So I recently joined a dating site just to test the waters. This one includes "women looking for women"... so I've set up a basic profile and will invest more energy in it into the new year once I'm fully healed from GRS.
Couldn't go past this one profile though, especially since the site matched me with her. She states...
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fxmung.com%2Fimpossumbly%2Fdating.jpg&hash=fcf1e947ab7d199097d555bb89b355e77d3fc3b6)
Ha! That's her choice of course and I'm going to respect that. While we appeared to share a number of similar interests I can't say I felt any desire to contact her even before I saw the cis-only requirement.
I wonder what percentage of cis people (and maybe even trans people) would put cis-only/non-trans in their profiles if they thought to? Sadly I expect that number (especially among the cis) would be rather high.
On one hand it would save a lot of us trans folk looking for someone to be close with a lot of time and spare us from sizing up the risks of when to out ourselves to them if and when a date/relationship happened...
On the other hand, OMG, those people are potentially denying themselves an amazing relationship with a potentially awesome person. Why let a gender identity get in the way?
Haha, welcome to infinite minefield of human interrelations. Good hunting Ms Grace.
There are many transgender dating sites out there. The most recent one I've found which appears to be decent is "Trans single" and you can use it with facebook, but you don't have to. I also found TGpersonals was decent. There were a few doggy ones that weren't worth signing up for, but I tried.
Maybe she has nothing against TG people but simply isn't attracted to typical male parts...
Quote from: Elis on December 24, 2016, 04:24:24 AM
Maybe she has nothing against TG people but simply isn't attracted to typical male parts...
While that may indeed be the case it doesn't apply to all trans women.
Of course she might be trying to avoid getting into a relationship with a person presenting as female who then reveals themself to be a trans man. That did happen to a lesbian friend of mine, and while she was cool with it and tried to help him through his transition they did ultimately break up (for reasons that are theirs).
It is part of the phobia.
If a post op TG female has sex with a guy and he finds out that she use to have male parts, then he gets all caught up with 'I've had sex with a guy!'
I suspect it is the same in a lesbian setting. 'I've had sex with a guy"
Both situations are just sad and make people lose out on what could be a lovely relationship.
I'm really curious about her motives now!
Quote from: Ms Grace on December 24, 2016, 05:10:14 AM
I'm really curious about her motives now!
Using my very tired chemobrain which has has 2 glasses of champagne as well......she is either TG or TERF.
I guess TERF.
I guess people just have their phobias and preferences.
I used to have to picture my husband as a Las Vegas stripper I had ordered from an online catalogue before I could enjoy physical romance with him (luckily, he both looked, and loved to play the part), and then I had to imagine myself a male before I could kiss him (REVOLTING otherwise).
Later I found out I'm partially transmale and my ex has since come out as non-binary female. So I suppose people have their rationals for romantic choices.
Preference is a preference but guessing at the motives behind that... just leave it at a personal preference like everything else. In today's world that is an important distinction to make and I actually aplaud her for knowing enough to put cisgender
Calling it a phobia though is an overreaction to the point where you are judging her for merely being upfront and honest without knowing anything yourself so..
Would it have been better if she said only passable trans? Or only Asian or...
You get the point. I wonder how many trans messaged her hate just for having that line up.
In my support group there is a spectacularly pretty post-op trans-woman, also smart, also a great sense of humor among other things making her a great catch for some guy. Also making her a great subject of jealousy from my wife, who knows VERY well, having first hand experience with, my history of dating that type of trans-woman. Well, this woman often laments how she has never been in a serious relationship.
One afternoon I was hanging out with the group moderator who knew X for many many years so I asked her, "How Come...?" The most obvious answer I could not see followed:
"It takes a special guy to be in a relationship with a trans-woman"
Sometimes you can't see the forest from the trees.
when I first stated transitioning I put myself on all the dating sites just for fun and I found that quite a few will have women stating trans need not apply.
You could say the same thing about race. Some people simply won't date blacks, or Asians, or whatever. It doesn't necessarily mean that they're racist. And if they don't want to date trans people, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're trans-phobic.
Quote from: Ms Grace on December 23, 2016, 11:06:23 PM
I wonder what percentage of cis people (and maybe even trans people) would put cis-only/non-trans in their profiles if they thought to? Sadly I expect that number (especially among the cis) would be rather high.
I've always wondered what percentage of trans-people are willing to date other trans-people. It would be an interesting poll question. I would also be curious to know the reasons why they wouldn't consider it.
Paige :)
Quote from: Ms Grace on December 24, 2016, 05:10:14 AM
I'm really curious about her motives now!
Hi Grace,
Could you message her through the site?
