Have you considered "staying male" or "staying female" , not transitioning because it's harder to get a date if you've transitioned and can't pass as cis because of it taking awhile to get top or bottom surgery. Do you feel you're more attractive as your birth gender? For example I am sure I get more attention as a woman (even though it's unwanted sometimes) than I would as a man. Have your thoughts on dating affected your decision to medically transition or not?
Quote from: alienbodybuilder on December 24, 2016, 03:15:51 AM
Have you considered "staying male" or "staying female" , not transitioning because it's harder to get a date if you've transitioned and can't pass as cis because of it taking awhile to get top or bottom surgery. Do you feel you're more attractive as your birth gender? For example I am sure I get more attention as a woman (even though it's unwanted sometimes) than I would as a man. Have your thoughts on dating affected your decision to medically transition or not?
I actually used to think the same exact thing!! My mom always told me it was "just an excuse and irrational fear" my mind was making up to stop me from being my true self. Which, actually, if you think about it, is true. There's ALWAYS going to be someone that finds you attractive!!! I'm a trans girl, and always thought no guy would want to date me. Funny thing is, more guys want me now compared to when I was a "gay boy." And I haven't even started hormones yet!! Confidence is the sexiest thing, so wear it. Wear it loud and wear it proud! It pays off. There's ALWAYS going to be someone for everyone. Also, what's on the inside is much more important then what's on the outside (;
Xoxox,
Kadence <3
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The horror stories I read are gay transmales who get top surgery and can no longer attract males of either orientation, so live alone.
The ones who like girls don't seem to have a problem finding a mate.
In my case, I didn't transition physically, but my transmale asexual state has affectively left me celibate. If I want to play woman I could attract a male, but past experience shows that I can't keep it up. As for women, my asexual state doesn't give me the motivation to endure their jealous fits and bossiness, so I usually make up excuses and move on. I soon gave up altogether.
My ex is talking about transitioning to non-binary female and moving to Thailand to be with me but past experience with him (now her) is that she can be more scary than my living alone, and I love living alone. I suppose miracles can happen with my ex, or I could actually meet someone, but otherwise, dunno.
Quote from: alienbodybuilder on December 24, 2016, 03:15:51 AM
Have you considered "staying male" or "staying female" , not transitioning because it's harder to get a date if you've transitioned and can't pass as cis because of it taking awhile to get top or bottom surgery. Do you feel you're more attractive as your birth gender? For example I am sure I get more attention as a woman (even though it's unwanted sometimes) than I would as a man. Have your thoughts on dating affected your decision to medically transition or not?
No.
At this point I think I'd be wasting my time to put it higher on the priorities list.
I've done the love thing, devoted 16 years to it. If it don't work out now, I really don't care anymore.
Here's the problem: the time when my desire to fully transition is strongest is during sex. I don't want any more relationships where I have to play as male, I want to be a girlfriend! On top of that, it's really hard to be in a healthy relationship when I'm not open about stuff like this.
Fortunately, I have a boyfriend who is gay but is so enamored by me he doesn't mind the girly stuff and a boyfriend who is straight but has a fetish for "d***girls". My friends are all pretty accepting too, and it seems like who among them is attracted to me hasn't really changed too much... Except the straight guys showing some interest.
I wouldn't worry about it so much. Just be honest and do what makes you happy.
When I began transitioning in July 2012 I had the same thought would someone date me?
Well in March 2014 I met a lovely lady while mid transition and we actually married in June 2014. While it was my first marriage and it failed in April 2016. I actually met someone else who I love and am dating and have had many many dating offers from guys and girls.
life is what you make of it focus on being optimistic and you will draw the experiences into your life you desire. More negativity just creates more.
Also consider as you proceed to dating the following: If you are single now it is a great time to bring issues to an end to let go of baggage to move onto a much happier life and highly successful love life.
I say this with experience if you feel my life has been easy go lucky no its been the opposite extremely difficult to begin with but step by step I gradually solved more and more personal issues till my quality of life kept going up repeatedly,
No impact, not even a consideration for me. I'm quite happy to remain celebate as I become my authentic self. I can form and maintain social contacts, important to me as I really don't want to be a hermit. Dating? It's been decades and I don't think I'd have a clue as to what to do.
