yes the wife caught me putting my female stuff in my wardrobe so I had to tell. GREAT chucked some old man gear out and hung my dresses and tops up and painted toe nails . Feels so good, just need to work on her so I can dress up
Now I am happy but shes stressed
Remember this... You have had years (decades) to come to grips with this. She had 5 seconds. Give her time. I suggest you don't "Work on her" to aggressively it will surely backfire.
Trust is all on this one!
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yes , getting the grumpy treatment and sighs at the moment.
It's going to take her time to process this. Weeks of time, not hours, so be patient. Don't push for any changes for a while. Try to keep communications open. Just talk to her about ANYTHING, the weather, that new dinner place, the TV show she saw. The Trans-issues may come up in conversation, but try to avoid making that the main topic. Introduce non-trans-related stuff so the conversation doesn't become 'all about you.'
I made all of these mistakes and look how it turned out. Lawyers and divorce...
Patience, please!
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I had to come out to my wife, not because I was discovered, but because I couldn't live anymore without telling her. And yep, my life went to crap for months. She outted me to my Mom & sisters, it was all I could do to make sure she didn't call my dad. Needless to say the cost of therapy and divorce was not something I had taken into account, plus the overall toll on my emotions. I managed to rebuild my life and go through transition, and it was because of the socail support network I had that it was possible.
If I had to do it over again, the only part of my life I would have changed was to never get married. But without that, would I be where I am at today?? I don't know.
From my experience, give her time. Try to work it out, especially if you both want it to work. It can and I know so many people who have made it work. Just know it is a roller coaster ride, and it can be scary.
Your sisters here are her for you :)
I "sort of outed" myself 18 years ago, and the fallout was fast and furious! So I clammed up and got on with dysphoric existence and a relatively stable marriage. Fast forward to 3 weeks ago, I did it again. This time was a bit easier, and she already knew so it was no surprise.
Now we're going to counseling. But we're stable!
I came out to my wife a few weeks ago, sometimes she is very supportive including a painting nails night which was fun and amazing and then others she is less supportive and not happy about it, I have been pushing a bit harder than I should as she has had family trouble as well, its realy hard to find a balance atm
thanks ladies, she stresses about everything any way , said it was a bad time to tell her but when is a good time . Youngest lad is going through it , his on /off girl friend has done him over again buy using him to get social housing
in the village and then dumping him. Hes on pills and counselling and keeps having a barney with the wife, there to much alike. So now I have dumped this on her so more s**t to deal with. Had the "how long have you felt like this" tonight. Its so hard to make someone understand if they are not trans, when I read posts on here I know how you feel, the only thing I can say is its a load off my mind. Just the kids and family then---
a
My wife dragged it out of me kicking and screaming, she is still not fully on board, but she is really helping me out. Let her bring it up, but don't ignore it, maybe once a month try to talk about it if she doesn't.
told to get out , wants a divorce ect blown her top
*SIGH* I'm so sorry to read that, Davina. That seems to be our fate as we come out at an older age. It took my spouse 7 months, but she finally threw me out. I was upset, frightened, and worried. I was miserable, being told I had to leave.
But, honestly, it has worked out for the best. I bit the bullet, went full-time with just 5 months of HRT and maybe 30 hours out of a needed 150 of electrolysis done, and I'm doing much better now. I'm living on my own, for the longest period ever in my life (before marriage I was with parents, then in a college dorm with roommates, then military service, never really on my own). I'm under treatment, getting HRT, and making my own decisions about what I do and where I go.
It's actually rather empowering, and I really couldn't go back now, even if she was completely accepting.
Davina, no matter what happens, you will be better. Therapy, living life on your terms for once, all this will improve your situation. No matte how bad this feels now, take control of your life, for your own good, and for your own future. There is hope. There's always hope.
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We have not been close for over 10 years, its a sort off "I will put up with you" so I am not crying . Spare bedroom to night YES I can wear that new silky nighty I bought today( silver lining again)Told my Manager thus morning, he thought I was joking but when he found I was serious he gave me full backing just 4 co workers to tell now and my mom and kids. Decided to gradually work my way to full time , need to practice make up first and hope my daughter will help. its just loosing the maleness in my face. Further to coming out at work my manager said you seem happier , to right cos I am now ME
well that went well, out on the street( my moms bless her)and you know what never been happier. Looking for a flat now ,as nice as my mom is shes doing my head after 3 days. Worst bit though my daughter has taken it badly and feel bad about that.
No inter net at mothers so doing this at work in my lunch break. hope not away from here for to long as need so friends.
Looked at a flat, lovely all new but rent a bit high (will try to beat them down tomorrow as on the market reduced in oct) , one bed with on suit an new kitchen . T his is the place Davina can assert herself and be the woman she always wanted to be , might be a while before she goes out as known here as its only 6 miles from where I live now, Put your brave face on and go for it, if any one doesn't like it I will hit them with my handbag!!!!!
Davina, I love your attitude.
I recall an ancient Monty Python sketch with gangs of roving grannies, cross-dressed Python members, who would beat up hapless gangs of motorcycle hoods with their handbags and umbrellas! That would be us!
Yes, it is time to be yourself at last.
Hugs,
Michelle
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I am of the age that Monty Python was on in my late teens so I think that was in my mind, John Cleese and co have a lot to answer for-ere there's a dead arch bishop on the stairs ;)
Ah, found it. Yay Internets.
https://youtu.be/Ygy7UDADXDg
I think Davina and I will have something to do should our paths ever cross...
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thinking about it maybe I should blame the Lumber Jack song :o
Quote from: davina61 on January 23, 2017, 05:35:42 AM
thinking about it maybe I should blame the Lumber Jack song :o
I love that bit!!
Favorite movie was "Montey Python and the Holy Grail" Still trying to find the few remaining Montey Pythons Flying Circus episodes on DVD that I don't own. They're a bit harder to find in the US than I thought they would be.
OK! Since we are kind of way off topic, but not really:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFBOQzSk14c
xxx's girls been unable to post due to mobile internet connection stopping me posting ,snuck this in at work before anyone has come in. So moving into my flat on Monday , just have to wait for internet connection. Will go to docs and see if I can get HRT on prescription, free due to my age ::) cant afford to buy due to flat ect and cant wait for GIC referral .
we.ll will start living at new flat from tomorrow, worn myself out moving furniture up 3 flights of Victorian stars. Bought some curtains with my Davina head on, lush my dears. Still getting the "are you sure this is what you want" and "cant understand" from the wife. Internet due on 6th March.
Getting the urge to come out fully but need to wait till HRT , its so frustrating . Cant wait to get home, shower and change into Davina, to wear nice comfortable clothes, need to get a better wig that fits my head size and grey to suit my age
So my female cousin came round last night, she knows I am trans. Well I spent 2hrs making myself Davina on the outside to see her reaction. She was a bit merry (came from the pub) but she said I was more feminine than she is!!! mind you she is a Tom Boy and on her admission has legs like a footballer (soccer for the US ) anyway both of us find we can talk to each other freely, so we both had a good self phycology session helped by 3 glasses of red wine each!!! She left a lot more merry and went back to pub as a band was on, must text her in a bit to see if shes ok.
Next time you should go back to the pub with her. There is no reason why she should have all the fun. You missed a good opportunity for your first outing.
Great to see you hanging in there Davina and moving forward. It's a shame about your wife and daughter. You sound like you have a great attitude going for you.
Hugs,
Jeanette
cheers girls , this place helps as well.