimage.slidesharecdn.com%2F48lawsofpower-12588013123293-phpapp02%2F95%2F48-laws-of-power-77-728.jpg%3Fcb%3D1258779917&hash=b77c49671585504ed566ac82aee2ca8486413bec)