I sure won't let it slow me down. I yam what I yam. Ya can takes it or leaves it. ;)
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Just turned 25 a couple months ago and I've never dated, never even been kissed etc... sure I've felt attraction towards others it's just that I'm an extremely feminine girly girl and plenty submissive so I could never even think about playing the "male" role in a relationship, plus my extreme hatred for myself pretty much made loving someone else impossible. Fast forward now relationship wise I have no interest at all, after wasting the first 24.5 years of my life wanting to die full of self hatred all I want to do now is improve myself, try my best to make the outside match the beautiful girl I've always been on the inside, I just don't have time for a relationship and I'm far too afraid to involve someone before SRS or the majority of my transition is done. Sure I've been lonely for quite some time and I'd love nothing more then to have a guy or girl love me but I won't be ready for that until I can love myself first and that's going to take awhile >_< Haha
Quote from: Kadence1 on December 24, 2016, 04:58:59 AM
I actually used to think the same exact thing!! My mom always told me it was "just an excuse and irrational fear" my mind was making up to stop me from being my true self. Which, actually, if you think about it, is true. There's ALWAYS going to be someone that finds you attractive!!! I'm a trans girl, and always thought no guy would want to date me. Funny thing is, more guys want me now compared to when I was a "gay boy." And I haven't even started hormones yet!! Confidence is the sexiest thing, so wear it. Wear it loud and wear it proud! It pays off. There's ALWAYS going to be someone for everyone. Also, what's on the inside is much more important then what's on the outside (;
Xoxox,
Kadence <3
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Thank you. I know I will be more confident as a male and confidence will be attractive. Do the guys who like you know you're a trans woman?
Quote from: Michelle_P on December 24, 2016, 04:50:50 PM
No impact, not even a consideration for me. I'm quite happy to remain celebate as I become my authentic self. I can form and maintain social contacts, important to me as I really don't want to be a hermit. Dating? It's been decades and I don't think I'd have a clue as to what to do.
I sure won't let it slow me down. I yam what I yam. Ya can takes it or leaves it. ;)
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Friends can be much more meaningful than a SO, and not "too close for comfort" if you know what I mean. I try not to let my petty concerns about dating interfere with becoming my authentic self. That's a little obstacle I struggle with now.
Quote from: DuchessBianca on December 24, 2016, 07:58:41 PM
Just turned 25 a couple months ago and I've never dated, never even been kissed etc... sure I've felt attraction towards others it's just that I'm an extremely feminine girly girl and plenty submissive so I could never even think about playing the "male" role in a relationship, plus my extreme hatred for myself pretty much made loving someone else impossible. Fast forward now relationship wise I have no interest at all, after wasting the first 24.5 years of my life wanting to die full of self hatred all I want to do now is improve myself, try my best to make the outside match the beautiful girl I've always been on the inside, I just don't have time for a relationship and I'm far too afraid to involve someone before SRS or the majority of my transition is done. Sure I've been lonely for quite some time and I'd love nothing more then to have a guy or girl love me but I won't be ready for that until I can love myself first and that's going to take awhile >_< Haha
I can relate to this. Becoming my true self and loving myself for who I truly am reflected from the inside to the outside is a priority. Having relationships in a girl's body seems dishonest even though men I've been attracted to have shown interest in my physical female appearance. I have not had any good romantic relationships presenting as a female.
I have lost a boyfriend during coming out, and now have some male friends who were attracted to me as a "girl" still sexually interested and want to be friends, but not for a relationship.
Personally I think that if you go trans you have to accept that you'll be alone for the rest of your life. Sure, there are exceptions - there always are but they are exactly that: exceptions and not the rule. Winning the lottery is the exception, it would be foolish to have any realistic expectation of winning it, and the same goes for true love.
From a trans-woman perspective: guys who like trans are turned on by the cock in a frock. And if that 'extra' doesn't work (as is usually the case when HRT kicks in) then there's no allure and they may as well be with a GG (cis-woman). Even if the equipment works, most will not commit to a LTR - they're too embarrassed by people knowing their partner used to be male (and they feel this way even though gay relationships are accepted by the wider community). Similarly, standard guys (ie: non 'trans' fetishist) are put off by the fact that they're dating what used to be male.
I have no data to rely on but I assume trans-men have it slightly easier simply on the basis that women are more emotionally-based than men, and don't suffer from the same male pride - meaning they're probably more accepting of non-standard sex and dont suffer from dented egos when people find out their partner is trans.
I won't be alone. I'll likely be celibate, but not alone. Having friends, and companionship, is a very different thing from dating. Not bothering with the dating scene doesn't mean I'll be a hermit, nor does it mean I'll be alone.
I have friends. I expect that some will become close friends, and we'll share many experiences together.
There is more than one path through life. I will find mine.
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Quote from: Michelle_P on December 25, 2016, 07:43:19 PM
I won't be alone. I'll likely be celibate, but not alone. Having friends, and companionship, is a very different thing from dating. Not bothering with the dating scene doesn't mean I'll be a hermit, nor does it mean I'll be alone.
I was talking romantically.
Quote from: vicki_sixx on December 25, 2016, 08:08:36 PM
I was talking romantically.
