Hi hi. I'm Erica, for now anyway. AFAB, latinx, 35 and only just starting to figure ->-bleeped-<- out. I'm also a writer, and writing stuff out helps me process, so I'm going to write a bit here by way of introduction and self-orientation...
Only in the last year or so have I started really thinking about gender identity, presentation, and my relationship to my body. I've identified as queer (pan) and almost all of my friends are queer and trans, but for some reason I never thought about my own gender. I always wished for an androgynous body, but thought everyone did. It's taken me a long time to separate my dysphoria from the possibilities and reality of internalized misogyny and racism. I'm short and curvy (measurements are 35, 30, 45) and have always wished to be tall and slender. But I'm attracted to curves, just on other people. I always hated shopping for clothes and didn't realize that it was because no matter what I put on I never felt like I looked like myself. When I was in undergrad a friend of mine said to me, casually, as we were talking about this stuff (and before I had the words for it at all) that he thought I was genderqueer. I hadn't ever heard the term before, and just ignored it, or felt like it was some identity that I didn't have a right to claim.
Now I'm starting to really identify as genderqueer, and trans androgynous... but I still feel insecure about it. Like, is that even a real thing? I know that's probably internalized transmisogyny or whatever, but I feel like an imposter all the time... I always have. I hope maybe that as I come to a place where I can be more and more true to myself I won't feel like that as much. Maybe?
I got my first binder earlier this year and love it. And I ordered boxer briefs and male clothes online earlier this week because it's too hard to try things on in stores for me, and I'm super excited but also a little nervous about presenting more androgynous and even masc a bit.
I've also started talking to my partner (AMAB, cis, but definitely fluid in terms of presentation and super affirming) about my feelings. It's been scary but he's been super super supportive and eager to learn and help. I talked to my dad about it too for the first time and he didn't really have a reaction (which is sort of typical for him) and I want to bring it up again but I'm worried because I don't really have all the answers myself.
I'm interested in knowing more about whether transitioning to androgyny is something that people can do... I've thought for like 16 years about getting my breasts reduced or even getting top surgery, and I finally made an appointment to talk with a surgeon in a few weeks. But I'm scared that because I'm not transmasc I won't be treated with care and will be made to feel illigetimate or ... I don't know. I'm excited, but scared, and I just wonder if other people have transitioned to androgynous? I was googling and looking for resources and found Susan's place and it seems like an amazing community. So Hi. And thanks. =^..^=
Hi; welcome to Susans :). Being androgynous and genderqueer is definitely a real thing. There are many different ways to be nb and there is no 'real' or 'proper' way. I find Tumblr to be the best resourse for nb people. You might want to check out the non binary network which also have a youtube channel. As well as beyond the binary uk which also has a website.
If you want to take T you kinda have to be prepared to look very masculine. It's a strong hormone and even a low dose will make you look like a man. But you might want to look into contouring tutorials on youtube to make you look more androgynous . Plus clothes help ofc :).
And a lot more surgeons are aware now of nb people and won't have a problem with breast reduction or double masectomies. But if you're mistreated by the surgeon because you don't fit the cliche transman and masculine stereotype time to find another surgeon :)
Hi Erica :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that we offer to all new members to help them along
Please be sure to review:
Things that you should read
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Hugs
V M
Welcome Cyborgkitty, to Susan's, and to a better understanding of you.
The world gets a little more complex away from the binary, and the better understood trans narratives, especially in light of the questions surrounding transition. Any medical professional worth their salt, will have no issues with your non-binary identity, or your ideas for transition, but they may want or need indications from a psychologist that you understand your identity and what therapeutic interventions will help relieve your dysphoria.
There are a few of us around :) join in the fun
Sno
Hello Cyborgkitty
I hope that you are fitting in, and it is a pleasure to meet you.
I know you will find yourself soon :)
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk