Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Just curious if you've ever gotten the your so brave comment while telling a friend or anyone that you are trans for the first time. I know this girl that I've know for quite a number of years , but just recently told I'm trans and she's always telling me how brave I am and I just stand there looking at her , but don't say anything about that statement.

Plenty of times. And I always told them it wasn't bravery because that's exactly how I felt. It is more of making a choice.

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Yeah, and it felt insulting. It felt as though they saw it as a choice, when it was the only option I felt I had for continuing my life. I was anything but brave; I was terrified.


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Yep, too many times and it pisses me off.

Not to my face, but in emails.  Honestly, it doesn't bother me.  They mean well, and they are referring to my decision to come out, which is indeed a choice, not to my being trans, which isn't.  Whether I agree with them or not (I don't feel particularly brave), they are entitled to their opinion, and it is intended to express support.  I'll take it.

Yeah.  A woman who transitioned about 15 years ago told me at the time, when I said that, "It's not bravery.  It's something I HAVE to do."

I understand that now.

I find that is what I am saying in response to the "You're so brave" comments.  I HAVE to do this.  It's not even a choice. (I'm one of those "transition or die" folks.  The dysphoria is strong in this one...)


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Yes, courage, guts, are and all the other synonyms too.

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Yes, but it was in an encouraging way. Several times I was told "You are so brave to be yourself with society having such a negative view of being transgender."

It's funny that when I hear of what other trans people accomplish in the face of tough circumstances, I do think of them as brave. Do I apply it to me, heck no. I would say back up against the wall desperation to describe myself. There is something that it takes to move forward. Maybe the word is "gum shun." Not a very glorious word I grant you. "Brave" is associated  with "hero", we don't see ourselves as that.  I don't say anything much if people say brave. It is not meant as an insult. It is probably just a way to recognize making a major life change in the face of a pretty scary world.
Monica

Every single job interview ever

Bravery implies heroism in some way...going that extra bit for your fellow person, sacrificing your own safety to save another...

there was nothing brave in what I did...

I had to do it...what went on before transition wasn't living

Liz

Considering how many who don't transition because they are afraid, brave works.
You don't have to be a hero to be brave. You just have to face your fears.

There are many worse things to be called than brave.

If someone calls you brave, they're paying you a compliment. Maturity allows us to accept compliments gracefully.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

I have been treated to the reference of 'so brave for doing what you are doing' more than a few times.  People at work especially who have known me for years act really amazed, but I always try to set it straight for them.  This is not a brave act, it is just me living.  Life is not for the feint of heart, cis or trans!

My wife told me it, when I came out to her.  It actually encouraged her a bit, I am appreciative of that.  Being that the furthest I have physically transitioned thus far, is to shave it is not something I hear.  From my perspective at this moment, it is brave - only because I am incredibly scared. 

One day, it will probably just be the norm for me and not such a scary thing to go out into the world as I feel, to talk as I feel, to behave as I feel.  At that point, I imagine, to hear someone call me brave for being me will be laughable, I look forward to that day :)

Never. I am with Angelique, it would piss me off...  it's just a footnote to who I am. I don't feel that you can really move on from that "you're so brave" comment. It seems like they're showing pitty and compassion for the downtrodden, which I am neither.

Oh I so like the range of answers here, bravo diversity.  And all truly felt and valid.  Yes, it can be a compliment and then I guess so many of us feel the weight of what I did not do soon enough.  I wasn't the child who insisted out loud "I am a girl!"  I was the person in the closet for years and i hid until my mental health demanded coming out.  And I sure don't want anyone's fawning pity for gaining the strength to survive.

I sometimes respond by saying I would feel a lot braver if I had come out and stayed out as a kid.

I got this too from more than a few people.  Personally, I didn't find it insulting at all.  I thanked them and said that while I appreciate the sentiment, I didn't find anything in what I did to be brave but something that had to be done (pretty much what others have said here). 

I haven't been told this to my face, yet, but I get the impression that some that I've told do think that. I've also found that after the initial pledges of support, many people don't really know what to say. They don't want to offend, so they keep guarded with their questions. But, I have no doubt that their minds are swirling with questions.

As an aside, we wouldn't need to be brave in the first place if society didn't throw up so many roadblocks in our path.

Quote from: Sofie L on January 17, 2017, 08:53:35 AM
I haven't been told this to my face, yet, but I get the impression that some that I've told do think that. I've also found that after the initial pledges of support, many people don't really know what to say. They don't want to offend, so they keep guarded with their questions. But, I have no doubt that their minds are swirling with questions.

As an aside, we wouldn't need to be brave in the first place if society didn't throw up so many roadblocks in our path.

Yes, I often think that comment is simply acknowledgment of the too real prejudice and hate out there.

I have several times. I don't like it but i accept it as kindly as i can. I do think it is an example of both ignorance and recognition of what we face in opposition. Like most of us I think, " is it brace to preserve my life?, isn't that how we are all wired? "

Many times, and when someone says it, I quickly say it wasn't brave, it's what I had to do to regain my sanity and well being.

Brave: adjective - ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage.

Courage: noun -    the ability to do something that frightens one.

There's definitely societal dangers involved in transitioning.  If you choose surgery there's definitely pain to overcome.  Dealing with rejection from family members or friends can be quite painful.

I really understand the fear of transitioning.  I don't seem to have the courage at the moment to overcome that fear.  It seems most who transition have gotten past that fear.  Sounds like courage to me.

I think it should be taken as a compliment.   

My two cents,
Paige :)

I think the opposite is true, I'd be brave if I had to conceal everything I feel, if I had to dress like a man for the rest of my life. Coming out is the easy way.