Don't knock friendship. It can easily become romantic.
It just won't fit the Western culture's popular fiction of romance and dating. That is, the various commercial interests vested in promoting 'dating' as the one path to romance won't approve, as they won't get all that lovely income from the 'dating' process.
There is more than one path.
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Nope. What point is there in dating if I can't be myself? I'd much rather be single forever and be completely honest about who I am than have to lie to be with someone else. I'd rather love myself if it came down to that versus hating myself and loving someone else.
I think early on, especially pre-transition we all have these worries like "who's going to love me now?". But I think you might be surprised. People are drawn to authenticity. All of my pre-transition relationships failed, and the ultimate reason why with each one was because I wasn't able to put all of myself into it. As soon as I came out and especially after I started T, I had no issues getting dates and I feel much more fulfilled in the relationship I'm in.
Personally I think it is much more difficult dating as an asexual person than as a transgender person.
I'm curious why an asexual person would date? Dating is typically a prelude to finding a sexual partner...
Quote from: Kylo on December 25, 2016, 11:12:59 PM
I'm curious why an asexual person would date? Dating is typically a prelude to finding a sexual partner...
I'm not asexual but there are other reasons for dating. Asexual does not always mean aromantic and there can be a level of companionship from dating that is more than sex or friendship. I am mostly aromantic but not asexual and I am married... even at the best points in our relationship, we are more friends with benefits than anything else. A friend of mine who is asexual has a much more romantic marriage even without sex than my partner and I.
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Quote from: Kylo on December 25, 2016, 11:12:59 PM
I'm curious why an asexual person would date? Dating is typically a prelude to finding a sexual partner...
I'm not at all interested in sex but I do like intimacy, romance, and companionship on a deeper than friendship level. I still like kissing, hugging, cuddling, etc. but draw the line at sex because it feels gross to me and I get no enjoyment out of it. When I date, it's to find someone that I mesh well with, who enjoys similar things, and who I am attracted to on some level in order to feel a desire for a degree of physical intimacy. And in an ideal world, they would be as uninterested in sex as I am.
ETA: I've been this way for as long as I can remember, but I am not completely convinced that it isn't dysphoria related. So we'll see after surgery in March.
alienbodybuilder, transitioning is hard, but that doesn't mean you can't have a good life during and on the other side of it. If you're gay, there are more and more open minded gay guys out there who aren't afraid to be seen dating a trans man. You can also date other trans people as well. I think you only need to take a quick look around Susan's to see many stories of gay trans men who put off transitioning, married a straight or bi guy and now those relationships are blowing up because the dysphoria became too great.
I got really good at managing my dysphoria as a young adult, but it never went away. It only got worse, actually, because my brain didn't run well on estrogen. By putting off transition I was just hurting myself and denying myself the ability to feel connected the way I do now. Many trans people find that their whole mental environment changes in a positive way on HRT and this is what you would be denying yourself. Think about that.
Quote from: FTMax on December 26, 2016, 06:32:59 AM
I'm not at all interested in sex but I do like intimacy, romance, and companionship on a deeper than friendship level. I still like kissing, hugging, cuddling, etc. but draw the line at sex because it feels gross to me and I get no enjoyment out of it. When I date, it's to find someone that I mesh well with, who enjoys similar things, and who I am attracted to on some level in order to feel a desire for a degree of physical intimacy. And in an ideal world, they would be as uninterested in sex as I am.
ETA: I've been this way for as long as I can remember, but I am not completely convinced that it isn't dysphoria related. So we'll see after surgery in March.
Ah now I getcha. Yea, personally I think the dating part is the most interesting/exciting phase of any relationship. Must be hard finding people with the same idea in mind though. Although maybe not... I never used a dating site in my life, I guess you can find any type of person on those
Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on December 26, 2016, 06:43:14 AM
alienbodybuilder, transitioning is hard, but that doesn't mean you can't have a good life during and on the other side of it. If you're gay, there are more and more open minded gay guys out there who aren't afraid to be seen dating a trans man. You can also date other trans people as well. I think you only need to take a quick look around Susan's to see many stories of gay trans men who put off transitioning, married a straight or bi guy and now those relationships are blowing up because the dysphoria became too great.
I got really good at managing my dysphoria as a young adult, but it never went away. It only got worse, actually, because my brain didn't run well on estrogen. By putting off transition I was just hurting myself and denying myself the ability to feel connected the way I do now. Many trans people find that their whole mental environment changes in a positive way on HRT and this is what you would be denying yourself. Think about that.
Thanks. This was great advice.
There are plenty of pansexual people out there for whom gender identity doesn't factor into whether or not they'll date someone!
Im really excited to start dating males who are interested in me as me. Even if i am inbetween. :)