Paige :)
Quote from: Paige on December 24, 2016, 08:58:18 AM
I've always wondered what percentage of trans-people are willing to date other trans-people. It would be an interesting poll question. I would also be curious to know the reasons why they wouldn't consider it.
Paige :)
Seconded as i really have enjoyed dating other trans
Better to be honest than to lie.
I wouldn't have a relationship with a guy shorter than 5'10, does that make me shallow? I guess, but it's a strong limit, and I can't do it... no matter what.
I wouldn't date a transgender woman either, but I could date a transgender man. Does that make me shallow, no, because I am not attracted to transgender women (for the most part). I could love one though... but not sexually.
I would say you are fortunate she put that on her profile.
Why Would I state that it makes no sense?
I say it because you have avoided wasting time on someone who is clearly not good enough for you allowing someone better to take their place when the time is right. Thus allowing you to have the kind caring non predujiced lover you truly deserve to allow you to be with them in absolute happiness.
Please understand Ms Grace your true value. You have so much to offer to your next partner and if they chose to decline it it is their loss not yours my dear.
For 2017 I personally say I wish you absolute happiness Ms Grace. I look forward with excitement to seeing posts on the forum with you celebrating finding the person that is right for you. Thus giving you absolute happiness.
Have a great 2017 everyone let it be the happiest most successful year of your life. Onwards and upwards :)
Quote from: Paige on December 24, 2016, 08:58:18 AM
I've always wondered what percentage of trans-people are willing to date other trans-people. It would be an interesting poll question. I would also be curious to know the reasons why they wouldn't consider it.
Paige :)
I've made out with other trans girl at a party, before meeting my current (cis) girlfriend, attraction is attraction, and not always physical attributes play a role. (For some, a big role =/)
Quote from: EmilyMK03 on December 24, 2016, 08:35:22 AM
You could say the same thing about race. Some people simply won't date blacks, or Asians, or whatever. It doesn't necessarily mean that they're racist. And if they don't want to date trans people, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're trans-phobic.
No, but it does mean they're unintentionally shallow. (My opinion.) I don't see why people would make a conscious decision to limit their playing field, while we can't help what we do and don't find attractive, ruling entire walks of people out, based on biology rather than who they are and what they might actually look like, is silly to me. A person could be passing up the chance of a life time by just avoiding someone who is trans or black or whatever else without meeting them, knowing them ect.
I know this doubly makes me a hypocrite as well, since I can not and will not entertain the idea of dating men. It's just not what I'm into.
Quote from: Angela Drakken on December 24, 2016, 01:19:20 PM
No, but it does mean they're unintentionally shallow. (My opinion.) I don't see why people would make a conscious decision to limit their playing field, while we can't help what we do and don't find attractive, ruling entire walks of people out, based on biology rather than who they are and what they might actually look like, is silly to me. A person could be passing up the chance of a life time by just avoiding someone who is trans or black or whatever else without meeting them, knowing them ect.
I know this doubly makes me a hypocrite as well, since I can not and will not entertain the idea of dating men. It's just not what I'm into.
Ok, that made me laugh out loud. :) I guess everyone is shallow, even you. ;) I am too, as I won't date someone shorter than me.
Just take a moment and look at what's going on here. The woman simply posted a description of the type of person she is looking for, and now there is an entire forum thread dedicated to it. She doesn't owe anyone any type of explanation for her own personal choices. "CIS-only" isn't the only quality that was listed. She is also looking for someone who is lesbian, as well as monogomous. Is anyone questioning why she isn't also looking for a male, or maybe even a cheater? People have their preferences, no matter if you disagree with them or not.
If anything, it's a good thing that she stated up-front that she is only interested in CIS-gendered females. This way, people looking for a match can review her post, see that they aren't a fit, and move on to the next one.
Folks, I know people have and are entitled to their preferences when I comes to dating. For some people those preferences are just preferences, for some it may have to do with past experiences, for some people those preferences are grounded in prejudice. Either way I'm happy for someone to state it up front if it is their thing/not their thing.
Quote from: LShipley on December 24, 2016, 09:11:34 AM
Seconded as i really have enjoyed dating other trans
I know a trans woman who I would definitely date... except she's into guys and already in a relationship.
Quote from: Paige on December 24, 2016, 09:01:58 AM
Could you message her through the site?
I could, but I'd have to pay...and I'm not
that curious! ;D If she ever contacts me I might have a bit of fun... >:-)
Quote from: Nema on December 24, 2016, 01:43:47 PM
If anything, it's a good thing that she stated up-front that she is only interested in CIS-gendered females. This way, people looking for a match can review her post, see that they aren't a fit, and move on to the next one.
Yes, I said that in my original post...