I don't have much family but what little I have loves me and will make sure I'm never homeless, but won't accept my gender identity. For awhile they were calling me my male name, but now they've said it doesn't matter because I'm the same person and put both names on my christmas gifts.
She went on today about how she knows this is my borderline personality disorder and I'm not transgender and she knows I've never really wanted to be a man because she remembers what a girly girl I was before. I didn't explain that the girly girl persona was to try and reassure myself that I was a woman and that there was nothing wrong with being a woman. I'll never be okay with physically being a woman and never be sure of myself and that's why I need T. She said she understands that I got in a transgender group of people and they were understanding of me and she's sure they're nice people but she still doesn't believe I'm transgender.
She went on a long tirade about how men make more money than her and get away with more mistakes on the job, and how she might want to become a man. And I said "but that's not your gender identity, right" She said "no, I wouldn't chose that gender identity".
She also made remarks when I mention it was about body image and self esteem that I would be a little fat man because our whole family has a weight problem. I spend time weight lifting because of this problem. I told her that it's not about weight. Gender dysphoria is entirely different kind of body image problem than weight.
My other family member keeps saying things like "how do you know you have dysphoria?" "how do you know you're transgender?" "How do you know you're a male?"
In February I start T. I've had my doubts about starting T, but if I don't do it I'll never be sure of myself and always resent being born female. I feel like I owe it to myself to resolve these horrible body image problems. I do a lot for my family and it's wearing on my mental health. I need to take hormones for me. She can't stop me from doing it and no one's going to throw me out, but it's something I need to do. They just don't agree.
Being seen as a female doesn't reflect who I am on the inside and takes a major toll on my relationships with others and with myself.
When you stop worrying what others think, and live your life for yourself it stops taking a toll on you. That's a lesson I learned a long time before I discovered that I'm transgender, and it has made my journey a relative breeze.
Hugs, Devlyn
It is extremely difficult for a cisgender person to understand dysphoria and what transgender people go through mentally.
I just explain to people that they don't know what was going on in my head ever. They're welcome to think whatever they like about it, but they really have no idea. If they want to hypothesize, that's their business. I don't listen to nonsense. You don't need to if you know who you are and what you're about.
I have a very conservative, religious cousin who I didn't speak to regularly before coming out so I made no effort at all to maintain that relationship after coming out (assuming it was a long shot). Just before my 2 years on T she messaged me to say she hadn't been sure about my transition and that it made her very uncomfortable, but that she couldn't deny that I seemed happier and more well adjusted than I had been previously.
So people might surprise you. It may just take some time of seeing how it goes for you for her to get on board. And if she doesn't - it's not really about her anyway.
Quote from: FTMax on December 26, 2016, 12:32:27 PM
It is extremely difficult for a cisgender person to understand dysphoria and what transgender people go through mentally.
I just explain to people that they don't know what was going on in my head ever. They're welcome to think whatever they like about it, but they really have no idea. If they want to hypothesize, that's their business. I don't listen to nonsense. You don't need to if you know who you are and what you're about.
I have a very conservative, religious cousin who I didn't speak to regularly before coming out so I made no effort at all to maintain that relationship after coming out (assuming it was a long shot). Just before my 2 years on T she messaged me to say she hadn't been sure about my transition and that it made her very uncomfortable, but that she couldn't deny that I seemed happier and more well adjusted than I had been previously.
So people might surprise you. It may just take some time of seeing how it goes for you for her to get on board. And if she doesn't - it's not really about her anyway.
I think many cis people would be horrified if they knew the kinds of things that go on in our heads or how we thought about ourselves when we are in the grip of some dysphoric episode.
Liz
People say they are trying to be rational by looking at your past but essentially they are just clawing to shore up their own irrational fears.
I was never 'girly' and they all knew it back then because I remember them talking about it and I remember rejecting girls clothes and gifts in front of them at the age of 6 and above. Yet, when I told them the problem recently, they STILL rejected the idea at first. They knew they had nothing to fall back on but they didn't want to accept their kid was one of those. And these were people who had raised me to think that if I ever said a racial slur or was any sort of bigot that would warrant some kind of chastisement and shame. Even so-called "Rational/accepting People" can be the opposite of both when it comes to something they absolutely do not understand.
If they don't like the idea of you reconciling with yourself, that's their problem. They aren't going to help you resolve yours by trying to put you off. You're just going to have to move forward whether they accept or not, if you want to find your true self.