So I have a doctors appointment tonight to start HRT again, and while I'm excited, I'm also scared :( I'm getting the same feelings and that feeling of doubt I've had in the past. I'm also worried that my boyfriend (a gay male) will leave me, regardless of all the talks we had on this subject and how supportive he says he is. I just turned 20, and I hate watching my body get more masculine as the weeks go by. I know I'm transgender, but knowing I have a doctors appointment in 5 hours is clouding my mind with doubts, fear, yet also a lot of excitement. Is this normal?! D:
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I know this is hard to hear, boyfriends can be replaced. You are 20. I know your whole life is behind you, right? Sorry, but you are just beginning. If he can't live you for being you, move on.
Hurts to say, hurts to hear, hurts more to do. But not transitioning could be a killer. Please give it a try. Don't let testosterone screw up your body any more.
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The hormones won't have any immediate irreversible effect, it'll probably be at least six months before you start to get into that zone. Spend that time seeing how it suits you. If not, stop. If it does then keep going. You are in control of this process.
Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, suffering is the language of the Dark Side.
(While, myself, I like swinging a red lightsaber around, yeah don't be scurred. Everything will be fine! You do you!)
You can discuss with your doctor that you would like to start off at a low dosage and then spend a few months evaluating where you are? It is up to you how you proceed and you have options. I know it can be daunting to start, as it is actually the start of so much more than just a pill, patch or shot...but the effects being as slow as they are allows one to decide over time.
No matter what, enjoy it for the experience that it is. FUD is natural, you will be fine. <3
Quote from: Kadence1 on January 04, 2017, 02:16:41 PM
So I have a doctors appointment tonight to start HRT again, and while I'm excited, I'm also scared :( I'm getting the same feelings and that feeling of doubt I've had in the past. I'm also worried that my boyfriend (a gay male) will leave me, regardless of all the talks we had on this subject and how supportive he says he is. I just turned 20, and I hate watching my body get more masculine as the weeks go by. I know I'm transgender, but knowing I have a doctors appointment in 5 hours is clouding my mind with doubts, fear, yet also a lot of excitement. Is this normal?! D:
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Doubts are sometimes a big struggle to walk across and i understand them doubts for me when the day before i got my HRT shot my doubts where stronger then ever! I was scared and nervous the entire 9 yards and couldn't calm down.
Then i got into the doctors office and you know what happened? I calmed down :D Everything became exciting and i was so happy i was doubting that i was happy but believe me i was happy. Then i calmed down again and iv'e been great ever sense the first hrt shot even better actually. As for your boyfriend its hard but sometimes we have to take peoples words for it and see where the future leads. So to answer your question yes its completely normal to have these feelings. you know what, i'm going to upload a video i may share it sometime for people it was a recording when me getting hrt was confirmed you should have saw my face light up. I remember saying in the video or after "I'm happy?" i'm happy! so yes....strang things happen.
I was really nervous the first time I met with the doctor, and I'm nervous again about going to court for my name/gender change. Lots of people have anxiety and doubts. Once you see the doctor, note how it makes you feel. When I didn't get HRT on my first visit, my heart fell. I thought it would never happen, I thought maybe it was a mistake. That disappointment let me know I wanted it, despite all of my emotional gymnastics. It sounds like you're pretty certain about yourself, but not necessarily those around you. In the end, you'll find that you can't determine their outcomes, or even yours. You can just own your actions. Trust that in the end good things will come to you.
Erin